by Hayes, S. I.
“Stop you’re hurting me!”
“Yeah but you like a little pain. I’ve seen it in your eyes. Every time I’m a little rough you light up like a fucking firecracker. Is that what I need to do so that you’ll want to stay with just me?”
“Matthew please, you’re gonna break my wrists.” She pleaded as he lifted her partly off the floor. He let her go. She fell, hitting her shoulder with a crack. She cried out, but he was so angry and hurt he didn’t care.
“Get out.”
“Matthew.”
“Get the fuck out!”
She scrambled to her feet clutching her arm, and ran from the apartment. Matthew sank to his knees, with a sob as his phone began to ring. He pulled it from his pocket. Mom. “Mom.” He cried. “I fucked it up. I was so fucking stupid and I fucked it up. I’m gonna lose her.”
“Calm down baby. Calm down. Pull yourself together. She needs you right now. Don’t leave her to deal with this shit storm alone. Go to her. Now!” She hung up on him.
He pulled his legs out from under him and got to his feet, running for the door, it swung open without any effort, on the other side crumpled and weeping was Donnella. Her legs having given out, she couldn’t go any further, and Cordell was nowhere to be seen. Matthew bundled her up and she gave out a heavy sob wrapping her arm around him as he carried her back inside.
“Baby I’m sorry.” He pleaded sitting her down on the couch, she clung tightly to him, her face buried deep into his shoulders and chest. “I didn’t mean it. Please forgive me. I- I love you.”
She froze, her sobs seizing in her throat at those three little words spoken aloud. She pulled back from him, staring up into his abysmal blue eyes. “Don’t say that… Don’t say that and not mean it.”
“Don’t you know me at all by now? I couldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.” He brushed her hair from her face, wiping at her tears as she wiped at his. She reached up and he leaned down to kiss her softly. “I love you, so much more than I thought possible.”
“I- need to believe that.” She pulled away, crying out. “I think I dislocated my shoulder when I fell.” Panic filled her. “If my father…”
“Come here.” He took her by the wrist and tried to get her to lift her arm, she cried instantly. “Okay, yeah, it’s out of place. Fuck. I did this? What the fuck was I thinking? I’m so sorry. You’ve got to go to the hospital.”
“I can’t hell we can’t even get out of the building.”
“What about Cordell? Think he might be able to help?”
“Worth a shot. But he wasn’t outside.”
“You’re right. I’m going to have to do this the hard way.” He pulled out his phone.
“What are you doing?”
“The reasonable thing, Google.”
She laughed, well it’s about as good as anything else I suppose” She whined.
***
“I have to tell you everything…” Donnella whispered as Matthew collected the photographs from the floor. She rubbed her shoulder and adjusted the sling he had put her in just as a precaution.
“You don’t have to…” He sighed. “I saw enough, to know that not all of it was… What you wanted.”
“No one else seemed to have seen that.”
He turned to her walking back to the couch and sitting down. “I know your face, the lines of your mouth, the flush of your cheeks when you- How many people know?”
“You haven’t heard?” She laughed mockingly. “It’s gone viral. Everyone has seen it, by now. It was all they could talk about this afternoon on the hotspot channels. Just when I thought they were gonna leave us alone.” Her voice was grave.
“Why would someone do this to you?” He pulled her in to his chest and she fell to him wanting nothing more than to crawl inside him. Be encapsulated by his arms, his scent, his sex. The touch of his hands made her feel protected. The warmth of his body against hers seemed to assure her that everything would be okay if she would just talk to him. She looked up into his loving eyes and tears started to well up in her own once more.
She rubbed her eyes. “I must be a disaster.” She looked down at herself the pencil skirt was a wrinkled mess and the blouse was in no better condition.
Matthew went to the kitchen sink and ran a washcloth under some warm water. “Sit still.” He half smiled as he gently wiped at her face. Taking away the smears of mascara, the smudges of kohl eyeliner that had migrated to her cheeks. He smoothed her hair back from her face with the warm dampness of the cloth, and he could feel her relax. Taking the sling off of her he turned her around and pulled the buttons from the back of her top, letting it fall around her waist before lifting it slowly and carefully off of her. She was still as he took off his T-shirt, and helped her into it.
Donnella breathed deeply, taking in the smell of him. How she loved the cologne he wore, especially mixed with his own natural smell, and the soap he used. She couldn’t pin point which scent she savored more, but right now she needed them all. She needed him, and he was still here. “I want to tell you the truth. My truth. Who I’ve been, who I am, we’re different, but not so different you see. One is just a little stronger… But not much.”
“Alright.” Matthew held her in his arms as she started to tell her story.
***
“I grew up here in the Stone Tower that much you know. What most don’t realize is just how sheltering it was. I didn’t have many friends who weren’t from the building. So the pool for dating was limited to school. I had always been aware of my sexuality, from the youngest of ages, I don’t really know how or why, but I just seemed to be aware of the power of it. Masturbation started early on, but sex-ed put the fear of disease and pregnancy in me, so actual sex was not on my list of things to do. Which got me labeled a tease and soon none of the boys at my school would come near me. All because I refused to put out. I thought I was being responsible. My mother was kind, she stood by me. Took care of me, let me cry it out when I’d come home after being teased. But she also helped me channel all my anger and frustrations in to positive energy. Soon I was at the top of my class. The plan was to study abroad, do my undergrad at Cambridge, then go for my MBA at Yale or Harvard. I was all set to go, when my mother had her Subarachnoid Hemorrhage. I couldn’t leave my dad to deal with that all alone, they needed me here. So I took some undergrad classes at NYU which is where I met Donovan Kelly… He started out as a nice guy.” She chuckled. “Isn’t that what all abuse victims say? He was so kind, he loved me… Then it changed, but it wasn’t all him, Matthew. That’s the thing you need to understand.” She sat up turning to him. “Those pictures… While I wasn’t comfortable, and later regretted them at the time, I enjoyed every moment. Every hand on me I couldn’t see the owner of, even the phallus they shoved up me gave me a thrill as they did more nasty perverse things to me, I asked for more. Back then it was what I wanted. But I grew out of most of it. Truth be told I got bored being the one always tied, always being pulled this way and that. I had a stronger personality than that. I wanted to be the one who pulled the leash.”
Matthew didn’t say a word, just sat back and watched her as she spoke. She wasn’t upset, telling him these things, but her hands shook. He couldn’t fathom the depth of her fear... That he wouldn’t understand her needs, the thought that he would reject her terrified her immensely.
“Those photos are the result of telling Donovan that I wanted to be a Top. I had no idea that they still existed. That night was the night I lost everything. My dignity, my family. My freedom.” She sat back down. “I’m going to tell you somethings that only five other people in this world know. I’m trusting you, because I care for you…” She took his hands in hers. “That night in college while at the hospital I found out I was pregnant. Most people believe I got rid of it, given the circumstances and I had planned too. But I knew it was Donavan’s baby, and some stupid part of me thought he didn’t know what had happened at the party. Thought if he had known… I later found out he had set it
up. My father, I’ve said before is a powerful man. At the time he was also a man stricken with grief. While I was in a hospital bed, knocked up and raped, his wife, my mother, the love of his life, had suffered a second hemorrhage, dying on the way to the hospital. It was my call that pulled him from her side, and he wasn’t there when she passed. I wonder if he’s ever forgiven me… The point is there was so much rage between us. There was nothing he could do about my mother, but there was plenty he could do about what had happened to me… Let’s say that aside from Donavan, who gave up everyone at the party who laid a hand on me, none of them graduated. And only three people know where the bodies are.” She swallowed hard. “As for the baby, I took the time off from school, citing health issues, my father and Doc Tonka took care of me here in the tower. On September twenty-ninth two thousand and five I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. But I couldn’t handle being a mother. I fell into a deep depression, I tried to kill myself. One too many OxyContin, supplied by Xavier. So you see when I was looking at your pills I wasn’t judging you. I was judging me. They pumped my stomach, and my father gave me a choice. My child or the company. I chose wrong.” She sobbed. “Fuck me, did I choose wrong.”
Matthew held her as she fell apart, cradling into him shaking all over. She clung to him, her nails biting into his forearms. There would be bruises later, but he’d endure. She needed him to, he would move mountains for her, if she would let him. He knew now that it was Donavan who was to blame. That he was the one who needed to be handled. He also knew that Donnella needed to get in front of the Sex Tape Scandal before it got too far if that was possible.
“Baby, I know… It’s okay, come here. I’ve got you. We’ll get through this… Together.”
She sniffled into his chest. “Can you really accept how fucked up I am?”
“We’ve all got our issues.”
“Not you… You’re perfect.”
“Not really. I’m a bit of a Mama’s boy, if you haven’t noticed.”
“Yeah but it’s cute.” She hugged him, the conversation calming her. “I’m just a nymphomaniac freak with a propensity towards occasional B D S and M.”
“Yeah, I think I can handle that, but you’ll have to teach me.” He gave her a playful squeeze.
“With the way I was taught, I’d say we both need a reeducation.” She turned over, in his lap, hiking up her skirt, and straddling him. “But for now, will you just fuck me till I pass out?”
18
Once Donnella was sleeping deeply Matthew went back downstairs finding the camcorder. There was something about the film that bothered him, more than the actual content. He watched it through a second and a third time, then it hit him, it had been edited.
Running up the stairs almost falling he shook Donnella awake. “Baby, get dressed. I think we may have something here.” He held out the camera. “Look…”
“Matthew no, I don’t want to see...” She sat up, as the picture jumped slightly, even she noticed that she went from wearing her heels to them missing.
“They fucked with the images to make you look-”
“Yeah, as sleazy as possible. I got it.” She threw her legs over the side of the bed. “Why am I getting dressed at this ungodly hour?”
“We’re going to go see Janet, she’s a wiz with the digital stuff, she’d be able to figure out just what was done.” He pulled on his jeans and slipped the SD card from the camcorder in his pocket.
“What good will that do? I’m already all over the internet.” She wiggled into a pair of black leggings.
“It will give you some leverage against Donovan. He can’t be allowed to get away with what he’s done.”
“I know… He won’t. I just… I don’t know… My Father wants to…”
“Your father can stay out of this one. I told you that I would take care of you. I plan to do just that.”
***
The train ride to Connecticut was an experience for Donnella. She had never taken the Metro-North train. To be honest the only train she had ever been on was the luxury car they had taken during their summers in Europe. But that was not this. The Metro-North train was mostly empty, it being almost three in the morning when they arrived at Grand Central Station having caught a cab several blocks down from the Service entrance of The Stone Tower.
So far the Media had not staked it out, yet and it was a safe way to come and go from the building. Slipping past Cordell had been impossible, so they simply brought him along, charging him with taking care of the dog. He seemed thrilled.
Donnella clung to Matthew as a drunk came staggering past, going into the next car. “You used to take this back and forth to the city all the time?” She whispered. “And never got mugged. I swear this smell is worse than the subway and that’s underground.”
Matthew let out a short laugh. “It’s fine, really Ella. Just relax, we’ll be there in just a few more stops. Then a quick cab. Look how much Pepper likes it.” The dog sat quietly staring out the large windows as the night flew by outside, her nose held up high as the top part of the window was open letting the smells of the night in and the train out.
Donnella crossed her legs. “Yes but she also licks her own butt.”
“You make a valid point.”
***
“What are you doing here?” Janet opened the front door taking the large cup of black coffee Matthew offered in place of a hug as she wiped the sleep from her eyes. Her brown hair was tied up in a messy bun and her faded brown bathrobe was falling to bits, as it hung open exposing her batman boxers and tank top. She wore fuzzy monster slippers.
“We need your help.” Matthew pulled Donnella inside.
***
Donnella looked around the apartment. “So much for expensive Connecticut artist lofts.” She whispered as Matthew explained the situation to Janet who didn’t own a television and stayed away from social media sites when at all possible so was out of the loop. It was apparent Janet was trying to make the place look good, but the architecture worked against her. The lighting was terrible, the walls were all low grade brick. The floors were nice. Donnella noted stomping catching their attention. “Sorry.” She mouthed, with a shrug. As Pepper hopped into a black leather chair. she liked the work on the far wall, looking closer she realised why. The painting was done by Matthew. A watercolor mural of Central Park done in seven parts, one frame for each season and its transition. It was stunning.
***
“Okay. Okay, I’ll look at it, Matt. Just give me a few minutes to wake the fuck up.”
“Thank you.” Matthew replied relieved.
“You should have called though man. I mean I got…” She turned, as Cattie came out of the bedroom, wearing nothing but her panties.
“Oh, fuck!” She whimpered, trying to hide behind the doorframe. She was almost thin enough. “Don’t tell Rupert.” She half-laughed, seeing Matthew not Donnella. “He’d never understand.”
“He’ll get over it.” Donnella stood up.
“Miss Stone… I’m so sorry. I.”
“Honey I got bigger things going on than worrying about some beard.”
Janet let out a little laugh. “Come here, Cattie, it’s okay. Go put some clothes on or go back to bed. But I’ve got to help Matthew here out. Okay?” She kissed her with purpose, making Matthew blush.
“Oh, wow. So. There’s that.” He laughed as Cattie walked away taking a smack on the ass.
“Yeah. There is, but you’d know if you called more often. You know I hear from Mary more right?”
“I’m sorry.”
Janet took the SD card from him putting it into her computer. “You should be. Let me take a look at what we have… Oh, well... Turning down the volume…” She hit the buttons on the key board several times turning down the sound, but not turning it off.
“I didn’t realize there was sound… Not that I need to hear.”
“Shut up man, both of you go over there, I’m listening.” She shooed them away putting on her head set.
***
TWO HOURS LATER
Janet took off her headset and came to sit by Matthew and Donnella. “So good news and bad news.”
Matthew sat up. Donnella followed.
“Good news first I suppose.” She sighed wearily.
“Alright. So I’ve been able to isolate where in the digital film they cut it and spliced in the sounds to cover up the talking, and what not, also the filters because from some of the angles there was no way those guys faces should have not been in frame.”
“Okay, which means what?”
“Well it proves tampering. But it’s circumstantial showing what was changed, which I could do…”
“Okay, so not hearing any bad news.” Matthew squeezed Donnella’s hand.
“That’s the thing. Without the original file I can’t restore any of it.”
Matthew’s heart dropped. “Wait can the software used be traced, at all?”
“It’s possible, but I can’t do anything like that. You’d need forensic people.”
“My dad is working on that already.” Donnella squeezed his arm. “We’ll have that file in no time. I mean my career will still be destroyed by then. But at least we will know.”
“You’re going to save your career.” Matthew deadpanned. “And I know how. But you are not going to like it.”
“At this point I’m willing to do about anything.”
“You need to be honest about everything. The sex, the arrangements. The college pictures. You have to talk about what happened on the tape.” Matthew’s voice became low, it hurt him to say these things to her but they needed to be said. “It’s the only way, baby.”
Donnella squirmed in her seat. “I don’t wanna talk about that. I’m past it.”
“How can you be past that?” Janet asked. “I’m traumatized and I only watched it.” She sat down next to them, rubbing her arms. “You can’t be thinking of letting those scumbags get away with what they did to you.”
