“Miss Vasquez…Mr. Payne. Nice to see you so early. What can I do for you two?” She asked.
“I wanted to know if Mrs. Diaz said where she went. Mom has been trying to contact her for days now but no one knows anything.” I said.
“You’re lucky. She called yesterday. She said her husband took her out for a surprise vacation and he didn’t want them to be interrupted so they left the phones at home. She’ll be back on Thursday.” Finally.
“That’s good.” I said nodding. At least she called. “Thanks. If you hear from her again, can you tell her to call me or Mom?” I asked.
“Sure thing.” Mrs. Bond said. That was easy. I was worrying for nothing. They always take surprise vacations. I should have remembered.
We walked out of the office and headed back to the car.
Alex drove a little more and when we passed by a Shaw’s parking lot, Alex glanced at me and pulled over into an empty spot. “Do you want to go anywhere?” He asked. “I think you’re in good shape to drive him. Unless you think otherwise?”
“I didn’t think you’d say those words to me all day.” I said. He got out of the driver’s side and helped me in. Aside from the pressure on sitting and standing, I think I can drive. I drove slowly at first but once we were on the highway, I went faster. “I know the perfect place to go.” I said.
I drove ten more minutes and took an exit. There’s this place my dad use to take us when we were little. It has benches everywhere, an ocean view and a trail for walking. I always liked it. As much as I hate my dad, this was the one place I always felt safe.
I pulled into an empty parking space and smiled when I noticed that the park was empty, nobody was walking or playing. It was probably too early in the morning.
I found a bench close to the water and we sat down.
“My dad use to take us here when we were little.” I said.
We sat there and talked for a few minutes. Alex told me about the times his family went out for picnics. I noticed he doesn’t like to say much. It must be hard. I know it would be for me. He lost his whole family. He’s alone.
Everything was fine until I started feeling dizzy. “Alex…” Why is this happening? I put my hand to my head. A migraine is coming.
“It is coming back?” Alex asked. I nodded. He lifted me up from the bench and we walked to car. “I shouldn’t have let you drive. It was too much for you to handle.” He said.
“It wasn’t.” I said. When I looked at him, he was smiling. He’s teasing me. “Very funny.” I leaned against the passenger door and shut my eyes. The coolness of the car helped. My body’s getting too hot.
“I really hope you’re better when your birthday comes around.” Alex said. I opened my eyes and caught him staring at my lips.
God, December 20th needs to hurry up.
“Why?” I asked.
Our eyes met. “Because I’m dying to kiss you but you’re in pain and it doesn’t feel right.” Oh, thank you lord. He finally says something. I was starting to think he was turned off or something.
I smiled and looked sideways. Yes, I am blushing. “If it wasn’t for the headache, I’d probably let you.” I said. No. That’s not true. “Actually I want you to kiss me.” I looked at him. “Right now.” Fuck me, that look in his eyes are intense.
“If I start, I won’t stop.” He said.
“I don’t want you to.” I said.
Alex smiled and opened the car door for me.
It’s only 7:30 so he can make it for school. He shouldn’t have to stay with me. I really am a bad influence. “You should go to school. I’m feeling better. I just need an Advil and I’ll be fine.” I lied. An Advil won’t help me.
“I can skip it. I have to go to a meeting later today so I’ll be back tomorrow. Let me make sure you’re okay so I can don’t have to worry too much there.” He said.
Hearing that he would be leaving hurt. I don’t want to spend that much time away from him. I was getting use to having him here. With me.
“What is the meeting for?” I asked.
“My lawyer has a few things to talk about. It’ll take a few hours so I’m going to stay in New York tonight then there’s something for a charity I’m helping that I have to do in the morning.” He said. I nodded. He’s a busy man. I couldn’t keep him from that but I do love waking up in the morning with him beside me. Maybe I could deal with one night. It has to end some time, right? I can’t have him sleep with me for the rest of my life.
He helped me up to my room and got me into bed.
“I’ll get the Advil.” He said leaving the room.
My phone chimed and for a split second I froze.
Bryan: Hey, I wanted to know if I can pass by later. Are you feeling better for dinner? If not I can bring it over.
I was glad it wasn’t him.
This made it hard for me though. I like Bryan but I don’t feel the way I do with him like I do with Alex. But I’ve known Bryan for forever, I always thought about dating him but we never had the courage to say anything. What about Alex? He’s sleeping in the same bed as me. I love that.
It sucks to be a girl sometimes.
Me: Have a headache, not feeling good enough to leave :(
Me: I’ll call you later.
Bryan: Okay
Alex walked in and handed me the pills and water. He brought his hand to my forehead and furrowed his brow. “You’re really hot. This should help. Are you going to be okay if I leave?” He asked.
I should be. My family can help out. Speaking of them, where are they? They are usually up my ass if they’re home.
“Yeah, I’m fine. You can go.” I said.
“I’ll text you when I get back.” He said.
I’m jumping in the inside. How long have I waited to hear that? Three months!! God, this is a dream come true.
“Declan can help me if I need it. Be careful.” I said.
Alex smiled and stood up. “I was going to say the exact same thing.” Then he hesitated. His body was saying one thing, his mind was saying another. He wants to kiss me…I just know it.
I bit my lip and stared at him. Do it. Come on. Don’t think about hurting me. Do it. He leaned into me and kissed me. I wish it was longer but I’ll take what I can get.
He licked his lips as he pulled away and told me to go to sleep. I didn’t argue with him.
I woke up around six o’clock, got out of bed and changed out of Alex’s sweater. I went into the closet and picked out a shirt. It hurt putting it on but I wasn’t in the mood to wear the sweater anymore. I need to wear some clothes. My clothes.
Everyone knows about the rape so I don’t have to hide the bruises. I put pajama pants on and left my room. Declan was coming out of his.
“Hey, did Alex leave yet?” I asked.
Declan looked at me for a few extra seconds, most likely studying the bruises on my arms. Awkward.
“Yeah, he came back then left like twenty minutes ago. You’re finally not in a sweater.” He said walking up to me and hugging me. “I’m sorry this happened to you, Em.” He said, his voice cracking.
“Hey, I told you guys hoping you wouldn’t patronize me. Act like it never happened. It’s hard for me as it is but it would help if everyone didn’t talk about it.” I said staring at the floor.
“I promise.” He let me go and stepped back. “Just know that if we find the guy, I am going to kill him.” You and me both. “Bryan called and asked if you were awake yet. He was asking about what food we like. He never brings food over.” I think I can guess why he’s doing it now.
“I’ll call him. Is everyone staying home today?” I asked.
My phone was in hand so this will be fast.
“No need, he’s downstairs. He came maybe two minutes ago. I was on my way to wake you up. Let’s go then, don’t want to keep him waiting.” Dec said rubbing his stomach. He’ll do anything for food.
When we got downstairs, Bryan and Scarlett were laughing about something in the kitchen. Wh
en they looked up, they went silent.
“Hey, I was going to call you.” I said eyeing the food he brought. There’s lasagna, eggplant parmesan, et cetera and my favorite dessert, crème brûlée.
“I called Declan and he said you were sleeping all day and he wanted you to wake up. I told him to let you sleep but he knows best.” Bryan said.
I glanced sideways at Declan. He smiled.
“He offered to bring food. I was not in the mood to cook today.” Declan said. I noticed Mom wasn’t here.
“Where’s mom?” I asked.
“At work. They had some kind of problem and needed her to stay late.” Scar said. I’m glad Mom has her old job back. I was worried for a second because of the Seattle thing.
That reminds me, I have to text Mark and Christy soon. I keep ignoring their texts but I managed to send an ‘I’m okay’ text. I don’t want them to think I’m dead. They would drive here from Stoneham just to check.
I nodded and took a seat next to Bryan. We took a plate of everything, I’m going to stuff myself because I’m hungry. Bryan insisted on holding the plate and filling it for me but I told him I wasn’t that weak. Like come on, holding the plate. I should be offended.
There was plenty of food left over. Everything was great but I had my eye on the crème brûlée the entire time. “Dessert time!” I said after Scarlett finished her last bite of eggplant parmesan.
“I can’t eat anymore. That was amazing but I’m stuffed.” She said slumping in her chair.
“Me too.” Declan said. I frowned. “You guys can still eat. Excuse us. Bryan, thanks for the food. You’re the best.” Then they both left.
I got up and grabbed two crème brûlée’s. “I’ve been eyeing this since I got downstairs.” I said sitting back down.
“I heard you were at school today. Mrs. Bond was pretty mad that you didn’t go to first period.” Bryan said stabbing the crème brûlée with his spoon.
“I just went to ask about Mrs. Diaz. No one has heard from her so we were stating to get worried. Then I got a headache and Alex brought me home.” I said.
“Speaking of Alex, where is he?” Bryan asked. Damn, I know that look. It’s the alpha male taking over. I’ve seen this happen before with his other female friends.
I didn’t tell Tiffany or Bryan that Alex has money. That would just be another reason Tiffany would want me to date him and another reason for Bryan to hate him.
“He had to go to New York…something important.” I said.
“He left you here? Declan said you guys were spending a lot of time together. I didn’t think he ever left your side.” I heard the hurt in his voice. I looked up at him.
“Bryan–”
His hand met my cheek and his eyes held mine. Then Bryan leaned in and kissed me lightly on the lips. When he pulled away, I was confused. Should I be happy? Should I tell him about Alex? No…it’s my business.
The front door opened and I was glad. I need the distraction.
“Hi honey, nice to see you out and about.” Mom walked up to the kitchen and sighed. “Long day…oh, hi, Bryan.” She looked at me. “Where’s Alex?” Not her too.
“New York. Important things.” I said looking up at Bryan. He was busy looking at the crème brûlée. “Bryan brought food if you want some.”
“I’m pretty tired. I’m going to take a nice hot bath then go to bed. Where are your brother and sister?” She asked.
“Upstairs.” Mom looked around the kitchen with that I-have-to-clean-before-I-can-relax look. “You can go, we’ll clean this up.” I said. She kissed my forehead, said goodbye to Bryan and left.
We cleaned up the kitchen and packed up the food. I told Bryan to take it home for his family. We really don’t need it after we stuffed ourselves. And I know Ella loves lasagna.
“Do you want me to stay with you? I mean that crazy guy is on the loose. I don’t want anything to happen to you.” Bryan said. Just the thought of Bryan spending the night felt wrong. That’s reserved for Alex. What is wrong with me?
“No, it’s okay. Declan’s here and I don’t think your family would like it if you do.” I said walking him to the front door.
“Are you sure? I can stay downstairs.” He said.
“I’m sure. I’ll be fine.” I said.
He looked up at me then leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. Kissing him made me think about Alex. I shouldn’t be doing this.
He stepped back.
“I just want you to know I care about you.” He said.
“I know.” Sometimes I have to take care of myself. Just because something bad happened to me doesn’t mean I can’t do anything. I just want to be the old Emily. Nobody told her what to do. Nobody felt bad for her. I want that again. “Goodnight, Bryan.”
“Goodnight, Em. If you need anything, call me.”
I nodded and closed the door. God, I feel like someone stomped on my lungs because it’s hard to breathe right now. I went upstairs to my room and turned on the light. I checked to make sure the closet was empty and the windows locked. Everything seemed fine. I couldn’t turn off the light though. Alex was the one that made me feel safe enough to have the light off and he’s not here.
I picked up my phone and texted him.
Me: Hey, you were gone when I woke up. Just wanted to tell you I checked the room and it’s safe. Have fun in NY. Don’t want to be a pain but when do you think you’d be back?
I waited a few minutes. Why did I ask that? Desperate much? I didn’t think he’d reply so I gave up.
As soon as I put the phone down on the nightstand, he texted back.
Alex: You never are. I should be back around 2 or 3pm. Have to pass by my house and organize a few things. If you want me to pass by after that I can, Maybe around 8 or 9??
My heart jumped. He’ll be gone that long. Oh, come on. I thought. We only saw each other at school, we were away for hours and I didn’t mind.
I did…
I don’t know why I don’t feel this way with Bryan.
Me: I would like that. See you then. :)
I put my phone away and looked out of my window. I haven’t heard from him in a while. Maybe he forgot about me. He just wanted me to get worked up for nothing.
I closed my eyes and thought about when I would see Alex again. I’m a girl completely infatuated with him. Who wouldn’t be?
Kelly Clarkson’s Dark Side played and I thought about my dark side. Would any man accept me if they knew my real past. The past I keep hidden?
I texted my friends, Christy and Mark. They are the only two people out of four who know who I really am. The real Emily Vasquez. The other two are Ty, an ex who I don’t want to think about, and Tiffany. She knows the Cliff notes.
I need them right now. My past is starting to eat me up.
Would anyone want me if they knew the truth?
***
It felt strange waking up alone this morning. It’s Wednesday so Alex should be coming home around 2 or 3 pm. Yeah, I’m stalking the clock. Sue me.
I took a shower and killed some time on my laptop. The cut’s healing and when I put my shirt on, it didn’t hurt. I still want to take it easy though.
There were a few posts about Zach and Sophie, one of them was that Sophie saw him with another girl and punched him so hard she broke his nose. I don’t mind the attention not on me. Zach’s nose is not broken by the way. Oh, and they’re back together. They got over whatever was happening between them and made up. Good for them.
I checked my emails, all spam. Tiffany called me last night but I missed it because I fell asleep. She texted me afterwards and told me she met this guy at a party last night. It’s nice to see one of us is still partying. That is why I love her.
I walked over to Declan’s room and knocked on the door. He didn’t answer so he must be sleeping. I walked over to Scarlett’s room and same thing. They must have gone to bed before me, how are they still sleeping?
I walked down to the living room and sat down
on the couch. There was nothing good on TV so I thought about what I should do today. Nothing popped up in my head. I closed my eyes and talked to anyone listening. My life has been really messed up these past few weeks. I have the two greatest people in my life and I can’t decide what to do. Something seems weird when I’m with Bryan but with Alex… he makes me feel special. My heart jumps at the thought of him. What should I do? I kept my eyes shut and fell asleep waiting for an answer.
I woke up around 2:30. Declan and Scarlett were busy talking in the kitchen. I checked my phone and saw that Alex texted me twenty minutes ago. Hell yeah. At least I know he’s fine.
Alex: Just got on the plane. Should be in Boston in an hour.
I was going to call then figured you have to turn off your phone when you’re traveling via plane so it’d be useless. I can call him around three. I shouldn’t even call him. I don’t want to be labeled as the clinger.
Declan looked up at me as I walked into the kitchen.
“Finally, the sleeping beauty awakes. All you do is sleep, why don’t you go for a walk…” He looked at Scarlett and then at the counter. “I mean…do you want to go for a walk with me? Go anywhere in particular? I just got my car back from Jere.” It didn’t register why Declan cut off mid sentence until I replayed the sentence, he said take a walk; implying I go out alone. He knows that I can’t be alone. Something might happen if I am. I brushed it off. He wants me to do something productive instead of sleep.
“I feel great and all but if I walk a lot I get tired. I was hoping we can go do something where we don’t have to stand.” I said. “How about the movies? Scarlett, you can come too.” We looked at her and she nodded. I went upstairs and changed. “Is it cold out?” I asked back downstairs.
“No, it’s beautiful.” Scarlett said as she opened the front door. I put some flats on and got in the car. I didn’t wear the sweater and I was proud of myself. It’s a movie, who would see the bruises on my arms?
It was around six when we left. During the car ride back home I couldn’t remember having this much fun with Scarlett and Declan. We would go to the movies a lot when we were younger but college prevented us from spending quality time together.
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