“No work is more important than the health of his mother. He’s insisting on coming tomorrow.” I frowned and turned my head aside, but he kissed the corner of my mouth and I couldn’t stop myself from smiling. “Let me hold you.” His voice was soft, the peace it brought me seductive. I melted against him and instantly felt better.
“I’m so frightened,” I confessed. “I keep feeling like something happened at that house that was extremely important—a life or death kind of something. And I can’t remember what it was.” I’d almost growled that last bit.
He kissed my forehead. “We’ll find the answer, I promise.” I shifted position and straddled his thighs, facing him as water dripped down my back and chest. His eyebrows arched. “Jackie… You’ve just…”
“I need you. I feel safe when I’m with you.” I leaned my forehead against his and whispered, “It’s like…like it was before.”
He understood. When I’d come home after being Kennet’s prisoner I was in shock, unable to dispel the nightmares or the feelings of humiliation and anger. Kennet had ripped me apart and it had taken Garrett’s affection and support as well as Liam’s healing skills to piece myself back together.
He threaded his hands through my hair and kissed me, his fierce love and affection bringing me back to the present and away from the edge of that same cliff. “I should have…” he began, but I wouldn’t let him stray toward his own precipice.
“Shhh.” I kissed his cheek. “You came in time. I just wish I knew what it was I’d done while I was there, or more importantly, what was done to me.” Eighteen years ago I hadn’t remembered that Kennet had raped me until Liam discovered it. That same day I’d found out I was pregnant with Charlie. This whole amnesia scenario was way too similar, and somehow more frightening. I didn’t remember a thing from the time I hugged the fake Simon in the living room to the time Garrett arrived in the basement of the old house.
“Have you talked to Simon? Is he all right?” I asked.
“He doesn’t answer his phone.”
“Oh. But I’m sure he’s fine, right?”
“Of course.”
Although our lips weren’t touching, our faces were close enough to share each delicious outtake and intake of breath. We stayed silent, listening only to the sounds of our bodies and the gentle lapping of water, glorying in the way our energies pulsed with the rhythms of our auras, our magics and our cores.
“Thank you for finding me. I was so cold.” I automatically brushed the skin above my heart. It was still cold, but I wasn’t ready to talk about it with Garrett.
Pressing his lips to mine, he smiled against my mouth. “I don’t believe you realize how often you’ve saved me, my sweet angel.”
That brought a smile to my lips as well. “Je t’aime.” Between us, the two words meant more than their mere translation. The phrase was a covenant; a pledge to remain constant despite the shit life threw at us. And there had been plenty of that over the eighteen years we’d been together. A weaker, or perhaps smarter male might have run out the door and never looked back, but Garrett’s devotion, generosity and steadiness had seen me through the worst of times. My heart held no misgivings that he wouldn’t see me safely through this newest misery. The kidnapping and loss of memory made my gut clench in fear and my hands fist in fury, but Garrett and I were together now, and nothing would come between us.
I’d make sure of it.
He brushed aside my wet hair so he could kiss my cheeks and mouth once more. “I’m taking you to bed.” His voice was husky with need.
“The magic words,” I teased. “You’ll get no argument from me.”
He lifted me out of the tub and dried my body with gentle pats of a soft towel. He used a second towel on my shoulder length hair and finally allowed me to dry his incredible body. Lean and muscular in all the right places, Garrett was centerfold material. And he was mine.
When we’d finished, he caught me up in his arms like Rhett Butler did Scarlet O’Hara and whisked me into the bedroom and onto the bed. He kissed and stroked me everywhere, spending more delicious time in some places than others, heating my skin and my core to a boiling point, his loving whispers warming my aching spirit. When he’d already sated me beyond reason, he took my body with his own and our lovemaking became a fierce reclaiming, a passionate expression of our commitment and devotion.
When out bodies were tangled and spent, I rested my head in the hollow beneath Garrett’s collarbone and slid into sleep, dreaming of Charlie and Garrett throwing a Frisbee back and forth on the beach. Samson and Hercules barked and ran in circles at their heels, finally abandoning the game to chase sandpipers and gulls.
When I woke, it was already past ten in the morning. My stomach growled for food but my fuzzy mind was more interested in coffee. Giving Garrett a kiss he wouldn’t feel during his resting phase, I dressed, smiling at the slight soreness, proof of a night well spent. I made coffee and sat at the kitchen table to mull over my dream, which sometimes turned out to be prophetic.
It had been a pleasant dream, the kind of dream that left me feeling good about my life. My son and my mate were the anchors that kept me grounded, and I vowed once more to cling to them with a desperate fury, because a part of my mind told me I’d almost flown apart and disappeared in that old house, even though the memory was lost.
Someone had taken me there, used me for some purpose and left, leaving behind a version of myself I wasn’t pleased with. I tried again to connect to my cheetah—my healer self—but it was as if that part of my magic had been sheared away. I sighed, certain it was only a temporary situation and that Liam or Charlie would be able to sort it out.
My list of powerful enemies was short and the obvious one, Naberia, cast her shadow over this entire experience. She had the power to make me stop breathing with only a thought, so a simple forgetting spell would have been no problem at all. But if my grandmother had been the one who’d captured me, why hadn’t she killed me?
I closed my eyes and allowed my demon senses to explore the icy section near my heart. It seemed normal enough, but I wasn’t seeing my insides the way I normally would have if I were using my healing magic.
I withdrew for a moment, an idea popping into my head. Why hadn’t this occurred to me? I’d been holding the demon magic at bay when I’d tried to connect to my cheetah, approaching it as I always had before. Maybe I could actually use demon magic to help me connect to my cheetah.
I smiled, opening my mind to the energy of the ley lines, allowing its magic to transport me to my psychic vision of the cliff where I used to go to get my bearings. Perhaps getting back to basics would work. Once there, I willed myself to shift. A violent tremor assaulted my core, spreading to my limbs. I thought it was a hopeful sign at first. Then nothing happened. Nothing. Happened. The tremor continued, stronger now, and I realized it wasn’t the beginnings of a shift, as I’d prayed. It was terror that rattled my bones and drove my fingernails into my palms. I tried again. And again. And again, unwavering in my efforts to transform, to use the magic I’d been accessing for almost nineteen years.
I’d crouched on the floor at one point, taking the stance of my animal even though my form was still human, unwilling to believe my cheetah self was gone. Sweat rolled down my cheeks and over my chin, dripping to the floor. My heart beat erratically as I collapsed and sobbed out, “Garrett!”
I rarely disturbed him while he rested, but my panic had driven his name from my lips without conscience thought. A shaky heartbeat later he was holding me in his arms. “Tell me.”
“I can’t shift.” I was shocked by the raspy tremble of my voice, panic eating up my ability to take in enough air to speak normally. My body was spent, having tried to shift so many times I could barely hold my head up.
“Let me help you.” Because Garrett had started his long life as a cheetah, he also had access to the same energy I used when I shifted form.
The warmth of his body and his sweet scent were a balm to my shak
y nerves. “Do whatever you have to do.” He nodded and kissed my forehead.
I prepared myself for the forced shift, a painful, but in this case necessary action. If it didn’t work… But no, I wouldn’t think the worst. I breathed deeply, opening myself mentally to Garrett and the magic he would take in to connect to my other nature.
I waited for the familiar pain, uncomfortable but more than welcome at this moment. I waited until Garrett touched my shoulder. Then I waited for him to speak. “Your cheetah doesn’t answer me.”
He’d spoken as gently as he could, but each word was a knife to my heart. Your cheetah doesn’t answer me. Tears filled my eyes. “I know she’s there. She lives in me always. You must feel her.”
I watched his eyes as he battled between telling me the truth or sparing my feelings. He chose the latter. “This is a block, plain and simple. It might be magical, or it could be psychological, stemming from the kidnapping.”
“I don’t remember the kidnapping,” I snapped.
“Liam will be here any minute to help us sort this out. I’ll fix you something to eat.” He rose and extended his hand.
“You should go back and rest. You’ve only had a few hours.”
He hit a button on the wall and metal shades slid home on all the downstairs windows, protecting him from the sun. “I’m fine.”
I didn’t budge. Food was the last thing on my mind. “You didn’t feel her at all.” It wasn’t a question. It was just me trying to wrap my head around this new bit of information. “How can an eighteen-year connection evaporate? It’s like a human suddenly not being human. This is…this is pissing me off.”
“Jackie…” I sprang to my feet, surprising him. Suddenly I wasn’t so tired. I was angry and reaching for my dagger, which wasn’t where it should be. Why didn’t I carry it with me? I stalked toward our bedroom. “Where are you going?” Garrett asked.
“I should be armed at all times.”
“I disagree. There’s no need—”
“If I’d carried it when they came to take me I might’ve had a chance to escape. Before they…they did whatever the hell they did to me.” Whoever they were.
The closet door was open, so I approached the safe, entered the ten-digit code and heard the heavy door release its hold. A pistol and several rounds of ammunition lived on the top shelf, but I bypassed that weapon and reached to the back of the second shelf, retrieving the dagger Isaiah had given me all those years ago. I gripped the handle and pulled it from its sheath, examining it with new eyes. As usual, my magical signature heated the hilt, but this time it was only the orange aspect of my aura—my demon side—that colored the ancient runes carved into the handle and the blade. The green aura of my healer was still blocked.
Or gone for good.
Garrett’s hand slid around my shoulders. We stood in silence, neither of us able to find words to describe the loss.
“We’re here!” Liam announced.
“We?”
“Mom!” I was taken up in the arms of my son and hugged until I couldn’t breathe. I clutched the dagger more firmly, feeling the icy patch in my chest begin to burn like dry ice.
“Charles. You’re going to have her fainting if you don’t loosen your hold,” Liam scolded from the doorway.
“Garrett laughed and moved closer. “Let’s go into the kitchen. I was just about to make Jackie something to eat.”
Charlie stepped away but didn’t release my arms until he’d gotten a good look at my face. His soft expression grew hard when he turned to Garrett. “Why didn’t you tell me about the kidnapping?”
Garrett wrapped his arms around me, pulling me away from my son. “We’ll talk in the kitchen.” Garrett ordered.
“But…” Charlie frowned.
“Could I speak to Charlie alone?” I asked. There was something important I had to tell him, although for the life of me I couldn’t think of what it was. I only knew I needed privacy and that it would come to me…
“After you eat.” Garrett’s expression made it clear nothing would be discussed until we were all seated and civilized. Too many flashed in my head. Too many what? Puzzled, I sat in my usual place, laying the dagger on the table in front of me with a loud clunk, drawing everyone’s attention.
“Are you going to stay armed from now on, Mom? I think it’s a good idea.” Charlie was making himself two sandwiches. Growing boy.
If I read Garrett’s glare correctly, he disagreed. “The dagger is best left in the safe. What would you like to eat?” he asked me, changing the subject with a smile.
“An apple is good.” I really wasn’t hungry, although the hearts of my enemies might be tasty right about now. More than anything I wished I could at least picture my kidnapper’s faces. Then I’d know who to kill.
“An apple, some nuts, cheese and bread, yes?” Garrett had already turned around, busily preparing a plate.
He was trying very hard to help me calm down, to make me feel as if things were normal, but I was simmering with fury. Nothing was normal. The kidnappers had stolen my ability to connect to my cheetah. I was denied the ability to shift. To heal myself or others.
Garrett was watching me out of the corner of his eye. He was worried and he’d done so much for me already. I could probably choke down some food if it would make him feel better. “Thank you. I think my appetite’s coming back.” I managed a wan smile, but no one was fooled.
The plate was on the table before I had a chance to change my mind. Vamp speed was a scary thing.
Charlie had plunked his long body in the chair beside mine. He moved the blade away and took my hand. When I reached for the plate he grasped my other hand. “Mom. Can I see? Please? I want to help.”
“I didn’t want Dad to tell you.”
“Liam told me.”
“Yeah? And who told Liam?” I glanced at Garrett. He shrugged.
“Why wouldn’t you want me to know? I might be able to do something.”
For the first time I noticed that Liam had taken the seat on my other side. “She’s gone,” I said, my voice rougher than I’d intended. “My cheetah. I can’t…I can’t shift.”
“Your cheetah is where she always is. She’s probably just recovering from the trauma, like you. Liam and I would like to examine your aura, if that’s okay. We’ll be gentle.” Charlie sounded so confident, so mature. Of course they’d be gentle. They might be accomplished warriors, but their natural instincts were to heal, not kill.
“Go ahead.”
They each took one of my hands and I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to watch their expressions change from hopeful to concerned. Because I knew in my heart my lovely alter ego was gone and there was probably nothing anyone could do about it.
When I had the nerve to open my eyes again, Charlie’s expression wasn’t hard to read.
“I’m sorry, Mom. I don’t feel her anywhere.” I turned away, but he grasped my shoulders. “She’s blocked, that’s all. I’m going to figure this out. Trust me.”
“I do trust you. Thank you both for checking.” The strain to hold my body still was turning my stomach. What I wanted to do at that moment was grab the chair I was sitting in and smash every window in the house, or maybe dive into the ocean and ride one of those kelpies Charlie had told us about, or maybe burn down a—
“Jacqueline.” Liam’s voice held an air of authority. “Your demon magic has greatly grown in power since this has happened. You are unused to dealing with this aspect of your energy on a daily basis. Your cheetah has always balanced you, but now you will need to learn another way to control your urges.”
Garrett pushed the plate of food toward me, then kissed my forehead. “Please eat something.”
“Mom, ya gotta eat.”
“Jacqueline…”
“My love…”
“Mom…”
Enough.
Chapter Thirteen
Without a word, I took the lines to the beach, bringing Hercules along as my excuse, but mostly wanting
to be on my own and away from my well-meaning, but currently very annoying family. My eyes and throat were burning as I tried to hold back the waterworks, but also with the rage I was positive must be reflected in my tingling, itchy eyes. The demon in me was yearning for release, and if Liam was right, if my demon strength was growing, my eyes would be orange a lot more than they’d be green.
And wasn’t that thought delightful? I’d be a freak among my friends, my demon self standing out like a high beam on a gloomy day. Shifters generally appeared as close to human as any of the supernatural groups, and I’d liked that anonymity, but if anytime I felt a strong emotion my eyes flashed orange, I’d be creeping out a lot of people, particularly my fae friends.
I kicked a piece of driftwood and it went flying into the water. It felt good to expend some energy. But first I automatically sent, “I’m at a beach in Oregon. Please let me have some time to myself. I’ll be home in a couple of hours. I promise.”
“Jacqueline…”
I put up my blocks and disconnected. When Garrett called me Jacqueline he was either angry or in a romantic mood. Angry it was, but I couldn’t deal with his emotions until I dealt with mine. I was about to kick another piece of driftwood when I realized we’d spoken mind to mind. I opened to him again. “How are we…?”
“Liam suggested a new approach. I usually speak to you as a cheetah, but I’m also a vampire. I can use demon magic and we can connect in that way.”
The relief was overwhelming. “Oh. Thank god. I thought I’d lost you too.”
“You’ll never lose me. Come home. I’m sorry we turned into a group of shrews. We’ll give you the space you need. Please.”
“Soon. I promise.”
Hercules was barking at me, probably annoyed that I’d woken him from his nap and snatched him away to this breezy beach. To placate him, I picked up another piece of driftwood and threw it as far down the beach as I could, which was pretty damn far. He raced after it, his little stubby legs tossing sand around as he ran. I kicked off my sneakers and followed.
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