by Nicola Marsh
She’d given him the opportunity the day in his condo when she’d first discovered his treachery, when she’d told him she quit. He could’ve begged her to stay. She’d half hoped he would.
His response? Silence.
A silence he’d maintained over the last fortnight.
They’d worked together side by side every day, had shared a bed every night, lost in a desperate passion, making love like two people who knew they’d never see each other again.
But not many words had been spoken beyond the necessary; not the words that really mattered.
She hadn’t cared. She’d taken what she could get, used their physical bond to soothe the constant ache of his betrayal deep inside. Not that she’d done herself any favours, for despite walking away every contour of his face, every nuance in his voice, every expression in his fathomless eyes, would stay imprinted on her soul for ever.
‘You ready to go?’
Sucking in a deep breath and hoping her smile didn’t wobble, she turned to face him.
‘Yeah.’
‘Sure you don’t want me to head back to Skagway with you? We could—’
‘Shh…’ She placed her fingers against his lips, silencing him. ‘Don’t make this harder than it already is.’
Pain slashed his proud features before he quickly rearranged them in his usual confident mask. ‘Okay.’
‘I guess this is goodbye, then.’
She inwardly cringed. How trite, how inadequate, for what she really wanted to say.
A muscle twitched near his jaw. ‘I guess so.’
Don’t cry…don’t cry…don’t cry…
At the inevitable sting of tears she breathed deeply, willing them away while savouring the smell uniquely him. The scent of forest and outdoor and cool sunshine would always remind her of him, of this wild country that had captured her heart, as he had.
‘Look after yourself. Call me if you need anything.’
‘Thanks.’
She couldn’t stand this, her nerves stretched to breaking point, a twang away from snapping.
‘I better go.’
He nodded, his cool indifference surprising her after all they’d shared.
As she bent to pick up her backpack he reached out and their arms tangled in her hurry to fling herself into his.
She welcomed the frantic clash of mouths, her arms locking around his neck, her hands tangling in his hair, desperate to pull him closer, to never let him go.
He devoured her, exquisite, desperate, frantic kisses that made her knees buckle. She clung to him, unable to stand as he hugged her tight, squeezing out what little air was in her lungs.
‘I won’t ever forget you,’ he murmured against her hair, hanging on for dear life before he broke the embrace, staring deep into her eyes for an infinite moment.
Time stood still, the crisp air around them crackling with the ever-present heat.
She wished he loved her.
She wished he’d ask her to stay.
Instead, he ducked down for one last, snatched kiss before turning and walking away.
Taking her heart with him.
Jade should’ve been happy.
Once she’d left Alaska she hadn’t returned to Sydney, preferring to head to Melbourne—away from her family—and gaining acceptance into university there.
Thanks to her stint with Wild Thing and a glowing letter of recommendation from Rhys she’d scored a mature-student place in a biology degree course. Without any help from the blasted Beachams.
It should’ve been a proud moment, vindication she could achieve anything without their help and money. But all she could think about was how much more stimulating working in the field was compared to dry textbooks. Though she knew that had more to do with her personal park naturalist than the field itself.
Rhys haunted her. Every waking moment and most sleepless ones were filled with memories of him and as the days dragged by she faced reality.
He was no longer a part of her life.
A small, delusional part of her had secretly hoped he’d follow her back to Skagway, even to Vancouver before she left for Australia, professing his inability to live without her. No such luck. There’d been no contact whatsoever, not even a phone call.
She shouldn’t be surprised. It was what he did: chalked it up to experience, moved on to the next one. He’d told her the truth from the start and she’d understood, but it didn’t make the sorrow of losing him any easier. An anguish that persisted no matter how many hours she spent researching in the library or how many make-up tests she took.
While doing this course was her dream, she knew deep down part of her endless drive, her dedication to put in the long hours and survive on limited sleep, had more to do with obliterating the ever-present ache in her heart than a need to be top of her class.
Whatever she studied, she’d unwittingly relate it back to Rhys and what she’d learned in the field; a futile, masochistic habit that only served to dredge up her barely submerged devastation on a daily basis.
She hurt, constantly, an emotional pain that never went away no matter what she did.
She’d loved him. She’d lost him. She’d need to accept it, but for now the pain was too raw, too recent for her to do anything but bury herself in her studies and hope it would ease with time.
Then there was the parent issue. She hadn’t told them she’d returned to Australia and, surprisingly, Rhys couldn’t have mentioned it to his brother, for if he had she had little doubt her dad would’ve heard the news and immediately hired a PI to find her.
For the first time in her life she was truly alone and, while she savoured the cushion of her trust fund set up by her granny years ago, enabling her to rent a semi-decent one-bedroom apartment not far from uni, she missed her family.
She’d spent a lifetime idolising them, loving them, being their darling and she missed them despite her shattered trust.
All the hours alone had given her loads of thinking time and, while she hadn’t come to any definite conclusions, she’d mulled, a lot.
Had she overreacted? Not with Julian, for she’d never put up with any partner cheating on her, let alone a husband, but her parents?
They’d been married for many years, appeared happy, were the perfect couple. So she’d caught her dad having an affair? And her mum tolerated it? Who was she to judge?
What they did in their marriage was their business and now she’d had months away, had truly fallen in love for the first time, she knew what it was like to make sacrifices to keep a relationship running smoothly.
Hadn’t she compromised during her last fortnight at Glacier Point? Throwing herself into whatever time they had left, ignoring the fact he’d lied to her right from the start and didn’t love her enough to beg her to stay, taking what she could get?
She might not like the falsities of her parents’ relationship, but it had nothing to do with her. She’d reacted like a spoilt little rich girl whose rose-coloured glasses got smashed, and it had taken time away and a broken heart to accept the fact she’d grown up.
Maybe it was for the best. If she hadn’t had her eyes opened to reality she might’ve still been coasting along, believing the world was a perfect place, her folks the perfect role models and Julian the perfect fiancé.
She’d never believed in the old ‘things happen for a reason’ line, but in this case she’d had a lucky escape. While she didn’t give a flying fig for Julian any more, she still loved her parents. Was it time to lay her judgemental prejudices aside and re-establish contact?
Screwing up her nose at the thought, she flipped open a botany textbook and picked up her pen to take notes.
She’d do it, after she aced this next test.
Rhys was at his wit’s end. Ever since he’d returned from Alaska nothing had run smoothly.
While Aldo had been a competent CEO in his absence there was a multitude of problems that needed attending to. Cheri had handled the workload well, though she and Aldo seemed
to spark off each other, something he hadn’t noticed until now. And, to top it off, one of the major cruise lines was haggling over its contract.
Work wasn’t the only problem. He hadn’t slept in weeks. Sure, he caught a few z’s here and there, but for the bulk of the nights an image of a stunning brunette with big brown eyes haunted him.
Letting her go at Glacier Point had been damn near impossible. It had ripped him apart. But he couldn’t ask her to give up her dream, no matter how much he wanted to. Her father had already interfered in her quest for independence; he’d be damned if he did the same.
Acknowledging the truth and living with it were two entirely different things and, while he knew letting her go had been the right thing to do, it killed him, little by little, every day.
A loud knock had him throwing down his pen and stretching overhead.
‘Come in,’ he said, not in the mood for another problem.
The door cranked open and Cody popped his head around it. ‘Hey, boss. How’s it hanging?’
Smiling despite his foul mood, he gestured him in. ‘Not too bad. You?’
Cody plonked into the chair facing him. ‘Pretty good, though I’m missing Glacier Point something shocking.’
‘Know what you mean. Didn’t realise how much I’d missed it ’til I was back. Once it’s in your blood, you’re smitten for life.’
Cody leaned back and clasped his hands behind his head. ‘Sure you’re just talking about the scenery? Seems to me you were smitten with other…stuff.’
Swamped with memories of Jade, Rhys cleared his throat. ‘She was something special, wasn’t she?’
Jade’s number-two fan—he had the number-one spot all sewn up—nodded. ‘Yep, she was. Thought you two might’ve kept something going, what with her head over heels for you and all.’
Unsure whether Cody was speculating, he straightened. ‘Head over heels?’
Cody chuckled. ‘Like you didn’t know? Hell, man, you were all she could talk about, not to mention how she looked whenever you were around. She lit up.’
He only just caught his, ‘You lucky dog.’
‘Did she say anything?’
‘Not in so many words…’
‘Spit it out!’
Cody held up his hands. ‘Whoa! All she said was, as much as she wanted to be a biologist she would’ve given it up in a heartbeat to stay at Glacier Point, that’s all. So I kinda assumed that meant with you?’
His heart pounded as he struggled to come to terms with what he’d just heard. ‘She said that?’
Cody grinned. ‘Yeah, cool, huh? You gonna do anything about it?’
He collapsed back, reeling from the truth.
Jade had been willing to give up her dream to stay in Alaska.
He hadn’t wanted to say anything to her for fear of standing in the way of her dream.
But if she really felt like that…
A glimmer of an idea hovered at the edge of consciousness…She loved nature, she loved the cold. He needed to bring a smidgeon of all that to her life in Melbourne, needed to get her to remember the brilliant parts of being together in Alaska…
Something Callum had once told him resonated…hearing an avalanche survivor lecture in some weird ice cave…
The answer came to him in a flash of inspiration and he could’ve punched the air. It would be a cinch to organise: check the venue on the Internet, book it out, contact an online printer to send her a formal invitation she couldn’t refuse…Oh, yeah, this would definitely work.
‘By the look on your face, boss, you’ve hatched a plan.’
Buzzed for the first time in a long time, he smiled. ‘Damn straight. About time I did something.’
Something he should’ve done weeks ago: tell Jade the truth and convince the woman he loved to take a chance on a guy like him.
Flipping the practice exam over, Jade sat back, sipped the dregs of her lukewarm coffee and grimaced. She’d been hard at it the last hour, had done as much studying as she could to pass this exam.
Time to move on to the next tough assignment of the night: ring her folks.
Rolling her shoulders, she shook out her hands and reached for her mobile. Now or never.
Punching the number, she waited, each prolonged ring exacerbating her nerves until she rubbed her tummy to settle the skating penguins doing figure-eights in there.
‘Fred Beacham.’
The penguins skidded to a stop and crashed into a snow-bank, leaving her winded. Hearing her dad’s voice after all this time did that to her and she bit her lip, hard, to stop it from wobbling.
‘Hello?’
Sucking in a deep breath, she clutched the phone tighter. ‘Dad, it’s me.’
Silence. An awkward, heavy, drawn-out silence that frayed her already shredded nerves.
‘I know it’s been a long time—’
‘Six months, give or take.’ Her heart sank at his abrupt tone. ‘How are you?’
‘I’m fine. Back in Australia, thought it’s time I called.’
‘Where are you?’
‘Melbourne. Enrolled in a biology course.’
‘What happened to the job in Alaska?’
‘Once I discovered you were behind me being employed, I quit.’
‘I was only trying to help.’
‘Funny, I saw it as interfering in my life when you knew going it alone was important to me.’
Her dad coughed, cleared his throat as she threw down her pen when she realised she was doodling love hearts with Rhys’s initials on the back of her practice exam.
‘I was worried. After what happened…I didn’t know how to make amends…I wanted to make up for—’
‘Dad, it’s okay. I get it.’
‘You do?’
‘I was pretty angry at the time but I’ve had time to think—’ boy, had she had time to think ‘—and I know you were trying to protect me.’
As her parents had always done. She’d led a charmed life, had been given everything she ever wanted, including her parents’ unswerving devotion. When she’d confronted them, ranted at them, she could imagine how devastated they must’ve been. They’d presumably lost the one honest thing between them: her.
‘I’m sorry I put you through all that business, honey. And your mother is too.’
‘Apology accepted. Though you know I don’t agree with any of it, right? Your affair, Mum’s tolerance, her expecting me to be like her?’
Her dad cursed. ‘I’ve been an old fool and I’d hate for you to think what your mother did is right. She should’ve booted me out a long time ago, should never have put up with my crap. I did wrong by her and there’s no excuse for it.’
She didn’t want to rehash her parents’ private life, didn’t want to dwell on how close she’d come to being trapped in a marriage that could’ve easily turned out the same.
Had she really been that blind? Or had she deliberately dwelled in the rosy world they’d created, content to ignore anything unsavoury, even a hint of it, so as not to rock the boat?
She’d mulled over this a lot the last few weeks while contemplating ringing her folks, had come to the unwelcome realisation that maybe she was to blame a little. She’d allowed her parents to shield her so she coasted along, content in her perfect life, in the lap of luxury, not actively pursuing her dream, then was outraged to learn her dad had a hand in getting her a job?
‘That’s your business, Dad. Guess I just wanted to touch base, let you know I’m back and maybe we can catch up once my exams are finished?’
‘We’d love that, honey. You name the time and place, we’ll be there.’
His voice caught and the last of her lingering resentment faded.
She’d never seen her dad cry. Big, bold, brash Beacham, Australia’s top tycoon, never showed vulnerability, so to hear emotion in his voice showed her exactly how sorry he was.
‘Great. I’ll be in touch.’
‘Jade?’
‘Yeah?’
‘W
e love you, honey.’
‘Same here. Bye.’
Flinging the phone on the table, she linked hands and stretched overhead.
She’d done it, shifted the sadness weighing her down, taken the first step in re-establishing a relationship with her folks.
She should feel great. Instead, a spur of sorrow still lodged in her heart, niggling, annoying, hurting.
Sadly, she couldn’t do anything about it. What she felt for Rhys Cartwright could not be solved with a phone call.
Her hand hovered over the phone lying face down on the table. It was a day for fresh starts; it was so tempting to call him.
And say what?
Hey, it’s me, the idiot who fell so hard for you I’m still pining? The crazy woman who’d give up everything if you wanted me with you?
Yeah, bet that would go down a treat.
Shaking her head, she picked up the mobile and shoved it into her bag, right to the bottom, under a stack of texts and Post-It notes and fluorescent highlighters.
She’d extended enough olive branches for one day.
Chapter Eighteen
DÉJÀ VU washed over Jade as she shrugged into a ski jacket, wiggled her fingers into gloves and slid her feet into Ugg boots.
She’d followed the same routine countless times in Alaska but hadn’t expected to be doing the same in Melbourne in the middle of summer.
‘Welcome to the Arctic Lounge, Miss Beacham. Head on through.’
She smiled at the doorman who’d checked her personal invitation and entered the funky ice bar in the middle of the CBD.
Having a chance to hear Sir Roland Hyde, the explorer who’d lived in Antarctica for the last decade and who’d just conquered Everest, was worth the hassle of getting rugged up.
Besides, as she glanced around the ice bar, she couldn’t help but admire what some artistic person had done with thirty tonnes of ice. Everything was made from the stuff, from the bar to the couches to the glasses. Surreal.
‘I believe you’re expected in The Freezer Room, Miss Beacham. If you’ll follow me?’
