by Anne Rice
But how sentimental, how mortal that sounded, how positively foolish. Yet it wasn't foolish.
"I don't mean to judge you, " she said. She folded her arms and leaned against the window. "I simply don't understand. Why did you write to us? Why did you send us all the gifts? Why didn't you take this white fire from the moon and go where you wanted with it? "
"But where should I want to go? " I said. "Away from all those I'd known and loved? I did not want to stop thinking of you, of Nicki, even of my father and my brothers. I did what I wanted, " I said.
"Then conscience played no role in it? "
"If you follow your conscience, you do what you want, " I said. "But it was simpler than that. I wanted you to have the wealth I gave you. I wanted you . . . to be happy. " She reflected for a long time.
"Would you have had me forget you? " I demanded. It sounded spiteful, angry. She didn't answer immediately.
"No, of course not, " she said. "And had it been the other way around, I would never have forgotten you either. I'm sure of it. But the rest of them? I don't give a damn about them. I shall never exchange words with them again. I shall never lay eyes on them. " I nodded. But I hated what she was saying. She frightened me.
"I cannot overcome this notion that I've died, " she said. "That I am utterly cut off from all living creatures. I can taste, I can see, I can feel. I can drink blood. But I am like something that cannot be seen, cannot affect things. "
"It's not so, " I said. "And how long do you think it will sustain you, feeling and seeing and touching and tasting, if there is no love? No one with you? " The same uncomprehending expression.
"Oh, why do I bother to tell you this? " I said. "I am with you.
We're together. You don't know what it was like when I was alone. You can't imagine it. "
"I trouble you and I don't mean to, " she said. "Tell them what you will. Maybe you can somehow make up a palatable story. I don't know. If you want me to go with you, I'll go. I'll do what you ask of me. But I have one more question for you. " She dropped her voice. "Surely you don't mean to share this power with them! "
"No, never. " I shook my head as if to say the thought was incredible. I was looking at the jewels, thinking of all the gifts I'd sent, thinking of the dollhouse. I had sent them a dollhouse. I thought of Renaud's players safely across the Channel.
"Not even with Nicolas? "
"No, God, no! " I looked at her. She nodded slightly as if she approved of this answer. And she pushed at her hair again in a distracted way.
"Why not with Nicolas? " she asked. I wanted this to stop.
"Because he's young, " I said, "and he has life before him. He's not on the brink of death. " Now I was more than uneasy. I was miserable. "In time, he'll forget about us. . . " I wanted to say "about our conversation. "
"He could die tomorrow, " she said. "A carriage could crush him in the streets. . . "
"Do you want me to do it! " I glared at her.
"No, I don't want you to do it. But who am I to tell you what to do?
I am trying to understand you. " Her long heavy hair had slipped over her shoulders again, and exasperated, she took hold of it in both hands. Then suddenly she made a low hissing sound, and her body went rigid. She was holding her long tresses and staring at them.
"My God, " she whispered. And then in a spasm, she let go of her hair and screamed. The sound paralyzed me. It sent a flash of white pain through my head. I had never heard her scream. And she screamed again as if she were on fire. She had fallen back against the window and she was screaming louder as she looked at her hair. She went to touch it and then pulled her fingers back from it as if it were blazing. And she struggled against the window, screaming and twisting from side to side, as if she were trying to get away from her own hair.
"Stop it! " I shouted. I grabbed hold of her shoulders and shook her. She was gasping. I realized instantly what it was. Her hair had grown back! It had grown back as she slept until it was as long as it had been before. And it was thicker even, more lustrous. That is what was wrong with the way she looked, what I had noticed and not noticed! And what she herself had just seen.
"Stop it, stop it now! " I shouted louder, her body shaking so violently I could hardly keep her in my arms. "It's grown back, that's all! " I insisted. "It's natural to you, don't you see? It's nothing! " She was choking, trying to calm herself, touching it and then screaming as if her fingertips were blistered. She tried to get away from me, and then ripped at her hair in pure terror. I shook her hard this time.
"Gabrielle! " I said. "Do you understand me? It's grown back, and it will every time you cut it! There's no horror in it, for the love of hell, stop! " I thought if she didn't stop, I'd start to rave myself. I was trembling as badly as she was. She stopped screaming and she was giving little gasps. I'd never seen her like this, not in all the years and years in Auvergne. She let me guide her towards the bench by the hearth, where I made her sit down. She put her hands to her temples and tried to catch her breath, her body rocking back and forth slowly.
I looked about for a scissor. I had none. The little gold scissor had fallen on the floor of the crypt below. I took out my knife. She was sobbing softly in her hands.
"Do you want me to cut it off again? " I asked. She didn't answer.
"Gabrielle, listen to me. " I took her hands from her face, "I'll cut it again if you like. Each night, cut it, and burn it. That's all. " She stared at me in such perfect stillness suddenly that I didn't know what to do. Her face was smeared with blood from her tears, and there was blood on her linen. Blood all over her linen.
"Shall I cut it? " I asked her again. She looked exactly as if someone had hit her and made her bleed. Her eyes were wide and wondering, the blood tears seeping out of them down her smooth cheeks. And as I watched, the flow stopped and the tears darkened and dried to a crust on her white skin. I wiped her face carefully with my lace handkerchief. I went to the clothing I kept in the tower, the garments made for me in Paris that I'd brought back and kept here now. I took off her coat. She made no move to help me or stop me and I unhooked the linen shirt that she wore. I saw her breasts and they were perfectly white except for the palest pink tint to the small nipples. Trying not to look at them, I put the fresh shirt on her and buttoned it quickly. Then I brushed her hair, brushed it and brushed it, and not wanting to hack at it with the knife, I braided it for her in one long plait, and I put her coat back on her. I could feel her composure and her strength coming back. She didn't seem ashamed of what had happened. And I didn't want her to be. She was merely considering things. But she didn't speak. She didn't move. I started talking to her.
"When I was little, you used to tell me about all the places you'd been. You showed me pictures of Naples and Venice, remember? Those old books? And you had things, little keepsakes from London and St. Petersburg, all the places you'd seen. " She didn't answer.
"I want us to go to all those places. I want to see them now. I want to see them and live in them. I want to go farther even, places I never dreamed of seeing when I was alive. " Something changed in her face.
"Did you know it would grow back? " she asked in a whisper.
"No. I mean yes, I mean, I didn't think. I should have known it would do that. " For a long time she stared at me again in the same still, listless fashion.
"Does nothing about it all . . . ever . . . frighten you? " she asked. Her voice was guttural and unfamiliar. "Does nothing . . . ever . . .
stop you? " she asked. Her mouth was open and perfect and looked like a human mouth.
"I don't know, " I whispered helplessly. "I don't see the point, " I said. But I felt confused now. Again I told her to cut it each night and to bum it. Simple.
"Yes, bum it, " she sighed. "Otherwise it should fill all the rooms of the tower in time, shouldn't it? It would be like Rapunzel's hair in the fairy tale. It would be like the gold that the miller's daughter had to spin from straw in the fairy tale of the mean dwarf, Rumpelstiltskin.
"
"We write our own fairy tales, my love, " I said. "The lesson in this is that nothing can destroy what you are now. Every wound will heal. You are a goddess. "
"And the goddess thirsts, " she said. Hours later, as we walked arm in arm like two students through the boulevard crowds, it was already forgotten. Our faces were ruddy, our skin warm. But I did not leave her to go to my lawyer. And she did not seek the quiet open country as she had wanted to do. We stayed close to each other, the faintest shimmer of the presence now and then making us turn our heads.
5
By the hour of three, when we reached the livery stables, we knew we were being stalked by the presence. For half an hour, forty-five minutes at a time, we wouldn't hear it. Then the dull hum would come again. It was maddening me. And though we tried hard to hear some intelligible thoughts from it, all we could discern was malice, and an occasional tumult like the spectacle of dry leaves disintegrated in the roar of the blaze. She was glad that we were riding home. It wasn't that the thing annoyed her. It was only what she had said earlier-she wanted the emptiness of the country, the quiet. When the open land broke before us, we were going so fast that the wind was the only sound, and I think I heard her laughing but I wasn't sure. She loved the feel of the wind as I did, she loved the new brilliance of the stars over the darkened hills. But I wondered if there had been moments tonight when she had wept inwardly and I had not known. There had been times when she was obscure and silent, and her eyes quivered as if they were crying, but there were absolutely no tears. I was deep into thoughts of that, I think, when we neared a dense wood that grew along the banks of a shallow stream, and quite suddenly the mare reared and lurched to the side. I was almost thrown, it was so unexpected. Gabrielle held on tight to my right arm. Every night I rode into this little glade, crashing over the narrow wooden bridge above the water. I loved the sound of the horse's hooves on the wood and the climb up the sloping bank. And my mare knew the path. But now, she would have none of it. Shying, threatening to rear again, she turned of her own accord and galloped back towards Paris until, with all the power of my will, I commanded her, reining her in. Gabrielle was staring back at the thick copse, the great mass of dark, swaying branches that concealed the stream. And there came over the thin howling of the wind and that soft volume of rustling leaves, the definite pulse of the presence in the trees. We heard it at the same moment, surely, because I tightened my arm around Gabrielle as she nodded, gripping my hand.
"It's stronger! " she said to me quickly. "And it is not one alone. "
"Yes, " I said, enraged, "and it stands between me and my lair! " I drew my sword, bracing Gabrielle in my left arm.
"You're not riding into it, " she cried out.
"The hell I'm not! " I said, trying to steady the horse. "We don't have two hours before sunrise. Draw your sword! " She tried to turn to speak to me, but I was already driving the horse forward. And she drew her sword as I'd told her to do, her little hand knotted around it as firmly as that of a man. Of course, the thing would flee as soon as we reached the copse, I was sure of that. I mean the damned thing had never done anything but turn tail and run. And I was furious that it had frightened my mount, and that it was frightening Gabrielle. With a sharp kick, and the full force of my mental persuasion, I sent the horse racing straight ahead to the bridge. I locked my hand to the weapon. I bent low with Gabrielle beneath me. I was breathing rage as if I were a dragon, and when the mare's hooves hit the hollow wood over the water, I saw them, the demons, for the first time! White faces and white arms above us, glimpsed for no more than a second, and out of their mouths the most horrid shrieking as they shook the branches sending down on us a shower of leaves.
"Damn you, you pack of harpies! " I shouted as we reached the sloping bank on the other side, but Gabrielle had let out a scream. Something had landed on the horse behind me, and the horse was slipping in the damp earth, and the thing had hold of my shoulder and the arm with which I tried to swing the sword. Whipping the sword over Gabrielle's head and down past my left arm, I chopped at the creature furiously, and saw it fly off, a white blur in the darkness, while another one sprang at us with hands like claws. Gabrielle's blade sliced right through its outstretched arm. I saw the arm go up into the air, the blood spurting as if from a fountain. The screams became a searing wail. I wanted to slash every one of them to pieces. I turned the horse back too sharply so that it reared and almost fell. But Gabrielle had hold of the horse's mane and she drove it again towards the open road. As we raced for the tower, we could hear them screaming as they came on. And when the mare gave out, we abandoned her and ran, hand in hand, towards the gates. I knew we had to get through the secret passage to the inner chamber before they climbed the outside wall. They must not see us take the stone out of place. And locking the gates and doors behind me as fast as I could, I carried Gabrielle up the stairs. By the time we reached the secret room and pushed the stone into place again, I heard their howling and shrieking below and their first scraping against the walls. I snatched up an armful of firewood and threw it beneath the window.
"Hurry, the kindling, " I said. But there were half a dozen white faces already at the bars. Their shrieks echoed monstrously in the little cell. For one moment I could only stare at them as I backed away. They clung to the iron grating like so many bats, but they weren't bats.
They were vampires, and vampires as we were vampires, in human form. Dark eyes peered at us from under mops of filthy hair, howls growing louder and fiercer, the fingers that clung to the grating caked with filth. Such clothing as I could see was no more than colorless rags. And the stench coming from them was the graveyard stench. Gabrielle pitched the kindling at the wall, and she jumped away as they reached to catch hold of her. They bared their fangs. They screeched. Hands struggled to pick up the firewood and throw it back at us. All together they pulled at the grating as if they might free it from the stone.
"Get the tinderbox, " I shouted. I grabbed up one of the stouter pieces of wood and thrust it right at the closest face, easily flinging the creature out and off the wall. Weak things. I heard its scream as it fell, but the others had clamped their hands on the wood and they struggled with me now as I dislodged another dirty little demon. But by this time Gabrielle had lighted the kindling. The flames shot upwards. The howling stopped in a frenzy of ordinary speech:
"It's fire, get back, get down, get out of the way, you idiots! Down, down. The bars are hot! Move away quickly! " Perfectly regular French! In fact an ever increasing flood of pretty vernacular curse words. I burst out laughing, stomping my foot and pointing to them, as I looked at Gabrielle.
"A curse on you, blasphemer! " one of them screamed. Then the fire licked at his hands and he howled, falling backwards.
"A curse on the profaners, the outlaws! " came screams from below. It caught on quickly and became a regular chorus. "A curse on the outlaws who dared to enter the House of God! " But they were scrambling down to the ground. The heavy timbers were catching, and the fire was roaring to the ceiling.
"Go back to the graveyard where you came from, you pack of pranksters! " I said. I would have thrown the fire down on them if I could have gotten near the window. Gabrielle stood still with her eyes narrow, obviously listening. Cries and howls continued from below.
A new anthem of curses upon those who broke the sacred laws, blasphemed, provoked the wrath of God and Satan. They were pulling on the gates and lower windows. They were doing stupid things like throwing rocks at the wall.
"They can't get in, " Gabrielle said in a low monotone, her head still cocked attentively. "They can't break the gate. " I wasn't so certain. The gate was rusted, very old. Nothing to do but wait. I collapsed on the floor, leaning against the side of the sarcophagus, my arms around my chest and my back bent. I wasn't even laughing anymore. She too sat down against the wall with her legs sprawled out before her. Her chest heaved a little, and her hair was coming loose from the braid. It was a cobra's hood around her face
, loose strands clinging to her white cheeks. Soot clung to her garments. The heat of the fire was crushing. The airless room shimmered with vapors and the flames rose to shut out the night. But we could breathe the little air there was. We suffered nothing except the fear and the exhaustion. And gradually I realized she was right about the gate. They hadn't managed to break it down. I could hear them drawing away.
"May the wrath of God punish the profane! " There was some faint commotion near the stables. I saw in my mind my poor half-witted mortal stable boy dragged in terror from his hiding place, and my rage was redoubled. They were sending me images of it from their thoughts, the murder of that poor boy. Damn them.
"Be still, " Gabrielle said. "It's too late. " Her eyes widened and then grew small again as she listened. He was dead, the poor miserable creature. I felt the death just as if I had seen a small dark bird suddenly rising from the stables. And she sat forward as though seeing it too, and then settled back as if she had lost consciousness, though she had not. She murmured and it sounded like "red velvet, " but it was under her breath and I didn't catch the words.
"I'll punish you for this, you gang of ruffians! " I said aloud. I sent it out towards them. "You trouble my house. I swear you'll pay for this.
" But my limbs were getting heavier and heavier. The heat of the fire was almost drugging. All the night's strange happenings were taking their toll. In my exhaustion and in the glare of the fire I could not guess the hour. I think I fell to dreaming for an instant, and woke myself with a shiver, unsure of how much time had passed. I looked up and saw the figure of an unearthly young boy, an exquisite young boy, pacing the floor of the chamber. Of course it was only Gabrielle.
6
She gave the impression of almost rampant strength as she walked back and forth. Yet all of it was contained in an unbroken grace. She kicked at the timbers and watched the blackened ruin of the fire flare for a moment before settling into itself again. I could see the sky. An hour perhaps remained.
