by Rachel Burns
Elise was glad that was settled.
“Mr. and Mrs. Davis,” the nurse called them.
Derrick was unsure, but the nurse had clearly called both of them, so he stood up and followed her. “Mrs. Davis, you can change in here. Mr. Davis you can go into this room and wait. The doctor will be right with you.”
Derrick opened the door and went in. This room was worse than the room at the hospital when Patty had been born.
Next door, Elise slipped into the paper gown and then went into the examination room, where her husband and son were waiting.
Derrick looked her over. The paper thing she was wearing was loud. “This room isn’t really for us. Patty and I should have stayed in the waiting room.”
The doctor came in and told Elise to lie down.
Elise blushed and wished that Derrick wasn’t here. Elise was grateful he was holding Patrick and walking back and forth with him to keep him quiet, but he could have done that in the waiting room too. It hurt her that he never held him when they were alone. Patrick was her problem then.
Derrick had such a knack with Patrick. She often had a feeling that Derrick wanted to play with Patrick and spend time with him, but then he remembered who Patrick’s mother was and held him at arms-length.
She hadn’t only ruined her and Derrick’s life, but also Patrick’s. He would always have to ask himself why his father didn’t like him.
Would Patrick believe her when she told him it was her fault and not Patty’s?
“Everything is fine. You healed up nicely. I’d like to see you again in four months. Otherwise, you can consider yourself healthy. As soon as you feel ready, you can resume marital relations. Just keep in mind that it’s too soon for another pregnancy. Birth control is important, so your body can continue to recover and rebuild strength.” The doctor went on talking about the risk another pregnancy could bring with it at this stage of recovery, but Elise wasn’t listening. She looked at Derrick and saw that he was actually looking at her for once.
Elise was the first to look away. She couldn’t continue to hold his stare.
Elise decided she would tell him she didn’t expect him to want to sleep with her. She knew he hated her, and he didn’t have to be near her.
She would continue to sleep on the sofa.
Derrick was thinking about what the doctor said too. He was looking forward to this evening. Sex was precisely what he needed to blow off some steam.
This whole situation had been a lot for him to take. He felt he’d taken the news well. He was handling everything nicely, better than what anyone could expect of him in the situation.
Elise was putting Patrick into his car seat. Her tiny ass was sticking out of the car door. He watched it move around and admired it. Maybe he should take her from behind this evening.
It was getting difficult for him to think about anything other than this evening. His head was full of sexual fantasies. He hadn’t slept with anyone since he last slept with Elise.
That had been an amazing night. They were compatible in bed.
Elise got into the car and sat down.
Derrick closed Patrick’s door, walked around his car and got in himself. He was starting to get used to the idea that this was his family. He was married, and he had a child. That wasn’t so bad.
He started the car and pulled into traffic.
Elise was once again at war with herself. She was scolding herself to open her mouth and say what she had to. That was something she needed to learn how to do. She could imagine what was going through his head. He needed to be put at ease.
“About what the doctor said; you don’t have to worry about that. We don’t need to sleep together.”
Elise watched his shoulders slump.
Derrick left his eyes on the road. “Typical. It would have been the one thing I would have been getting out of this forced marriage. Now I don’t even have that. I’m asking you very clearly; what do you think is in this marriage for me?” Derrick hit the steering wheel. “It’s all about you. I married you after you lied to me and tricked me, so you could have a good reputation. The money I was saving all goes to your kid, and now you tell me we don’t need to have sex. I’m just here to provide you and your kid with a last name and pay for everything. That’s just fantastic.”
“Derrick, I – I meant that you didn’t have to if you didn’t want to.”
“What man doesn’t want to?”
“I didn’t mean to pick a fight.”
“Then you shouldn’t have lied about who you were when I caught you playing dress up in your sister’s office. You had hours to come clean and didn’t. You’re the cruelest bitch I’ve ever met. And I thought you were the nice one.”
Elise looked away from him to hide her tears. She was so incredibly sorry for all the pain she caused, but once again, she couldn’t get her mouth to open and say what she truly felt in her heart.
Elise hated herself. She was the worst person on Earth, her husband even thought so.
She was surprised when he stopped and got out of the car. They were parked in front of a grocery store that had a section built up for selling Christmas trees.
Derrick opened her car door. “Are you coming or not?”
Elise unbuckled her seatbelt while he got a cart.
She unfastened Patrick’s car seat and set it in the shopping cart. She’d wiped the tears away from her eyes.
Derrick pushed the cart into the store without saying a word to his wife. He went to a section that had tree lights and decorations. He may not have wanted to be a father, but he wasn’t going to let his son go without a tree on his first Christmas. Besides, this is what families did. They may not be a real family, but they would pretend to be for the outside world.
He picked our a couple strings of lights and laid them in the cart. Normally, the husband would have asked his wife if she were okay with his choices, but they didn’t have a normal marriage.
Derrick was thinking it would probably be better for Patrick if they divorced, and Derrick could have him alone every other weekend. This marriage wasn’t healthy.
He picked up a package of cheap colorful plastic bulbs and laid them in the cart too. Then he chose a star for the top of the tree.
Those were important.
Back home his father was in charge of putting the star on the tree. Usually, he chose a child and lifted them up, so they could do it while the whole family watched. It was a special memory.
They would never have that comfortable feeling of family.
He looked at Elise who had been shadowing him since they walked in here. She nodded at his choice.
He put it in the cart. Then he picked out a stand for the tree. He’d chosen cheap things. These things wouldn’t become precious heirlooms, but they would do for now.
Who knew if they would even be together next year? Who knew how long he could take this sort of life?
He went to the checkout and paid for their things. That was something he was good at doing, opening his wallet and forking over his hard earned money for things he really didn’t care about. Silently, they went through the checkout.
Both were looking at the other families.
The woman in line behind them was trying to decide which color the bulbs should be. She was torn between a dark red and green. “I think you should put the green back and get red. We won’t be able to pick out the green bulbs at night because the tree is green too.”
“Should I run back and switch them?” her husband asked her.
“Could you?” she asked sweetly.
He took off running.
Elise felt a jealous pang in her heart. Derrick was being nice getting these things. She hadn’t thought he would.
The lady at the checkout cooed at Patrick and told them how cute she thought he was. Elise smiled at her and thanked her.
Derrick looked over his shoulder, hoping this would go faster. This was one of his rare days off, and he certainly wasn’t doing anything to regain str
ength to go back to work.
His life felt like it was over with. There was nothing exciting or adventurous waiting for him around the next corner.
He picked out a tree and asked Elise if she liked it. She nodded immediately.
Somehow he liked her better when she didn’t talk. That woman talked a lot of crap when she spoke.
Still, she was good at leaving things out too.
Elise felt uncomfortable being at home alone with Derrick, but he had the whole day off. This was going to be a very long weekend. He was sitting at the kitchen table and working on papers. It wasn’t work related. He was doing their personal finances. He’d set up the tree and said she had everything she needed. Then he sat down and went to work.
Because Patrick had fallen asleep in the car, Elise had a chance to decorate the tree. She would have chosen different things. Ashton would scoff at the colorful lights and ornaments.
At her house they had white lights and golden bulbs hung up with ribbons tied into bows. Their tree always looked elegant. It must have been very expensive.
Could her father afford something like that?
In her mind Elise saw Derrick yelling at her as she waited to go into her father’s office. He always yelled at her.
Why had she fallen in love with him?
What was in this marriage for her?
She had to live with a man who hated her. She’d given him reason to. There was no doubt about that. But she would never know love again. Maybe she should go to him tonight and have sex with him, giving him a little something that would make this marriage bearable for him.
That thought scared her. He could be very rough with her. He’d been gentle when he thought she was Ashton.
Ashton was so lucky. She didn’t worry about little things, like money. She goofed up, and Elise had to give up college.
Something was nagging at Elise again. She was picturing Derrick yelling at her for costing her father too much money and then she saw herself standing shoulder on shoulder next to Ashton.
It dawned on her. He hadn’t known that she existed before that moment. He’d been yelling at Ashton that first day and not at her.
She hadn’t been the one costing her father so much money, but Ashton. Ashton never worried about money because there was no reason to.
He’d thought that she was Ashton. It had been a mistake.
Elise had given up college for no reason. Her father wasn’t in dire straits. Elise’s mind was racing.
It had all been for nothing. The ornament Elise was about to hang up fell to the floor and bounced making a loud clatter.
Derrick lifted his head, sighing loudly.
Elise had tears running down her face. She was even dumber than she thought.
If she had only asked her father if it were true, then so much could have gone differently. A quick conversation that would have taken a minute would have changed everything.
She could have gone to college.
She’d ruined her life for nothing.
If only she could go back in time, she would have ignored Derrick and told her father that he’d yelled at her. She never would have seen him every day and pined after him. That would have been so much better than this.
Then she thought of Patrick and scolded herself. She loved him. She had to go through this hurt, so he could be alive.
“Are you almost finished? I’m getting hungry.” Derrick spoke without looking at her.
“Sure, I’ll make you something.” She looked at him and narrowed her eyes. This wasn’t completely her fault. He wasn’t perfect either.
She hung up the last of the bulbs and thought about when she would throw it in his face that he’d had his hand in fate too.
The difference was he hadn’t done it on purpose. Her shoulders slumped again.
She finished the tree and started to cook. She was almost finished when Patrick woke up.
Derrick cleared away his papers and went to Patrick. He picked him up and held him.
Elise flipped Derrick’s meat in the pan and got his plate ready. Her hands were shaking as she hurried. She knew he didn’t like to have to hold Patrick, but she would get in trouble if his meat weren’t cooked through. He was already so mad at her.
“Excuse me.”
Elise looked over her shoulder and saw Derrick standing behind her. She stepped to the side. She was amazed to see him throw away a dirty diaper. Derrick had never changed Patrick’s diaper before.
Derrick saw the surprise in her face. “I’m the oldest of six. I know how to change a diaper.”
She turned back to the stove, thinking that knowing how to change a diaper and actually doing it were two different things.
She set his plate on the table. “I can take him now.” She lifted her hands to take her baby.
Derrick gave her Patrick, and she turned away and went with him into the living room. She sat down and looked at the tree with her back to her husband to feed her baby.
Derrick sat down all alone in front of his plate. He was going to lead a very lonely life. Maybe one day when Patrick was older, he would eat with Derrick, so he wouldn’t have to be alone.
He wasn’t used to being alone at the table. At his house there was always someone sitting with him. When he moved away from home, he always ate in front of the TV, so he didn’t get lonely.
What was the point of having a family if you were all by yourself?
Derrick cleaned up the kitchen when he was finished. He’d watched Elise feeding the baby while he ate. She had her hair up in that ugly bun again today. Did she think it made her look older? He preferred her hair down. Elise hadn’t worn make-up since they had been married either. She had him right where she wanted him. She didn’t have to put any effort into her appearance, therefore she didn’t.
He stared at the back of her neck when he finished in the kitchen. Her left shoulder was uncovered. She was giving Patrick her left breast.
Derrick remembered that breast in his mouth. That had been one amazing night. She may have been a virgin, but they’d been good together.
Elise hadn’t been a taker. She’d given too. Her hands hadn’t pushed him away like they did now. She had run her hands over his body and pulled him closer to her, making him feel wanted and special because he was her first. He’d felt like she’d saved herself for him.
But in reality she was an eighteen-year-old who would have moved on if he hadn’t gotten her pregnant. He should have used a condom.
A couple of condoms would have meant a lot more sex in the long run.
He’d been stupid enough to think that he and Ashton would have been a couple after making love. It had all sounded too good to be true, but it was the song he wanted to hear, so he didn’t notice that the record was skipping in several places.
He’d pictured Ashton and him dating and then getting married.
Reality was a wife who refused to sleep with him or eat at the same table as he did.
Chapter 28– Her Duty
Elise left her eyes on the Christmas tree. She walked around with Patrick and showed him the tree. It actually looked nice. It was colorful, and Patrick seemed to like that.
Elise wanted to take a picture of it. She would once Derrick was gone. Now it was important that she stayed out of his way.
Patrick fell asleep in her arms. Elise laid him in his bed and went into the kitchen. She felt she was doing a good job with the cooking. She decided to make Derrick a dessert.
It was clear that her husband wasn’t happy. He hadn’t wanted her – or Patrick. Now he was stuck with her forever. And she would never be anyone important to him. She would never be interesting like Ashton.
She’d blown it.
Patrick was still sleeping when supper was ready. Elise didn’t have an excuse not to eat with Derrick. She set the table for two and wondered if he would send her away.
She called Derrick to the table and looked at him, wondering if he would even look at her during the meal.
&nbs
p; Elise peeked over at Patrick, but he was still sound asleep. She stood next to the table and looked to see if it was okay for her to stay.
Derrick saw that Patrick was still sleeping, and then he saw two plates on the table.
They both sat down, and Derrick put food on his plate. Derrick left his eyes on his plate. He was still mad at her. The thought of never having sex for the rest of his life was eating at him.
“If it bothers you, I could eat later.”
Derrick’s head shot up. “I want you to stay.”
“Okay.” Elise put a little food on her plate and peeked back at Patrick. He never slept well. She probably wouldn’t be able to stay for the whole meal.
Derrick looked at his wife. He hadn’t been able to look her in the eye without being mad at her since he found out what happened.
He took a moment to gaze at her. She was beautiful. She had wisps of blond hair that had escaped the bun, framing her face. Her eyes were a mix of blue and green. Her cheekbones were nice and high.
He smiled at her and then looked back at his plate. He reminded himself that she didn’t want him to touch her. Their night together hadn’t been as special for her as it was to him.
The pregnancy and childbirth had probably been hard on her. She was young, and she didn’t understand about the consequences of sex. Of course, she didn’t want to sleep with him. The outcome from last time hadn’t been great.
For the first time he saw things from her side. He should feel flattered that she had a crush on him. He hadn’t noticed her beforehand. And she’d thought it was worth it to lie to him, telling him that she was her sister, so she could be with him.
For the first time he remembered her trying to leave and telling him she had to go. He had to persuade her to stay several times, and then she made coffee for him.
That wasn’t something Ashton would have done. That whole evening was filled with things Ashton wouldn’t have done. This was also his fault because he ignored the signs that were all there.
Was there some way he could sweet-talk her into trying sex again? Maybe he could get over the lies, and they could make lemonade out of the lemons they were given.
