by Amy Brent
But I wasn’t. I was at home brushing my teeth and getting ready to meet Melissa. I had been considering whether or not I was going to tell her about Steven and me hooking up. I decided that I should because she had always been such a good sounding board for me. She gave me the best advice, and I knew this was something that I shouldn’t carry around with me without telling someone. I needed to share the burden.
I met Melissa at the mall outside her favorite shop. We wandered through the racks, and she pulled out several pencil skirts, blouses, and blazers and asked me for my opinion. I nodded along with her, not really paying much attention.
“Okay,” Melissa said finally, leaning up against one of the sales racks. “What’s the deal, Allie? You’re acting super weird. Is everything okay?”
“Oh. Yes. Sorry. I’m okay.”
“I’m not convinced at all by that answer,” Melissa said.
I stepped closer to her and lowered my voice. “I fucked Steven.”
“What?” Melissa exclaimed loudly. I shushed her as my cheeks burned. “Oh my God, Allie,” Melissa gushed, “are you serious?”
“Yes, we hooked up. In all honesty, we hooked up like five times, but that’s beside the point.”
“Um, no it’s not. You fucked him five times? How was he?” Melissa asked, giggling sheepishly and covering her mouth.
“You have no idea,” I said, feeling that stirring desire again below my belly at the thought of the sex. “But it’s afterward that things got complicated. I told him to give me my diary back. And at some point in the conversation, I ended up confessing my feelings for him.”
“What exactly does that mean? What feelings are we talking about here?”
“I told him I loved him.”
“Holy shit, Allie. That’s a huge deal! What did he say?” Melissa’s eyes were glittering with curiosity.
“He told me he loved me too.”
“What?” Melissa clapped her hands together and squealed. “This is huge! What does this mean? Are you guys a couple now?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head before she got too excited. “We’re just friends. Like always. Just friends. We’re going to keep hanging out.”
“You’re going to keep fucking him, in other words,” Melissa said with a not so subtle eye roll.
I didn’t bother disagreeing with that statement. I already wanted to fuck him again.
“Does he know about, you know,” Melissa said. “Andrew? Do you think he read that entry?”
“No, he doesn’t know. I’m positive. And I don’t plan on ever letting him find out. If he knew Andrew and I had kept that secret from him for so long, it would destroy him. He doesn’t trust a lot of people as it is. Andrew and I are two of very few.”
Melissa groaned and pressed her hand to her forehead. “Allie, you realize how foolish that sounds when you say it out loud, right? He’s going to find out one day. You should just tell him. Wipe the slate clean. He would understand it better if you could explain it to him properly. If he finds out from someone else, well, that’s bad, Allie. You need to tell him.”
“No, I can’t. I don’t want to hurt him.”
“You’re going to make it worse now that you’re a couple. Sex complicates things. Feelings are involved now. You have to believe me,” Melissa said.
“We’re just friends. Nothing has changed. He doesn’t need to know.”
“If you say so, Allie, But I mean it. You’re making a big mistake.”
Later that evening when I was home alone, I couldn’t get Melissa’s words out of my head. I couldn’t help but wonder if she was right. Maybe Steven did need to know. It had been ten years, after all, and nothing had really happened.
Andrew and I had been young and stupid. I was only sixteen after all. He had been twenty-two. We regretted it right away. Then, when we thought I was pregnant, we thought everyone was going to find out. We thought our lives were over. Andrew was a good guy. He told me then that he wouldn’t leave me, and that he would support me no matter what I decided to do about the pregnancy.
It never got far enough for me to have to make that decision. After two weeks of thinking I was going to be a teen mother, Andrew showed up at my house and took me to the doctor. They did a pregnancy test. He sat and held my hand the whole time. It came back negative.
The doctor gave us the news and left us alone in the room. We had agreed, right then and there, that we would never speak of what had happened again. We both had been idiots. We both had made mistakes. No one needed to know, because nothing had happened. We never had sex again. In fact, we never did anything again. It had all been one, crazy, wild night, where both of us gave in to our desires rather than use our heads.
All of that was so far in the past now. Ten years. It hadn’t affected anything. Andrew and I never had feelings for each other. Even now, when we saw each other, it wasn’t weird. We were friends. There were no hard feelings. We wanted the best for each other.
I knew, though, Steven wouldn’t understand. And I couldn’t bear the thought of being the person who hurt him. He trusted me. He knew I would never do anything to hurt him. But I already had done it. Years ago.
But Melissa had a knack for always being right. Secrets always managed to sneak their way out into the light, no matter how hard a person tries to bury them. How Andrew and I had already managed to keep our secret under lock and key for ten years, I had no idea.
One thing was for certain: eventually, Steven would found out that his brother and I had had sex. He would find out we had been lying for ten years. Then things could only get worse from there.
Honesty was always the best policy. I knew that.
I picked up my phone and called Steven. He answered almost right away.
“Hey, Steven,” I said, a tight knot of nerves forming in my belly. “Are you free tonight?”
“I can be,” he said, a deep chuckle coming through the phone.
“Do you want to come over?”
“When?”
“Anytime. I just got home,” I said, twirling a strand of my hair nervously.
“Should I bring anything?” he asked.
“Just yourself,” I said.
“Alright, I’ll see you in a few.”
When he said a few, I had figured an hour, maybe an hour and a half. Steven was the kind of guy who usually got distracted by something and rolled around whenever it suited him best. However, he arrived only fifteen minutes after getting off the phone with me. I buzzed him up, and he let himself in.
He found me folding laundry in my living room. I had built four neat little piles of clothes and was in the middle of rolling my socks into pairs when he hugged me from behind and kissed my neck.
I giggled and tried to squirm out of his grasp. I needed to talk to him. I wanted to put this whole mess behind us. Then, maybe we would be able to move forward with whatever this whole thing was between us.
“Steven,” I pleaded, wriggling free from his hug. “Stop it.”
“Why?” he asked, following my retreat with pinching fingers and a wicked grin. “You invited me over, don’t play hard to get now.”
“I’m not playing hard to get,” I said, slapping his hand away.
He laughed defiantly and tried to grab my sleeve. I couldn’t help the bubbling laughter that came out of me as I scurried away from him and sought cover in the kitchen. He followed me, the sound of his laugh mingling with mine. He caught up with me and grabbed both my wrists.
“Why are you running from me, Allie cat?”
I bit my bottom lip. Tell him. Like a Band-aid. Nice and quick. “I—”
Steven pressed his thumb against my bottom lip, pulling it free from my pinching teeth. “You what?” He purred.
He was making this way too hard. His bright blue eyes held the promise of a sexy adventure. He was thinking dirty thoughts, and they were leaking over to me. I wanted to take him, right then and there. Telling him about Andrew could wait. Couldn’t it?
“
Nothing,” I whispered, shaking my head. My hair fell over my shoulders.
Steven grazed my cheek with his thumb. He traced my jaw and tilted my face up to his. “You’re sure? Speak now, or forever hold your peace.”
“Forever?”
“Well,” he said, shrugging slightly, “until you can speak again. I plan on making that a little difficult for you in the next couple minutes.”
“Are you taunting me, Steven Marx?”
He threw his head back and laughed. His hair fell over his eyes when he looked back down at me. Fuck, he was so hot. That little voice in my head was screaming Andrew’s name, but my body was already forgetting who he was. Steven’s closeness was too distracting. The smell of him flooded my nose: pine and sandalwood.
“I would never taunt you, Allie, not on purpose at least. I’m just letting you know what’s about to go down.”
“And what’s that?” I asked curiously. “What exactly is about to go down?” I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to hear the words on his lips.
His lips curled upward. He put his finger under my chin and stared into my eyes. “I’m going to eat you up, right here in the middle of the kitchen. I’m going to take you and fuck you over that sink. And I’m not going to stop until you’re screaming my name.”
All thoughts of Andrew disappeared. The itch that I couldn’t scratch grew as I stared into Steven’s eyes. “Yes please,” I whispered, wanting nothing more than what he had just promised me.
“I’m sorry,” Steven said, tilting my head up even more. “I couldn’t hear you. What did you want?”
“I want everything,” I said. “I want you to fuck me. Here. Now. Over the sink. However you want.”
“That’s what I like to hear,” Steven said breathlessly, his fingers leaving my chin. His hand strayed to the back of my neck. He drew me to him and kissed me. That flutter of need consumed me again. I clutched at his shirt, balling it up in my fists and using it to hold me to him. I moaned into his mouth, and he matched my eagerness with a breathless sigh of his own.
Chapter 11
Steven
Allie returned my kiss with more intensity than what I was expecting. She wanted this just as much as I did. I wasn’t going to hold back.
I pulled her sweater over her head. Her hands got caught up in the sleeves. She laughed, and so did I, as we struggled to peel it off her. Once she was free, I cast it aside. She was wearing form-fitting black leggings that were driving me wild. She shimmied them down over her hips and thighs. I watched as she stepped out of them. Then she pressed herself up against me once more.
I undid her bra. It fell between us. She wore nothing but her hot pink thong, which was begging me to get up close and personal with its pink lace.
I lifted Allie and placed her on the kitchen counter. She leaned back on her elbows, and I crouched down, hovering between her thighs. She watched me with wet lips as I pulled her pink panties aside. Her pussy looked so ripe and juicy.
I ran my tongue over her clit. She flinched beneath my touch and sighed. Her head fell back as I continued tasting her. Her hair fanned out on the counter beneath her as her breathing quickened. I sucked her clit and teased her with one finger, never entering her. I liked the way she lifted her hips closer to me—as if her body was begging me to put my finger in her.
I straightened and rained kisses up her stomach. She slid off the counter and went to her knees in front of me. I watched in awe as she undid my belt. She took her time. I suspected she was paying me back for teasing her. When my belt was undone, she slid it out of my belt loops. It hummed against my jeans, and she dropped it on the ground. Then she popped open the button of my fly and undid the zipper.
She tugged my jeans down. All the while she stared up at me. Her eyes looked even bigger from this angle. I stood before her in my boxers. She worked those down my legs too. I was erect between us, and she soaked in the sight of me. She took her time, expressing no sense of urgency, as she took me in her hand and began stroking me.
Then she leaned in close and ran her tongue over the head of my dick. She never looked away from me, even when she opened her mouth and closed her lips around my cock. She pushed me deep into her throat. She sucked me, slowly at first, and then worked her way to a faster rhythm that had me willing her not to stop.
She didn’t. She kept going, her wet mouth feeling way too good. She dragged her tongue up the bottom of my shaft and swirled it around the head. I began to rock my hips slowly. When she started rubbing herself, I lost it.
I pulled her up to her feet. I turned her around and bent her over. She braced herself against the counter as I slid inside her. She moaned and wiggled her hips, showing me her ass. I loved her ass. I always had. I squeezed it, pressing my fingers into the muscle.
Then, without thinking, I slapped it. She yelped in surprise and then giggled with delight as I continued fucking her. I slapped her again, and she let out a breathless whimper. She was so hot. Way too hot.
I squeezed her ass again. I loved fucking her from behind. There was no better view in the world. And I loved putting my hands all over her. The feeling of her ass beneath my palms drove me wild. I bucked against her, and suddenly we were both spiraling. Her breaths became ragged until she was crying out with pleasure. I fucked her all the way through her orgasm until I blew my load in her pussy.
She remained bent over the counter, gasping for breath when we were done. I slapped her ass again, this time a little lighter, and she looked at me over her shoulder as she straightened up.
She bent and gathered her clothes from the floor. Then she handed me my clothes, too. She stood before me, holding her sweater and leggings to her chest. She wouldn’t look me in the eye when she started talking.
“I didn’t invite you over for the sex,” she said. “I wanted to tell you something.”
“Oh?” I said.
She looked at her feet. “I don’t really know how to start. I think maybe it would be best if I show you. I’ll be right back, okay?”
“Sure,” I said, a little hesitant.
I watched her head into her bedroom. She closed the door behind her. I heard her run the water in her bathroom as I got dressed.
She came back into the kitchen a few minutes later. There was a pale pink book in her hand, and it was open. She was staring down at it. I could see she was chewing the inside of her cheek. This was a nervous habit of hers I had become used to ages ago.
She pushed the book into my hands.
“What’s this?” I asked.
“My old diary from high school,” she said.
“I thought you didn’t want me reading this anymore,” I said, still trying to catch her eye.
She wouldn’t look at me. “I know. But there’s something in there you need to know. Something I should have told you a long time ago. I don’t know how to say it, so I thought you should read it. Please keep in mind this was a long, long time ago. And nothing happened from it. It doesn’t change anything.”
“Alright,” I said, not sure I wanted to know what was written on the page anymore.
I looked down at it and mustered the courage to start reading.
Saturday, August 14th
Dear Diary,
I lost my virginity tonight. I hadn’t planned it. It just sort of happened. It was like people say. One thing led to another, and suddenly we were both naked, and he was climbing on top of me. I didn’t stop him. I didn’t want to. I wanted to have sex with him. All of my friends have lost their virginity already. They’ve been talking about it for at least a year. They keep telling me that it will be worth the wait, but I haven’t liked being the only one who hadn’t done it.
I felt like I was excluded. That’s stupid. I know.
But the boy I wanted to lose it to would never choose me, anyway. So, in the end, I decided it didn’t matter who it was. It might as well have been his older brother before it was anyone else.
His parents were away for the weekend. Steven wasn’t hom
e. He was with a girl, probably Allison Kinney. Andrew told me he would drive me home in the morning after we had some drinks. Their parents have a fully stocked liquor cabinet that they never check. We were in his bedroom. It was the middle of the night. No one was in the house.
We moved to the bed. I was wearing a skirt. I pulled it up for him. I was wearing my favorite panties. You know, the black ones with the little jewel on the front? My bra matched, too. I was ready. We were both ready.
He asked me so many times if I was sure. He was so kind. I promised him I was. I wanted to have sex.
He climbed on top of me. He fingered me first. He told me virgins couldn’t jump right into sex. He told me it would hurt. I believed him. I trusted him. He was good with his hands. I remember Melissa telling me this was important in a guy.
When I was wet enough, as Andrew said, he unzipped his pants. His dick was huge. Way bigger than what I had been expecting. He was gentle. He put it in me slowly. It hurt. But not for long. Once he was inside me for a few minutes the pain disappeared. It felt good. He took his time. He made sure I wasn’t in pain.
He finished inside me. I hadn’t wanted that to happen. We both had forgotten about condoms. I’m not on birth control. I should have told him. I can’t believe I didn’t tell him. I shouldn’t have had so many drinks.
