by Amy Brent
He headed up on to the stage, and my mother appeared at my elbow; she leaned in to murmur in my ear, and I knew at once what it was going to be about before she’d so much as opened her mouth.
“Are you not interested in Matt?” She asked softly, and I shook my head.
“He’s not really my type,” I replied quietly, praying that no-one was around who might report that information back to him. He seemed like such a sweet, well-meaning guy; it would have been needlessly cruel to do anything that would have hurt his feelings.
“I’ve got a few other guys on the list if he didn’t do it for you,” she raised her eyebrows at me and I fought the urge to giggle. The way she was speaking sounded like she was asking me to pick from a menu, like she had them all bubbling over in pots in the kitchen just waiting for me to make a decision at last so she could plate up and serve me. I nodded towards the stage, hoping the event would be enough to distract her.
“I think I just want to focus on this for the time being,” I replied. “But thanks, Mom. I’ll…uh, if I ever needed a date to anything, I know who to ask.”
“Fine,” she nodded, a little curtly, but seemed to understand that I wasn’t trying to be an ass – I was just here to support Dad and get out of the house for a while, and she couldn’t exactly get mad at me for that. My stomach was churning again, and I wondered if it was sympathetic nerves for what Dad was about to get up there and do. I knew there was no way in a million years that I could do what he was about to. I would go over on my heels or get drunk and slur or straight-up forget the name of the investor at a crucial moment. But Dad was a pro – he had been doing this kind of stuff for years and, as a result, had earned a confidence that oozed off of him as soon as he stepped up on to the stage. I could feel Mom getting a little fluttery behind me and couldn’t help but smile. It was sweet that she was so clearly so enamoured with him, even after all these years.
He tapped the microphone a couple of times and the room quietened after a moment or two as everyone turned their attention to him. He held his hands up and there was a smattering of applause as everyone waited for the big announcement; I could feel the tension, the interest. He had done well to get everyone so invested. Not least his latest business partner.
“Thank you for coming out tonight,” Dad bowed his head as though humbling himself to every single person in that crowd. “I appreciate you being here more than you could know.”
There was a round of applause, this one louder than before, and Dad smiled and clapped in the direction of the audience and waited for it to die down once more.
“But we are here for a reason tonight,” he went on. “A very good reason. And I think you’ve all waited long enough to see what it is by now, haven’t you?”
Another round of applause. I took a sip of my drink. The sense that something was wrong, that something was off, was starting to mount and grow in a way that I couldn’t find a reason for. I looked around, wondering if one of my high-school exes was here or something, but I couldn’t see one person I really recognized. And yet, that feeling was intensifying.
“I’m very happy to announce,” he went on, speaking slowly as though he knew how desperate everyone was to just find out the truth already. “That we will be joining forces with Helios industries in order to-”
My jaw dropped. The glass all but slipped out of my hand and the churning in my stomach took on a whole new threatening dimension. No. No way. There wasn’t a chance in hell – how could I have not have heard about this? It must have been some kind of mistake, some kind of misunderstanding. There wasn’t a single chance that this had slipped under my radar. It must have been a different Helios-named business because there wasn’t a single chance in hell that my father had just signed a contract with-
And then he came out on to the stage and I felt as though I might slip away completely. I had no idea what to think. An enormous round of applause felt distant and tinny, ringing in my ears as though it was coming from two towns over. It was Nate. No doubt – in that expensive suit, the one he had worn on that date where the two of us had shared that sweet, small kiss, the one that had sent me into this wreck. He looked ever better than usual, face glowing as he beamed in my father’s direction; they shook hands and he turned his attention out to the crowd, lifting his hand to greet everyone. And that’s when he saw me.
I knew at once the moment that he laid eyes on me, because, just like me, he froze on the spot, like someone had rooted him still through the Earth and rendered him motionless. The smile was stuck on his face, his hand frozen in mid-air like he was trying to shove it through cement. This couldn’t be happening. There was no way in the world this was happening. I took another sip of my drink, letting the bubbles settle on my tongue for a moment as though the fizz would be enough to bring me back to reality, but there I was, still standing in that crowded room and staring up at the one man I had never expected to see again.
“I need to get outside,” I mumbled, and turned to head for the door. I wasn’t sure who I was addressing that towards, but I didn’t think it really mattered. All I gave a damn about, all I gave a single shit about, was getting out of here, getting away from him, giving myself some time to think and making sure that I didn’t do or say anything stupid that would give me away. I needed to put space between the two of us, and fast.
I put my drink down and, ignoring the excited chatter of the crowd around me, groped my way to the door. I felt as though I was fighting my way through a tidal wave, the world crashing around me as I tried to straighten it out in my head. I couldn’t do this. This couldn’t be happening. I could still feel his shocked gaze burning into mine, and feelings it had stirred up, like sediment on the bottom of a lake, were still swirling around my system.
I finally got outside, and found the air oddly cool for the time of year. But I didn’t mind. It acted as a cold shower, a shock to the system to remind me that yes, this was really happening and that yes, I was going to have to back in there and pretend that nothing in the world was wrong with me and congratulate my father’s new business partner. I looked around, checked there was no-one there to see me, and pressed my hands to the tops of my thighs and bent over to heave in a long, deep breath. The cold air crackled in my lungs but at least it was something. I closed my eyes and focused on the icy-cold as it shuddered through my body, and for a moment it was almost enough to bring me crashing back down to Earth. But then I heard a voice behind me, and all of it spiraled out of control once more.
Chapter Eleven
“Nia?”
I turned slowly, knowing who was there waiting for me and not quite ready to face him yet. But when I had swiveled all the way round, so I was facing the building once more, there was no denying that it was him.
“Nate,” I breathed. Somehow, he looked even less real close-up. I wasn’t sure how that could possibly work, but he seemed even more distant, even less accessible. I wanted to touch him, to reach out and run my hands across his body just to check that he was real, but I knew I needed to keep my hands to myself and my distance from him in general. If anyone came out and found us with any kind of indication that there was something going on here, there would be hell to pay.
“What the hell are you doing here?” He demanded, frowning at me. I blinked at him. Oh, shit. He didn’t know who I was – or what I was to him. I pressed my lips together. I almost didn’t want to have to tell him the truth but I knew there would be no way around it – he would find out eventually, one way or the other, for better or for worse.
“That guy in there, the one who runs this business?” I explained. “I’m his daughter.”
I swear to God that I had never seen anyone go white before in their life, but at that moment, Nate turned a color that was so near-chalky that I almost laughed out loud. Well, I would have, had it not been for the fact that this entire hideous nightmare was unfolding in front of me in real time and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
“You have to be fucking ki
dding me,” Nate growled, and I rolled my eyes at him.
“You think I wanted this?” I pointed out. “You think I planned this?”
“How could you not have known about this?” He gestured between us. “Why did you never mention what your father did?”
“You never asked,” I shot back. “You were more interested in something else entirely, you remember now?”
“Yeah, I remember,” he grimaced slightly, as though he knew that he was responsible for this but just didn’t want to have to face up to it. I knew how he felt. I knew the sensations that were coursing through his body, the panic and fear and nightmarish worry that he had just fucked up beyond all belief. I wondered if the desire I felt was reflected in him too or if it was hidden away, scrambled up somewhere that he refused to look into. Even now, in this moment, I still felt myself almost irresistibly drawn to him; it was impossible to ignore, even as I did my best to pretend that the attraction had vanished, that I felt nothing for him.
“So what the fuck do we do?” I demanded. My voice was higher-pitched than normal and I sounded like a whining kid; I hated it when I sounded that way, especially since I was now the daughter of Nate’s business partner. I was a kid to him now, more than I had ever been. Jesus, this was all such a fucking mess.
“I don’t know,” he shook his head and glanced around to make sure that there was no-one listening in to the two of us. “I think we just…I guess we just try and put it behind us.”
My stomach dropped. I didn’t want to do that. I wasn’t sure that I could. Now that he was in front of me again, just standing there, I was reminded of the insane pull between the two of us. I wanted him again, here and now if I had to.
“I mean, we can’t let your father know what happened between us,” he shook his head. I thought back to the dirty looks my father had shot the guys who had given me the eye earlier and nodded.
“Yeah, I think he’d kill you,” I laughed mirthlessly, and Nate pressed his lips together and looked to the ground.
“How long have you been staying here?” He asked, returning his gaze to me suddenly; the look on his face caught me off-guard, gentler and sweeter than I had been ready for. I blinked at him for a moment, trying to regain my composure, before I replied.
“A few days,” I finally managed. “I came down here…there just wasn’t a lot left for me, back in the city. That was all.”
He fell silent. He must have known that I was talking about him. Well, he asked, and I wasn’t going to lie to him to spare his feelings. He hadn’t offered me the same decency and I didn’t see what he’d done to earn it from me in the meantime. I felt raw and rubbed-through, like my bones were on display, everything laid out for everything around me to poke and prod at. It wasn’t the best feeling in the world, to say the least.
“Was that…after what happened with us?” He didn’t pull his gaze from mine. I nodded.
“Yeah, it was,” I replied steadily. I could remember it so vividly now, every detail of that night that I had tried so hard to put behind me. The way he had touched me, fucked me, held me – the way he had looked at me and spoken to me. It came flooding back, the emotions so strong that I struggled to contain them. Part of me just wanted to vomit out my feelings on to his feet, to hand over everything that I had been carrying all this time and force him to shoulder some of the burden. But, judging by the look on his face, he already had been. I bit my lip. Was I just reading in to things that weren’t there, same as I had before? I couldn’t tell and I couldn’t trust myself any further. I had made so many mistakes in the last few months, missed so many signs, that I wasn’t sure if I could ever trust myself again.
“I’m sorry,” he shook his head and lowered his gaze to the ground once more. I sucked in a sharp breath. I hadn’t expected that, for some reason. A defence, maybe, a reminder of what we had agreed on, the rules of that game that he had never broken. But an apology? That was almost too much to handle.
“Are you?” I asked, and it wasn’t a challenge as much as an encouragement. I needed to hear this from him. It might be the only chance I had to move on. He nodded, took a deep breath, and continued. It was still just the two of us out there but I knew it wouldn’t be long till people came looking for him – he was, after all, the guest of honour at this thing.
“I shouldn’t have…led you on that way,” he continued, carefully, as though he was making sure that every word that came out of his mouth was the right one. “And I should have seen you, before you left. It wasn’t alright, what I did to you, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since you finished up work at Helios.”
“Because you were guilty?” I pressed, and he shook his head once more.
“No,” he admitted. “Because I missed you.”
I closed my eyes and let the words sink into my brain. They sounded exactly the same as they had when I’d imagined him telling me them a dozen times over in a dozen fantasies that I’d constructed in my head. I had just never imagined that a single one of them would come true. But now, here he was, standing in front of me and telling me that I wasn’t crazy and that all this time he had felt something for me, the same thing that I had felt for him.
“I missed you too,” I murmured, voice so low that I was surprised he could hear me. But his face cleared – that was the only way I could describe it, like a set of storm clouds parting for the first time since we had laid eyes on each other once more. He was so fucking handsome, in that suit, lit by the soft light of the party behind us. My heart was beating fast in my chest and my body was trembling in the cool evening air as I moved towards him, almost on instinct – I didn’t know what I was doing but I knew that I didn’t have it in me stop. He gripped my arms, his fingers digging in to the bare skin like he was reminding himself just how much he wanted me. And then, at last, he leaned down and kissed me.
It wasn’t like the kiss in the taxi, which had felt more like a mistake than anything else – that had been a lapse in judgement, a second where we’d both misplaced the parameters of the relationship we’d started together. This wasn’t that. This was so much more. We were…fuck, this was the start of something entirely new, something that existed completely and utterly independent of everything we had shared till that moment. This was a fresh start, a do-over, his mouth on mine as I slid my arms around his neck and drew him in close. He tasted so good, of an expensive white wine and himself, and he slipped his tongue softly into my mouth and let his hands travel down my body, over my waist, up my shoulders, his fingertips trailing up my back. I hung on to him desperately, as though if I broke my grip even for a moment all of this might slip away for good and I might never get him back this time. The universe had dumped him back into my life this evening for reasons even I didn’t fully understand and the only thing in the damn world that I wanted was to make sure that he didn’t slip through my fingers once more.
He pulled back and slid his hands to each side of my face, looking intently into my eyes.
“Nia,” he murmured again, brushing his nose against my face. “Nia, I missed you so fucking badly…”
“I missed you too,” I repeated it again. “I- I thought you didn’t want to see me again. I thought I’d overstepped the mark, with that kiss after we went out together-”
“You totally did overstep the mark,” he confirmed with a grin. “But that’s what – that’s what made me realize that I wanted you to. I took you out on a damn date, for God’s sake. I needed you to push me.”
“Why didn’t you see me again after that?” I pressed, barely caring but needing to hear it. I had forgotten about the party beyond the doors, forgotten about everything in the known universe but the feel of his hands on my skin. I wanted to take him home. I wanted to get out of this place and hire a car and drive all the way down to his apartment and be done with all of this. I was ready. I would have gone with him that moment, hitched up my skirt and walked out of that party and left it all behind.
“I was so unsettled by it
,” he explained hurriedly. “I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t handle you. And I’m not going to make the same mistake again.”
“You better not,” I smiled, a giddy grin bursting across my face. My heart was thumping in staccato rhythm and in that second I wouldn’t have cared if the door to that party had opened and everyone in the world had seen me in the arms of this man, this man who I had dreamed about every night since I left, this man who I-
“Nia?”
Another voice spoke my name, and this one I recognized too – but instead of relief it sent panic through my system, and I jumped away from Nate so fast it was like someone had sent a shock from his body to mine. Mom was standing there, frowning at us, the chatter and laughter from the party beyond leaking through the door. She was outlined in the dim golden light so I couldn’t see the expression on her face, but I got the feeling it wasn’t exactly approving.
“What are you doing out here?” She demanded, striding towards me. I knew that I had gone bright red. That was my curse, not being able to hide my emotions when I needed to – I glanced over at Nate who had already slotted comfortably back into the cool, calm, casual mood that he seemed to adept at. He stepped forward to mitigate the situation, taking control in that way of his that made my heart flip-flop.
