Something New

by Amanda Abram

  The tips of Jake’s ears turned red at that. “Sounds good to me,” he said with a grin. He slid his arm around Lauren’s back. “Lead the way.”

  I opened my mouth to protest, but Lauren purposely avoided eye contact with me before waving goodbye and whisking Jake away.

  Once we were alone, Chad and I turned to each other with bashful smiles.

  “So,” I said. I rocked back and forth on my heels as I tried to think of something to talk about.

  “So,” he said, looking around the room. “This is your friend’s house, huh?”

  I nodded. “Dylan. Yeah.”

  “I met him earlier. He seems pretty cool.”

  “He is,” I said, a little too enthusiastically. Clearing my throat, I added, “I mean, he’s okay.”

  At the mention of Dylan, my gaze shot over to the couch across the room, where he was now engaged in a full conversation with Claire. Whatever they were talking about must have been funny because Claire was practically doubled over from a case of the giggles. Dylan seemed amused by her reaction and was looking at her the way most people looked at puppies: like he thought she was the cutest thing he’d ever seen.

  My throat constricted as I felt a wave of bile threatening to make its way into my esophagus, and suddenly I was asking myself why I even bothered coming to this party.

  I saw a look of amusement pass over Chad’s features as he leaned closer to me. “If you want to use me to make him jealous, I’m down with that.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “When Lauren invited Jake to this party and asked him to bring a friend for you, she may have mentioned it was because she wanted to get your mind off another guy.” He glanced over his shoulder in the direction of the couch. “I’m just assuming it’s Dylan because of the way you were just looking at him. Plus, he was very cold to me as soon as Lauren introduced me to him as ‘Cassie’s date’.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  Chad ignored me and smirked. “Look, I’m just here as a favor for a friend. I didn’t come here with the intent of finding my future wife or anything, so it doesn’t hurt my feelings that you’re into another guy. But I do want to enjoy this party, that’s why I’m proposing we have a little fun with it.”

  I arched a brow. “A little fun?”

  “Yeah, fun.” He gave me a devious grin. “Your crush is over there flirting with another girl and it’s driving you crazy. So, why don’t you flirt with me and drive him crazy?”

  It would be a great idea if I thought it would have any effect on Dylan whatsoever, but he hadn’t glanced over in our direction even once since we’d entered the room, so why bother?

  “I don’t know,” I sighed. “I’m not into playing games, and I don’t think he would be jealous, anyway.”

  “Oh no?” Chad grabbed my arm and lead me to the other side of the room, so we were directly in Dylan’s line of vision—if he were to ever look away from Claire.

  Pulling me to him, he leaned down and pressed his mouth against my ear. “Pretend I said something funny.”

  “What?”

  “Pretend I said something funny,” he repeated. “Giggle and playfully smack my arm like you’re flirting with me.”

  I hesitated for a moment. In all honesty, it was a great idea. But I was a lousy actress, and I wasn’t sure Dylan would believe I’d be hitting it off with Chad so quickly. Still, I had nothing to lose, and it was either play along or spend the rest of the night engaging in a pointless getting-to-know-you conversation with a boy I’d probably never see again.

  So, I did as I was told. With a giggle, I pulled away and smacked Chad’s arm as instructed.

  “Okay, now what?” I asked through my fake laughter. “Is he looking over here?”

  Chad’s gaze flickered over my shoulder and shook his head. “Not yet. Maybe we should go a little more extreme.”

  I was about to ask what he meant by that when he pulled me close, slid his hands around my lower back and started moving to the music.

  “Oh, I can’t dance,” I admitted. “I’m a lousy dancer.”

  Chad glanced around at others in the room. “It’s not like anyone else here will ever be asked to be on Dancing with the Stars either. Besides, you don’t really need to dance, just move your hips against me. Maybe twerk a little if you can.”

  I snorted. “I can’t twerk.”

  “Why not? Let me see you try.”

  “No!”

  “Oh, come on. I’ll show you my twerk if you show me yours.”

  Without waiting for me to go first, Chad turned on his heel, bent over and began twerking at me. He was so bad at it, and I couldn’t tell if it was intentional or not. Either way, it was hilarious, and I couldn’t stop myself from bursting out laughter.

  “Sorry,” I managed to say through my laughing fit.

  Chad stopped twerking and turned back around to face me, a look of mock hurt on his face. “Hey, I wasn’t twerking for your amusement, you know. I’m trying to be serious here.”

  That only made me laugh harder. Clutching at my stomach, I glanced over in Dylan’s direction to see if he was witnessing any of this, but he wasn’t. In fact, he and Claire seemed to be lost in their own little world. Laughing at their own little jokes as Claire’s knee pushed up against Dylan’s and he leaned into her, whispering something into her ear.

  My laughter abruptly stopped as a sudden realization washed over me: Dylan and I were never going to happen. He may have wanted me a few days ago, but now he wanted Claire. He didn’t even care I was at his party with another guy. He wasn’t jealous. He was indifferent.

  Swallowing a lump that was beginning to form in my throat, I turned back to Chad. “Um, I’m going to go use the bathroom.”

  Chad’s gaze passed from me, over to Dylan, and then back to me. Judging from the look of sympathy on his face, he knew I didn’t need to use the bathroom. I just didn’t want to be in the living room anymore.

  “I’m gonna go find Jake and Lauren,” he said.

  I nodded. “I’ll meet up with you guys in a minute.”

  I tried to smile at him, but the corners of my mouth kept pulling downward. Without looking back at the couch, I turned and began pushing my way through the crowd as quickly as I could.

  I had no idea where I was going, I just knew I wanted to be alone for a few minutes to collect my thoughts. I wasn’t super familiar with the layout of Dylan’s house—I’d only ever been in his living room, kitchen, bathroom and bedroom—and I had no idea what rooms might be occupied by random couples hooking up. The downstairs bathroom was out of the question, since there was a formed line of people waiting to use it, and I figured the bedrooms upstairs would be taken. I was considering just going outside and sitting in my car when a door at the end of a short hallway off the kitchen grabbed my attention. I had no idea where it led to, but I was going to find out.

  Pushing past a couple of kids hanging out in the hallway, I stopped at the door and raised my hand, giving it a knock. Pressing my ear up against it, I listened to hear if anyone responded. When nobody did, I turned the knob and slowly opened it, letting myself in.

  The room was pitch black. After shutting the door behind me, I blindly ran my hand along the wall next to it, searching for the light switch. When I finally found it, I flipped it on and a light bulb hanging down from the ceiling lit up, providing me with only a small amount of light. Which was fine. I didn’t need much.

  I glanced at my surroundings and saw I had stumbled into what looked like a small laundry room. There was a washer, dryer and folding table on one wall, a couple of shelves on the opposite wall, and at the end of the room was a window with the shade pulled down. I was surprised nobody had snagged this room yet for a make out session, but I was glad nobody had.

  With a shaky sigh, I leaned against the wall and lowered my head into my hands, letting out a sob.

  Get yourself together, Cassie, I scolded myself. Even if Dylan still wante
d to be with you, you know you guys can’t be together. So, why don’t you just go back out there and get to know Chad instead? He seems nice. He seems fun. Or, here’s another idea: don’t worry about boys at all right now and just enjoy being single.

  It was all good advice, but I didn’t know how to take it. I didn’t know how to just magically get over Dylan and get to know some other guy. I didn’t know how to turn off feelings and just enjoy the single life.

  “Are you okay?”

  I jumped at the sudden sound of a voice speaking to me from the doorway. Quickly wiping at my eyes, I turned my head to see that the voice belonged to Dylan.

  With a sniffle, I pushed off the wall and ran a hand through my hair. “Yeah,” I said casually. “I’m fine.”

  Dylan stepped into the room and shut the door behind him. “You don’t seem fine. I noticed you took off suddenly. You looked upset.” He paused, his brow furrowing and his jaw jutting forward slightly. “Did Chad do something?”

  “No, Chad is a perfect gentleman.” Crossing my arms over my chest, I added, “I’m actually surprised you noticed me leave, though.”

  He narrowed his eyes. “Why is that?”

  “Well, because you’ve been so busy with Claire tonight, you haven’t been paying a whole lot of attention to anything else.”

  It might have just been my imagination, but he looked almost guilty at that. “I haven’t spent that much time with her.”

  “You know, you’re the party host,” I said. “You shouldn’t be spending the entire party with just one guest. It’s kind of rude.”

  He stared at me, slack-jawed. “What are you—”

  “You have other friends. Claire’s not the only person in your life who wants to hang out with you, you know.” I clamped my mouth shut as I realized what I was doing. How I was sounding.

  Dylan must have realized it as well because he sighed heavily and raked a hand through his hair. “You’re doing it again, Cass.”

  I blinked at him in confusion. “Doing what?”

  “You’re acting like—” He stared at the wall beside him. “You’re acting like you’re jealous.”

  My first instinct was to just scoff and deny it. But when I opened my mouth, denial was not what came out.

  It was the truth.

  “I am jealous.”

  I wanted nothing more than to take those words back as soon as they were out, but it was too late.

  Dylan inhaled sharply as his mouth formed a thin line. “Cass, what do you want from me?”

  I frowned. “Huh?”

  “I said, what do you want from me?” He stared up at the ceiling. “I’m doing my part. I’m doing what I need to do, and I can’t have you messing it up.”

  “Dylan, I don’t understand—”

  “Of course, you don’t. You’re the most oblivious person I’ve ever met. Can’t you see? Don’t you know what’s going on here? I want you, but I can’t have you, and I’m doing whatever I need to do to accept that. If that means spending my entire party with Claire so that I stop thinking about you for one second, then that’s what I need to do. I can’t have you telling me that you’re jealous of that, because it just makes everything worse.” He stopped, his shoulders slumping, his eyes pleading. “Cass, I’m trying to get over you. Just let me get over you, okay?”

  My heart sank in my chest at his words. That wasn’t what I wanted to hear. None of it. I didn’t want Dylan to get over me. I wanted him to still want me. Like I wanted him.

  “I can’t do that,” I said bluntly without even thinking.

  He took a step forward, closer to me. “Why not?” he demanded. The expression on his face was pained. Conflicted. It matched the way I felt.

  I took my own step forward so there was only a couple of inches separating us. I stared straight ahead at his chest because I was too afraid to look him in the eyes as I whispered, “Because I want you, too.”

  It felt so good to say it. To get it off my chest. I had tried convincing myself this whole time that this was just a silly crush, but I was just fooling myself. I could easily get over a crush. I could easily let a crush go. This was no crush.

  “Cass,” he breathed. He looked and sounded defeated. Broken. “Elijah’s my best friend.”

  “I know,” I said, swallowing hard.

  “We can’t do this.”

  “I know.”

  He was right. This was wrong. It didn’t matter how much Dylan and I may have wanted each other; we couldn’t have each other.

  But in that moment, in the poorly lit laundry room with the muffled beat of the dance music perfectly matching the rhythm of my heart pounding against my rib cage, I didn’t care what was right or wrong.

  I just wanted to kiss him.

  So, that’s what I did. With no warning, I grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him down to me, crashing my lips against his with no hesitation. No apologies. It wasn’t chaste, it wasn’t gentle. It was urgent; fueled by the need to be as close to him as possible. To surrender to feelings that I no longer cared to ignore or deny.

  But I couldn’t allow myself to surrender. I had to end it. I knew if I didn’t, I would keep kissing him for the rest of the night, until long after the party was over and everyone else had gone home. If I didn’t stop it now, I wasn’t sure what that kiss would lead to. How much trouble we would both be in.

  I let go of his shirt and placed my palms against his chest with the intent of pushing him away, but instead, I found my hands unintentionally grazing upward to his shoulders, wrapping around his neck, and then finally resting at the back of his head as my fingers tangled in his hair.

  Dylan didn’t miss a beat as his lips molded to mine and he kissed me back—hard, demanding, deep—matching my urgency with his own. We both knew what this kiss was: a goodbye kiss. One for the road. A taste of what could have been but would never be.

  And we were going to make the best of it.

  Lowering his hands to my hips, Dylan gripped them tightly as he slowly began to back me up until I was pinned against the wall behind me.

  Now would be a good time to put a stop to this, my brain advised. But instead, I moaned into the kiss as his hands moved even further down and then lifted me off the floor. Wrapping myself tightly around him, I knew this was dangerous territory I was exploring. Elijah and I had never kissed like this. Not once in ten months. I never even knew I wanted to kiss like this until right now, with Dylan. It was hot. It was mind-numbing. It was scary.

  Scary because I knew this kiss was going to lead to nothing but heartbreak. Just like Lauren had warned.

  He must have felt it too, because suddenly, it was over. The warmth of his lips disappeared from mine and I was left with an empty ache inside my chest.

  Resting his forehead against mine, he slowly lowered me back down until my feet were planted firmly on the floor.

  “Cass,” he sighed, his eyes fluttering open and locking onto mine, “I—”

  He didn’t get the chance to finish before the laundry room door suddenly flew open and somebody stepped inside.

  Dylan let go of me and moved back as far away as he possible could as he turned to see who had interrupted us.

  His friend Nick was standing in the doorway, glancing curiously between the two of us.

  There was an awkward, split-second moment where I could tell both Dylan and I were panicking; worrying that Nick had noticed how close we were when he opened the door. How Dylan had been holding me. But if he suspected anything, he was doing a great job hiding it. I saw no indication it was even a thought in his head.

  “There you are,” he said, turning to Dylan. His speech was slightly slurred, like he’d had a few too many beers. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you. We have a bit of a situation.”

  Dylan cleared his throat and raked a hand through his hair. “What kind of a situation?”

  “Uh, somebody might have broken something.”

  Dylan groaned. “Great, just great.” He waved Nic
k away. “I’ll be out in a second.”

  With a nod, Nick turned and walked back out of the room, but not before giving me a wave and saying, “Hey, Cassie.”

  “Hey, Nick,” I replied weakly as he shut the door behind him. He probably didn’t even hear me.

  My heart was still beating a mile a minute inside my chest, and it did nothing but accelerate even more when Dylan returned his gaze to me.

  “You don’t think he’s suspicious of anything, do you?” I asked him.

  Dylan frowned and shook his head. “I doubt it. Besides, he’ll be lucky if he remembers anything from tonight anyway.”

  We exchanged small smiles that lasted only a second before they fell from our faces.

  “Cass, what are we going to do?”

  It was a question I didn’t have an answer to. Obviously, after the kiss we had just shared, we couldn’t keep ignoring what was going on between us. We were too far gone now, and we both knew it.

  “I don’t know,” I said finally. I felt so deflated. So tired. Wasn’t falling in love supposed to be a wonderful, happy thing? Why was I so miserable?

  “We need to talk about it this time,” he said firmly.

  “We do,” I agreed. “But not right now. Not tonight.” I motioned toward the door. “This is your party. You need to be out there watching over everything. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

  Looking skeptical, he cocked an eyebrow. “You promise?”

  I nodded. “I promise. Why don’t I stop by around noon? We can talk while I help you clean up.”

  A look of appreciation washed over his face as he took a step closer to me. Reaching out, he gently tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. I shivered when the skin of his hand grazed my cheek.

  “It’s a date.” He smiled softly and I almost melted into a puddle at his feet. “Goodnight, Cass.”

  I thought for a moment that he was going to lean in and give me another kiss—even if just a light peck on the forehead—but he didn’t. Instead, he turned and left the room without another word.

  “Goodnight,” I whispered back, even though he was already gone.