by Amanda Abram
“Sure thing, honey.” He moved to leave but then stopped; his brow furrowed slightly. “Oh yeah, I almost forgot why I came in here to begin with. Cassie, why didn’t you tell us about Dylan?”
I blinked up at him in confusion. “What about Dylan? That we broke up? Dad, I told you guys about that last week.”
“No, not that. I’m talking about the fact that he’s leaving.”
My breath hitched in my throat. “Leaving? What are you talking about? Leaving where?”
“Leaving the state,” he said matter-of-factly. But then he must have noticed I really didn’t know what he was talking about and an uneasy look came over his face. Clearing his throat, he continued. “I just ran into his father at the grocery store. He said Dylan was leaving for Seattle with him tomorrow. He said they’re both moving out there.”
I could feel all the blood drain from my face as I stopped breathing altogether. Dad must have misheard Mr. Meyers, right? There was no way Dylan was moving to Seattle with him. No way. The last time we spoke about it, he wasn’t even into the idea of visiting him over spring break. He couldn’t have decided to just up and move with him.
Could he?
“Oh my God,” Lauren whispered behind me.
“You didn’t know?” Dad asked. “Neither of you?”
I couldn’t speak, so Lauren answered for me. “No. We didn’t know anything about that.”
“Oh.”
I could feel both Lauren and Dad staring at me, waiting for me to have a reaction—any sort of reaction at all. But all I could do was stand there completely still, completely numb.
“Cassie—” Lauren began.
“I—I have to go,” I said, suddenly snapping out of my daze.
Dad probably had heard Mr. Meyers correctly. And if he had, and Dylan really was leaving for Seattle tomorrow, I had to do something to stop that from happening. And fast.
I had to at least try.
I didn’t have to say anything else. Lauren knew. “Jake and I will drive you to Dylan’s house.”
“No,” I said, rushing around my room to find some shoes to put on. Mom hadn’t yet returned with heels. “I don’t want you guys to be late for the dance. I can borrow Mom and Dad’s car.”
“No,” she said firmly. “I don’t care about the dance right now. I’ll go tell Jake to start the car.”
I didn’t argue with her as she ran out of the room.
“Sweetie,” Dad said, “what’s going on?”
The only footwear I could find in my room was a pair of Ugg boots, which clashed horribly with my dress, but I didn’t care. I quickly threw them on as I answered my dad.
“I can’t let Dylan move away,” I said, my voice breaking. “I have to go talk to him. Right now.”
“But you—” he started to say, pointing at me, but I didn’t let him finish.
“Tell Mom I’ve gone to Dylan’s,” I said before rushing down the stairs.
I grabbed my jacket from the coat closet, threw it on and then bolted out the front door.
Jake and Lauren were waiting for me in the car, and as soon as I was in the back seat buckling up, Lauren told Jake which direction to head in.
“What are we doing?” he asked, pulling out of the driveway. “I feel like a getaway driver or something.”
“I think Cassie is going to make a grand declaration of love to the boy who got away,” Lauren replied. “Or, at least, to the boy who is about to get away.”
Was that what I was doing? Was I rushing over to Dylan’s house to declare my love for him and try to convince him to stay? Or was I going over there to say goodbye to him, possibly forever? I had no idea. I wasn’t prepared for this.
Lauren turned around in her seat. “Don’t worry, Cassie, I’m sure this is not what you think it is. It’s very possible your dad misunderstood the conversation with Mr. Meyers. Maybe Dylan is just joining his dad in Seattle for the next week because we’re on break, and he’ll be flying back next weekend. That has to be it.”
I hoped she was right, but the feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach was telling me she was very wrong and that my dad had understood the conversation just fine. My dad wasn’t a stupid guy, nor was he hard of hearing.
It felt like years before Jake finally pulled up in front of Dylan’s house. To my relief, Dylan’s car was in the driveway, and there were a few lights on inside the house, so there was a very good chance he was there. And if he didn’t open the door for me, I’d climb in through the living room window if I had to.
“We’ll wait for you out here,” Lauren said as I pushed open my door.
“Okay, thanks,” I said, climbing out of the car. I rushed up the driveway to the front door and knocked on it. And then, worried that nobody would hear me knocking, I began pressing the doorbell repeatedly until the door finally flew open.
I felt a sense of relief as soon as my eyes landed on Dylan, who was standing in the doorway gaping out at me.
“Cass?” he said. On his face was an expression of confusion mixed with amusement as he took in my appearance—everything from my Ugg boots to my puffy jacket over my dress to the—
Oh God. The rollers. I hadn’t taken them out of my hair before I left the house.
I must have looked ridiculous.
“Wow,” he said with a smile, “you look amazing.”
The way he said it—his voice soft, genuine and pure—made my heart skip a beat. He really did think I looked amazing; hair rollers, Ugg boots and all.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
I decided to cut right to the chase. “Is it true? Are you really moving to Seattle tomorrow?”
His smile vanished and his expression hardened. Inhaling sharply, he took a step back and opened the door wider. “Why don’t you come in?”
I stepped inside the house. As soon as the door was shut behind me, my hands shot to my head, where I started desperately trying to remove the rollers.
I wanted to look my best while I tried pleading with Dylan to stay.
“Here, let me help you.” He stepped forward and gently removed my hands, placing them at my sides before proceeding to carefully unroll my hair. It was a nice gesture, but he was most likely just doing it to stall our conversation.
I stared up at him as he began to remove each roller. He was standing so close I could smell the faint scent of fabric softener on his flannel shirt and I wanted so bad to pull him down to me and kiss him.
But I didn’t.
“Thank you,” I mumbled.
“My pleasure,” he said with a lopsided grin. “Although, I must say, you look adorable in these. I almost want to leave them in.”
“Please don’t,” I said with a chuckle. “I can’t stand looking foolish in front of you.”
He paused for a moment and his eyes met mine. “You could never look foolish to me.”
We held each other’s gaze for a moment, during which time I couldn’t breathe. Please tell me that my dad was wrong about what your dad said, I silently pleaded with him. But he couldn’t read my mind, so he said nothing as he quickly broke eye contact to get back to his task.
When all the rollers were finally out, I stuffed them into the pockets of my jacket and then brought my hands up to run them through my hair to smooth out the waves. Dylan must have had the same idea because he reached for my hair at the same time. Our hands accidentally touched and as a warm tingle ran down my spine, I decided I couldn’t take it anymore.
Enough stalling. I needed to know what was going on.
“Dylan, are you moving to Seattle tomorrow?”
He took a step back and ran his hand through his own hair instead. He said nothing as we stood there in excruciating silence.
Silence that told me everything I needed to know but didn’t want to know.
He was moving.
“Cass.” His voice was strained, his expression somber.
“Just tell me. Yes or no.”
He closed his eyes briefly. “Ma
ybe.”
Maybe? That was promising, right? “Maybe” wasn’t “yes”. But it also wasn’t “no”, either. “What do you mean, ‘maybe’?”
“I mean, yes, I’m going to Seattle tomorrow with my dad. Yes, he wants me to move out there with him. I never told you this, but the night I had dinner with my parents, they told me I had the option to move with my dad if I wanted to. I’ve been considering it lately, so he suggested I fly out with him tomorrow and spend the next week with him. To see if I like it.”
So, there was still a chance. A chance he wouldn’t be leaving forever. “So, then you might be coming back?”
The silence returned and I knew right away what his response was going to be.
“Cass, I’m probably going to stay there.”
Even though I knew, to hear him confirm it was like having an anvil fall on me. I felt crushed. I hurt all over.
This isn’t happening.
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “No, you can’t just…why would you…Seattle is so far away, and…But you’ll…” I didn’t know what to say.
“It’s for the best,” he said.
“How? How could you possibly think moving thousands of miles away is ‘for the best’?”
He gave me an incredulous look, as if I should know the answer to that. “I have no reason to stay here.”
“That’s not true.” I obviously couldn’t list myself as a reason for him to stay, so I threw out the next best thing. “Your mom is still going to be here. Won’t you miss her?”
“Of course, I’ll miss her, but my mom is constantly working, and she’s rarely home anyway. She said she’ll be sad to see me go, but she agrees it might be a good thing for me.”
Okay, so the mom thing didn’t convince him. What else did I have?
“There’s nothing for me here anymore,” he continued. “My best friend hates me now, and that kills me. I feel like I’ve lost a brother. All my other friends are ignoring me. And worst of all, I’ve lost the single best thing that’s ever happened to me.” He lowered his gaze to the floor. “It’s hard for me to be around you, Cass. I thought maybe I could get over you if I tried hard enough, but I can’t.”
I knew what he was talking about all too well. I couldn’t get over him either.
“Then don’t,” I said, catching us both by surprise.
His gaze shot up to meet with mine. “What?”
“Then don’t get over me,” I repeated. What was I doing? Was I really going to suggest we get back together? “Dylan, I didn’t break up with you because I didn’t want to be with you. I broke up with you because I thought us being together would prevent you and Elijah from ever being friends again. But I was stupid to end things between us because of that. Because of him. And if he’s never going to forgive you anyway, what’s the point in staying apart? I still want to be with you. So, so much.”
I expected him to be happy at my words. Or at least surprised. But he wasn’t. Instead, he just shook his head slowly and said, “I knew why you broke up with me. I understood why you did it. And I didn’t fight you because I knew deep down that breaking up was the right thing for us to do.”
“No, it wasn’t. And if you stay here, we can move on from this. We can be together. We can put everything behind us and forget about Elijah.”
A slight smirk played at his lips. “You know that’s not true, Cass. You of all people won’t be able to just forget about Elijah or forget about what us being together did to my friendship with him. Maybe you could ignore it for a while, but we would just end up right back where we are right now. I know you: you’ll always feel bad about this. You’ll always feel responsible and blame yourself because that’s just the way you are. You worry more about other people’s happiness than you do your own. Admittedly, that’s kind of annoying, but it’s also just one of the many reasons that I—”
He stopped abruptly and my breath caught in my throat.
“One of the many reasons that you what?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
Say it. Please, say it.
But he didn’t. Instead, he clenched his jaw and looked away. He couldn’t say it. Not now that he was moving away.
Because he was still moving away. There was nothing I could do or say to convince him otherwise.
“Dylan.” I bit down hard on my bottom lip as I felt tears beginning to well up in my eyes. “I don’t want you to go.”
He continued staring blankly at the wall.
“Please don’t go.”
Dylan finally returned his gaze to mine and I could see the pain and anguish in his eyes. He didn’t want to go. He just felt it was what he needed to do. For himself. For me.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly and then glanced at the clock on the wall. “Look, I should probably finish packing and get to bed. My flight leaves at five o’clock tomorrow morning.”
I blinked and the tears started streaming down my face. I quickly wiped them away with the back of my hand. “So, this is it, then? This is goodbye? Forever?”
He took a step closer to me and reached down, taking my hands in his. They were wet with my tears, but he didn’t seem to care. “I’d like to think of this as more of a ‘see you later’ than a ‘goodbye’.”
“But I won’t be seeing you later, will I?”
“I don’t know the future, Briggs,” he said with his signature smirk. “I’m not a fortune cookie.”
I couldn’t help it; I let out a slight giggle at that. But the giggle quickly turned into a sob as he pulled me into his arms.
This was it. This was goodbye. Not the “let’s break up but still see each other around the hallways at school” kind of goodbye, but the “you’re moving all the way across the country and I’ll never see you again” goodbye. How was I supposed to say that dreaded word? How was I supposed to walk out his front door knowing that would be the last time I would see him?
Pulling back slightly, he leaned down and gently kissed my forehead. He lingered there for a moment and I held my breath in anticipation, hoping he would lean just a little farther down and press his lips to mine in one last kiss. And maybe he would have, had the front door not suddenly swung open behind us.
“Hey, hey.”
Dylan and I broke apart and I turned to see Mr. Meyers walking into the house with a couple bags of groceries in his hands. If he noticed he had just interrupted a moment between me and his son, he was doing a great job hiding it.
As soon as his gaze landed on me, he gave me a bright smile and said, “Cassie, hi! I just ran into your dad at the store.”
“Yeah, I know,” I mumbled, stepping away from Dylan.
“Have you come to say goodbye to Dylan?” he asked.
“Yep.” I tucked my hair behind my ear and glanced uncomfortably down at the floor.
Mr. Meyers walked past me over to Dylan and draped an arm around his shoulders. “I was so shocked when he told me he wanted to move out to Seattle with me, but I’m thrilled. I think this is going to be good for him. He’ll make a ton of new friends, and there is so much to do and see there. And after he graduates, he can go to a university somewhere on the west coast and there will be no shortages of jobs for him to apply to—”
“Sounds great,” I said, a little more forcefully than I’d meant to. I really didn’t need to hear about how wonderful Dylan’s life was going to be without me. Moving to Seattle was an amazing opportunity. He would be happy there. He would make a lot of new friends—real friends who wouldn’t abandon him. He would meet another girl. A nice girl. A beautiful girl. He would fall in love with her. Maybe they’d even go off to college together.
It would be a much better life than he’d have here. And as much as I didn’t want to see him go, I wanted that better life for him.
He deserved it.
“Well, I should get going,” I said. I had to get out of there before I broke down. “My friends are waiting for me outside.”
“Why don’t you stay?” Mr. Meyers suggested. “D
ylan’s mom is going to be home any minute, and we’re having one last dinner together before we leave.” He held up one of the bags. “We’re making pizza and I bought plenty of food. Invite your friends in, too.”
I forced a shaky smile onto my face. “No, thank you. It should just be the three of you. Besides,” I opened my jacket and motioned to my dress, “I’m on my way to Winter Formal.”
“Oh, all right.” He smiled and turned to Dylan, who hadn’t taken his eyes off me since his dad barged into the house. “I’ll go get stuff set up in the kitchen.” Turning back to me, he said, “Cassie, it was nice to see you again. Even if it was for the last time. Take care.”
“You too,” I whispered, and before he was even out of the room, I was heading for the front door. I had to get out of there.
“Cass, wait,” Dylan said, following me.
As soon as I began opening the door, Dylan’s hand shot out from behind me and pushed it shut. He was so close I could feel his body heat radiating against my back and I wanted nothing more than to turn around, close the minuscule distance between us, and kiss him until he missed his flight tomorrow morning.
“Cass,” he said softly.
I waited for him to say more, but he didn’t. What more was there to say? He was still leaving no matter what. There was nothing I could do to convince him to stay.
“Good luck in Seattle,” I said, trying my best to keep all emotion out of my voice. I attempted to pull the door open again and he didn’t try to stop me this time. “See you later, Dylan.”
I let myself out of the house without looking back. I couldn’t bring myself to.
As I slowly broke out into a jog toward Jake’s car, I waited. Waited for Dylan to call out after me and tell me he had decided he wasn’t going to leave after all. That he was going to stay and tough things out. With me.
But I heard nothing as I reached Jake’s car and quickly climbed into it.
Lauren turned around with an inquisitive look on her face. “Well? What did he say?”
I buckled my seat belt. “He’s leaving,” I said, my voice surprisingly calm. “My dad heard right. He’s moving to Seattle tomorrow morning.”
“What? That is insane. That boy is crazy. Why would he do that?”
