It wasn’t like with Bridget, when small spots of light peeked through her eyes and she told me she would trust me even though she thought I was dangerous, that she would kill me. This man loathed me.
“That is one way of putting it, I suppose,” he said and smiled.
He smiled and I could tell it was meant to be warm and welcoming, however, it shot through me like ice, the look never hitting his eyes. I smiled back, my lips straining at my discomfort. I wasn’t sure if he could tell or not, yet his smile left awfully quickly, leaving his hate filled eyes to bore into me.
“I like to think of us more as a republic than anything. I’m just one of the many heads.”
“And the other heads?” I asked as I turned to face him, narrowing my eyes at him. I looked at him with my own brand of hatred, needing to know, to have someone to trust. Right now, I didn’t trust anyone and this man wasn’t helping me with that.
“They are trying to figure out what to do with you, my dear.” He smiled at me again, the sneer in his lip making my insides curl. He leaned up against the wall directly across from me, his legs crossing over each other as if we were merely having a casual conversation. Even I could tell it was otherwise. He was leading up to something, something that made my insides squirm. I sat up straighter, preparing myself for what was coming, knowing that it would be anything other than casual.
“What about me?” I asked, regretting that I asked almost instantly, but I had a feeling he would tell me anyway, whether I asked or not. Judging by the look in his eyes, he wanted to share his distaste.
“A little girl, picked up out of the dark, starved and already turning.” He pushed himself off the wall he had been leaning against, his tall frame towering over me as he began to walk toward me. It didn’t matter that I stood, he was still an oppressive menace. I squared my shoulders, standing my ground. My mind was already working to find ways to attack him, to get past him, even though I knew it wasn’t going to do any good.
“You had more poison in your blood than anyone we have picked up to date.” He looked down at me, his lip sneering in hatred. “So much poison…” he whispered, his voice soft as he carefully licked his bottom lip. The action turned my nerves uncomfortable. I stepped back in a desperate attempt to move away from him, not wanting to find out what he really meant by that. I took another step only to hit the wall with a heavy thump that rocked through my spine. I cringed against it, the fear that his gaze was giving me rippling through me.
“What are you saying?” I gasped out the words, my chest tight from the fear he seemed to have infected the room with.
“That you are more monster than human, my girl. You are already changing. It’s only a matter of time before you’re gone and a monster takes your place. Is that so hard to believe?”
I tensed at his words, the same uncomfortable fear prickling over me. Bridget had told me this before, that I was going to become one of them—an Ulama. I hadn’t accepted it as much as I did now with this man’s dark, angry stare cementing it into place. The same look that Bridget had given me before, only more disgusted.
He smiled again and turned away from me, back toward the wall he had leaned against only a moment before. My insides loosened the moment he moved away, my lungs remembering to breathe almost immediately.
“Where is my brother?” I asked, letting the question I so desperately needed an answer to flow off my tongue.
He turned and narrowed his eyes at me like I had soiled myself before moving away with his hands behind his back as he began to pace the small floor of the cell.
“Ah yes, Travis.” He spoke my brother’s name like he pitied him. “What an unfortunate turn of events that was for him. His older sister, now younger, reunited with him only to be marked for death.”
My shoulders tensed at his words, even though I shouldn’t have been surprised. I had a feeling Bridget hadn’t told me everything. I think Abran had just filled in the missing pieces.
“What are you saying?” I asked as my brain slowly put everything together. I asked the question, even though I knew. I didn’t need the answer, I just wanted him to say it.
They were going to kill me.
“You asked me where the other leaders of Azul are and that is where. In trial, listening as Travis begs for your life to be spared.” He stopped pacing as he looked at me, his hate filled eyes boring into me as he spoke of my impending death as though it was a joyous occasion.
“Spared?” I asked the word like a question, but it was a question I didn’t need the answer to. I already knew what he was saying.
“My, my, you ask a lot of questions. Is it so hard for your little, poisoned brain to follow what I am saying?”
I let the hate of his words wash over me, the disgust lodging itself into my heart as I let the truth behind his words sink into me. I sat still as I stared at him without knowing what to say and not trusting myself to move.
“Yes, it seems it is,” he said when it became clear I wasn’t going to say anything, his lip turning up into a sneer. “So, I will tell you simply. There is a cold place in Hell for monsters like you and I am going to see to it that you get there.”
My own hate bubbled over at his words. I couldn’t even focus as the numbness took over, my desire to act on the strong emotion almost too much. I fought the need to rush him, knowing just by the way he looked at me that he would gladly kill me now. Something I was sure he could do. Even knowing that, I didn’t care.
After everything, this place was just another death sentence and this time, I had no weapon to use against them. I was a prisoner in a box… but then, I had been a prisoner in a box before and I’d had no weapon then, either.
I had to find one.
I had to defeat them, to defeat myself.
I just needed to find a weapon and fight my way out of here. I needed Travis.
I looked up to him, my eyes wide as I searched him for answers, for a way beyond him.
“Why?” I asked, my breath catching on the word and sending it away from me unwillingly.
“You see, little girl,” he began as he leaned toward me, his suit wrinkling perfectly as he bent himself, “you ate the food too long, walked in darkness so long that your blood is poisoned. You are poison. One slit to your skin, one spill of your blood and once you bleed out you will become one of the Tar. In fact, I am surprised it hasn’t happened already. Not that I am not happy for it. It is so much easier to see what makes your kind tick before the change has happened.”
I froze, the idea of finding Travis vanishing as fast as it had come. A new, much scarier reality taking its place. Bridget’s words traveled through me like lightning, the small piece of conversation coming right to mind.
Some cut themselves.
I had thought it then, but now the truth of what they had told me cemented itself into me. I would become one of them.
“I become…” I whispered, the words barely out of my mouth before Abran’s shouts filled the cold room.
“We can’t have your kind here,” he hissed passionately, some of his slicked backed hair shaking out of place as his head vibrated with anger. “Your kind is not welcome here.”
I watched the way he shook with his panic—his hatred—and something in me snapped. I jumped to my feet, my knees aching at the quick movement.
“I am not a monster!” I yelled, my own voice reverberated for a moment and Abran’s eyes went wide, fear replacing his hatred for the briefest of moments before his fist made contact with my cheek bone.
I felt the searing pain shoot through my jaw at the impact, my body falling to the ground from the added pressure. I clamped my mouth shut and kept the scream inside, the anger bubbling violently as I fought the need to rush him, to attack him. I wanted to, desperately, but I didn’t know where that would get me. Another cement box, a quicker death. It wasn’t worth it, not yet. My eyes opened just as Abran’s fancy dress shoes came to a stop right in front of my eyes, my jaw clenching as I fought the desire.
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“Not yet,” he said, his voice loud from above me. “But you will be and when you are I can do whatever I need to get my answers. To destroy you. Not yet, but soon.” I curled into myself, almost expecting one of the tips of his leather shoes to ram into my face.
“It really is a pity for your poor brother,” he taunted, the volume of his voice increasing. I was sure he was right over me now. “The return of his family and now he has to be the one to kill you.”
“That hasn’t been decided yet, Abran.”
Everything tensed inside of me at the new voice, the deep masculine tones loud and threatening. Perhaps I should have fought him. If someone else was going to come and finish me off, there was no point to hold back my anger. I stiffened as I listened to Abran’s shoes tap against the concrete, the whispers as he hissed something in Spanish to the newcomer.
“Leave us, Abran,” the man hissed, his voice dark with malice. “Let me know when they are ready to read the verdict.”
“And what will you do if she changes while you are in here?” Abran countered, the hatred as thick with this man as it had been with me.
“Then I will do what you would do,” the new man countered, his powerful voice almost calming.
“Really? I don’t think you have the strength to kill your own sister.”
The anger that I had been feeling toward the two men vanished almost immediately and I sat up at Abran’s words, my body uncoiling itself as I turned toward them.
“Leave, Abran!” Travis yelled as Abran disappeared into the wall. Travis turned to me, his eyes meeting mine for the first time in years.
I felt light, and yet, I felt heavy. I felt like I would float to the ceiling and sink to the stone floor at the same time. My blood pulsed as I looked at him, as my fingers twitched, desperate to move toward him.
I stared at him, at his shaggy hair, his brown eyes and the muscles I would have never thought possible for my lanky teenage brother. He looked so much like dad it was crazy, but even beyond that I could tell it was him.
“Travis,” I whispered, my own words betraying the emotion that was threatening to bubble up out of me.
“Oh God, Alexis,” he sighed, his feet bringing him to me in two large strides, where he dropped to his knees in front of me.
He looked into me, his eyes wide in wonder. Everything in me caught fire at seeing him there so close to me. I froze in place, unsure how to react, what to do. I could feel my pulse as it quickened, but I stayed still. His arms wrapped around me and pulled me into his chest before I was ready for him, the thick muscles pressing my tiny frame into him.
I felt the pressure against me, his chest tightening as his breath moved over my skin and I was sure he was crying. I remember this from when he was younger, from years ago when everything had made sense. I remember hugs and comfort. I squeezed him until he squeezed me back; until the pain I am sure we both felt stopped throbbing a bit.
Still, I did not let go.
Slowly everything in me loosened, my body welcoming his contact. So warm and soft, I grasped at the connection.
My own tears seeped from my eyes as I wrapped my arms around him, my tiny arms barely able to come all the way around him, yet I didn’t care.
He squeezed once more before moving back. His hands held onto my arms as if he was afraid I was going to run away.
“Alexis,” he said my name again in wonder. “Are you okay? I mean… how did…” His words tumbled out of him and I couldn’t help grinning. He was so much the same as he had been before, even after all these years.
Eight years, I had to remind myself.
“I’m fine,” I gasped. “I mean, minus the whole I’m-going-to-turn-into-a-Tar bit.” I tried to smile, but it was strained, the stress finally seeping out of me.
“Oh God, Alexis, I know.” He pulled me to him again, his arms wrapping around me briefly before holding me at arm’s length. “I won’t let that happen to you. I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise.” He said the last two words with so much surety that I couldn’t help smiling along with him. That tiny knot of sadness that I had been trying to ignore came lose again.
“I’m scared, Travis. I finally get away and now… they are just going to kill me anyway—”
“No, I told you, I’m not going to let that happen, do you understand?”
“I know, but what can you do?” I asked as I sat back from him, my back hitting against the cold, cement wall.
“I can do more than you would think, Lex. Just trust in your little brother, ‘kay?” He smiled, that big, goofy grin he had from before, looking somewhat out of place on the man in front of me.
“Yeah… I mean, what are you now? Twenty-two?” I asked lightly, forcing the joke out as I tried to chase my stress away.
“I turned twenty-two a few months ago,” he said, the smile washing from my face almost instantly. Had that much time really passed? I had accepted it so easily before, but now, seeing it spelled out before me made the pill much easier to swallow.
“And here I was, thinking I was about to turn twenty,” I said, trying to push some humor out in my voice, yet letting it get lost on the way out.
“You still are, in a manner of speaking,” Travis said.
I looked down, the confusion building as his words sunk into me. The reality hitting like a gong in my ears.
“I don’t know what I am anymore,” I whispered.
“You’re my sister.” His hands moved down my arms, the heavy, calloused skin rough against the now soft skin of my hands.
I looked up to him slowly, wanting to believe him, to let something so simple take the worry away, but I couldn’t.
“How did you survive it, Travis? How did you get away?” I asked, the reality of the question feeling like a dead weight inside of me.
His lips hardened into a tight line, his nostrils flaring as he breathed. I could see the confliction in his eyes, the pain as something he had long since hidden away came back to him.
I wish it was that far gone for me, but the memories were still fresh. I had had nothing to wash them away and, even if I had, the horrors seemed to just keep coming. I squeezed his hands, hoping to calm him. I wanted to take back the question, but I couldn’t. I needed to know.
“Travis?” I kept my voice soft as he slowly looked at me, that same uncertainty I had grown so used to all those years ago coming back.
“We hid in the tubes of the skate park; Mom and Richard and Jason… Tyler. The boys ran out when the sky started falling. They thought it was a game. There were so many screams…”
I gripped his hands tighter as his words trailed off. My eyes burned as tears began to fall again. They skimmed down my cheeks as my mind replayed the screams that I had been haunted by; children, families, everyone who’d tried to get away in the beginning. Every day I had heard them, but Travis had listened to the screams of our brothers, he had watched them die. I pressed my hands into his tighter, staring at the connection, not wanting to look at him yet.
“I know. They took everyone in our neighborhood. I listened to it while I slept, I watched it from my window.” My voice shook through my tears as I spoke, the betraying emotion letting out so much of what I had been bottling up recently.
“Yeah, I can still hear them when I sleep at night. Everything about that day still haunts me,” he whispered, his eyes darkening as the memory took over. “Mom pulled out her flashlight, the red one she kept in her purse. It was just luck she had it, luck it killed them. It was what saved us. What saved me…” He paused and I didn’t coax him on. I didn’t need to hear the missing part of the story. Mom sacrificing herself for him. I could almost see it. That flashlight was tiny, barely casting any light at all. It was a miracle it had even been strong enough to keep them away in the first place.
“I walked until I found some others,” he continued, his voice tight. “We all hid here. Over the years, we found more, found a way to live…”
His voice trailed off and he looked awa
y, his eyes looking toward the wall that he had seemingly appeared through only moments before. He stared at as if he heard something, his jawline hard as he glared at the seemingly empty cement.
“You can’t tell me anymore than that, can you?” I asked. His shoulders tensed at my question.
“They view you as a threat, Lex,” he answered, his eyes still focused on the wall to the side of us. “They are not happy that I am here in the first place.”
“But they let you come?”
“Something like that.” He turned back to me and smiled. My shoulders relaxed a bit, although not enough. I had seen the way he looked at the wall, heard the way Abran had spoken to me. Even though my brother was right here in front of me and I wanted to believe I was safe. I knew it was only an illusion.
“What’s going to happen to me, Travis?” I asked him, my voice shaking.
“I don’t know.” He looked right into me, his brown eyes large and pleading, but I could see the fear behind them and it scared me.
“I know you are lying—even now—I can see it in your eyes.”
He smiled as I caught him. His hands squeezed mine again in his attempt to comfort me, but I wouldn’t let it work, not this time. I could tell that he knew. I set my jaw as I looked into him, glaring at him as an older sister would, as I once had.
He looked away, his shoulders tensing as he exhaled, as he gave in.
“Abran is obsessed with finding a way to defeat the Tar. They want to make you bleed, Lex, then they want to see what makes you tick. They want to find out a way to defeat them, to get our lives back. We all do.” His voice was desperate, scared, and that alone gave him away.
He had tried to disguise what they really wanted with softer words, but I heard what he really meant. What they really wanted.
“You mean, they want to torture me?” I asked, my voice shaking as anger surged, the tears threatening to flow again.
“They want to torture a monster, Lex.”
He said it like it made it all right, as if that made it okay, but it didn’t. Anger coursed through me at his words, my breathing picking up as my heart pulsed against my chest. He talked about getting their lives back, like I wasn’t included in that. Like I couldn’t have my life back. I knew better. To them, I wasn’t one of them. Right then, I knew I never would be. As much as I had wanted to find others to fight back. To them, I would only be fighting myself.
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