Her mother smiled at her and gently smoothed a piece of Caroline’s hair down. “Carrie bear, what are you doing here? Come, sit, and eat.”
“Just thought I would come up for the night, get away from the city and relax a little.”
Rosie must have told the chef quickly, because one of the kitchen staff was already at her side with a plate of hot food to set in front of her. Caroline hadn’t realized how famished she was until she smelled the delicious food and realized that she hadn’t eaten yet that day. She quickly picked up a fork and dug in to her meal.
“Well, that’s wonderful, baby. I am so happy to see you, your father and I don’t have any plans today. I was just going to do some gardening,” her mother told her while she continued eating.
“And I was thinking about playing a round of golf on the putting green out back,” her father told her before taking a big gulp of juice from his glass. Caroline nodded her head and took a few more bites of her lunch.
“Turner proposed to me,” Caroline told them quietly, looking up to gauge their reactions.
“Oh my goodness, that’s so exciting! Let me see the ring!” Her mother motioned for her hand, wanting to take a look.
Caroline looked back down at her plate.
“I haven’t said yes yet. I haven’t said anything yet. I told him I needed a week to think about it,” Caroline responded, now avoiding their eye contact.
She heard her father clear his throat and her mother sit back in her chair. Both of them were just staring at her, waiting to hear more of an explanation, so Caroline sighed and put down her fork.
“I don’t know what to do. I’m supposed to meet him for dinner tomorrow night to give him my answer. If I don’t say yes, then we are going to break up I’m sure. If I do say yes, then we are going to be engaged. After only six months of dating,” Caroline told them.
“So, what are you leaning toward?” her mother asked.
Caroline shrugged, still confused, and then finished up what was left on her plate. Her parents didn’t pry any further, but just finished lunch quietly instead.
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Her childhood bedroom still looked like she was going to come running in and toss her backpack onto the bed and pull out the dolls in her toy chest to play with. Caroline was laying on her old bed with its pink, flowery comforter beneath her and her head resting on a combination of pillows and aged stuffed animals.
She stared up at her ceiling at the boy band posters that she had plastered everywhere when she was thirteen years old. If she was thirteen now, Logan’s picture would probably be up there too, she thought.
The girl who laid in this bed years ago and dreamt about growing up and falling in love had never pictured simple. She had never pictured easy and she had never pictured herself following the cookie cutter lifestyle that most people around here expected of her.
The types of families she grew up with in the Hamptons all followed a very particular lifestyle and path and to deviate from that was scandalous. Logan would be scandalous. She closed her eyes and pictured Logan’s face, smiling. As she was thinking of him, a knock interrupted her. Caroline’s mother poked her head inside the door.
Her mother walked over and sat on the side of her bed. “Hi, sweetheart.”
She ran her hand through Caroline’s long tresses that were flung out across the bed in random patterns.
“Hi, Momma,” Caroline said, turning her head to face her.
“I am worried about you, baby girl.”
“Mom, don’t be worried. There’s nothing to be worried about,” Caroline told her. The two were silent for a moment as Caroline continued to stare at the ceiling.
“Did I ever tell you about Eduardo?” Her mother said after the brief pause. Caroline, still laying on her bed, turned her head back to look at her mother.
“No, who’s that?” Caroline inquired, curious. Her mother smiled and got this far away look in her eye as she gazed out the window by Caroline’s bed.
“He was my professor in college, art history class. We would go to museums after class together and talk about the art work. We could spend hours talking and never get bored. He was only a little older than me and he looked like he could have stepped right out of the pages of a magazine.”
Her mother smiled and glanced back at Caroline.
“Mom, you had a crush on your professor?” Caroline laughed and propped herself up on her elbows to pay closer attention to her mother.
“Not just a crush, my dear, an affair. We loved each other. Every moment we were alone, we couldn’t keep our hands off one another. It was electric, something between us that was indescribable. We knew it was risky, he could have lost his job. If my parents had found out, all hell would break lose. But, we couldn’t help ourselves. There was something between us that we had to explore and would have regretted it if we didn’t.”
“Why are you telling me this, Mom?” Caroline said softly, thinking of Logan, and how she felt similarly about him, as her mom was describing with Eduardo.
“Because Eduardo was the love of my life. I am so glad that I found him and that when I did find him, I let my whole heart open up to him.”
“What about Dad?”
“Oh, I love your father, honey. But Eduardo... that was different. That wasn’t just love, it was the other half of my soul. It was magnetism. My heart telling me that it had found its missing piece.” The far away and dreamy look was in her eyes again.
“Well, why didn’t you marry him then? What happened to you guys?” Caroline asked.
Her mother sighed and looked down at the bed. Her eyes had gone from dreamy to cloudy in a flash.
“He was killed. He was driving to come see me and he never showed up. I only found out on the news the next day what had happened. A truck hit his car and he died alone in the middle of the street.” A tear slipped out of the corner of her eye.
Caroline was silent but reached out and held her mother’s hand. After a quiet moment, her mother cleared her throat and tried to regain her composure.
“Anyway, I mourned and grieved for months and months. I met your father about a year later and the rest is history. I love your father so much, Carrie, but Eduardo was my soul mate and I will love him until the day I die.” Her mother finished, standing up and walking towards the bedroom door.
“Mom, why did you tell me all this?” Caroline sat up in bed and asked her.
“Because, darling, I didn’t get a chance to be with my other half. You have that chance and you’re throwing it away.”
With that, her mother walked out of the room, leaving Caroline staring after her, stunned at her mother’s final comment.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Caroline had slept in late at her parent’s house on Friday without intending to. She had planned to catch the eleven o’clock train out to the city, but by the time she woke up it was almost two in the afternoon.
Panicked, she rushed through a shower and brushed her hair. She snuck into her mother’s closet and rifled through her dresses. After way too much time dragging her feet and trying on different outfits, she found one that she knew would be perfect for the evening. It was a black wrap dress that accentuated her every curve and hung just above her knees, a flowing pattern that spread out when she twirled around.
She found a chunky blue necklace and some earrings in her mother's bathroom, as well as some matching blue high heels to finish the ensemble. After swiping some blush and mascara on, she was ready to go and headed downstairs.
Her parents were already out and about for the day, probably at the country club. There was no point in trying to find them to say goodbye, especially since she was so late and had promised dinner with Turner at seven o’clock.
By this time it was almost half past four and Caroline knew the train would never get her there on time. Luckily, her father’s driver was in the front foyer and willing to drive take her home. She thanked him profusely and hopped into the town car’s backseat.
She was only going to be able to make it to one of them and she knew what she was going to do. She tucked both items away in her purse and settled back for the long drive into the city, hoping to make it on time.
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The town car finally pulled to a stop a few hours later in front of one of New York City’s beautifully tall buildings. Caroline thanked her father’s driver again and hopped out of the car. She didn’t have time to go home and drop off her overnight bag, so it was slung over her shoulder.
She smoothed her hair and hope that she still looked okay after the long drive, even though she was hauling around her luggage with her. She looked up at the entrance as she stood on the sidewalk, trying to gather herself.
She knew that this was it. This was one of those moments that defined the rest of your life, the moment where you choose what path you will take. She took a deep breath and walked up to the doors and let herself in.
Once inside she glanced around, looking for him, but couldn’t see him among all the people. After a moment, she saw a hand waving at her and she smiled back at him, walking over. Turner sat there, smiling with relief.
“You came,” he said to her, smiling, standing up and taking her bag from her, placing it under the table.
“Of course, you didn’t think I would?” Caroline replied.
He smiled back at her and brushed her cheek with his hand.
“To be honest, I was a little worried. Especially when you disappeared the last two days not to mention the small fact that you are about forty-five minutes late.” He leaned forward and kissed her gently on the lips, then he pulled her chair out for her and the two sat down.
“I am sorry about that. I went to my parent’s house. I left you a note, did you see it? I just needed to get out of the city and think things through, you know?” She unfolded her napkin in her lap and sipped some wine.
“Yeah, I got it. I think it’s good you got that time for yourself. I hope you don’t mind that I already ordered for us, since you were late. I know what kind of wine you like.” He smiled at her again and reached across the table for her hand.
“It’s delicious, Turner.” Caroline put down the wine glass and took his hand, giving him a squeeze.
The waiter walked up to them and asked for their orders. Turner already knew what he wanted and opened his menu, Caroline quickly flipped hers open and scanned the choices.
“I will have the New York Strip Steak, 16 ounces and medium rare, please, with the baked potato and broccoli,” Turner said confidently and then closed his menu.
“And I will have the butternut squash ravioli, please,” Caroline said, picking out an item. The waiter wrote down their orders and took their menus from them.
“So, how are your parents doing?”
“Good, same as usual. They were at the country club all day today. It was nice getting away for a bit. Mom and I had a great talk, it was pretty momentous. She has never really talked to me as a peer before or opened up that much about her past. She had always talked to me like I am still her little girl, you know? But last night, we talked in the most real way we ever have. It was pretty wonderful,” Caroline mused, smiling at the memory of bonding with her mother.
“I remember the first time I felt that way with my father, it was really a shock. The first time I actually felt like an adult, I think,” Turner chimed in.
The two took a few sips of their wine and chatted a bit more about their parents until their dinners arrived.
“Wow, this looks delicious,” Caroline said, quickly digging into her dinner.
She realized that she was actually starving since she had woken up so late and not had a chance to eat. She had done the same thing yesterday in her spontaneous move to go to her parents. The stress of everything was really taking a toll on her mind and her body.
“Slow down,” Turner laughed. “You’re going to choke on your food.”
“I’m sorry, I haven’t eaten all day. I was in such a rush to get back.” Caroline laughed.
She finished her meal within minutes and Turner cut off some of his steak for her to eat as well. The couple finally finished everything, happily smiling at one another. The waiter cleared their dish and then immediately showed up with a large lava chocolate cake for two.
“I ordered this ahead of time for us, it takes a long time to bake,” Turner said as Caroline looked at him in confusion.
“That’s very sweet.” She gazed at his big, puppy dog brown eyes and curly mop of hair and smiled, feeling a warmth in her heart for him. She knew that she was so lucky to have met this man and experience the kindness he showed her every day.
“I was hoping it would be a nice way to celebrate. At least I hope that we are going to celebrate?” Turner said, his voice getting quieter while he looked down at the table and shuffled his feet nervously, bumping his knees clumsily against the bottom of the table.
Caroline looked down at her lap, knowing he wanted an answer. They had been avoiding the issue for most of dinner, as well as the past week, and she knew it was about time that she eased his mind and let him know what she had decided.
She leaned down and reached into her purse, pulling out the ring box that held the gorgeous diamond ring. She put it on the table and they both looked at it.
“Turner, I have thought about this a lot. Marriage isn’t something I ever wanted to rush into and we have only been dating six months. We have never even discussed it before this, so that’s why I felt like I had to take the time to think this over before making a decision. I know this week was tough for you and I’m sorry about that, because the last thing I want to do is ever hurt you. I truly hope that you know that and believe it, because even with every mistake I have ever made, I have always loved you and never wanted to hurt you,” Caroline explained.
“What do you mean? What mistakes? Caroline, you’ve been wonderful,” Turner told her, leaning forward.
She gave him a tight lipped smile, but the expression on her face was that of pain. She reached across the table and grabbed his hand, squeezing it. Then she picked up the ring box with her other hand, opened his hand that she was still holding, and placed the box in his palm.
Turner looked down, both of her hands wrapped around his one hand, and the lonely, little ring box.
“Turner, I love you so much. You’re so wonderful to me. You’re the perfect guy in so many ways.” Caroline cleared her throat, because she felt her voice beginning to break.
“I know where this is going.” Turner sighed, with a hint of anger and pushed himself back from the table, dropping her hand.
The box sat on the table like a stone. Caroline sat back in her chair, folding her hands in her lap.
“Turner, I can’t marry you,” Caroline said flatly. The guilt was washing around in her stomach, mixing with her squash dinner, threatening to make a reappearance.
“God, Caroline, why not? We already live together, we love each other. Is it just because it’s too early? I mean, we can have a really long engagement,” Turner said, rolling his eyes and clearly exasperated. She knew this made no sense to him.
“Because, Turner, that’s not what I want. We both know that. I think we have to face facts that this isn’t meant to be,” Caroline said.
“How can you say you love me and then also say it’s not meant to be? Is this about whatever mistakes you are talking about? You have never made a mistake in my eyes,” Turner told her.
He grabbed a spoon and took a big bite of the chocolate cake, trying to comfort himself. Caroline sighed and paused for a moment, trying to gather her thoughts. She dabbed her napkin underneath her eyes, where tears were welling.
“Turner, I do love you, but my biggest mistake was ever lettin
g us get this far when I knew somewhere deep down that my heart was somewhere else.”
Turner put down his utensil and looked at her with a stern look she hadn’t seen before. “There’s someone else? You have feelings for someone else?”
“I’m in love with someone else,” she confirmed. Turner’s face was first confusion and then it hardened.
“Who is he?” Turner dropped his spoon with a loud clatter.
“It doesn’t matter, Turner,” she said, placing her napkin on the table. “Aralia and Jackie will be by this weekend and move all my stuff out. I’m really sorry.”
“It matters to me, Caroline. Who is he?” Turner asked again, slapping his napkin down on the table.
“Why do you want to know, Turner? What does it matter? The outcome won’t change, it will only hurt you more and that’s not what I want to do,” Caroline told him, arguing.
“I think that ship has sailed, Caroline. I’m hurt. Satisfied? Now, I am only going to ask one more time. I want an answer. I think you at least owe me that. Who is he?” Turner said, grimly.
Caroline sighed and shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “Logan Clay.”
“Logan Clay? Who is Logan Clay? Wait, Logan Clay the singer?”
Caroline was silent and just looked at Turner, but she could see the wheels turning in his head as he began putting some puzzle pieces together.
“Shit, Caroline,” Turner said, somewhat loudly.
Caroline looked around the restaurant, a bit alarmed.
“Turner,” she warned, suggesting he lower his voice.
“That time you started crying when we watched his music video, Hazel Eyes? Holy shit, are you the hazel eyes he wrote about? Fuck, that day on the news when he was at your favorite coffee shop? That wasn’t a PR stunt, was it? You said you went to Aralia’s that night. Did you lie to me? Holy shit, this is all starting to make sense now. I can’t even believe that you would do that to me, Caroline,” Turner started yelling.
Her Forbidden Rockstar: A Forbidden Rockers Novel Page 16
