When it came to our personalities, Brad and I couldn’t have been more different. I like to think that in the beginning those differences were what attracted us to each other. He was the focused, ambitious young attorney and I was the free-spirited artist desperate to belong.
We’d met at a party when I was seeking some reprieve after seeing my mother deteriorate so rapidly in her hospital bed. At the time, Brad had been a breath of fresh air. He was funny, a bit cocky, and made me forget about everything else, especially how cruel life could be. I was so lost when my mother passed. With no family in the States, I had no roots, nothing to ground me. Brad was so patient with me and loving in a way that I hadn’t experienced.
I take a deep breath, thinking about how he hadn’t been like that in years. Once upon a time, he’d been a good man to me. When we got serious, he became the center of my universe. I realize now how wrong it was, but back then I had no compass, no guiding light. I’d just lost my mother, and I needed something, someone to ground me. Someone like him, from a good, stable family with a decent dose of ambition seemed the perfect fit.
But he wasn’t.
Maybe Dolores is right. Maybe I shouldn’t give into this thing with Esteban so easily. It looks like I’m falling into the same pattern all over again.
Is falling for Esteban too quickly as much of a mistake as it was falling for Brad?
I want to follow Dolores’ advice, but the burning fire in my heart tells me I have no choice. I can’t hold back when it comes to Esteban. Not right now, anyway.
Chapter Seventeen
In the weeks following our first night together, a lot happens.
When I return to the apartment after a small errand two days after our first date, I find five different canvases and an assortment of water colors and oil-based paints waiting for me. I feel like a kid on Christmas Day. Also, I struggle to recall the last time I’d gotten something so thoughtful and unexpected. There are also brushes and everything I might need, including a foldable easel, and the following note:
I can’t wait to see New Mexico through your eyes. – Esteban
I send him a text to thank him right away.
Me: You’re going to regret this when I make you model for me. Naked.
Esteban: Not if it comes with certain perks. ;-)
I laugh.
Me: Thank you. It’s incredibly thoughtful of you.
Esteban: You’re welcome. I can’t wait to see what you’re capable of.
I immediately put myself to work. Placing the small easel in front of the window, I sketch on one of the canvases.
A few days later, for Vida Dulce’s grand opening, I present Esteban with a painting of the view from my apartment—naïf style mountains painted in different shades of dark green and a peony pink sky.
Everyone is at the opening. Lupe with their parents, and Marcos and the kids. Esteban and Lupe’s parents made sure to plan their travels so they wouldn’t miss the restaurant’s grand opening, but they are leaving again soon. Still, I know I’m meeting his parents for the first time and there was no way to avoid it.
When I get to the restaurant, I am as nervous as can be. Also, aside from Lupe’s family, Cyrus, and Esteban, I don’t know anyone.
I don’t doubt his parents are lovely people, but I can only imagine what his mother might think of me—a married woman shacking up with her only son before she could even get a divorce decree.
I hope I can make a good impression.
Thankfully, my fears are unnecessary.
When Esteban—gloriously styled in a fitted retro-looking dark blue suit, white shirt, and skinny tie—introduces me to his parents, I see them looking at me with a puzzled look.
Here we go.
“I didn’t know you were dating anyone!” his mother offers, while she eyes me suspiciously. I’m wearing a flowy dark green, knee-length wrap dress with a moderate V-neck. I paired it with a pair of emerald earrings I bought from a place Lupe recommended, and my favorite nude sandals.
“Mom, Dad, this is Ines. Ines, these are my parents, Araceli and Pedro.”
I shake their hands, repeating my name over the loud music.
“Did you say Ines?” his mother asks as if she suddenly registers my name, still holding my hand, and there’s a shift in her demeanor. Her expression goes from guarded to…hopeful?
“Yes, Mom,” Esteban says in a cautious tone, giving his mother a rather conspicuous look.
This family, I swear. One of these days, I will tie Esteban to a bed and he’ll have to tell me everything. I swear I’ll do that. His mother nods, but then she puts her arms around me, as if she can barely contain herself. She takes my face in her hands and looks at me up close and I have to hold back a laugh. “Que hermosa! Querida, it’s so nice to finally meet you!”
“Mom!” Esteban says, almost annoyed.
“Oh, hush, Esteban,” I tell him, giving him a look, as his mom is still holding my face. Let her be, my eyes plead, wanting to impress her, although I can’t help being confused by how she said she was happy to finally meet me, when just a moment prior she didn’t know her son was dating.
When she finally lets me go she turns to her son, saying something in Spanish. If I heard her correctly, she tells him I have a very sweet face, and when he smiles at me, my eyes lock with his, and I feel again that familiar current running between the two of us.
“This is exciting! It’s finally happening for you, mijo!” she says, clapping her hands. I know I should be happy, but part of me is a little confused. And what if she’ll change her tune once she finds out I’m in the process of divorcing my husband?
“Please forgive my wife,” Pedro says. “She tends to get excited whenever there’s the prospect of a new union. Lupe has been married for a while, but she’s been praying to Our Lady of Guadalupe for years in hopes of seeing her son settle down.”
“Don’t act like you haven’t been wishing for the same thing,” Araceli rebukes, slapping her husband playfully on the arm.
“Okay, that’s it,” Esteban intervenes. “I’m keeping Ines away from you before you scare her away.” He takes my hand and pulls me away from his family, despite the choruses of “Nooo!”
I laugh and excuse myself, waving as Esteban rushes me away.
“They aren’t that bad!” I smile.
“They’re awful.” He’s serious, but then a smile stretches across his face and it reaches his eyes. He stares at me for a long moment, and then leans in for a sweet kiss. I’d told myself to keep my feet planted on the ground, so that I wouldn’t make the same mistakes I made with Brad years ago, but it’s hard to listen to my head when my heart insists on telling me that this is right.
It feels right. Esteban keeps me at his side all night, introducing me to everyone. His fingers are laced with mine at times, or his arm is resting around my waist.
I was afraid he’d be too busy to pay much attention to me. Instead, he includes me like we’re a couple and he’s willing to share every accomplishment with me. It’s sweet and I like that I’m able to see another side of him tonight, one that is more outgoing and outspoken.
He only lets go of me when the photographer from a local paper has to take pictures of him and Cyrus. A while later, I find Lupe and we sit down at a table.
“Where’s Marcos? I’m sorry I didn’t get to talk to him.”
“He took the kids home, bless his heart. He’s more of a homebody, so this was a bit out of his comfort zone. Too much going on.”
I laugh to myself, thinking how this is nothing compared to some of the parties I had to attend over the years for Brad’s office.
There might have been about two hundred people at the opening tonight, but the atmosphere was cozy and relaxed. The hors d’oeuvres were little samples of the dishes from the menu, and Cyrus and Esteban had hired a local band for entertainment. I can see how Vida Dulce was a great venue for private events, maybe even weddings.
My mind goes where it shouldn’t, and a visio
n of a small party, and a white wedding manifests in my head. I close my eyes, grumbling at my own thoughts.
Thankfully, Lupe’s words distract me.
“I’m really proud of him,” she offers in a soft tone, gazing around.
“The food is fantastic, and the place is so beautiful. I’m in love with it.”
Lupe cocks an eyebrow at my words. “He’s worked very hard to accomplish this,” she says, giving me a long look. I break eye contact, a bit self-conscious, as a warm ache spreads across my chest. The feeling running through my veins gives me the courage to bring my eyes up to hers again.
“I can tell. I’m very impressed. I’ve never met anyone else like him.” Her expression softens when I praise her brother. Lupe had caught Esteban leaving my place the morning after our first date, but I didn’t have a chance to talk about our outing or our sleepover with her.
“A few days ago, I would have said you liked him, but now…?” There’s an amused gleam in her eyes, and I let out a laugh, incredulous. How can she say that?
“Now what?” I ask, even though I think I know what she’s about to say. You’re falling for him, her eyes seem to tell me. I blush, and she smiles.
We watch the photographer take pictures of Esteban with his parents, then someone mentions Lupe, and they turn around and call for her when they spot her.
“They better hurry up. My feet are killing me. Here, sis, would you watch my glass so they won’t take it away?” she meets my eyes, realizing what she just said, and we both laugh.
“You have that look!” Lily exclaims.
“Which look? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I try to feign ignorance, but I can’t even hold back my smile.
“You know exactly which look I’m talking about, lady. That’s a just-fucked look if I’ve ever seen one, and it just so happens I have.”
I laugh, and hide my face with my hands, trying to shield myself from my friend’s playful accusations. It’s impossible to deny it.
The last two months have been incredible.
I catch a glimpse of my head-over-heels smile on the screen of the FaceTime call on my computer and I almost have a hard time recognizing myself. I’m wearing no makeup, but my skin is lightly tanned and my smile is as bright as if I’d just won the lottery.
In a way, I feel like I have won the lottery. I can’t believe I’m getting a second chance at love so soon.
Esteban’s name flashes across the screen of my phone. He left not even thirty minutes ago. Hence the just-fucked glow. My Lily is not wrong.
Esteban: I’ll be back in three hours, not a minute more.
I giggle.
Me: Sounds like a plan. :-)
Esteban: I’ll text you when I’m on my way, so you can take your underwear off.
Me: Or maybe I won’t…so you can do it.
Esteban: Suit yourself. Your undies will get in the way when I come back to eat you.
“Omg, is that him? Didn’t he just leave a little while ago? What did you do to this poor man? Put a spell on him?”
I blush furiously. “Or the other way around. I can’t seem to control myself around him either. I’m like a lioness in heat. It’s never been like this…before. Ever.”
“They’re called dirty thirties for a reason,” Lily jokes.
I sigh. “What am I going to do, Lily?”
“What do you mean?” Lily asks, reaching for her mug of coffee. “What’s the problem? You’re both crazy about each other. Big deal.”
“That’s the thing. We act like crazy people around each other. Like it’s just us and the world doesn’t exist. We may never get enough.”
“Pfft. That’s what’s wrong with him? You should see some of the douchelords I have to deal with on dating apps. You’re divorcing your shithead of a husband and you found a jewel of a man without even having to go through the purgatory of dating apps. Consider yourself blessed,” she says, making a hashtag with her fingers.
“If you say so.”
“Look, it might feel like things are too intense right now, but it’s because you’re still in your little bubble. It will change. Do you know how many people would love to be in your place? Enjoy it. You’re smashing the divorcee stereotype to bits and pieces. You’re the one on the rebound before your husband and that’s refreshing. I bet Brad is not having that much luck on those dating apps.”
I take a deep breath. “I don’t think I can call this thing with Esteban a rebound.”
“Even better then.”
“But what am I going to do? My stay was supposed to be…temporary. I thought I would just stay here to clear my head, since I didn’t want to go back to LA, and now I want to stay…partly because of him. I keep telling myself I shouldn’t. I’ve done it before. I made my world revolve around Brad and look how that turned out. I keep telling myself I shouldn’t want to stay for Esteban. In reality, I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what’s best for me, but I’m not sure I want to walk away from this relationship. How am I supposed to plan and decide my future?”
“Has he asked you to stay? Did he ask you what your plans are after everything gets settled?”
“He hasn’t. A couple of times we came close, but it’s such a depressing subject. I really don’t want to talk about it. When I’m with him, I forget everything…and I just want to be with him.”
“Aww. You guys are so cute. If I were there, I’d give Esteban a big hug. It’s so nice to see you this happy. You’ve spent too many years with that douche nugget. I mean, we didn’t talk about it that often, Ines, but I could tell that at times you were really unhappy.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry I haven’t been more honest about it in the past. It was hard to talk about.”
“Honey, you don’t need to apologize. I can imagine. But I wish you could have told me how bad things were. Anyway, I hope your new lover continues to shower you in orgasms…and love, of course. Love, too.” She snickers, delighted with her contribution.
“No one has said the L word yet.”
“That’s because we’re all pathetic little bitches these days…as if expressing your true feelings is some kind of disease.”
“You’re not wrong. I don’t know when it became a burden to say you loved someone.” The words weigh heavy on my chest, because in the last few days, I’ve given it a lot of thought. Something blooms inside my chest every time I think of him, and I can’t help but smile. Am I already in love with him? This is certifiably nuts.
“Part of me gets it. People are scared of getting hurt, scared of putting themselves out there. But think about how many chances we miss to get to know and love someone because we have this terrible, ugly fear of getting hurt stopping us? And you, my dear friend, you need someone who can love you with all his heart, especially now.”
“Maybe it’s too soon,” I tell her, running a hand through my hair, trying to dismiss my true feelings again. I’m scared of how much I feel for Esteban. I worry he doesn’t feel the same way about me for much longer, but then other times I see him looking at me with eyes so full of love, like he wants me to get everything I wish for in life, and I think my worries are superfluous.
I’m at war with myself even as I tell Lily I want to be cautious, because it’s true, I’m afraid. Still, I know that in the last few weeks we didn’t just get hot and heavy. I love the fact that his presence stirs so many feelings, but it also has an incredibly calm, soothing effect on my soul.
“As cheesy as it sounds, I think you need to follow your heart,” Lily tells me just before we say goodbye, and I know she’s right. I can’t let the fear of getting hurt put a stop to something that is incredibly exciting and beautiful.
Chapter Eighteen
“How did you convince me to do this?” Esteban breathes out a laugh.
“Simple.” I shrug. “You like me.”
“That I do.” His lips stretch to accommodate the bright smile that reaches his eyes, the same one that sparks explosions of warmth in my ch
est. No one has ever looked at me the way he does, like I’m the only thing that matters in his world. It feels even more special because I know how much he has going for himself. I know I’m the luckiest woman alive to have captured his attention.
No matter how I got here, I’m glad I did.
It’s a late summer evening in the town I’ve fallen in love with, and I convinced Esteban to go on one of those ghost tours I saw on the night we met.
We’re walking with our tour group, my arm wound through his, and despite the playful banter between us, we’ve been trying to listen to the stories our tour guide is telling.
For example, I didn’t know prior to the tour that there’s quite a few ghosts around Old Town. One is The Lady in Black, who haunts the Chapel of Our Lady of Guadalupe. According to the guide, she’s one of the scariest ghosts in Albuquerque. She appears in the chapel and sits on the bench, praying or meditating…sometimes sobbing.
We aren’t given much of a backstory on The Lady in Black, and I can’t help but think about what kind of loss she must have experienced in her past life.
“What do you think happened to The Lady in Black for her to keep lingering in our world?”
Esteban shrugs. “Maybe her family was murdered. Or maybe she killed her husband or children, like La Llorona.” He sees the confused look on my face and elaborates. “She drowned her children in the river, but then regretted it and started wandering around the banks of the river looking for them.”
I purse my lips, and a shiver runs through me. Esteban feels the goose bumps on my skin and starts laughing at my expense. He disentangles himself from my hold, so he can place his hand on my back and caresses my skin, still covered in goose bumps.
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