by S. J. West
I walk across the marble floor to him, dropping my hands back down to my sides. I stand in front of him and tentatively place one hand on his head, not sure how he'll react to my touch. Gently, I run the tips of my fingers through his silky strands, hoping to bring his tortured soul a small bit of peace.
Malcolm lets out a deep, trembling sigh, but I can't quite tell if it's one of relief or woe.
“Why are you here, Anna?” he whispers, sounding torn between wanting me near and not here at all.
I stroke the soft texture of his hair twice more before answering.
“I felt your pain,” I tell him, trying to keep myself from crying because I can still feel his torment. “I had to come to you, just like you had to come to me the other night.”
I continue to stroke the top of Malcolm's head until he drops his hands away from his face and slowly leans back in the chair.
I let my hand return to my side and meet his gaze with my own.
He looks haggard, like the pain of his soul has physically manifested itself in his expression. I want to reach out and touch him, but I don't. His posture looks guarded, and I get the feeling he doesn't want me to touch him in that moment. He continues to stare into my eyes but doesn't say a word. I remain still, patiently waiting for him to say something... anything.
I involuntarily shiver against the cold in the room.
Malcolm's eyes slowly travel the length of me, and when his gaze travels back up, they stop at my chest.
“Are you...cold?” he asks, an almost smile tugging on his lips as he continues to look at me, not even attempting to hide the fact that he's staring directly at my breasts.
I glance down at myself and immediately cross my arms over my chest because the evidence of my body’s reaction to the chill in the room is all too prominent.
“Yes,” I tell him. “It's freezing in here. Aren't you cold?”
“I've always been a bit warm blooded,” he tells me, slowly standing onto his bare feet and walking over to the bed in the room. In one swift motion, he yanks the thin black blanket covering the bed off.
As he walks back over to me with the blanket in his hands he says, “Fire, seventy-five degrees.”
The fireplace instantly erupts with flickering orange flames bringing with them a much needed warmth.
Malcolm walks up behind me and drapes the blanket over my shoulders. After he pulls the edges together in front of me, I think he's going to take his hands away, but he does the complete opposite. He brings his arms completely around me and simply enfolds me in the ring of them. I close my eyes as my heart races with joy and gently lean my back against his bare chest feeling safe within the confines of his embrace. I feel him rest his forehead against the top of my head and hear him breathe in deeply then let it out in a drawn-out sigh, like holding me brings him a small measure of peace.
I don't say anything because I know if I do he'll move away. I keep quiet and simply enjoy the feel of him finally holding me again.
The moment lasts longer than I could have hoped for, but, eventually, I feel him loosen his grasp on me and take a step back.
I want to ask him to take me into his arms again, but I know that's not what he needs right now.
He walks in front of me and sits back down in his chair. Not having the comfort of his warmth anymore, I go to sit in front of the fireplace for its heat. I turn so that I'm facing Malcolm at a slant. I find him staring at me with that bemused expression again.
“Have you ever been inside this room before?” he asks unexpectedly.
I shake my head. “No. I'm not even sure where I am.”
“It’s a room I rented today,” he tells me. “We're still in Cirrus.”
I know why he asked the question. If phasing was based on being able to travel between two points of space that you had actually been to before, he must be wondering how I was able to phase here without actually having ever been inside this room. The answer has to be obvious to him, but I get the feeling he's still trying to explain away our connection to one another.
I decide to take Jered's advice and not push the matter. But, I also remember Rayne's words to me.
“Fight for the man you love,” she had said. “He's worth it.”
I couldn't agree with her more.
“I'm a little surprised to find you alone,” I tell him, remembering how, just moments ago, I was certain Malcolm was in the amorous embrace of Lady Sophia.
Malcolm leans back even further into his chair in a relaxed pose that does nothing but make him look even more devastatingly handsome. I find myself completely distracted by his bare chest and feel an almost uncontrollable urge to go curl myself on his lap to soak in his warmth. I swallow hard and look away from him for a moment pretending to warm my hands next to the fire just so I can compose my thoughts and gain some much needed clarity.
“If you're talking about Lady Sophia,” Malcolm says knowingly, sounding somewhat amused, “I never had any intention of bedding her this evening. She simply served a purpose for me tonight.”
I look back at Malcolm. “What purpose was that?”
“To introduce me to everyone of importance in Cirrus,” he answers. “I might need their help one day, and it's vital to my plans that I get to know them.”
“Help with what?” I ask. “You have more wealth than anyone here. You’re possibly wealthier than the Amadors. What could the people of Cirrus do to help you?”
“Place you on the throne as sole ruler.”
I sit there for a moment because I feel certain I misheard what Malcolm just said.
“Sole ruler?” I ask, just to clarify.
Malcolm nods but says nothing, just watches my reaction to his plans.
“But women aren't allowed to rule here,” I tell him. “Only a man can be on the throne of Cirrus.”
“Which is exactly why I needed to befriend those people tonight,” Malcolm says. “If they know there's something in it for them, they'll let you keep your place on the throne even after you kill Levi. Or do you intend to let him remain emperor?”
“No, I absolutely do not plan to let him rule Cirrus for very much longer,” I say. The thought I had earlier that night creeps up out of the shadows of my mind. “Do I really have to kill him and the other princes? Isn't there a way to retrieve the seals without having to resort to murder?”
Malcolm shrugs. “I have no way of knowing. My father didn't give us the specifics of what was supposed to happen or how it was supposed to happen. The only thing we were ever certain about was that you would fight Amon with Jess' sword...”
“Jess' sword?” I ask, interrupting him. “The same Jess who fell in love with a Watcher named Mason?”
“Yes,” Malcolm says, looking surprised I knew even that much. “Who told you about them?”
“Millie told me a little bit,” I confess. “So, the sword once belonged to Jess?”
“Yes. She retrieved it from the Garden of Eden. It was actually the sword of another angel named Jophiel who used it to guard the Tree of Life there.”
“How did you all know I would need it to defend myself against Amon?”
“It was seen in a prophetic vision a long time ago. We knew a girl from Caylin and Aiden's line would eventually be born to take back the seven seals from the princes. We've simply been waiting all this time for you to be born so we can finish the mission we were given.”
“Jered told me that Caylin was Lilly's daughter. But who was Aiden?”
“He was a Watcher and Caylin’s soul mate.”
“And Lilly... Jered said she married her soul mate too. What was his name?”
“Brand.”
“Was Brand a Watcher?”
“Yes.”
I can't help but smile. “Did all of my ancestors fall in love with Watchers?”
“Some, not all. A few of them had the good sense to just fall in love with regular humans.”
“You say that like there's something wrong with you Watchers.”
“At least the women in my family are consistent,” I mumble to myself, not expecting Malcolm to hear me since I say it so low, but apparently he has excellent hearing.
“Consistent about what?” He asks.
I look him in the eyes because I feel like this is one of those now or never moments for us.
“Consistent about falling in love with Watchers,” I tell him, studying his reaction to my near confession.
His facial expression gives nothing away. He continues to stare at me but remains mute.
“Don't get your hopes up by what I'm about to tell you,” he finally says, making me wonder if he's actually going to admit he has feelings for me too. “Jered may have found a lead on where your father is being kept.”
Of all the statements for him to make, the possibility of that one didn't even cross my mind.
“Where?” I ask, sitting up a little straighter. “Where is he?”
“He's being kept down-world somewhere. That's all we know for now. It'll take time, but we'll find Andre, Anna. You have my word on that.”
“Maybe I should threaten him,” I say harshly. “Maybe if Levi thinks his life is in danger, he'll tell me the location.”
Malcolm shakes his head. “No, he won't.”
“You say that like you know it for a fact.”
“I do. Levi may be a complete ass, but he isn't stupid. He knows the only thing keeping him alive right now is Andre's safety. As long as he has that to hold over your head, he'll use it to get exactly what he wants from you.”
“My father wouldn't want me to sacrifice myself or Cirrus for his safe return,” I say. “But, you should probably know that I plan to do whatever it takes to bring him back.”
“You're right,” Malcolm says, “Andre wouldn't want you to sacrifice yourself or this city for him. You do what you have to do, Anna, but just remember that your father has lived a very long life, and he never wanted to outlive you. It was the whole point of him becoming human.”
“Did you ever want to become human?” I ask him.
“Once.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did you want to be human?”
“For reasons similar to Andre’s. I didn't want to live an immortal life after Lilly died. A part of me died the day she did,” he says hoarsely. “The part she brought back to life when I first met her.”
“Then why did you stay?”
“Because I made a promise to her that I would help you retrieve the seals from the princes and finish this once and for all. Maybe then we can all finally find a little peace.”
I want to ask him what his plans are after we accomplish the mission I was born to undertake. I want to know if his love for Lilly is still so strong that he'll choose to be with her in death instead of with me in life. But, I don't ask because I plan to make sure he chooses me. I can't imagine my life being worth living without him in it.
I will do as Rayne advised and fight for him because willingly letting him go isn't an option.
I feel as though we've probably said enough to each other for one night and stand to leave. It's only then that I realize I can't.
“I'm not sure how I phased here,” I tell Malcolm. “How do I phase back home?”
“Just think about your room and pull it to you mentally,” Malcolm says. “It might help if you close your eyes and picture it in your mind.”
I do as he instructs and picture my room but nothing happens.
I stand there for a few minutes more attempting to return home, but just can't for some reason.
I finally open my eyes and find that Malcolm has stood from his chair and is now standing directly in front of me.
“It's not working,” I tell him, looking up into his eyes. “What am I doing wrong?”
“I'm not sure,” Malcolm says. “But, there’s something else we can try. I want you to follow my phase trail.”
“Phase trail?”
“When we phase, we leave a small hole in space between the point we travelled from to the point we travel to. I'll phase to your room first and you try to follow my trail.”
I nod. “Ok. I understand.”
Malcolm phases and I see the small hole in space appear like I did the first night we met and he returned home. I didn't know what it was at the time but now I do.
I stare at the small portal to my room and stretch my hand out to touch it. I instantly find myself back inside my bedroom.
Malcolm is sitting on the side of my bed waiting for me. His gaze is so intense as he stares at me that I immediately let go of my grip on the blanket and go to him.
He watches me with hooded eyes as I approach but says nothing. When I stand in front of him, he doesn't look up to meet my gaze, but he does wrap his arms around my waist and bring me in close to him. He rests his head against my breast and closes his eyes. I cradle his head with my hands and bring him even closer to me, never wanting him to let me go and hoping he will do more than just hold me.
Eventually, Malcolm loosens his grasp around me and lifts his head until our eyes meet.
I see a storm of confusion in his sea blue eyes, but am helpless in knowing how to erase it. We stare at one another wordlessly, but I have no doubt that he knows how I feel because I'm powerless in concealing the love my soul holds for only him.
“I need to leave,” he murmurs, but doesn't move an inch.
“Stay,” I almost beg, hoping to change his mind. “I don't want you to go. Stay with me, Malcolm.”
The confusion in his eyes changes to one of desire, and I know he wants to stay with me too.
Unfortunately for me, he doesn't follow what his heart is telling him to do.
“I can't,” he whispers. “I'm sorry.”
Malcolm phases, and I see by his phase trail that he's returned to his room here in Cirrus.
I sit down on the bed and still feel the lingering warmth left there by his body.
I smile slightly because I feel like we've taken a tiny step forward.
I know for certain now that Malcolm wants me as much as I want him.
And, I won't let him hide from the truth of that fact forever.
CHAPTER twelve
The next morning I wake up to face a living nightmare.
Even when I was going to marry my Auggie, I wasn't looking forward to the wedding day. I knew it would be filled with pomp and circumstance, two things I hate most. It was supposed to be a celebration for the ages. For me, it was one of the worst days of my life.
The morning begins at the break of dawn with Millie coaxing me out of a dreamless sleep to make sure I ate some breakfast before the events of the day began to unfold.
“I don't need you fainting away at the altar,” Millie says as she fills my plate with food. “You have so much to do today, my sweet. I plan to do all I can to help you survive it.”
“I'm not very hungry,” I tell her, playing with the food on my plate with a fork, thinking about everything but eating.
“Try to eat just a little bit, Lady Anna,” Millie urges. “If not for yourself, then for my peace of mind.”
I force myself to eat half of what's on my plate and this seems to satisfy Millie’s need to see me nourished.
The rest of the morning is spent transforming me into a flawless, fairytale creature for my wedding to the emperor. By the time everything is trimmed, powdered, and styled to perfection, I feel overly made up. As I look at myself in the reflective wall in my room, I begin to cry.
“Anna, what's wrong?” Vala asks as she pads over to me and sits down on her haunches beside me.
The skirt of the dress is composed of so much fabric she can't get too close because of its sheer circumference.
I wipe at the tears on my cheeks and force them to stop. Weakness is one emotion I cannot show today no matter how miserable I might feel.
“I just want this day to be over,” I tell her.
>
Vala whines in sympathy over my plight.
“They're ready for you,” Millie says as she re-enters my room. “I wish I could come with you, but we commoners didn't receive invitations to the most important event of the year.”
“There's no need for you to be there,” I tell her, making my way to where she stands by the door. “It's not a real wedding anyway, only a pretense of one.”
“Well, if circumstances change for the better, like I think they will, I expect to be invited to a real one soon.”
I smile at Millie because a picture of Malcolm standing at an altar waiting for me floods my thoughts, making this day just a little more bearable.
“I promise you'll be there,” I tell her.
Millie and Eliza help me get into the same crystal carriage I rode to the palace in the night before. I need both of their help and the help of the footman just to stuff myself into its interior and pile in the skirt and long flowing train.
“This is a ridiculous dress,” I moan as I finally sit down in a huff. “Next time I want something simple.”
“I used to be quite the seamstress back in the day,” Millie tells me with a sly grin.
“Then get to work, Millie,” I tell her with a meaningful look.
Millie winks at me, and I know she understand what I'm really saying without having to ask for any more instructions.
It's only the thought of Millie making me a dress to wear at my actual wedding that makes the ride through town tolerable. As I look at the multitude of citizens lining the streets of Cirrus to wish me well on my wedding day, I vow to somehow become a ruler who they can be proud of. I don't only want to make their lives better. I want to change the patriarchal way things have been run thus far in Cirrus. It's time for a woman to rule. It's time the world was made right again, and I feel confident I can do it.
I only want one thing for myself.
I want Malcolm by my side through it all. As long as he's with me, I feel as though we can make the world a better place and right the many wrongs that have been perpetuated during the last two hundred years.
Once my carriage reaches the palace, a group of ladies in waiting have to help me extricate myself from its confines. The ladies were chosen by the empress to stand with me at the altar during the wedding ceremony, but if you asked me what their names were, I couldn't tell you. In the grand scheme of things, it didn't really matter. This day was a farce as far as I was concerned. The sooner it was over the sooner I could get on with my real agenda.
