by A. Ensbro
“Fuck. I’m sorry. You looked uncomfortable, and I was just trying to get you to lay down. I didn’t think about it,” Lincoln says, holding his hands up in the air in surrender.
“Jesus Christ, Lincoln. You can’t do that to me.” I put my palm on my chest, my heart is beating so fast I’m surprised it hasn’t jumped out of my chest. “How long was I sleeping?”
“We’ve been on the road about four hours now. We just started driving again after picking Lincoln up. We didn’t want to wake you,” Sam says while turning back around in her seat and buckling her seatbelt.
I right myself in my seat and look at Lincoln from the corner of my eye. He looks as broken as I feel.
“I really am sorry, Remmy,” he says before turning to face the window.
We sit in silence for a while. I’ve never heard silence this loud.
A warm hand covers mine, and I look over to find Lincoln’s hand on my own, his body still turned towards the window.
He shifts his body toward mine. “I guess I should tell you everything now. You should know why all that happened.” He looks down at our joined hands.
“Let’s enjoy the silence while we can. We can talk soon,” I say, squeezing his hand.
Some hearts understand each other, even in silence. I read that online once, I didn’t understand it until now.
Lincoln squeezed my hand again before letting go. The moment his skin left mine, I felt empty. He put his arm up on the top of the seats and with his other hand patted his chest. Without breaking eye contact, I leaned into him and nuzzled my head on the center of his chest. I felt him lay his head on my own and place a soft kiss on my hair.
You’re mine now. I didn’t believe him when he said that in my hotel room. I don’t know when that started to change, but it did. He was right. I’m his now.
He puts his arm down around me, rubbing my side. Please don’t break me more than I already am.
It’s the last thought I have before I slip into darkness. I fall asleep listening to his heartbeat. I haven’t heard his story, but I feel safe.
I walk into work and find Lincoln sitting at the bar with his back to me. I put my finger to my lips to let Danny know to be quiet as I sneak up behind Lincoln.
“Guess who?” I say while slipping my hands over his eyes.
“Hmmm. Could it be the most beautiful woman in the room?” he asks, spinning around to grab me and pull me into his arms.
“That’s not saying much, I’m the only woman in this room.”
“I was wrong anyways. It’s the most beautiful woman in the world. My mistake. I thought you were someone else,” he says, pulling me in for a kiss.
“What’re you doing here?”
“Well, I’ve been thinking a lot lately, and I’ve decided that you’re not allowed out of my bed anymore,” he leans in to whisper in my ear. “I’ve grown quite fond of you, baby.”
“Oh really? So I’m just supposed to keep myself in your bed in case you ever get the urge to fuck?” I ask, pulling away from him and putting my hands on my hips.
This is one of the reasons I love him so much. We can give each other shit. The grin on our faces gives us away. He stands up and walks towards me, like a predator hunting for its first meal. I love that look.
“Oh no, no, no. I have to start work in ten minutes,” I say while backing up.
Another step towards me.
Another step away from him, bumping into the table behind me.
“You have nowhere to run, Remmy girl,” he taunts.
I look around, searching for an escape. As he lunges for me, I squeal and run around the table. I start to run towards the back room but he catches me before I can make it. He throws me over his shoulder and walks to the stairs leading to the rooftop.
“Say it,” he demands.
“I love you, Lincoln.”
He slaps my ass, then puts me on the third step from the bottom so we’re eye to eye.
“Say it,” I tell him.
“Trying to explain how I feel about you… it would be easier to count all the stars in the sky. Remmy, there aren’t any words, in any language, that could come close to describing how much I love you.”
I woke up in a panic. What the hell was that about?
“Say what?” Lincoln asks looking down at me.
Okay. We’re still in the car.
“Huh?” I ask, wiping the sleep from my eyes.
“You kept saying, ‘say it,’ in your sleep.”
“Oh… I don’t know. I can’t remember.” I pull myself away from him and move over to the open seat. As I turn my head to the window, Lincoln puts a finger under my chin and turns my head to look at him again.
“You’re blushing again.” He leans in. “Don’t hide from me, Remmy. Never hide from me.” His face is so close; I could feel his breath. All it would take is an inch, and our lips would meet.
“You know what your blush does to me. Or do I need to remind you, sweet girl?”
I shake my head. Words escape me. It’s the one thing I can count on when I’m around him, him stealing my words from me.
Jesus, you’ve got it bad. Just admit it.
I shake my head again, this time at myself, then I lean away from him and face the window. I can’t get caught up in him. I don’t know if I can handle him, let alone the baggage he carries.
“You should tell me now. I’m tired of the silence,” I say, without looking away from the window.
“Where do you want me to start?”
“How about the beginning?”
He’s quiet for a minute, so I turn to him and find him staring at me. Finally, he starts talking, “I met Tessa a little over six months ago. I was out for the night…”
Rylan interrupts him, “It’s Ok Linc, Sam knows.”
“Right… err… Rylan and I met up to go out for drinks. He wanted to tell me about Sam and that he was planning to ask her to marry him. Tessa was gorgeous and came up to me the second Rylan got up to go the bathroom. I’m no saint, Remmy. She told me she wanted to fuck in the bathroom, so I did just that. Then, I left her in there and continued my night with Rylan. It wasn’t until closing that I saw her again. She told me it was the best sex of her life and she wanted round two. Again, I’m no saint. How was I supposed to know she would be so delusional? I took her back to my place, and by the time I saw the first glimpse of crazy, it was too late. She was into…”
“I don’t need to know about the wild stuff, Lincoln,” I snap at him.
“No, you do. She was… no, is, crazy. She started telling me she loved me, that we could just go down to the courthouse and get married in the morning and start our lives together. I laughed and practically threw her out of the door.” He takes a deep breath before continuing, “I started noticing things a day later. Things out of place at home, missing clothes, lipstick marks on the mirrors. All innocent enough at first.”
“Then she started stalking me. She’d show up at my work, leaving her ‘love’ notes in my mailbox. One day, she showed up at my work in nothing but her bra and panties. No shoes, no coat, nothing. That’s when I knew I had to do something. I called Rylan and had him and his dad meet me. I filed a restraining order, and it got quiet for a while.”
I look from Lincoln to Rylan and see Sam rubbing his shoulders while he drives. He looks over to her, and I swear a tear falls from his eye. Sam moves her hand to his face and softly touches his cheek before leaning over the center box and lays her head against him.
“I started getting used to her absence. I let my guard down, and that’s when she came back full force.” Lincoln looks away for the first time since starting the conversation. I can tell it’s serious, he looks embarrassed… ashamed, even.
“Your back?” I ask quietly.
“Yeah. My back.”
“You don’t have to tell me. I get it.”
“No, I want to,” he says while taking my hand in his.
“I came home one night and found my door open. I imme
diately called the police. I should have waited outside for them, but I just had to see, ya know? I’m just thankful I called them before I went in. Who knows how much worse it would have been.”
He’s struggling to continue, so I try to do what Sam did to comfort Rylan. I don’t know how to do this kind of thing, so I take my cues from people who do.
I take my hand from his and smile when he looks at me confused. I scooch over and lay my head in his lap, looking up at him. He smiles down at me and goes to move some hair out of my face. He looks so different from the cool, confident Lincoln I met a week ago. Something’s changed. He’s vulnerable.
“I had just told the operator I was walking inside when the door slammed behind me. I stood frozen for a second. A second was all it took. One damn second,” he says, shaking his head.
I reach up and cup his face in my hand and smile sweetly at him. “You’re ok now, though. Whatever happened, you’re ok now.”
“I’m lucky she’s so small and not fit. Had she been stronger, the knife would have gone in further.”
Yeah, those scars on his back I saw at the hotel. I thought they looked pretty new.
“She stabbed me in the back. Three times,” he says as I nod my head knowingly.
I reach my hand up to cup his cheek, and he closes his eyes. I feel horrible, I didn’t even think about how tired he must be. My nightmare ended long before his.
I sit up and pull his head into my lap. I hear a sigh, and then he relaxes against me as I start to rub my fingers through his hair. I look up to find Rylan looking through the rearview mirror. He nods his head, so small and quick, I almost think I imagine it. I’ve always felt Rylan and I didn’t get along well enough. But, at this moment, I think I’ve finally gotten his approval.
The car stopping wakes me up. I don’t remember falling asleep. I try to move, but something heavy is holding my legs in place. Lincoln. He’s quietly snoring. I look up to Sam and nod towards the house, telling her it’s ok to go inside. Once her and Rylan get to the porch, I start softly rubbing his arms, head, and back.
“Hmm.”
“We just pulled up to Sam and Ry’s house. You want to head inside?”
“Just a few more minutes please, sweet girl.”
My hand stops and my body stiffens slightly.
“I can see your blush from here,” he murmurs, with eyes closed and a grin on his face.
“Bullshit. Your eyes are closed.”
“Are you denying it?” He opens one eye. “That’s what I thought.” He adjusts himself in my lap, looking up at me.
I try to turn and wiggle out from underneath him, but he’s not having that.
“What did I say about hiding?” he asks, sitting up a little and grabbing the back of my head. Bringing it down to meet him. “Don’t hide from me, Remmy. I’ll always find you.”
When our lips meet, it’s like lightning strikes. Every worry and every demon are chased away, replaced with calm, passion. Every moment before now slips away and melts into nothing.
Before I can stop myself, I moan into his mouth. Suddenly, without breaking the kiss, he’s moving away from me, pulling me into his lap. I straddle him, in the backseat of Rylan’s car, and I can feel his hunger for me growing in his pants. I slowly rub against him, pushing down on his length as hard as I can.
I need him.
I need to feel him. I need to feel anything that will erase the last week. I know he can do that for me.
I pull away and start to undo his pants when he grabs my hands to stop me.
“Not right now. Please, just let me explain everything to you. Somewhere along the road, you started to mean more to me. I can’t fuck you until you know everything.”
I search his eyes for anything that will take the seriousness out of his voice.
I lean back on his knees, my back against the front seat, and nod.
“When she found us at the wedding and took us back to the house I was renting, it all got so much worse. I knew what she was capable of, my scars are a daily reminder. After she had taken you to the basement, she told me she’d kill you the second she thought you meant more to me than a one-night stand. I had to play along with her. I know what it looked like when I went down there and you saw me and her together. I needed you to believe I was with her in order for her to believe you meant nothing to me.”
Somewhere along the road, you started meaning more to me too Lincoln.
The whole time I thought there was no other option but to believe he was in on the whole thing for some reason. I think subconsciously I knew that wasn’t true. Not only did he have nothing to gain from taking me, but he could have done it at any point instead of in the middle of a wedding reception.
“When she threatened to kill you, I knew she would. I also realized you were in this mess because of me. Because I couldn’t stay away from you. I meant what I said, you mean something to me. More than a one-night stand. More than a random hookup.”
“I have to admit I was really confused and hurt after that whole scene in the basement. At first, I was happy to see you, then I realized you were walking around free, unlike me. So many things came to mind. I couldn’t figure out why you would do that to me.”
“Oh God, I never even thought about it like that,” he interrupted. “Of course you thought I was in on it. Why wouldn’t you? You barely know me. Fuck.”
“Well, I know the whole story now. Plus, Sam and Rylan stuck up for you. Before you called, I was kind of having a meltdown and was blaming you. They were having none of that, though.”
Lincoln put his hands on my hips and pulled me closer to him. “I’m sorry you got dragged into my mess. I was supposed to have an officer watching my back twenty-four-seven until they found her. I still don’tknow how she managed to get into the wedding or get us out of there without anyone noticing for a week. I’m just lucky she had to use the restroom when we stopped. I got a clerk to call and make a report to have someone look for you.”
“It couldn’t have happened at a better time. I realized you both were gone and I had no way out. I didn’t want to give up, but it was getting to that quickly,” I say while leaning my head against his chest. Staring into those blue eyes was too much right now. Too intimate for this conversation.
In moments like this, silence is welcoming. It’s the first time we’ve been able to just sit and feel. I don’t want to give Tessa the satisfaction of breaking me, but I haven’t been able to think straight for days. I know I felt something with Lincoln before all of this, but could I just be forcing myself now? For comfort or whatever reason. The wheels are turning, and now I can’t help but wonder if that’s what he meant too.
Somewhere along the road, you started to mean more to me.
His words play over and over in my head. Of course, that’s it, he feels guilty and responsible. I pull myself away from him and off his lap. I ignore his confused stare and open the door to head into the house. I don’t want his pity. I don’t want him to feel guilty. Yeah, ok, so if I never got involved with him, I wouldn’t be in this situation. That doesn’t make it his fault. I’m sure if he knew it would play out this way he wouldn’t have chosen to not see me the first night.
I walk passed Sam and Rylan on the couch watching T.V and make my way into the kitchen. I need a glass of wine, bad.
“Are you out of the good stuff?” I yell into the living room.
“Check the basement,” she responds.
I make my way to the basement door but freeze as I go to grab the door handle. Basements. Tessa. My mind takes me back to the past week, and I drop to the floor shaking.
“Remmy, I’m going to touch you ok?” Lincoln says from somewhere behind me. “I’m just going to take you to the guest room now, ok?”
Before I have a chance to respond, I’m wrapped up in his arms and being taken out of the kitchen.
“I can walk,” I whisper as I wrap my arms around his neck and lay my head on his chest. I don’t want to see the way Sam and Rylan
are looking at me. No doubt they see me as broken as I feel.
I thought I was ok. I thought I would be able to forget. I guess I was wrong.
With his free hand, Lincoln opens the bedroom door, pulls back the covers, and gently puts me on the bed. He kneels and removes my shoes then lifts my legs onto the bed and goes to cover me.
“Lay with me?”
“Wouldn’t have it any other way, babe.”
Chapter Four
Lincoln
“Just let me get something to sleep in from Rylan,” I say taking a step back.
She smirks and rolls her eyes. “Because I haven’t seen you in your birthday suit or anything. Makes sense.”
Well, at least her sense of humor is still intact.
“You’re right, I just didn’t want you to think I’m trying to get any tonight.”
“Well, that’s a shame really,” Remmy sits up, “because I definitely wanted to try.” She grabs the hem of her shirt and yanks it up over her head. “You going to stand there all night or help a girl out of her pants?”
I don’t really understand how she could be so willing to act like none of this has happened. Especially down in the kitchen just a few minutes ago. She definitely had a panic attack because she had to get wine from the basement. That’s not normal, but given her recent week-long stay in my basement, it’s completely understandable.
If she wants to use sex with me to forget her pain, I can live with that. I brought the pain into her life, the least I could do is take it away. I don’t, however, think sex in a situation like this will make it all go away.
“I’m not going to fuck you tonight, Remmy,” I can already see her walls coming down, “because I don’t think sex will make it all go away. But I’ll tell you what I will do.”
I start to pull her pants down and she looks so confused, I can’t help but laugh.
“I’m going to make you feel good, babe. So don’t worry.”
After throwing her pants on the floor, I start a trail of kisses from the inside of her ankle up to her thigh. Using my nose to push her panties to the side, I can tell she’s wet and ready.
This is going to be hard.
