Josh was breathing hard now, and put a hand out to hold on to Bridget, filling her with strength as he touched her.
‘I’m sorry, Bobby,’ he said. ‘Very sorry. Not just because – of what’s happened to you, but because of the sort of person you are. You’ll never be happy, will you? Not unless the world always goes your way. And I doubt if it will. It hasn’t this time – I had an affair with you, and it ended – a long time ago. And it’s no good trying to pick up the pieces, because there aren’t any left. I – ’ He looked down at Bridget. ‘We both wish you well, Bobby, believe it or not. Don’t we?’ and he looked at Bridget again. But she couldn’t move or speak, just standing still and silent beside him.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said again. ‘Sorry to have made you – admit all this to both of us. But I had to. Goodbye, Bobby – ’ and with a gentle pressure on Bridget’s arm, he opened the door, and led her out, closing it behind him with a sharp click.
Bridget stood in silence beside him for a long moment, ignoring the curious stare of the nurse who rustled past on her way to the sluice at the end. Then she looked up at Josh and said miserably, ‘That – that was horrible.’
‘We can’t talk here,’ he said, and moving purposefully led the way back down the corridor towards the main courtyard and the Home garden.
Neither of them said a word as they walked, and the silence persisted even after they were back on the little wooden bench under the tree, back among the spring flowers and the sound of birds twittering desultorily above the distant roar of traffic from the main road far beyond them.
Then Bridget said again, as though there had been no gap at all, ‘Horrible – ’
‘I suppose you’re thinking I’m a – pretty dreadful person. To have made Bobby tell you that way?’ he said, his voice expressionless.
She remembered the look of anger on Bobby’s face, the shrill sound of her voice, and said heavily, ‘She’s – had enough to cope with. No matter what else she may have done, she’s had a lot to cope with. And now – it was like – oh, I don’t know. Like standing by and jeering while somebody was whipped – ’
‘I know, I know,’ he said roughly. ‘But it was the only way. She’s a devious person, Bridget. Bobby can’t tell the truth, even if she tries. She tailors what she says to each occasion and the person she is talking to. And the only way to convince you of what happened was to put her in a situation where she couldn’t lie. Which was why I did it.’
Bridget moved fretfully.
‘I don’t understand – I don’t understand,’ she said. ‘The night she had her operation – you were so – miserable – so distressed. I thought – I thought it was because you loved her. That you – cared. And now this – ’
‘Of course I was distressed – of course I cared. Damn it, I’m a doctor! Do you think I liked what I saw when I examined her that night? Liked to do a hysterectomy on a girl of her age? I’d have to be – a completely callous person not to have cared – and though I may sound a bit callous about her now, I still care about what’s happened to her,’ he said savagely.
She closed her eyes against the brightness of the sunshine, and said miserably, ‘What will happen to Bobby, Josh? What will happen to her now?’
‘Oh, God, I don’t know!’ He sounded irritable suddenly. ‘Who can say? She’s – promiscuous, immoral – who can say what will happen to her?’
‘And you don’t care.’ It wasn’t a question. Just a statement.
‘I – can’t pretend I do, not now, apart from – the medical aspect,’ he said with painful honesty. ‘For me, as a person, rather than as a doctor, she was – an episode. Just an episode. I’m sorry for her, in a remote sort of way – but that’s all.’
She leaned back on the hardness of the wooden bench, and looked down at her hands twisted on her lap.
‘And what will I be? Another – episode?’
He twisted in his seat then, to sit close beside her, to hold her chin in his hand again, forcing her to look at him.
‘No, my love. You – you’re special. Even if you decide right now not to have any more to do with me, if you get up and walk away from me at this moment, you’ll always be special to me. Do you believe that? Can you believe that?’
She sat very still, feeling the warmth and strength of his fingers on her face, seeing the truth of what he said in his eyes, in the set of his wide mouth, tracing every line of his face with her own eyes. Then she said tremulously, ‘I’ve got to believe you – I’ve got to – ’
‘Got to?’ and his voice was infinitely gentle.
‘I love you, Josh,’ she said simply, and looked at him with a clear look that made him drop his own eyes, made him sit back on the wooden bench almost trembling, his hands lax on his white coated knees.
‘Thank you – thank you,’ he said at length, and then looked at her, his mouth twisted into a rueful half smile.
‘That’s a feeble thing to say – ’ and he moved closer to her, to put his arm round her, so that they sat side by side in dumb happiness, the soft breeze moving her hair across his face, just sitting in a sort of exhausted peace.
He stirred at length, taking a deep breath.
‘It’s going to be wonderful, Tiddler. Wonderful,’ and his voice had an exultant lilt in it. ‘We’ll be married – soon – we’ll be married – ’
‘I – give me time, Josh – time – ’ She felt a sudden wave of anxiety then. Married? It was what she wanted more than anything in the world, but somehow, it couldn’t be thought of. Not yet. Not too soon.
‘I know,’ he said softly. ‘I know. You need time – to be sure – isn’t that it?’
She nodded dumbly.
‘Sure that I love you?’ He sounded oddly mischievous, almost little-boy, and she laughed shakily in spite of herself.
‘I think that is what I mean – ’ She turned and looked up at him. ‘I – I think I’ve loved you for a long time. A very long time – but – ’
He smiled at her, all his love in his eyes, spilling over her in a wave of feeling that was almost a concrete thing. ‘And I have loved you for a long time. And there’s plenty more time. You’ll see, my love, Bridget my love. You’ll see – ’ and at the confidence in his voice, she relaxed, to sit still in the circle of his arm, confident too, knowing that the future was opening before her, wide and full of the promise of all she had ever wanted.
And beyond the quiet garden, the hospital went on its own organised, impersonal way, offering life and death, beginnings and endings, to the people who came to it, the people who worked in it trying in the only way they knew how to comfort the sick, to give the peace and freedom from pain the sick demanded of them.
‘Comfort,’ Bridget said suddenly. ‘I came here looking for comfort – I didn’t know, but that was what I wanted – ’
‘You brought it with you,’ he said softly. ‘It’s a two-way thing. You brought it with you – for me, for the people you looked after, for the people you worked with – ’
‘I shall go on nursing,’ she said, with a sort of discovering in her voice. ‘I want to go on – I will, won’t I?’
‘For a while,’ he said. ‘For a while. And then – ’ He took a deep contented breath. ‘No matter. There’s all the time in the world to talk about it. All the time in the world – ’
Table of Contents
Cover
Other Books by this Author
Title Page
Copyright
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
kFrom.Net
The Lonely One Page 16
