“We really don’t have much to talk about, do we? We can be civil to each other because it isn’t fair on our friends and family. Other than that, I don’t have anything to say to you.”
Lachlan made to turn away, and Elias reached out, grabbing his arm and stopping him. Lachlan glared at him, and Elias slowly released his arm and dropped his hand to his side. “Please. Let’s just have a drink and talk. It’s hard to be civil with someone if you can barely stand to be near them.”
Elias watched Lachlan look him up and down and swallow. “Okay.”
“Should we go to the diner and grab some coffee there?”
Lachlan didn’t respond but turned and walked toward the diner, shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. Elias walked a step behind, his eyes focused on the man in front of him and observing the tenseness in his movements, the rigidity in his body. Sighing, he said, “I truly am sorry about how I treated you.”
Lachlan shrugged but didn’t say anything. Taking that as a sign to shut up, Elias caught up and walked next to Lachlan, waiting for the man to speak. “You made my life feel like shit.”
Elias cleared his throat and nodded. “I know I did, and I am sorry for that. I know I can’t change what I did back then or how I made you feel, but I am truly sorry.”
“I don’t want to be like it was for Wes when Reece came back. I don’t want to have to try to avoid you in a place like this. We’re going to see each other, no matter if I like it or not.”
“No, neither do I. That’s why I want to have a drink so we can talk and clear the air.”
Lachlan stopped walking and glared at Elias, pulling his hands out of his pockets and putting them on his hips. “You know what, fuck you. I’m not ready to forgive you, I’m not ready to be friends with you, be civil, or whatever the fuck it is you want.” Lachlan jabbed a finger into Elias’s chest, and he took it, knowing Lachlan had every right to feel this angry. “It wasn’t so much the shit with you shoving my head down the toilet and flushing it or locking me in my locker or even shouting at me with your new friends. It was the way you looked at me, Elias. The way you stared at me like you were somehow better than me. When in reality, you were a fucking coward.
“You’re as gay as I am, but I had the balls to be out there and admit it, but you hid behind your friends and stood there and mocked me. You slashed my tires… you sprayed graffiti on my locker… you even made printouts and handed them out all over the school with my face, calling me a fag. You remember that, don’t you? How you shoved one into every single locker. You made sure everyone knew I was gay.” Lachlan stepped back, shaking his head vigorously. “How my brothers never knew…”
Elias hung his head in shame. He was a bastard. No doubt about it. “What more can I say?” Elias asked softly. “What can I do to make this up to you?”
“Make it up to me,” Lachlan whispered. Shaking his head, he muttered, “Nothing.”
“Nothing?” Elias ran a hand through his hair and grabbed the strands, tugging on them lightly. “There must be something I can say or do to make things better? You know I’m living here now. I’m not moving away, so you’ll have to get used to seeing me.”
“I told you I can be civil. What more do you want? What do you expect, Elias, after everything? Shit!” Lachlan rubbed his face with his hands. In a low voice, he said, “I said I’d try.”
“You’d try?”
“That wasn’t meant for you,” Lachlan snapped.
Elias stepped back and held his hands out in front of him. “Sorry, I heard what you said and assumed you were talking to me.”
Lachlan paced in front of him, shaking his head, and then stopped, with his hands on his hips and his head hung low. Elias watched him breathe deeply for a minute before he slowly turned and faced him. “You know what, Elias? I used to like you. You’re older than me, tall and broad. I used to think if you were gay…” Lachlan trailed off, shaking his head slowly. “What an idiot I was back then.”
Elias stepped forward, closing the distance between them, raising his hand as if to touch him. “I never knew.”
“And how would you have treated me if you did know? My life was hell if you’d known or thought…”
“I would have probably made it worse, somehow.”
“Yeah, how could you make it worse than what it already was? At least I can be thankful that you and your thug friends didn’t beat the shit out of me every time you got the chance.”
“I wouldn’t have done that.”
“Yeah, you just pushed me around whenever you got the chance. It was so much fun trying to walk through you and your friends as you pushed me or slapped me on the back as hard as you could. You didn’t need to punch me when you were doing that.”
“I’m sorry,” Elias murmured. How many times did he have to say it? Probably for the rest of his life, knowing Lachlan, and to be honest, he deserved it. He knew how badly he treated him in high school, how much he envied him, how jealous he was, and how he took all that rage and frustration and jealousy out on him. Elias wasn’t stupid. He’d been a bastard to him. A complete and total bastard. Any anger Lachlan felt toward him was justified, but they both lived in Sater’s Creek now and needed to move past this.
They had friends in common, and it wouldn’t be fair to them to have to divide their time between Elias and Lachlan because they struggled to be in the same room with each other. “What do you need me to do? What do I need to say? It was a long time ago, and I know that doesn’t make it any easier, but we’ve both grown and matured since then. Let’s get a drink and try to sort this out.”
“It was a long time ago? Both grown and matured since then?” Lachlan glared at him. “And you think time makes it easier? That time makes it seem less than what it was?” Lachlan shook his head, eyes still burning holes in Elias. “Maybe I haven’t grown and matured as much as you. I can’t stand to be around you right now. Your mom should have swallowed.”
Lachlan spun and stormed away. “Lachlan!” Elias shouted. “Fuck you!”
Lachlan spun around, walking backwards, and grabbed his dick. “I do that every night. It’s called jacking off!”
Lachlan turned around and carried on, his long legs eating up the ground, putting more distance between them. All Elias could do was watch. He didn’t know what to say, but he knew one thing. Now wasn’t the time to say anything.
Lachlan gritted his teeth as he stormed away, his hands clenched into fists. Grown and matured? Elias could go and fuck his grown and matured. What was worse was that the entire time he was talking to Elias all he could think about was kissing him. How his body would feel naked against his own. Those hands of his holding him tight, clenching his body in a tight grip.
He wanted to know how Elias tasted, his lips, his skin, his dick. Man, when he liked someone, he always chose the wrong one, and this didn’t look any different. Chuck had done a huge number on him, and Lachlan had sworn off men. Now Elias was back, and Lachlan’s dick had taken notice.
And that really pissed him off. The fact that Elias was fit as fuck and Lachlan wanted to hold him down and take a bite. The last person Lachlan should be attracted to, was the man who had bullied him, but even in high school, he’d liked him.
When he reached his truck, he climbed in, his eyes watching Elias as he walked away, his posture defeated, his head hung low, and his shoulders slumped. It wasn’t like Lachlan to hold a grudge, and he usually accepted someone’s apology when given freely, as Elias had, but this felt different.
The bullying had started when Elias was in his final year of high school, so Lachlan had only endured it for a year, but that year had been the worst of his life. During Elias’s final year, Lachlan had been wary, constantly watching over his shoulder, but when the new school year started and Elias and his friends had gone, all the bullying stopped. Yet that year had stayed with him, and just seeing Elias brought it all back.
He sat back in his seat and continued to watch Elias until he disappeared
from sight. He suddenly growled and punched the steering wheel, then winced as pain flared across his knuckles. “Idiot,” he groused to himself. Why did he have to be attracted to Elias? “Why did you come back?”
And why did he have to be so damn good looking that Lachlan couldn’t ignore him like he wanted to? Elias had come back home and be built exactly like Lachlan wanted.
No, he was better off going to a bar or club, picking up some guy and getting off for the night. No-strings-attached hand job or blow job in the bathroom was what he needed right now, but he wouldn’t be able to go out until Friday. There was just too much work to be done on the farm, and with his Da…
Lachlan dropped his head into his hands and mumbled, “Shit.” He still didn’t know what was wrong with Seamus, and his parents weren’t talking about it. He knew they were going for the results any day, and he and the rest of his siblings would just have to wait. Lachlan didn’t know what was wrong. Maybe a more active and healthier lifestyle would help, or maybe Seamus needed surgery, which would be expensive. Could he have a clot on the brain?
They might have to sell off cattle to pay the medical bills, but Lachlan didn’t care about that. They could always rebuild if necessary. His da’s health was far more important.
No matter what happened, whatever the results were, the family would pull together and do what was needed to keep the farm running and to make sure Seamus got the best care he needed. Tucker, who knew nothing about farming, had offered to help if necessary. He knew how to ride a horse, which pretty much everyone in Sater’s Creek did. With a few pointers, he’d be able to help with the herd, and he could muck out stalls like anyone else. With the six of them and Tucker making seven, they could keep the farm ticking over and lessen some of the strain on Seamus and Imogen.
There was nothing Lachlan wouldn’t do for his parents. They’ve been there for him when he had needed them after the whole Chuck fiasco, and now it was his turn to stand up and shoulder some of the responsibility.
Starting the engine, he pulled away, making a point of not looking where Elias had stood, even though he knew he was no longer there. He gripped the steering wheel in his hands, his knuckles turning white, and resisted the urge to look back. He wouldn’t look back!
Who did he hate more? Elias, who had apologized for bullying him, or himself for being attracted to his bully? Oh, the whole falling for the bully drama. Not what Lachlan needed.
He’d read shit about that, and he was in the same position. Maybe he should just fuck Elias one time, get the man out of his system, and then he could move on. He was sure Elias would look good bent over a flat surface, and he was positive he would feel good watching his dick slide in and out of Elias’s nice pink hole.
“For fuck sake! Stop it!” He didn’t need to be fantasizing about Elias, especially imagining what Elias would look like… Lachlan growled, but it seemed his mind was on one track: Elias.
He needed to talk to someone, and if anybody knew what it felt like to be attracted to someone they shouldn’t be and they weren’t used to, it was Rory. The man who’d only ever been with a couple of women was now settled with a man. A man who’d never been with anyone but women and had never envisaged being with a man.
Yeah, Rory was the person Lachlan needed to talk to. He’d be able to help him. At least, Lachlan hoped so.
CHAPTER TEN
ELIAS STOOD WITH his hands on his hips, watching Lachlan storm away, knowing he wouldn’t be coming back. He heard Lachlan slamming the door of his truck shut and winced. Man, he was pissed.
At least he had the vision of Lachlan walking away… Again. It seemed to be a common theme between them so far. At least Lachlan hadn’t punched him this time, that had to be an improvement. But man, he filled out those jeans in a way that made Elias want things he knew Lachlan wouldn’t give him. Even if Elias hadn’t somehow managed to mess things up, maybe the attraction was still there, and that was something Elias could work on.
He hadn’t missed the way Lachlan’s eyes had caressed his body, and that was how it had felt, like a caress. One Elias wanted to experience again. With Lachlan’s dirty blond, wavy hair and bright blue eyes, and a body Elias wanted to get his hands on, it definitely made Elias’s dick sit up and notice.
He needed a plan. Trying to talk to Lachlan and apologizing wasn’t working. But that was what he needed to do, somehow. He needed to talk to Lachlan without the animosity that always radiated from him whenever he was close.
He wanted to watch Lachlan work, see him on top of his horse, watching his muscles tense and relax, then strip him naked, to feel his creamy skin and hard muscles.
Sighing, he turned and slowly walked away, his eyes focused on the ground, his shoulders slumped. It wouldn’t be easy to win Lachlan over, that was for sure.
“How did the talk go?” Bax asked as he approached Elias.
“About as well as you’d expect, except he didn’t punch me this time, so that’s a bonus.”
“Always a bonus when there’s no pain involved. What are you going to do, then?”
Elias stopped and looked over at Bax. “Keep trying, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll wear him down eventually.” He grinned over at Bax, who returned it. “That’s what we’re good at, wearing people down.”
“You got that from the Navy, that never-give-up attitude.” Bax slapped Elias on the back. “You’ll do it.”
“I will, and maybe I’ll get something more.” Elias waggled his eyebrows at Bax.
Bax burst out laughing and grinned at him. “You want Lachlan, do you? Don’t let Rory find out. You know how he feels about you; he’s very protective of his little brother.”
“I was a dick back then, Bax. The Navy made me into the man I am today, and I grew up too. Now I know just how nasty and horrible I was back then. That was then, and this is now, and I’m not the same person. I’d just have to get Lachlan to see that.” Elias sighed and kicked a pebble on the sidewalk. “I wanted him, even back then, but I just wasn’t brave enough to admit what I wanted. No, I hated myself because I couldn’t be the man I wanted to be.” Looking over at Bax, he added, “I was a stupid kid then. The Navy makes a man of you, makes you stronger in ways you never knew you could be. Gave me the confidence to be the person I am today.”
“I happen to like the man you are today, and the kid wasn’t too bad back then. He just needed to grow up a bit. I think you needed to do that, go into the Navy and get away from it all. Doesn’t mean I didn’t miss your ugly face, though.”
“Feeling the love, Bax.”
Bax grinned. “I try.”
Shaking his head, Elias walked along the sidewalk. “Come on, I’m going to the post office and pick up that package with the new graphics card in it.”
“I want to talk more about how you liked Lachlan in high school and how you thought the best way of dealing with it was by bullying him.”
“Want to rub my face in it?” Elias asked, his eyebrows drawing in.
“No, not really. You were so far back in the closet, you couldn’t see a way out or were too afraid to find a way out.” Bax looked at him shrewdly, and Elias nodded slowly in agreement.
“You know how our parents were, well, still are.”
“Yeah, the not-great-with-the-whole-gay thing, but they haven’t kicked you out or disowned you.”
“Do you ever think I’d be able to bring a partner home and introduce him?”
“They’re just struggling, Eli. They never expected you to come out as gay. You dated, like, almost every girl in your year.”
“That was because I couldn’t accept the fact that I was gay, so I tried to hide it.” In a quieter voice, he added, “Maybe just trying to hide it from myself.” Stopping, he looked at Bax and said, “It was hard to accept that I liked men. When I finally did, it was the worry that they wouldn’t accept me or you guys wouldn’t accept me that made me hide it. Sure, there are men and women out there who have been able to go home and tell the parents without repercussi
ons, but there are probably just as many who have been disowned by their families because of their sexuality. I just didn’t know where I stood on the scale of things.”
Bax put his arm over Elias’s shoulders and pulled in for a rough hug. “I wish you’d told me. You shouldn’t have been alone in this, trying to figure it out. I don’t care who you like. Man, woman, alien from space. As long as they make you happy, it’s good enough for me.”
Elias didn’t say anything, couldn’t say anything. It wasn’t like he and his brothers talked about their feelings often, so when one of them opened up, like Bax did now, it always made Elias’s chest tighten. He knew even though they never said it, that they loved each other.
“Thanks, Bax.”
“Let’s stop all this love shit now, Eli. We’re men!” Bax tensed his muscles with his arms out, growling. Elias laughed and punched him in the shoulder. “Man, you’re a dick.”
“Yeah, I am. That’s what older brothers are for.”
“What? Making me cringe with the sensitive, emotional shit?”
Bax stood and grabbed Elias, pulling him in. Fixing him with an intense stare, he said, “All bullshit aside, Eli. If you have any problems, you can talk to me, got it?”
Elias nodded. “I know, and thanks.”
“Let’s get that card and head back. I’ve got a line of code to work out.”
Lachlan paced in front of Rory, his arms going everywhere as he ranted about Elias. It was illogical to keep going on about the man, but Lachlan just couldn’t stop the words from coming out. Rory had a small smile on his face, like he was watching Keegan instead of Lachlan.
He needed to get past the bullying. It had happened years ago, and they’d both grown up. Elias had apologized as well. Several times now.
It didn’t help that Lachlan had found Elias attractive. In fact, he was one of the first people Lachlan had been drawn to, but Elias had soon cured Lachlan of that. Yet as soon as he’d seen Elias again, the old attraction had flared back to life, and Elias was more man than he had been back in high school.
Building Bridges (Sater's Creek Book 4) Page 6
