by Kaye Draper
Chapter 6
The next day, I got a text message from Orion Black, telling me that the teenage girl we were assigned to stalk for the indeterminate future had arrived in town. He sent us an address and said that White had stressed the importance of not being seen.
I snorted. Right. I'm sure Derek fucking White had used different words. But whatever.
I still didn't understand how someone as polite and charming as Orion worked for an abrasive asshole like White. Not my circus, not my demons, I reminded myself.
I sat down with the pride and worked out a schedule for babysitting duty. The plan was to rotate throughout the day, when the chick was likely to be out and about. During the late-night hours, Halstad was going to place a ward to alert us if she took off or if danger was near.
This was really not the kind of shit I enjoyed. I'd rather drag in a kicking, screaming supe for eating his neighbor's dog any day. But I guess we'd had just about all the excitement we could stand around here for now. Maybe sitting around doing surveillance would be a welcomed change of pace.
Kai and Con took the first shift. Then Halstad took a turn until midnight, setting his wards before he left. From their reports, it was boring as shit. The girl was a tomboy nerd who didn't do much other than unpack her boxes, eat dinner with her aging aunt, then hole up in her room with a book. The women were both human. I had no clue what White was up to here.
Hisashi took the early morning shift the next day, since Con and Kai both had part time jobs. Oisin had lost his bartending gig at the Foxhole when he went AWOL for a few weeks, so he was at loose ends. I knew he wanted to feel useful, but he still wasn't at full power. So, he went with me to relieve Hisashi.
I glanced up at the gray sky as we walked down the sidewalk under yet another dusting of snow. So far, we'd been lucky this year, but I knew it was just a matter of time before Michigan winter dumped on us.
"You know," I said to Oisin, as I watched a cardinal swoop into a bird feeder out front of a house on a quiet side street. "With everything going on, we didn't celebrate yule or the solstice." Our decorations had been ruined by the attack, and I had stuffed the surviving presents into a closet for safekeeping and promptly forgot all about them. "I think Hisashi's birthday is this time of year, and we didn't even celebrate." I glanced at Oisin and waggled my eyes. "That would make him twenty-one now. Not a child anymore."
The fae gifted me with a bland expression. "I'm so sorry for interrupting your holiday with my kidnapping and almost murder."
I shoved him lightly, making him stumble. "That's not what I meant, asshole, and you know it."
He sniffed. "I don't know anything anymore."
Jackass. "What I was trying to say," I grumbled, "was that we should do something for Hisashi's birthday. And we can give out the gifts we didn't get to share on Yule."
Oisin nodded. "I suppose that would…." He slowed to a stop and gave me a funny look.
"What's up, fae? You have gas or something?" That face. He looked amused and pained at the same time.
"Did I…get stoned?"
I stared at him for a minute before I realized what he was talking about. "Oh my Gods, you got a memory back!"
He rubbed a hand over his face and looked like he wanted to die. "I was…inebriated. I just remembered…standing on the counter in the bookshop. Sitting with you all near a yule tree and hoping we'd all make love that night."
I huffed at him. "I knew that's what you were thinking. Perv." Even if I was totally on board with that idea.
He started walking again, his voice so soft I could barely hear him. "I knew something bad was going to happen. I wanted to have you all near one last time." He let out a long sigh. "I was…collecting memories."
I watched him, noting how his shoulders slumped like he was suddenly carrying something heavy. "Hey," I said in an attempt to lighten the mood. "You remembered something new. That's great, Oisin! Maybe shifting helped get your magic flowing."
He walked over to a decorative bench on the sidewalk and flopped down. "It did help. My magic comes from the earth and I could feel it more strongly in the forest. I can feel it growing every day."
I dropped down beside him and ruffled his hair, guiltily enjoying the feel of the rapidly growing red strands between my fingers. He needed a trim soon, or he was going to end up with a mullet before the top caught up to the bottom layers. "Then why do you look like someone kicked your puppy?" I asked.
He laughed softly at that. "My magic is coming back, regenerating. And with every bit of magic, I get a little more of myself—of my memory—back. But it's not only the good that comes. I remember little moments with you and the pride. But I also remember the things I've done. The people I've…killed." He looked at me, his emerald eyes shimmering. "The monster I was for so long, when my father controlled my every action."
I put an arm around his shoulders and squeezed. "Oisin. You are not a monster. Your fucking dad was a monster. The assholes in the fae court who let him go around terrorizing everyone were monsters." I shook him a little. "You've been through a lot of shit in that long life of yours. But that shit made you who you are. And I—we all—love you just like you are. All of you, fae—the person you are now, the bad and the good." I smirked. "Even when you're being a snotty little princess."
He turned under my arm, so he could face me slightly, taking one of my hands in his. His eyes met mine, then darted away. "He broke me," he whispered. "I remember…you were broken once, Gesa."
I let out a low growl at his words. I knew exactly what he meant. The reason I left my clan. My rape at the hands of the people who were supposed to support me. My family abandoning me when I needed them most. Anger flared up, drowning me in a sea of red. "Oisin…they didn't…? I swear to the Gods, I will find their corpses and murder them all over again!"
He shook his head. "No, gryphon. They didn't…harm me sexually." His thin body shuddered in memory. "But they took from me—from my mind, my body, my soul. They raped me of my magic, my physical ability to fight back, my memories of who I was…." He met my eyes again, pleading, but fierce. "How did you put yourself back together?"
I smiled sadly at him as some of my anger faded. I hated that he felt this way, this helpless. But this was one thing I did have an answer for.
"I didn't," I said easily.
He shook his head at me. "What do you mean? Of course you did. You're strong and confident and…I'm sure I will regret admitting this out loud, but you're damned amazing, gryphon."
I laughed at that. "I sure don't feel like it, most days. But seriously, Oisin, I didn't put myself back together. Sure, I beat up the guy that raped me. I left my clan and told myself I was a baddass bitch. But…I was a fucking mess inside."
I pulled my arm from around his shoulders to hold both his graceful hands in mine. "You put me back together, idiot fae. You patched up the holes and showed me that I was worth loving, despite the mess. You and the others. You all fucking saved my life."
He blinked at me, and I swear he was fighting back tears. "Your sorry excuse for a father is dead," I said firmly. "Sure, you're still hurting, but you have me and a whole pride of people to help you through it," I said fiercely.
He was quiet, and I could see him trying to put his fae mask in place. The one that hid his emotions.
"You aren't with your clan anymore, Oisin," I reminded him gently. "You're with your family. You don't have to hide yourself from us. No one here is going to think less of you, or exploit your weaknesses against you for their own gain. You don't have to put up with that shit ever again."
He let out a gusty sigh. "I…I get that, I suppose. I know it in my mind and heart. Sometimes I see you all together and I want to reach out and be a part of that. Emotionally but also…in a physical sense. I think once upon a time, I would have healed by immersing myself in you, by drowning myself in whatever pleasures my body could find." He let out a harsh laugh, self-deprecating. His voice dropped to an embarrassed whisper. I'd never t
hought Oisin could be embarrassed by anything.
"My physical body seems to not…get the message," He said haltingly. "I can't stand the thought of intimacy, Gesa. I can't stand the idea of being naked and vulnerable, wide open. I'm fucking terrified anytime the thought pops into my head."
I opened my mouth to say something, anything, to bandage that gaping wound. But he beat me to it, leaning in and stopping my lips with his own.
I could feel the terror in his touch, in the demanding, harsh press of his lips. He wanted to prove he could do this without falling apart. I growled against his lips. Jesus, Buddha, and Odin, I'd wanted to kiss him for forever, but I didn't want to pressure him.
I let go of his hands to cup his face and keep him there, while he dropped his hands to my hips, content just to taste. I angled his head back and let the beast inside me win the fight, just for a little while. Gods, I had fucking missed him so bad.
He opened to me and when I felt him relax a bit more, I slipped my tongue against his, teasing. He pushed back, fingers digging into my hips through my clothes, his magic sparking where he touched me. It was absolute fucking heaven.
And I needed to stop. To let him breathe. To let him come to me when he was ready, not fucking assault him on a park bench in a residential neighborhood in broad daylight just because he had kissed me. Sometimes, being an honorable dumbass sucks.
I pulled back, pressing my forehead to his for a second to catch my breath, then letting that hated space form between us again. Finally, I opened my eyes and looked at him, afraid to see fear, or—worse yet—the indifference of a stranger.
Instead, I was met with a wicked smirk that made my lady bits tingle. "I think I must have wanted to be yours from the moment I met you. I've been wanting to do that for some time now," he murmured. “I might not remember it all," he breathed, trailing a graceful finger along my jaw. “But we were good together, gryphon. Of that, I have no doubt."
I laughed and stood, pulling him to his feet. "You're killing me here, fae. If you don't want to fuck on this freezing park bench, we should probably go relieve Hisashi of babysitting duty."
He let out a put-upon sigh, but I saw the flash of panic in his eyes at the thought of doing anything more intimate than kissing. "I suppose. If we must," he muttered. But he kept his hand in mine the rest of the way there.
Chapter 7
We had nearly reached our destination, an old two-story house on a quiet side street, when the wind picked up, walking icy fingers across my neck. "Gods," I muttered, "we really need to move south."
Oisin stopped in his tracks, his head tilted, and eyes gone distant.
"Oisin? Earth to fae…did you just short out? More memories coming back?"
He blinked and started walking, picking up his pace, then breaking into a run when he reached my side. "Move it, gryphon."
I followed him, completely confused. Then the wind picked up more, howling so loud it almost sounded…like ghostly voices. Fear hit my belly like a punch to the gut, as misty magic caressed my skin. Hisashi.
We slid around a corner, both of us nearly busting our asses on the ice, and dashed to the place where Hisashi was supposed to meet us to change shifts. It was a little park on a postage-stamp-sized lot. Just big enough for a swing set, a slide, and a couple of picnic tables. It was notably lacking in tall, hot albino boys though.
"What the fuck is going on?" I snapped as the wind died down to a normal winter breeze. The howling trailed off, leaving behind the normal sounds of kids playing in the snow a couple of houses over, and the occasional hum of a passing car.
Oisin rubbed his temples. "I don't know, but…that felt like a backlash of discharged magic. Like a spell gone wrong, but on a very large scale."
I rubbed his arm. "You okay?" He looked a little pale. Uh, paler than usual. His fair skin was almost as bone white as our fox's.
Green eyes met mine and his expression went smooth and flat. Shit. It must be bad, if I was getting the mask. "When the magic hit me just now, I saw it. Gods, I…pushed him away," he said quietly. Oh. Memories coming back. And the fae was going to feel like an asshole.
Good. He kind of was.
I left Oisin having his epiphany while I paced around the park, and studied the house, looking for any sign that something bad had happened. "I don't get it, “I said finally, coming back to stare down at Oisin, who was sitting at a snow-covered picnic table with a blank look on his face. "Where did he go?"
My cell phone chirped, and I pulled it out of the back pocket of my jeans. I was relieved to see a text from Hisashi. It had been sent a few minutes ago, the notification probably delayed by the magic surge. I frowned in confusion as I read the message.
I'm going back. Love you gryphon. Tell the little redhead I love him too. Even if he doesn't remember.
I should be relieved, right? He was just going home. Maybe he had to rush to the bathroom or something. Maybe he just didn't want to meet up with us and have to deal with Oisin being all cold and distant with him.
I looked up from my phone. I'm going back.
Why not say "I'm going home," or "I'm going to the apartment?"
Why tell me to tell Oisin he loved him?
Emerald eyes met mine and Oisin seemed to sense the panic that was building inside me. He held out his hand and I gave him my phone. "Hell," he whispered once he'd read the message.
I shook my head as my brain tried to fight what my gut already knew. "He…wouldn't. It doesn't make any sense."
Oisin stood and used my phone, holding it to his ear with his eyes glued to my face. It didn't even ring. Went right to voicemail.
He handed the phone back. "He lost control of his powers," he said in an even tone. But his green eyes had gone hard and dangerous. "That's what we felt. That magical surge was massive." He ran a handover his short hair and let out an exasperated sigh. "I feel like I'm missing something. Something important. Like…I should have done something."
I closed my eyes and swallowed. "You were helping him. Before. Using your magic to calm his so he wouldn't have to let his clan bind him to a shrine."
He stared at me. "Fuck."
I nodded. Fuck indeed. "He was afraid. When we went to get you back, he used his power in ways I didn't even know were fucking possible. He lost control of it a couple times. And when we got back…he said the power kept getting stronger. But I thought we had time. That you'd recover and we'd figure it out together."
The fae shook his head, then turned back the way we'd come, his usually fluid, graceful movements gone sharp and halting. "It's all just bits and pieces in my head," he said, flinging his arms up in agitation. "But you know where he went. He knows he needs an anchor."
I growled. "Yes."
"Then let's go back home and figure out how to stop him."
I glanced back at the house where White's girl was living. If I was right and Hisashi had just run home to his clan, he was in danger of being bound and used. But if I just walked away from a job assigned to me by the fucking demon, I risked White getting pissed and sending my mage back to the guild to be bought by someone else like a cow on the market.
"Gesa?" Oisin said impatiently. "Fuck the demon and his stupid job. We need to find Hisashi." I could sense the fear under his calm expression. He had remembered something more about his relationship with Hisashi. Which was great. But fuck me.
I pulled out my phone again and dialed Orion Black as we walked. "Good afternoon, Miss Lionheart," his smooth voice answered on the third ring.
"I need help," I said, hating that sentence with my whole being. "I need to find Hisashi." With everything that had happened the last week or so, no one had pushed the issue of getting our tracking runes removed. If the incubus could follow our energy into the otherworld with the damned things, then he could sure as shit find the fox out here in the real world.
I clenched my teeth. I didn't even know where the kitsune clan lived. No one did. They were secretive. I hadn't given a fuck until now, because Hisas
hi's home was here. Not there. Not ever again.
"Gesa." The soft voice on the other end of the phone snapped me out of it. "My friend, have you…misplaced your mate?"
I growled.
"I can find the fox for you," he said in a soothing tone. I ignored the little hint of a purr in his voice. If him having the hots for my fox helped us find Hisashi, then so be it. He could just lust away.
"Thank you," I said in a rush of relief. "But…."
"I need a break from contracts and paperwork, “he said smoothly. "Perhaps I could relieve your pride of guard duty for a time?"
"Thank fuck," I muttered.
He chuckled softly on the other end of the phone. "Ah…have you by chance read that contract I left for you?"
I sighed. "No, not yet. But it's on my to do list, I promise." Like, maybe sometime before my two-hundredth birthday. I was not looking forward to reading a bunch of legalese.
Orion clucked at me. "I suggest you read it now. Before you and your pride go rushing off to who knows where for who knows how long."
I rolled my eyes. Like I had time for homework right now. "Sure. Whatever."
I ended the call and jogged along beside Oisin, all the way back to the apartment.
I think some part of me was still holding out hope that this was all a big misunderstanding and Hisashi would be in the bathroom when we got there.
He wasn't. And all of his stuff was right where he'd left it. He hadn't even come back here to pack. Whatever had happened to him, it must have been bad enough to cause him to panic. Now we had to go drag his ass back home before he did something stupid like tie himself to a shrine for the rest of his life.
Chapter 8
This day was really shaping up to be a doozy.
We ran all the way back home. I pulled on my shifter speed and stamina, keeping a careful eye on Oisin. He was flushed and panting by the time we got to the bookstore, but he survived.
