“Hello, beautiful. Want to come join us?”
“Hey, Josh, um … sure, I guess.” Candice smiled and looked at the two guys I had brought to the bar.
Her eyes lit up when she saw Jarad, and my stomach dropped to the floor. The two of them seemed to have some chemistry, and I instantly regretted the idea that I should get Candice to take some space from our thing. But I had to continue; I had to be an ass to her so she would move on from me. I was not good for her, and I knew that.
As we walked over to the table, I went forward with the obligatory introductions.
“Jarad and Richard, this is the hottest single lady on my entire team and the best manuscript reviewer I know; Candice Richards.”
Richard and Jarad introduced themselves and shook her hand. I made sure not to make eye contact with Candice. I knew throwing her out there as a hot single gal was the last thing she wanted me to do.
“You are beautiful,” Jarad said to Candice, almost as if the words came out without him being able to stop them.
His intense eye contact with her made me instantly uncomfortable. I didn’t like it. I wanted to punch him in the face. How crazy was that? Two minutes ago, I thought she was being clingy and a bit of a stalker for showing up at the bar. Now, watching her eyes flutter with a look of desire for Jarad, I thought I had made a mistake.
“Thank you, Jarad; that’s very sweet,” Candice looked at me, and I thought I saw a flash of anger.
She probably didn’t appreciate me not acknowledging that I knew her on a more personal level, but I couldn’t exactly go around telling people that I had fucked my new hire.
“Josh, would you mind if I talked to you for a minute?” Candice said, and I knew by her tone that she was pissed.
I didn’t want her to be mad, and I really did still lust after her. For business and the well-being of our working relationship, I had to go through with letting her get a little mad at me.
We walked outside, and before I had even turned around, I knew she was hurt. I saw it in her eyes when we left the table, and it killed me. Every part of my body wanted to wrap my arms around her and fix what I was about to do.
“Hottest single girl at work? Really? Are you trying to fix me up with one of them or something?”
She was angry; I could see the red flush return to her face and thought she might even cry because of her strong emotions.
“We aren’t dating or anything; I just wanted you to have a chance to meet some nice single guys.”
I couldn’t look her in the eyes as I said it; I knew it was bad. I felt it was bad in the pit of my stomach.
“Oh alright, that’s how this is going to be? To think I actually thought this relationship might go somewhere.”
“Relationship?” I asked her.
Oh, I felt like shit for being such an asshole.
Candice just stared at me then went back into the Shenanigans and sat next to Jarad. She touched his arm and flirted with him, and it killed me. I still wanted her; I just didn’t want to ruin things and have our working relationship be ruined forever.
It was better this way. She was pissed at me, but she would get over it faster if we broke things off right now. But I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach; it was worse than anything I had ever felt before when I had broken things off with a woman.
Candice
My blood was boiling over with anger. Did Josh seriously just blow me off? I thought things were good between us. We had a professional relationship at work and then fun outside of work.
This was exactly what I didn’t want to have happened between us. My heart pounded with anger as I walked back into the restaurant.
“Everything good?” Jarad asked.
“Yep.” I smiled and put on my best flirting face. “Thank you for asking.”
“Josh is right; you have got to be the most beautiful girl at his company, probably the whole city.”
Jarad was really sweet. He was incredibly handsome as well. His tall frame was muscular, and his blond hair would have made him look like a surfer if he didn’t have a suit on. I looked into his eyes and saw more than lust; it seemed like he had a genuine interest in me.
What the hell, I didn’t have anything to lose at this point. I had already lost my virginity to Josh. I decided to give Jarad a chance.
“What do you do Jarad,” I asked as Josh came back to the table.
“I’m a writer. You know that Sci-Fi book that the critics ripped but the public has been going crazy over?”
“Space Showdown?” I asked.
“Yep. That’s me.”
“Holly shit, that was a great book!” Now I was actually impressed by this guy. “That book was so good. Congratulations on all the sales.”
“Yeah, it has been a big rollercoaster ride for sure. Would you like to go out sometime?”
I tried not to look at Josh and continued to look at Jarad. But out of the corner of my eye, I saw Josh as he looked at a group of women in the corner by the bar. He obviously didn’t care if I went out with Jarad so I guess it wouldn’t hurt to give the guy a chance.
“Sure, here’s my number.”
I took a pen out of my bag and wrote it onto his forearm. His arms were muscular, and I liked how he felt as my fingers touched him. I would never have flirted with him and certainly would not have given him my number if Josh hadn’t been so much of a jerk. But if Josh wasn’t interested in dating and was willing to just throw me away like that, he wasn’t the kind of guy I wanted around.
I said my goodbyes to Jarad and then headed back to my apartment. I was angry and hurt and didn’t want Josh to see just how much he had gotten to me. I had been thinking about a future with Josh; I had been delusional that he actually cared about me. My heart hurt to think about the feelings I had started to have for Josh and how easily he just got rid of me.
Within minutes after I left the restaurant, Jarad had already texted me to see if I was available next Friday night. He seemed like a sweet guy, and although I didn’t really feel like jumping right into the dating world, I also wasn’t about to turn down the opportunity to hang out with Jarad. He was a successful writer, and I loved his book. If the only thing that came out of our date was a friendship, it was perfectly fine with me.
I had to think about how I was going to deal with Josh, though. My heart wanted to just go into his office and quit. I didn’t want to be around him if I couldn’t have him, but my brain knew that was a bad idea. I loved my job, and I didn’t want to leave it just because Josh was a jerk. I had to pull myself together and try to make things work.
As I fell asleep, I couldn’t stop thinking about Josh. I wondered if I had done something wrong to piss him off or make things weird between us. There was no way he knew I had followed them to that restaurant; he must have already had the plan to get rid of me. I couldn’t help wondering if he had been thinking about getting rid of me the whole time.
He had told me he didn’t have a lot of relationships. I should have known he wasn’t that type of guy. But when we were together, there was always a passion, connection; I felt more than just lust between us. I felt like he wanted me for more than a quick fuck. But I guess I was wrong. I guess he really just wanted to have my virginity as his trophy.
I tried to clear my head and prepare for the week ahead of me. I needed to focus on work and not interact with Josh as much as possible. I had to get him out of my head. I had to move on, no matter how hard it was. My feelings needed to stop for him, and I had to just try to think of him as my boss. It would be incredibly hard, but I just had to do it. I liked my job and wasn’t about to give up my dream job because I had fallen for my boss.
As I drifted to sleep, I tried my best not to think about Josh, but it just didn’t work. I continued to remember how close and intimate it had felt as we made love. My brain just couldn’t let him go. My brain was usually able to think things through and find the logical reaction, but I just couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t let go of him
just yet; my brain and heart were stuck on him. I needed to forget. I needed to numb myself to the emotions and feelings that Josh brought out in me.
Chapter 4
Josh
I couldn’t leave things the way they were. For a week, Candice ignored me. In meetings, she refused to look at me; in the hallway, she turned and walked the other way. I had to fix things between us. It was a delicate balance between her hating me and her wanting to move on, but I had to find that balance.
My heart just couldn’t take her being angry with me for another second. I had never hurt a girl and then had to see her every day; it was a horrible way of going about life, and I couldn’t do it anymore. I needed some kind of closure to our thing. I needed a better ending.
Even if we weren’t going to be together, I needed her not to be mad at me. It would be impossible for her to enjoy her job if she were thinking about how much she hated me all the time. I didn’t want to get back with her; I did think letting go of her was the best option. I just had to figure out how to smooth things over so she wasn’t so angry.
“Can you get Candice for me?” I said into my speaker to the secretary.
“Yes, sir.”
I would have tried to just run into Candice naturally, but since she had avoided me so successfully throughout the week, I was pretty sure it could be months before I was able to get her alone. I didn’t know if she would actually be willing to talk to me, but I had to give it a chance.
A few minutes passed, and Candice was at my door. She looked just as amazing as usual. She had on a flowing pink shirt and navy blue blouse. Her blonde hair was in waves, and she had just a small amount of lip gloss on. Her delicate pink lips sparkled, and I couldn’t help staring at them.
I loved the business look that Candice always had when she was at work. It was a delicate mix of casual and business with her twist on it. She blended in when she needed to and stood out when she wanted to.
“We are going to lunch,” I said as I headed toward Candice and the door of my office.
“I have work to do,” Candice said with a bit of annoyance toward me.
“Well, I’m the boss, and that work can wait. We need to talk.”
I could tell she wanted to give me some more excuses as to why she couldn’t come to lunch with me, but she decided against it. Instead, she agreed and made her way to the elevator with me. It was uncomfortable in the elevator as neither of us spoke, and Candice refused to look at me.
I couldn’t stop looking at her. Although she was visibly angry at me, she looked very happy. Perhaps not having me around had actually made her happy, instead of sad. The thought made me feel sick. To think that not having me around would make Candice happier was a horrible thought that I just couldn’t get out of my head.
I had done my research and knew that Candice and Jarad had not gone out yet. Jarad said they were going out tonight; that was partly my reasoning for finally getting up the nerve to talk to Candice about the tension between us. I wanted her to be happy; if that meant she could do that with Jarad, then that was what I wanted for her. Whatever would ease her pain from my abruptly breaking things off would be a good plan.
“I’m sorry I’m such an asshole,” I said as we sat down for lunch.
The waitress had just rounded the corner, and I saw her smile at my proclamation. Candice didn’t respond. She didn’t look at me and instead just looked at the menu.
“I’ll have the cob salad and water please,” she said with a smile to the waitress.
“I’ll have the burger.”
When the waitress left, Candice finally looked up at me. Oh, she looked so sad; her eyes were filled with something that I just couldn’t describe. They searched mine for an answer to why I had broke things off, but an answer wouldn’t help this situation at all.
“Why are you such an asshole?” Candice finally asked me.
“I don’t know.”
“Don’t smile at me like that; it makes me think you actually do know why you’re such a jerk.”
“I just don’t think I’m the right guy for you. You should get out there, test the waters, and see what awesome men are out there for you.”
“Why bother to sleep with me if you weren’t going to continue things?”
“I’m sorry. I should have held myself back. It was a mistake and a lack of control on my part.”
“It was a shitty thing to do.”
“Yes, I know.”
I really did know that it was pretty shitty the way I had slept with Candice and then let her go. But I didn’t want a relationship; I had spent most of my life avoiding relationships. I just couldn’t get into one with Candice; there was no way it would be a good idea.
“And you also admit you are a jerk?” she asked, and I saw a small glimpse of a smile.
“Yes ma’am; I am the worst jerk of them all.”
“God, you infuriate me.”
Candice finally looked me in the eyes, and at that moment, I knew that everything would be alright between the two of us. Her eyes softened, and I could see just how much she cared about me. In the darkest part of her gaze, I saw that she wanted to be alright with us being friends. She just didn’t want me to get off without some sort of discomfort.
Candice
I didn’t want to stay mad at Josh. There was no reason to continue to make my life or his uncomfortable. Perhaps this Jarad guy would be a much better fit for me? Or perhaps it was just time for me to try my skills at actually going on dates and see who all was out in the dating world.
We are both grownups and will just have to move forward with our lives. When I think back to us sleeping together, it will just be a memory of a great first guy. He took my virginity, but it was a fun and beautiful experience. I was ready to move on if that was what Josh wanted.
We continued to talk for a little bit, and I really did start to feel better. If Josh was too afraid to be in a relationship, then I didn’t want to force him. I wanted him to have all the chances in the world to find the match that was right for him, and I must not have been it.
When I left our lunch, I actually felt a huge sense of relief. I was tired of being angry at Josh. It was exhausting to try and avoid him all the time. Things just needed to get back to the way they used to be. We had had some fun times, and he was funny and a great guy to talk to. I decided that I would be able to move forward without any more anger. It was a fresh start, and I was ready for it.
I had a new outlook on my date that night with Jarad. I wanted to have fun and just enjoy the night. I wanted not to take things so serious anymore. Dating should be fun, and that’s what I was going to make sure it was.
I took my time getting ready and made sure I didn’t wear something too casual. I wanted to be sexy, but I didn’t want to be a total sex goddess. There was a balance that I would have to learn to find. Dating was a lot more work than I wanted it to be, but I also knew it was a necessary evil if I ever was going to meet the man of my dreams.
When Jarad arrived at my door, I had goose bumps. My nerves were in full force, and I didn’t know if I would be able to keep my hands from shaking. Jarad wasn’t like Josh, and that was a good thing; it was also why I was so nervous. Jarad was conservative and reserved; he didn’t seem the type of guy who liked to tell jokes or mess around.
“Wow, you look amazing,” Jarad said as he stood and stared at me.
It felt good to have a guy like the way I looked. I felt excited. My body tingled with the nervous energy that a first date naturally brought.
“Thank you. You look great too.”
“Should we get going?” Jarad held out his arm for me to grab, and we went down the stairs together.
Jarad was very handsome. He stood well over six feet tall, and his arms were large with muscles. I squeezed his bicep as we made our way down the stairs toward his car that was parked out front. His blond hair was combed impeccably, and his smile stretched widely across his face.
As we walked to his car, I tried
to feel excited. I tried to feel intrigued by him. I tried to feel something, but it just didn’t feel the same as it did when I was with Josh. There was an ease between Josh and I that I didn’t feel with Jarad. Perhaps Jarad just made me more nervous than Josh did? I wasn’t sure, but I was certainly willing to keep giving our date a chance.
Jarad was a perfect gentleman and opened my doors, held my chair out for me, and generally was the ideal guy throughout the night. He was deliciously handsome, and someone any girl would love to bring home to her family.
We had fabulous conversations about books and writing, and we certainly started to feel much more comfortable with each other as the night went on. I loved to hear about his writing and all the things that went with that side of the business.
The problem was … there was something missing between us. I just couldn’t put my finger on it, but I felt like there was a distance between us the entire night. We lacked a deep connection, and that made it hard to keep the conversation going. So we spent most of the dinner talking about ping pong.
After dinner, Jarad took me to a great new movie theater that had red leather recliners as the seats. It was amazing to watch a movie in such comfort. Jarad put his arm around me, but he did nothing else. He didn’t try to feel me up during the movie, and he didn’t try any other moves during the show; we just watched the movie.
Jarad was a nice guy and a perfect gentleman during the entire date. I couldn’t have asked for a nicer man to spend the evening with. The problem was … there was no actual chemistry. Yes, Jarad was hot. His body probably looked amazing naked. But I just didn’t lust for him like I did Josh. My body didn’t react to him like it did Josh. My mind didn’t think about him like it did Josh.
It was a good experience to have gone on the date with Jarad, but I definitely wasn’t ready to start dating yet. I still had deep feelings about Josh that I needed to work through before I was going to be able to date anyone else.
As Jarad walked me up to my door, I tried to keep my distance so he wouldn’t come in for a kiss. I looked away; I fidgeted with my building key, but before I knew it, Jarad leaned in and kissed me.
The Billionaire's Assistant: An Alpha Billionaire Romance Box Set Page 11
