by Bella Jewel
Emalie: You’re trying to push me away, and I get that. Right now, Rai Rai, you have no one else left in your world and that must feel like your soul is being ripped out. I don’t know what is going on and if you don’t want to tell me, that’s your choice, but I need you to know a few things.
I love you, Rainer Torrence. More than I should. I don’t know why I didn’t realize it sooner, but there it is. I need you to know that, not because I want you to sweep me off my feet, but because you need to understand that while you might not have anyone in your world, in my world, you’re everything. I’ll always be here.
I place the phone down and roll to my side, letting my tears fall hard and fast until they soak my pillow. I sob and tremble, unable to stop it. I’m devastated for him and I feel helpless, as if I can’t help him, no matter what I do. He’s in pain, and he is shutting me out. Life without Rainer terrifies me, and I don’t know what I’ll do if he decides he just can’t have me in his world anymore.
I’m still sobbing hard, so I don’t hear the window slide up. I don’t hear the footsteps across my floor. I only realize he’s in my room when my blankets are pulled back, and a big hard body slides in beside mine. I don’t stiffen, or freak out, because I know it’s him. He’s the only person who would come into my room and climb into my bed.
I keep crying. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me close, tucking my body into his. We lie like that for a long time, long enough for me to stop sobbing. He keeps his arms around me, so tight, so secure, and every now and then he nuzzles his face into my hair. I lace my fingers through his and just hang onto him, needing to feel him every second he’s giving me.
“I love you, too, Emalie,” he murmurs against my hair. “Have since the day you came into my life.”
My eyes open, and my heart starts pounding. “You do?”
“Yeah. I thought it was just normal friendship-love, until I kissed you that first time. Then I realized it’s so much more. I’m so fuckin’ sorry I was a cunt earlier. I’m . . . I need you to be safe right now.”
“Rainer, you’re scaring me,” I say, rolling so we’re facing each other.
“Yeah, I know that, kid, but can you trust that I know what I’m doing?”
“Are you going to get hurt?”
He goes silent.
“Rainer,” I whisper, my voice shaky.
“I’ll try as hard as I can not to, I promise you that.”
“How long are things going to be like this?”
“Not much longer.”
I shuffle forward and press my forehead against his. I can feel his hot breath against my mouth and my body breaks out into a thousand tiny prickles. He moves forward and his bottom lip grazes mine. God. He smells amazing and I want him. I don’t want to wait anymore. I want to be with him. I couldn’t want anything more in my life.
“Rainer?” I murmur against his lips.
“Yeah, kid?”
“You asked me to promise that I’d save myself for the right person—that I’d hang onto it until I knew it was right. It’s right, Rainer . . . with you, it’s right. I want it to be you.”
He doesn’t say anything for so long I wonder if he heard me, or maybe he doesn’t know how to respond.
“Emalie,” he says in a hoarse tone. “You need to be sure . . .”
“I’m sure. You’ve been my friend a long time, and I don’t know what this is growing between us, but I know I trust you more than anyone.”
“I don’t want you to regret this.”
“I’d never regret you.”
“You’re not eighteen yet . . .”
“And we’re not doing anything wrong, Rainer.”
He sighs and brings his lips back to mine, kissing me softly. It seems as if that’s all he’s going to do, and I wonder if he just doesn’t want it. His mouth is soft against mine, and his tongue is gently stroking, but I want more. I want him to touch me. I want to feel everything. I reach for his hand and press it against my breast and he groans.
“Emalie . . .”
“Please, Rainer . . .”
“I can’t promise you that it’ll be any more than this, and you deserve so much more. I fucking love you, I will for the rest of my life, but I don’t know that it’ll ever be more than that.”
“I don’t care. I only care about right here and right now.”
“Baby,” he murmurs.
“Please, Rainer, I want it to be you.”
He crushes his lips against mine again and I’m guessing that’s his answer. Thank God. I want nothing more. I reach up and curl my fingers into his thick, lush hair. He groans and our tongues dance in a frantic yet sensual pace as our bodies press closer together. There was a good, long time when I’d never have thought about being in this position with Rainer, but now I’m here I wonder why I never thought about it sooner.
Rainer rolls me gently to my back and brings his body over mine, kissing a path down my jaw. I close my eyes, loving every single second. He makes light work of my clothes and if it wasn’t for the dark, I’d be covering myself with shame. What if I’m not what he likes? Are my breasts big enough? Do I have too much curve, or not enough? Rainer’s hands find my shoulders, and slowly he starts dragging them down my skin.
“You’re fucking beautiful, Emalie,” he rasps, reaching my breasts and gently cupping them.
“You really think so?” I breathe.
“Fuck yeah, I do.”
I smile shakily but it’s cut off quickly with a gasp when Rainer starts rolling his fingers over my nipples. Oh gosh. Nothing has ever felt so amazing in my entire life.
“Rainer,” I gasp.
“You’re beautiful here.”
He does this until my body is arching up into his, then he slowly continues his path down my body. I can feel his erection pressing against my thighs as he trails kisses down my belly. My skin is alive and alert, fully aware of him. Every touch, every kiss—it’s as if my body knows who is delivering it. My entire world comes to a stand still when he reaches my most private place.
“Rainer,” I breathe, squirming beneath him.
“Fuck. You smell amazing.”
His fingers slide out and graze over my flesh, making my entire body jerk to life. Pleasure unlike anything I could have ever imagined builds as he strokes and taunts my sex, encouraging me, teasing me, taunting my body, preparing me for him. When his mouth closes over mine, warmth explodes in my body. I can hear my whimpers of pleasure, but I don’t even try to stop them.
Rainer works my body like that until I’m shuddering with my first ever orgasm. I’ve never felt something so amazing in my life—I want it over and over again. He sits back and strips his clothes, then moves his big body up mine, and his skin is soft and warm. His body is so hard, so built, and so masculine. My fingers slide over his arms, his back, and stop at his neck where I pull him down to kiss me as he positions his body between my legs.
I feel him there, hot and ready, and fear swells in my chest. Will this hurt? If so, will it last a long time? Will it be over quick? Will I enjoy it?
Rainer must notice my panic, because he stops the soft sucking on my neck and he cups my face in his hands. “You doin’ okay, sweetheart?”
“Y-y-y-yeah. I’m nervous, Rai.”
“Don’t be. I won’t hurt you.”
“You might not get to decide that.”
He presses his forehead to mine. “Then I’ll do everything I can not to hurt you.”
“Okay.”
“Do you trust me?”
“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”
He kisses my lips softly, then he shifts, taking his jeans into his hand and pulling out a condom. I swallow and start to tremble as he tears the packet open and puts it on. My heart is pounding when he brings himself over me again. I don’t know how this is going to feel. I want it to be incredible, but I know it rarely ever works like that.
“Relax, Emy,” he murmurs, meeting my eyes. “You need to relax for me.”
“I’m scared.”
He strokes a piece of hair from my face. “I’d never hurt you. If it’s awful, I’ll stop, immediately.”
I nod, and he brings his lips to mine softly as he gently spreads my legs apart farther. He presses his erection to my entrance, and I shudder at the pressure. Gently, he pushes forward. At first, it doesn’t seem too awful, but then he pops past something and pain explodes in my body. “Rainer,” I cry out, pressing my hands over my face.
“Jesus, sorry,” he says, stopping as he promised he would.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper between shaky sobs. “I didn’t realize it would hurt so much.”
“I’ve got an idea. Hang on.”
He pulls back a little and reaches down between us, placing a finger over that aching nub. He rotates gently and pleasure shoots through my core. I close my eyes, forgetting the pain and focusing only on the pleasure. He keeps doing that, and at the same time, he pushes himself inside me. It’s uncomfortable, but so much less when he’s doing that.
“Rainer,” I gasp when he slides into me, right into me.
“God, Emy, you feel so fucking amazing.”
“I . . .” My body arches up as he rubs a little harder. “Oh God.”
I explode around him and while I’m doing that, he starts thrusting. I’m wet and ready for him, so his thrusts glide in and out with ease. A gasp escapes my throat at the feeling of fullness I experience, but that quickly subsides into a slight tingle of pleasure. It’s not enough to take me over the edge, but it’s pleasant, and that’s good for my first time.
What I focus mostly on, is Rainer. His big body moves over mine like a graceful lion. His sleek muscles pull and flex as he shifts. He works his hips slowly, not pushing too hard, not going too fast. I reach up and cup his face, and we kiss during each beautiful thrust. He groans against my mouth and I shiver, knowing that my body is making him feel good right now. That’s amazing.
“Rainer,” I breathe against his mouth. “Does it feel good?”
“God, yes, baby,” he pants. “Amazing.”
He picks up the pace a little and his fingers tangle in my hair. He crushes his lips down over mine again, and this time his body shudders to a stop and his lips part against mine on a ragged gasp, and I know, I just know, he’s coming. For me. In me. My body warms and my heart swells with pride and happiness. As he slumps down over me, kissing my neck and stroking my hair, I know . . . I know I’ve finally found it.
My happy place.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
NOW – MALI
“Rainer,” I gasp, slapping my hand against the bricks over and over as he drives into me.
We’re out the back of his bar, in the dark, and he’s got me pressed against the wall. My front is facing it, and he’s fucking me from behind, his big body molded against mine, his cock driving in and out of my flesh. He feels incredible, so damned incredible. I’ve come once already, but tonight he’s insatiable. He doesn’t want to stop, and I don’t want him to. He’s holding back, pulling orgasm after orgasm out of me.
He’s meant to be working, but that stopped as soon as I walked in the bar. Our eyes met, and before I knew what was happening, he was dragging me out the back, hot lips crushed against mine, big hands jerking my dress up. I’ve never been fucked so thoroughly in my life, and I can’t get enough. I want more—I want it all and then some.
“So fuckin’ sweet,” he grunts against me, driving his cock into my body as if it’s the last chance he’ll have to do so.
Rainer and I have been fucking regularly for more than two weeks now, and it’s getting better and better with every single passing minute. After he opened up and told me what happened, we’ve just been getting closer. He spends nights with me, and I come to the bar to hang out with him a lot. We talk easily, effortlessly, and it’s amazing.
“I can’t come again, honey,” I breathe, slapping the wall once more.
“Give me one more, babe,” he grinds out as he pounds his hips into mine. “One more.”
“Please,” I mewl.
He grabs a handful of my ass in his hands and squeezes hard. I shudder and rasp, “Spank it.”
He stops thrusting a second, as if I’ve shocked him, but it doesn’t last long. Soon he’s fucking deep again, only this time he brings his hand down over my ass. I gasp and moan, low and deep, and he does it again, and again, and again, until I’m screaming his name again, exploding around his cock. He bellows my name, and then he’s driving his cock harder and deeper as he finds his own release.
Holy shit.
Sex with him just gets hotter and hotter.
When he’s come down from his high, he slowly pulls out of me and slides my dress down. Then he spins me around and cups my jaw with his big hand. I look up into his eyes. God, I love him. More than I should. He still hasn’t kissed me, and that bothers me, but I don’t push. I should have told him by now, I should have confessed who I am, but the more time I spend with him, the harder it gets.
I just want to love him, and maybe I want him to love me without knowing who I am. It’s stupid, I know that, but it’s all I’ve got.
“I finish in two hours. Do you want to get dinner and then come to my place?”
Dinner? His place? He’s never taken me to his place. He’s never asked me on a date. My heart swells.
“You want to take me to dinner?”
He nods, pressing his lips to my forehead. “Is that such a shock?”
“I just . . . thought we were casual.”
“Maybe I’m changing my mind,” he murmurs, staring into my eyes. “Maybe I want to see where it can go.”
Oh. My. God. I am silently screaming inside, but I keep it cool and smile. “Well then, it’s a date.”
I grin and he winks at me, before adjusting his clothing and making sure mine is respectable. Then we head back inside. He goes back to the bar, puts on his charming smile, and keeps working. I watch him, my heart swelling with pride as I take him in, loving how he interacts with these people. He’s made for it, even if he doesn’t see it.
“You know him?”
I flinch and turn, seeing a gorgeous man with the most amazing amber eyes I’ve ever seen sitting beside me at the bar.
“Oh, yeah. Do you?”
He grins. Gosh he’s good looking. And huge. So many muscles.
“Yeah, I’ve fought with him once. I’m passing back through town, thought I’d come and say hello.”
“Oh, well, I’m um . . . his . . .” I trail off, because I don’t know how to answer that. The man grins and extends his hand.
“It’s cool, I get it. I’m Raide.”
Raide. Cool name.
“Mali.” I smile, reaching out and taking his hand, shaking it.
“Good to meet you, Mali. Any friend of Rainer’s is a friend of mine.”
“So you fight with Max, then?”
He shrugs. “I have. It’s a lot of fun. I’m passing through town now, so I won’t be staying.”
“Fun?” I giggle. “Fighting is fun?”
His grin gets bigger, and he’s got dimples. Holy shit. Dimples.
“Yeah, I think so.”
“You like being beaten up?”
He chuckles. “No, I like the adrenaline. It’s good stress relief.”
“Whatever you say, dude.”
“Raide?”
We both turn to see Rainer approaching, dishtowel thrown over his shoulder, bottle of whiskey in his hands. He looks amazing.
“What’s up, Rainer?” Raide says, standing and extending his hand.
“Haven’t seen you for a bit. Where’d you get to?”
“Had to get out of town, you know? Just passing through. I’ll be gone in a few hours.”
“Sit down. Let me get you a whiskey.”
Raide sits back down and Rainer gets him a whiskey, sliding the crystal glass in front of him.
“How have things been, buddy?” Raide asks, and I smile, listening to them catch up.<
br />
It’s nice.
“Mali!”
I turn at the sound of a voice and see Pippa and Belle coming in. Belle is waving, her hands in the air, happy as can be, but Pippa looks sad. She’s not smiling, her eyes are downcast, and something is definitely off. I stand and walk over, hugging Belle and then turning to Pippa. “Hey, Pip, are you okay?”
She looks up and forces a smile. “Sure,” she croaks.
I put an arm around her shoulders. “Are you sure?”
“Her and Tyke had a massive fight. I brought her here to take her mind off it.”
“Well, I’ll be glad to help with that,” I say, smiling at Belle.
“Pip?”
I turn and see Rainer walking over, his expression concerned. I remove my arm from Pippa’s shoulder and she immediately rushes towards him, throwing her arms around his neck and bursting into a fit of tears. My heart aches for her; clearly, the fight was horrible. I meet Rainer’s eyes while rubbing her back gently. He’s so . . . worried about her.
“Come on, let’s find somewhere to talk.”
He leads her away and I watch them go, my heart aching a little. He cares so much about her, so damned much. I understand it now, but it still hurts because I wonder if he’ll ever love anyone else again. Even if he decided to care about me, would it ever be enough?
“Let’s get a drink,” Belle says, pulling me to the bar.
We reach it and she notices Raide, and right away her eyes widen. “Raide, what are you doing here?”
I guess they know each other.
“Just havin’ a drink. How’re you doing, woman?”
She grins and slides in beside him. “I’m awesome. Has the law caught up to you yet?”
He chuckles. “Not yet, sweetheart.”
“I’m telling you, they’re going to send a female bounty hunter after your ass. You never know. It could be Mali here.”
I snort. “I couldn’t tackle a grown man to save my life. Sorry, dude, it isn’t me, and I don’t even want to know why you would have a bounty hunter after you.”
