“Any word from him yet?”
I don’t have to ask to know who he’s referring to. The distaste in his voice is plain, although he probably thinks he’s hiding it well.
“Not yet,” I say, fiddling with a loose threat on my blanket. The kids made sure to bring the charger that I forgot at home, and since then, I’ve checked my phone numerous times. No response from Alejandro yet, and my stomach feels sick when I consider what it might mean.
Of course, my thoughts spiral down the rabbit hole of despair and arrive at the worst possible conclusion, which is that this is too reminiscent for comfort of the first time he disappeared on me. With the way men tend to run in the opposite direction at the first smell of responsibility, as if children carry the plague, I can’t help but worry that he’s decided having a baby is too much and has left me to deal with it on my own.
I’ve entertained the possibility a few times in my head before. I’ve even talked about it with Jean, and we both concluded that if it went that way, I’d raise the baby on my own. Screw him and the horse he rode in on and all that. I don’t need a man to raise a kid.
But I want him. God, do I want him.
I send up another silent prayer for Alejandro to get here, to prove me wrong, to set my racing mind at ease. The doubts and insecurities are threatening to eat me alive.
A glance at the as-yet empty doorway reveals nothing new though.
“Do you think he’s going to show?”
“I’m sure he will. He’s trying to find a flight out,” I say, but my voice lacks the proper amount of confidence to be convincing.
Mark’s expression is one of pity, and I’d do just about anything to escape that right now—especially since it’s coming from him.
“What if he doesn’t? You don’t think he’d just not come, do you?”
“It’s his baby,” I reason.
Mark nods and glances away. When his eyes come back to meet mine, there’s something I don’t want to name in them staring back at me. “Do you… What if…” As he struggles for words, my heart starts to pound. “What if he doesn’t come back?”
Acknowledging the question makes my stomach roll. “Well, if that were the case, then I’d raise Ben by myself. It’s not like I’d have another choice in the matter.”
Mark grows quiet again, and then he says the one thing I never thought I’d hear come out of his mouth. “What if you didn’t have to?”
My eyes snap up and I stare at him in total shock. “What do you mean by that?”
“I mean,” he says, twisting around so he’s facing me, “I could help. I like kids. And it’s not like I haven’t done it before.” He glances at our oldest daughter who’s adopted. “I’d love him like he’s my own.”
He reaches for my hand, but I pull it away, unsure if I want him to touch me or not. “Where is this coming from? What about your…her?”
“We broke up. She went back to live with her parents.” He takes my hand this time, giving me no chance to pull away. “I miss you. I miss us.”
I feel my eyes sting, and then my vision blurs as they fill with unspent tears. Why is he doing this to me? Why now? After all the prayers, all the sleepless nights and worries and longing and heartache…why now?
A hundred questions run though my head. Is he just latching onto me because he doesn’t want to be alone? How much of this is even true? Has he changed at all? Can I even trust him anymore? Can I love him again? But the most important question of all is: Do I want him?
Unsure what to do or say, I look into his eyes, then to my kids. I see the three oldest, the ones we made, raised together, and I see all the hopes and dreams of the future I once had before me…and the possibility of having it all back again.
Then I see Ben. Tiny, fresh little Ben with his perfect button nose and round head, long lashes and cherub cheeks, with a hint of caramel coloring tinting his skin…and I see the future—or what I’d hoped the future would look like.
In the absence of Alejandro, I don’t know what I see. Everything is muddled now, and the choice feels close to impossible to make.
It could be too soon. If I decide one way or another now, I might make a huge mistake.
But if I don’t choose now, I might still be making a huge mistake.
Either way, I stand to lose.
Emotions running rampant, the tears start to fall, and Mark is quick to dry them away. I don’t jerk away from his touch, even though a part of me revolts. I want Alejandro to be the one touching me, and the reminder that it’s Mark and not him hits me square in the chest.
The fact is, he’s not here. He’s not answering my texts. He hasn’t tried to call, not my phone nor the hospital room even though I gave him the number just in case. He knows how to reach me and has the means to do it…and he hasn’t.
The truth is, he should have been here by now. He should have been here all along. And he’s not. As much as it hurts me to admit, if he wanted us, he’d move heaven and earth to be with us. He wouldn’t go MIA at the most important time. But that’s exactly what he’s done.
I look around the room once more, to the people who make my life complete, and I consider my options. Sadly, they’re precious few. But one thing I know for certain is that I love my kids, and I’d do anything to make them happy.
“Julie…” Mark’s soft plea breaks through my thoughts, and I turn my head to look at him. His eyes are filled with emotion, just like my heart, and I feel an answering tug. “Please.”
I open my mouth to voice my decision…
…and that’s when Alejandro walks in.
Read on for the exciting conclusion in Bebé!
Bebé
by JC VALENTINE
The kids are in bed…all except Ben, who is lying in my arms, sucking down his milk like a fiend, eyes fluttering as he fights against the pull of sleep.
He won’t win this one. It’s the same thing every night, and he always succumbs. It brings a smile to my face, seeing how hard he fights. But he’s just like his dad, stubborn and strong-willed to the marrow.
I watch my little man drink his milk with a mother’s fascination. How did I make something so precious and perfect? It’s evidence of the greatness in this universe. The miracle of life is astonishing. Even though I say I don’t want any more kids…Ben makes me reconsider. Maybe just a couple more, just like him.
Ben’s eyelids flutter open once more, and those big brown eyes that match Alejandro’s stare up at me, heavy with sleep.
“Hola, mi precioso hombrecito,” I say softly while tracing a finger across his forehead. “You should be asleep.”
I need him to be asleep. The bedtime routine is a long-drawn-out process of rinse and repeat. Ben just wants to be a part of the waking world. He doesn’t have time for sleep. But his little baby body requires a lot of it, and for the time being, he’s powerless against it. I have a feeling his terrible twos is going to knock me on my ass.
I’m looking forward to it.
As his eyes drift closed again, a small, gummy smile splits across his face, and the bottle hisses as the nipple, once collapsed, reforms.
I half expect him to cry, but this time he’s out for the count.
Setting the bottle aside, I breathe a sigh of relief. I’m tempted to take him upstairs and put him in his crib, but I know better to move this early into the process. It’s like waking a lion. You do so at your own peril.
The television is turned down low, so that only the faintest murmur can be heard. I watch it anyway, not really sure of what’s going on. I think it’s a comedy, judging by all the smiling people and the frequent antics happening on screen.
It’s late, and I’m exhausted. Taking care of babies is hard work, especially when you’re used to kids who can take care of themselves. It’s been quite an adjustment, and I’m still trying to settle into the new routine. Thankfully, I have help.
The kids have been spectacular, going above and beyond to help raise their brother. They fix bottles and
change diapers without—much—complaint, and they’re always doting on him. No doubt, he’s loved. Even if Alejandro is away a lot, Ben will never feel a lack.
When I feel Ben’s body go completely slack, his eyes darting behind his lids, his little mouth making sucking motions, I know I’m in the clear.
Carefully so as not to wake him, I begin the delicate process of sitting up, then scooting slowly to the edge of the couch, then summoning strength into my legs to lift me.
I haven’t made it to my feet yet when I hear someone coming. Bracing myself, I wait to see who it is.
Rounding the corner, I’m met with a smile that makes my heart clamor in my chest. “He sleeping?”
“Finally,” I whisper, letting my eyes soak every inch of him in as he approaches.
Dressed in boxers and a T-shirt, Alejandro somehow manages to make even the simplest outfit look sexy.
“He’s a fighter,” Alejandro says with a light laugh.
“Too much like his dad,” I joke. And he is so much like him, from the silky black hair to the café au lait skin and the deep, chocolate brown eyes. Even his temperament. I love it.
Walking up to me, Alejandro reaches down and scoops Ben up with that quiet confidence I love so much. It’s as if he isn’t even the least bit terrified of waking the little monster. Cradling him in his arms, Alejandro takes a moment to look at his son, and I take a moment to look at him.
There’s something about a man holding a baby—your baby—that is the epitome of hot. Once again, I’m in awe, thinking of how we came together to make another person.
And he’s here, helping to care for him too. He may not be able to be around as much as I’d like, but he didn’t run. He didn’t abandon us. And most importantly, I made the right choice.
Mark and I would have never worked. Too much water under the bridge. But Alejandro is a fresh start—exactly what I need. He’s strong and intelligent and loving, and even more…honest. I trust him, and that’s hard to do when you’ve been broken and shattered like I have.
When I was in my darkest hour, he came into my life and shone a light. And he wasn’t afraid to take my hand and guide the way.
As I stand and take my place beside him, we look down at our son together, marveling over what a year can do. Our whole lives have changed in ways neither of us could have imagined…and I’m happier than I can ever remember being in my entire life.
Alejandro is my light in the dark—my bright spot.
Looking into his eyes now, I once again become lost.
“What?” he asks, reading my expression.
Lifting to my toes, I kiss his full, sensual lips. Instantly, the craving for more hits me, as it always does. It’s a struggle to rein it in. There will be time for that later. Right now, I’m content in the moment, wanting it to last forever.
“Thank you,” I tell him, but the meaning goes far deeper than those two words can ever express.
“For what?”
Thank you for finding me.
Thank you for guiding me.
Thank you for saving me.
Thank you for having the courage to love me.
Thank you…
…for staying.
“For everything,” I say simply.
I don’t know where the future will lead us, if we’ll even make it for the long haul. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my past, though, it’s to take each moment and savor it. Live in it. Breathe it in.
Because you never know when it will all end.
If Alejandro and I last, it will be because we were meant to. And if we don’t, then I will have memories enough to last me a lifetime.
I hope they’re all good, though there’s bound to be some bad, but I know one thing for certain: He’s given me a chance at a future I never could have imagined, and I’ll love him forever for that.
The End.
For my readers,
The day I opened my world to you with Papi, I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. I wasn’t sure I even wanted to share that much of myself with anyone. At that time, only those closest to me knew what all my life entailed, and then I started writing and decided—with a lot of encouragement—to just throw it out there.
As a writer, it’s kind of a cleansing of the soul, and that’s definitely something I’ve accomplished with this little series. That was my goal entirely, because this moment in my life consumed me to the point of distraction. That you fell in love with Alejandro as deeply as I did (the real man behind the scenes, of course) is a testament to the power he has. He truly touched my soul, and if you have ever experienced something like that, you know how life changing it is.
Some of you questioned how much of this is real. Well, “Alejandro” is real, although my time with him ended far sooner than I would have liked. As for the books themselves, the story of Papi is VERY real, and Mami, while more of a wish of what was real, still holds much of its roots in reality.
If you want to know where the truths lie, look closest at the intimate moments and the conversations. There you will find the rawest parts of my journey.
While the ending of this series is only a dream of what might have been, I will forever look back on this chapter of my life with fondness…never regret. A person who touches your heart and soul is someone to be cherished. And if you’re reading this and experiencing heartbreak of your own, know you’re not alone, and while I’m still reminding myself of this every day, remember this: God will never give you more than you can handle. You’re stronger than you know, and one day you’re going to look back on this moment, as I am now, and realize you made it. Every second, every minute, every hour of every day is an accomplishment. Don’t ever forget that.
Much love,
JC
For more novels by J.C. Valentine, visit AMAZON!
Looking for more thrilling and romantic interludes?
Read on for an excerpt from THE AFFAIR!
THE AFFAIR
USA Today Bestselling Author
J.C. VALENTINE
While the husband is away, the wife will play…
Bradley is a good man. He’s loyal and loving and a great husband and father. But the spice is gone from our marriage. It’s time to liven things up a bit.
I’m done being good. Done following the rules. I’ve spent half my life playing wife, mother, chauffeur, and maid. Now, it’s time to play the vixen. It’s time to reclaim the woman I used to be—the woman I was always meant to be. It’s time to shake things up.
ONE
I’ve never done anything like this before. Me, a married woman with kids, sitting alone in a hotel bar drinking cheap, bubbly champagne from a fluted glass.
The last time I had champagne was at my wedding twelve years ago. I was younger then, able to stay up past midnight without looking like something death ran over. I had a better body then, too. No stretch marks. Tight stomach. Twenty pounds lighter. My boobs were fantastic, too, defying the laws of gravity. Certainly no need for the uncomfortable underwire pushup from Victoria’s Secret to make them look good.
But I digress.
I’ve never deliberately sat in a bar waiting for someone to notice me. A nice someone. Someone with dark, kind eyes that hold an edge of danger. Someone that lights that fire in my belly from just a look, the barest touch.
After popping out two kids and spending the last seven and a half years running endless errands and performing maid duties in exchange for a weekly romance novel stipend and the occasional functional haircut when time allows, I’ve missed that feeling. You know the one—excitement, flare, burning desire. I’m at the point in my life where I need to reclaim a part of myself. That part that needs to be reminded she’s still a woman. A woman with needs. With desires. With dreams and passions and a zest for life.
That’s why I’m here tonight. While my children play gin rummy and eat far too many sweets with my in-laws, I’m on a mission to rediscover the vibrant, sexy, confident woman I used to be.
Gone are the pajama pants and loose fitting tops. Gone are the haphazard buns and pasty, freckled skin. It’s all been replaced. My mask of carefully applied makeup, artfully designed hair done up in a modern Fifties-Era style, costume jewelry, and shaper wear under a body-hugging little black dress are all in place and ready to kill.
My wedding ring—a plain gold band—catches the light as I lift the glass to my lips. Bradley is a good man, a great husband, and an even better father. But we’ve lost that spark, the one that first drew us together back when we were barely adults, fresh out of high school.
He was in a band then. Super sexy with his long, shaggy hair and a deep, gravelly voice that turned my brain to mush and my insides into an inferno. We were electric together. Then life and responsibilities happened and...well...here I am.
It took a lot of pep talks to get me here. A lot of planning, too. This kind of thing doesn’t just happen on a whim. Not when you have a family to care for. But it’s been a long time coming, and even though I’m feeling the single glass of champagne, and I know I’m going to pay for the lack of sleep for days to come, it’s worth it. Tonight is as much for me as it is for Bradley. This is going to be the catalyst our marriage needs to jump-start it back in the right direction, to be rejuvenated.
Tonight, I’m free to be whoever the hell I want to be.
Continue reading! Pick up THE AFFAIR here!
Looking for a sexy, intense, romantic comedy? Check out more of the Blue Collar series with SWEETEST TEMPTATIONS (Blue Collar Book 1)
From USA Today Bestselling Author J.C. Valentine comes a sizzling story about a young entrepreneur, a hot firefighter, and a first date that will change their paths forever.
Tenacious bakery shop owner Abby is following her dreams. She has everything she could ever want in life--except the fairytale ending. Then she meets Kennedy, a hunky firefighter whose killer smile and easy charm makes her heart pound. But with the kind of danger he faces on the job each day, Abby knows there's no happily-ever-after in the cards. The harder she tries to hold onto her heart, the faster it seems to slip away, but when a series of mysterious events threaten the future of her business and her life, their happiness may be shorter-lived than she realized.
Mami: Based on a True Story Page 7
