As we reached each professional goal we’d set, we were there to encourage each other in workouts and competitions along the way.
We were also both committed to our faith.
As we got to know each other, I learned that faith had always been important to Ross. When I asked him how long he’d had a relationship with Christ, he playfully answered, “Right out of the womb!” His grandmother was always in church and he’d been growing in his faith as long as he could remember. I loved that he was a prayerful person too.
And, of course, we each valued our families. My family is everything to me, and the same holds true for Ross. He’s really close to his brother and sister, and he is absolutely devoted to his mother. (I’m not going to say that he’s a momma’s boy, but he does love his momma. Honestly, that was one of the first things I appreciated about him!) As I considered my dreams for the future, which included being married one day and having children, Ross was exactly the kind of man with whom I’d want to raise children.
I secretly hoped he felt the same.
Dating
Before you date, and while you date, one of the most important things I can encourage you to do is to know who you are. I remember clearly, from high school, the temptation to get all caught up in a boy: his likes, his friends, his wants, his needs. I saw a number of friends make those kinds of choices, and it never ended well. In an event at the Apollo Theater a few years ago, Michelle Obama offered girls advice about reaching their goals. She also warned against letting boys determine a girl’s future. She herself was working as an associate at a Chicago law firm, focusing on her own dreams and ambitions, when she met her future husband, an intern at the firm!
If you’re not yet dating, spend some time discovering who you are. Decide what goals you want to pursue and do what it takes to reach them. This is the time for you to become the best version of yourself.
If you are dating, take it slow. It’s worth spending the time to really get to know somebody. And learn how to be yourself—who you really are—in that relationship. Don’t feel pressured, by friends or by the person you’re dating, to do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing.
In fact, the best advice I can give you—whether you’re dating or not yet dating—is to be yourself. A lot of times people can show a perfect, shiny side of themselves at the beginning of a relationship, but your bond will be much stronger if you’re willing to let others see who you truly are. Maybe you’re really goofy. Maybe you’re awkward. Maybe you’re quirky. Maybe you’re bold. If you’re willing to be who you are deep inside, you’re going to be all right whether you’re dating or not. Focus on who you were made to be and let God take care of the rest.
Two Surprises
It didn’t take long for Ross and me to know we wanted to spend our lives together.
One of our favorite television shows to watch together was the comedy Martin. In the episode where Martin proposed to his sweetheart, Gina, his proposal was recorded.
So I wanted my proposal recorded!
During the year leading up to the 2008 Olympic games, NBC was filming profiles of various athletes. I was in New York for one of Ross’s games, and the film crew was interviewing me.
Since we were both elite athletes, the network thought it would be interesting to film me getting ready, and then they’d also film me at the game.
Before Ross had to leave for the stadium, we were both sitting at the counter casually chatting. Well, as casual as you can be while cameras are rolling, anyway!
In a playful tone, he asked, “What do you want for Christmas?”
He knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted to be engaged.
“Babe . . .” I answered, unsure if I wanted everyone who’d be watching the Olympics to know I was ready for him to propose. I wanted to keep some things personal. I also didn’t want to put him on the spot.
“Come on,” he teased, “what do you really want?”
“What do I really want?” I asked, still deciding how much I was comfortable revealing.
Since he was pushing, I figured it wouldn’t bother him if I said it.
“A ring!” I burst out, with a little giggle.
He’d already given me a promise ring that I wore on my right ring finger, signaling the direction in which we were headed.
“I gave you a ring,” he said with a grin.
Glancing down, matching his mood, I countered, “Not this ring . . .”
With a twinkle in his eye, he opened his hand to show me a gorgeous diamond-studded engagement ring.
Coyly, he said, “What about this one?”
When I saw it, I started screaming.
He asked, “Is that a yes?”
“YES!!!!!”
Yes. Yes. Yes.
When we’d been dating at the University of Texas, Ross had wanted to buy me the perfect ring. But, like most college students, that meant waiting. His NFL contract meant he could finally buy me a ring he knew I’d love.
One of the coolest parts of that day was that the rest of my family was downstairs when he proposed. My sister had already seen the ring, but I ran downstairs to show it to my parents and celebrate with all of them.
When my parents, Shari, and I left for the game that evening, I still felt a warm glow inside—enough to insulate me from their jokes about not wearing my gloves in the bitter cold! They all knew there was no way I was covering my left hand at this game.
I relished being Ross’s biggest fan, especially on that night! In the first half of the game he had a great play, intercepting a pass by the Redskins’ quarterback. When I glanced up at the Jumbotron to see the replay of the pass interference, I was shocked to see a very different replay. Rather than seeing my fiancé’s amazing interception, I—and eighty thousand of my closest friends—was watching Ross’s proposal from earlier in the day!
It was awesome.
Way better than Martin and Gina.
Warnings
Before Ross and I were engaged, certain friends and family warned me that Ross would lose interest because I was pursuing a career that required a heavy time commitment. They cautioned that girls who dreamed of sitting in the wives’ suite on NFL Sundays would be lining up to steal him.
I understood their concerns.
There is no shortage of women throwing themselves at professional male athletes. And the stereotype of the NFL wife—that I’d just signed on to be!—was a woman who’d be constantly at his side, glimmering like a Heisman trophy, and spending his millions on diamonds and clothes.
That stereotype didn’t fit Ross, though. It wasn’t what he valued. He was more interested in having a strong partner, one who’d pursue her own dreams and challenge him to meet his, than he was in a woman who smiled quietly at his side. Our relationship wasn’t going to be derailed by girls waiting outside the locker room.
Still, the people who were warning me had seen plenty of stories like mine that didn’t end well. Players who’d pledged their allegiance to a girlfriend, fiancée, or wife would rationalize being with other women out on the road. Some of the strongest ones compromised their own values in the face of temptation.
Those were the kinds of thoughts that triggered my own insecurities. Was I present enough? Was I beautiful enough? Was I supportive enough? Was I enough? My worries, of course, had nothing to do with Ross. They were the unfortunate intersection of NFL culture and a strong, successful woman with a soft heart who, in the end, had the same tender spots as any other woman.
In my worst moments, my mind would play nasty tricks. When we were in college, a teammate had gossiped to me that she’d seen another girl driving Ross’s car three days earlier. I freaked out until I did the math and realized Ross had come over to my apartment for dinner that night! His car had been parked outside my place the whole evening.
Thankfully, the fears that seemed like ominous warnings at the time proved to be unfounded. Our rigorous training and travel schedules only made us more grateful for the time we had togethe
r.
Finish Line or Starting Blocks?
After being engaged for more than two years, we married on February 26, 2010.
Walking down the aisle, supported by our families and friends and coaches, felt surreal. After dating for five years, we’d finally reached the finish line. We both felt like we’d won the prize! But, of course, the wedding also felt like being poised in the starting blocks, ready to begin our journey through life together.
As the wedding began, my dad escorted me to the back of the church. My dress was covered with gold and silver beading. It had a long train covered with crystals that shimmered as I walked. My hair fell in soft curls. Because the ceremony was being recorded for an episode of Platinum Weddings, a jeweler had loaned me $500,000 worth of jewelry to wear that day. (Yikes!)
I looked down the aisle and spotted Ross, calm and strong, wearing a white tuxedo. I felt like I was seeing my prince and I was his princess. I was glad I had my dad to lean on as I walked down the aisle. Before my dad released me to my beloved, he lifted my veil and kissed my cheek.
While a lot of that day was a blur, I knew one thing for sure: Ross and I were meant for each other. Standing before God, family, and friends, we pledged ourselves to one another for life.
Finding Balance
When it comes to pursuing your purpose, women can be faced with some unique challenges. Balancing our relationships with the sense of purpose God has given us takes thought and prayer.
For instance, when men reach for their dreams, personally or professionally, no one warns them that they might lose their girlfriends, fiancées, or wives! In fact, setting and reaching goals makes a man more desirable in the eyes of most, not less desirable. Still, finding the balance that’s right can be a challenge. Most young women I know have dreams they want to accomplish, and many also look forward to being married and having children one day.
The problem I’ve seen is when women abandon who they are in order to get a man. I’ve seen girls bail on their friends the second a guy shows interest. I’ve seen girls date guy after guy after guy, in the hopes that the next one will be “the one.” And I’ve also seen girls throw themselves at guys—like the NFL groupies!—in the hopes that one will pay attention to them and value them.
Believe this: women always lose when they sacrifice who they are for a guy.
The strongest women I know are ones who are solidly rooted in the reality that they are enough because they’re loved by God. That foundation is what helps them navigate all the complicated questions about how to balance work and relationships.
I’ve had to navigate some of these same issues in our relationship. I loved Ross more than anything and wanted to be there to support him. At the same time, I wanted to accomplish the goals I’d set for myself. Even when naysayers were whispering warnings, I knew that my passion and drive to excel in my sport was something that God had knit into me, and it was also something that Ross loved about me. It’s not like he’d spotted me in home ec class and fallen in love with my tacos! (We always joke about this because his mom makes a mean taco.) The day he pointed me out to his mom, I was in my element. I was confident, assured, ready to race. That’s who he fell in love with, and that’s who he chose to marry. He doesn’t need me to be someone I’m not, trying to please him. I’m the best wife to Ross when I’m being who I really am. I know it and he knows it.
Every day Ross let me know that I was his one true love and that he was mine. This foundation was stronger than either one of us individually. We prayed together before every one of my races and we asked God to help us run the race he had for us as a couple. And, honestly, that’s the reason I knew I never had to worry about another person interfering with our relationship. Our faith was always the foundation to move forward together as husband and wife.
If you think about the possibility of marriage in your future, choose someone who shares your faith commitments. You don’t have to be on the same page about everything, but you do need to be on the same page about faith. Ultimately, marriage is about three people: your beloved, God, and you. Keep God at the center of your marriage and it will thrive.
One of the biggest reasons that’s so important is because marriage is a lifelong commitment between two imperfect people. That’s no small thing. I’ve known girls who wanted to believe that marriage would change the imperfect guy they married. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. Yes, people change. But you can’t expect that marriage is going to “fix” anything. We can be tempted to convinced ourselves that “he’ll settle down,” or “he’ll be kinder,” or “he’ll be different when he has a ring.” Probably not. That’s why you need to find someone who’s solid and who’s going to join you in keeping God in the center of your marriage.
Maybe someone a bit like my Ross.
RIGHT ON TRACK CHALLENGE
What are you looking for in someone you date or marry?
•Do you want God to be at the center of your relationship?
•What values or qualities are non-negotiable for you?
•What are the goals you’ll be pursuing that aren’t up for grabs?
•Who can help you stay true to who you really are?
Don’t let your dating life happen in isolation. Choose a friend, relative, or mentor you value to walk that journey with you. Tell her now what matters most to you.
CHAPTER 10
BODIES IN MOTION
Being invited to Nike headquarters in Beaverton, Oregon, for a photo shoot for its latest product line should have rocked my world.
A lot of people never consider how professional track and field athletes make a living. Prize money is awarded for winning races, but the awards are modest. And, they’re only available during competition season. In a career that has a very short window of opportunity, endorsements from corporate sponsors are one of the ways we pay the bills. Since the first day of my professional career, I’d been sponsored by Nike, a brand I love.
When Nike invited me to do a photo shoot, I was thrilled to say yes. But the week I traveled to Oregon, I was glad my mom was going with me, because I was feeling terribly nervous about my appearance.
I wasn’t concerned about looking fat. I’d been doing daily workouts that burned about 5,000 calories since I was young! In fact, I took for granted the confidence that came from having a sculpted body. I was used to people remarking how toned my arms were, how they envied my legs, and how they’d die for my six-pack. Fit was just my normal. I never thought twice about it.
But as our flight landed in Portland, I noticed that I was keenly connected to the kind of body shame so many women deal with every day.
A Painful Development
About six months earlier, a contract I had with AT&T gave me the opportunity to film a commercial at my home, alongside NFL legend Deion Sanders. I was twenty-five years old. I was really looking forward to it—both working with Deion and having the opportunity to connect with more fans.
Weirdly, though, about a week before we were scheduled to film, I developed mouth ulcers—frightening white pustules—that were so painful I couldn’t talk or even take a sip of water without pain. My doctor gave me an ointment to use, as well as one for a lesion I’d noticed on my chest, and for a short time I experienced some relief. But the night before Deion was scheduled to come to town, the ulcers were back with such a vengeance that I couldn’t even open my mouth.
My mother was concerned and begged me to go to the emergency room for help, but I insisted on doing the shoot. Amazingly—maybe due to my adrenaline, determination, and excitement—I not only made it through the gig, I also had several pain-free days. But a week later the excruciating symptoms returned. In addition to the mouth ulcers, the lesions on my skin had spread beyond my chest to impact my arms, back, legs, and stomach. It looked like my skin was poisoned. I continued to apply the ointment I’d been given, but as soon as one sore resolved, another would appear. When I woke up in the mornings, my skin looked as though someone had burned me with a
n iron. The affected skin looked burnt, almost black. I felt hopeless and helpless.
It was a painful season that only my family and closest friends shared with me. As my skin was ravaged beyond my control, I felt scared. Lost. I didn’t believe I could measure up to society’s expectations for what a strong, athletic woman should look like.
It was a stressful season too. For every public appearance, my mom and I would strategically choose clothing that covered my ulcerated skin. We tediously applied makeup to camouflage any areas that were exposed. The hardest events, of course, were races.
For months after the shoot with Deion Sanders, I crisscrossed the country in search of a doctor who could tell me what germ or virus was causing me to look and feel the way I did. We finally found a doctor in New York who was able to diagnose my condition as Behçet’s disease. Behçet’s is a rare autoimmune disorder, but no specific cause has been established. Though it is not contagious, it appears most frequently in the eastern Mediterranean, Middle East, and East Asia areas.
To this day, I still have no idea how I’d contracted Behçet’s. It’s a hereditary disease, but no one in my family had it and no one I spoke to in Jamaica had even heard of it.
And although the disease still felt scary and confusing, I was relieved to have a diagnosis and a roadmap for treatment. Medication made it manageable at times, but I still continued to suffer with the symptoms.
Arriving at Nike
Nike had sent a car to pick up my mom and me from the airport. I continued to worry about how the day might unfold on the way to headquarters.
Right on Track Page 8
