by K. I. Lynn
My eyes widen and I stare at him as my once boiling blood turns to ice.
No. Brayden is not a subject I want to talk about.
“When you told him to leave . . . That wasn’t the way you act with a brother or a even a friend. It felt like I was the one intruding on some intimate scene between lovers.”
I take a step back and shake my head. “It’s not like that.”
“Then tell me what it’s like.” He steps forward, staying in my personal space, suffocating me with his interrogation.
“It’s complicated.”
He lets out a strained laugh and lifts my chin, forcing me to look up at him. “Complicated? Screw complicated, then. I want you. I’ve wanted you for years, but him and your brother were always there, blocking everyone. Then I finally get the chance to be close.” His jaw ticks and he looks around. “I’m laying myself out here—I like you, a lot. I want you to be my girl. Do you feel anything for me?”
The blood in my veins heats up again to a raging boil. “Really? You’re asking me out after having sex with her?” I can’t even say Jennifer’s name. I want to rip her hair out, slam her face into the ground, and kick the shit out of her.
He shakes his head, but I don’t know if it’s at me or at himself. “I’m sorry.”
No. Not that. “Fuck your sorry! I’m fucking tired of that word!”
His head hangs. “Please, Kira, I’ll do anything for a chance with you.”
“Another thing I’m tired of hearing,” I hiss. “I thought about it, you and me. I really did. I wanted to give you a chance, to see if we could be something.” He looks up, eyes meeting mine, a mixed look of happiness and horror. “Then you stuck your dick back in that slut. So tell me, what the fuck is so great about her pussy that it always seems to win out over feelings for me? Why am I not enough to win out over an easy, well-worn pussy?”
His expression morphs, eyes narrow on me. “You seem to think I’ve been with sleeping with Jenn this entire time. The last time we were together was years ago, Kira. Years ago.”
I blink back at him, my hands shaking. Oh, no.
How could I be so stupid?
He steps forward, making me back up. “And you’re really worked up about it. Now I’m left wondering . . . or more like realizing, that all your anger is about Brayden. Is that what happened between you two?”
I gasp and look away. “I don’t . . . It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Yes, it obviously does. Brayden used to be my friend. Used to be.” He stresses the last bit, and it dawns on me how much their relationship has changed. “The second I showed interest in you, I lost my friend.” The sorry, feeble Austin is gone, replaced with a strong, angry version. “And I didn’t fucking care. Do you want to know why?”
He steps closer, but this time I don’t back up. His body almost presses to mine and I’m forced to lean back to look up at him. There’s a spark in his blue eyes that were so dull moments ago, and an energy radiating off him. Part of me wants to reach out and calm him, but another part is afraid.
I’m stuck, captivated by him, by the curiosity.
His hand rests on my hip, but I can’t seem to slap it away. “Because all I want is you.”
The words snap me back to focus on how close he is, and I press my hands against his chest as I glare up at him. “Then, again, why sleep with her?”
“Because all you want is him, and I couldn’t take it and got shitfaced. All I can tell you is I’m sorry that I did and that it was with Jenn, who you clearly hate.”
I stare up at him, at a complete loss of what to say. I’m tired of this conversation. I feel like I’ve been having it for years.
“Stop. Just stop.”
“No.” He grabs hold of my chin and makes me look at him. “No more of this bullshit. I like you, a lot.”
He leans down and presses his lips against mine. I gasp against them, slow to respond, but I do. His kiss is soft, tender, and so different from Brayden’s. When our tongues meet, there’s no spark.
This kiss is still good, just . . . lackluster.
“Your indifference kills me,” he whispers against my lips. “Pick me. I can help you get over him. I can love you better than him.” He steps back, releasing me. “Think about it, Kira. Please promise you’ll think about it.”
I nod, staring after him as he walks out of the room. The telltale thump of the front door closing is my signal to fall back onto the couch.
Why does my love life have to be so freaking complicated?
May 11th, 2015
“What hasn’t sold yet?” I ask as I tape off another box of clothes, wishing I had a bed to crash onto and could take a break.
We’ve sold off most of the furniture, not that there was a lot, but there seems to still be a lot of crap we’ve accumulated over the last three years. I didn’t think packing was going to be a near three-day event.
Ryan is across the hall, doing the same, cursing at something as he searches for his laptop. “Umm, there’s two guys coming for the couch at one. Jill from next door is coming to get the table after work at three.” He’s silent as he scans over the spreadsheet he made. “Did you get the money for my bed?”
I freeze and look over, thankfully seeing a wad of bills sitting on my nightstand—one of the few furniture pieces going with us. “Yeah. A hundred bucks.”
He cranes his head into the doorway. “Lunch?”
I nod. “Fuck, yes.”
We both climb out of our respective messes of bags and boxes, and head down the stairs. The main floor is mostly packed up: a couple boxes of kitchen items and half a dozen boxes for electronics, games, and DVDs.
“Microwave?” I ask as we head out the door.
“Jordan’s picking it up.”
I shake my head and laugh. “I can’t believe he and Ella are moving in together.”
“He’s so freaking grateful I think he’s going to name a kid after you.”
We don’t even have to talk about where to go. Jersey Mike’s is always our go-to sub shop, and only a few blocks walk from our apartment.
“So, we’re done, then? Nothing left to sell?”
He nods. “Finish packing, that’s it. Oh, and clean.”
“What time is Dana coming?” It’s just after eleven, and I want to get out of town by two. That leaves a lot to do in the next few hours.
I’m itching to get home to Kira, to see her again. It’s been almost three painfully long weeks.
He pulls his phone from his pocket and turns the screen on. “Shit, I missed a text. Looks like she’ll be here any minute.” His fingers hit a few keys, then he raises it up to his ear. We keep walking, already to the parking lot, then his tone changes and a smile lights up his face. “Hey, baby. Yeah, I’m sorry, I just saw it.” He pushes the door open to the shop. “We’re at Jersey Mike’s, want me to get you something?”
He nods and hmms before saying he’ll see her soon and hangs up.
With only one car, there’s no way we’d be able to move all our crap in my car, so since Ryan’s moving in with Dana, she’s going to help out. Most of his boxes are going straight to their apartment anyway. I haven’t had a chance to look for one, so all of my stuff is heading back to my dad’s.
“Have you told her?” I ask after ordering, turning to him. Changing schools, moving to Columbus, is all to be closer to Kira, to win her back, but I’m not ready for her to know yet. She doesn’t respond to eighty percent of my texts, but I keep sending them, all in hopes of breaking her down.
Ryan shakes his head. “She’s excited that I’m going to be there, but she hasn’t asked about you. Not that I’d tell her anyway.”
“Thanks, man.”
“I just hope leaving it as a surprise doesn’t bite you in the ass.”
“She’ll know soon enough. I’m not going to hide it until August.”
Ryan orders for him and Dana and we find a spot to sit.
“I just hope Austin hasn’t moved in on her too mu
ch.”
“Nah, Craig said he’s been studying, too.”
“Then I just have to beat him home.” I’m actually getting worried. The vibe was off with Kira when I left her. She was upset, and all I know is that it has to do with him, even with her last-second confession.
Ryan smiles, not even responding to what I’ve said, and gets up from his chair. His arms open up and Dana’s wrap around his waist. It’s sweet, almost sickly, when he kisses the top of her head, but I know that’s more jealousy than anything.
I want that with Kira.
Even the way she looks at him, her blue eyes sparkling, is full of love. All I get from Kira is disdain, but I know it’s all my fault, so I take it . . . for now.
“Hey, Brayden,” she says as she sits down next to Ryan.
The fucker’s beaming. I’ve never seen him like this before.
He loves her, and she loves him.
And I’m green all over again.
Fuck. I’ve become a lovesick pussy.
My future with Kira is on such a tenuous thread that I’ve been an agitated, nervous wreck for weeks. Ever since her birthday, I’m not sure of the one thing I’ve always been sure of—does she still love me?
From the moment I met her, she’s been mine, but even more so, I’m hers. No matter how things play out, I’ll always belong to her.
I shake my head.
Fuck, that’s no way to think.
She is mine. She loves me—she always has. My Kitty is just angry and hurt by me.
“Here, I brought this for you,” Dana says, thrusting a case at me. Neither of them seem to be aware of the siesta I just took. Hell, I don’t even remember picking up my food.
“What’s this?” I stare down at the CD in my hand.
“Whale song.”
I quirk my brow at her. “What the fuck do I need whale song for?”
“Listen to it.”
“Explain it to me, man.”
She rolls her eyes. “You keep pawing at Kira every time you see her.”
I pull back. “That’s . . . probably true. How do you know, though?”
“Grapevine. Anyway, you need to calm down and stop mauling her every time you see her.” She points back to the CD. “A counselor told me about this when I was freaking out during finals. Now, I listen to it everyday to relax.”
“I’m not fucking listening to whale song.”
“Fine. Then jack off.”
I chuckle and shake my head. “Doesn’t work.”
She purses her lips. “Do it twice. Just do something so you’re not jumping on her the moment you see her.”
“Hey, I’m not that bad.”
Her brow twitches up. “Really?”
Fuck.
“I’m serious about this, Brayden. You’re being obnoxious with your affections, and it’s pissing her off. If you back up, she’ll see that she can’t deny this thing you have, and it will eat at her.”
“What, act like I don’t care? I’ve done that, and it’s only pushed her away.”
“No, you have to show her you care, but show her you respect her and her personal space as well. Trust me, Kira’s got it bad for you, but she needs to remember what it’s like to like and want you again.”
I stare at her for a minute and take another bite of my sandwich. “I fucking hate it when your girlfriend is right,” I grumble
Ryan just shrugs, a smile pulling at his lips.
They were years in the making. From the moment she moved to town, I knew he was hooked. Dana isn’t like some of the girls in our circle of friends. She’s cool, and doesn’t just roll over.
It takes another three hours to pack the cars and clean up, getting me out a little later than I wanted. It’s weird to head home without Ryan, but I’ll see him in a few days.
The entire drive home, my body is buzzing. I haven’t seen Kira in weeks. Finals took up all my time, along with all the crap to change schools.
I stop at a rest stop just before the Ohio border on I-74 and take a break, munching on my leftover sandwich.
Are you home? I text Kira. It’s long after three, so she should be, but I need to know. I need to see her.
Another bite, and my phone buzzes. No. Why?
I’m amazed she responds.
What are you doing?
I’m working out.
I can almost hear her give an exasperated sigh. Any plans after that?
Not that it’s any of your business, but no.
Perfect. I merge back onto the highway and head straight to the house. She should be home by the time I get there.
If she’s even going home. I play with the idea of asking, but in the end decide not to. She’ll know I’m on my way if I do, and I want to catch her by surprise.
Hopefully the parents aren’t home. They shouldn’t be at this time, but you never know.
Almost an hour later, I finally pull into the driveway.
Empty.
Perfect.
I can’t tell if Kira is home, but at least no one else is.
I get out of my car and stare up at my father’s house. Where Kira lives. And I’ll be living here for the next few weeks. Back under the same roof as her, until I find an apartment in Columbus. Even then, I’ll be across the hall from her half the week due to my summer job.
It’s going to be hard, yet I’m also excited about it. Yeah, I’m supposed to behave, take it easy on her.
I’ll try my best. Doesn’t mean I’m not happy as fuck that I’m going to have her so close to me again.
I walk up to the house and grab the doorknob.
Odd. It’s unlocked.
Oh, well.
I open the door and step inside.
Kira’s voice stops me.
“Why are you here again? There’s nothing left to say between us.”
At first, I think she’s talking to me.
That is, until I hear his fucking voice responding to her.
“There’s a lot left to say between us, Kira.”
Rage immobilizes me.
And curiosity. Sick, sick curiosity.
I know Kira told me she wasn’t hurt about Austin sleeping with Jenn, but I can’t help but wonder.
“You told me what you have to say,” Kira tells him. “And I told you I don’t want to hear it.”
They’re in the living room, I can tell now. It’s wrong for me to stand here and eavesdrop.
Not that I make any move to make my presence known.
“You don’t want to hear it because you’re angry, and I hurt you, and I’m so fucking sorry—”
Kira interrupts him. “You said it all the last time you were here trying to explain.”
That piece of shit came to grovel to her?
Of course he fucking did.
“You promised me, Kira. You promised you would think about you and me, about being my girl.”
Fucker said what?
“I did think about it, Austin.”
I can almost feel the ground start shaking beneath my feet with the force of my rage.
This . . . I did this to her. Made Amanda my girl. Shoved her in Kira’s face, knowing it would slice her apart.
I deserve this.
I deserve this.
I. Fucking. Deserve. This.
A thousand times I repeat it to myself.
My fury continues to clash with my pain, and regardless of the fact that I understand the situation logically, I can’t stop from asking myself:
Kira agreed to think about being his girl?
He slept with Jenn, and yet she’ll forgive him that easily?
Austin only hurt her once.
I hate myself because I’ve done it way too many times.
“And what, Kira? . . . talk to me,” Austin begs.
“Every time I thought about it, all I imagined was you with Jennifer.”
Austin blows out a breath, silent for a few seconds. “Sometimes, Kira, all I imagine is you with Brayden.”
He knows abo
ut us. Really knows.
Son of a bitch knows, and he doesn’t give a fuck. He’s still determined to have her.
“I never fucked Brayden. I gave myself to you, Austin.”
The hurt in her voice slices through me.
There’s only so much pain I can take. Yes, I know I’m a hypocrite, that I should just stand here and take every hit like a fucking man, but I fucking can’t.
I head to the living room.
“Tell me the truth,” Austin says. “Were you thinking about him when we slept together?”
There’s nothing but silence from Kira.
Come on, Kitty. Answer him, and answer him right. Save his fucking ass from my fists fucking up his face.
“I’m sorry, Austin, but I don’t want to keep rehashing this with you. I’m going to tell you what I’ve told Brayden many times: if you truly cared about me, you never would have done it.”
I come to a halt at the entrance to the living room, reeling.
She’s comparing us to each other?
The look on Austin’s face tells me he feels as disgusted by that as I do.
Kira crosses her arms and stares him down. “At the end of the day, there’s a reason why you were both such close friends once.”
Don’t say that, Kira. Don’t even go there . . .
“In my eyes, you’re both exactly the same.”
“We’re not the fucking same and you know it,” I growl.
Kira jumps.
Austin’s head turns in my direction, his expression furious.
I ignore him, staring Kira in the eye.
She gives me a look of utter disgust, obviously realizing that I’ve heard a good portion of their conversation. “Oh, really? Explain to me the difference.”
Really? She wants to go there? Fine. “You’ve never felt for him what you feel for me. You never fucking will.”
She turns white as a ghost.
It’s like instant medicine for my anger. The perfect response to calm me.
The proof I need to know that my words have hit the truth.
Kira does still love me.
It’s almost enough to make me smile.
Then I see the big asshole heading my way. I meet him in the middle of the room.
“You keep forgetting you can’t have her,” Austin spits.
Kira calls out both our names—the only thing that stops me from breaking this motherfucker’s face.
