by Nikki Blythe
“I doubt it. You’re an excellent teacher,” he said in his low rumble.
“Thanks!” I said, searching my brain for a way to change the subject. “So, what brought you two in today of all days?”
“Ah, we had a slow night and closed up shop early. We figured why not try it out? What’s the worst that could happen?”
I walked over to the wall facing the giant windows looking out onto the street and took a seat in one of two armchairs. Neville followed me, leaving Levi standing at the front desk, still filling out his paperwork. I grew worried for a moment, because he had a confused expression on his face, but when I saw him light up as Bethany asked if he needed help, I figured he very likely just wanted to attract her attention. I rolled my eyes.
“He certainly is something, isn’t he?” Neville asked, and I blushed as I realized he had been watching me observe Levi.
“Ah, yeah. He’s your business partner, right? At the parlor?”
Neville nodded. “He’s also the pushiest, most caring person I’ve ever met. It was his idea that we come today,” he admitted.
“Oh yeah?” I asked, trying to maintain composure.
My heart sank at the realization that it wasn’t in his grand plan to come see me.
“Yeah,” he said, though he didn’t offer any further details.
We watched Levi and Bethany for a moment, and as soon as Bethany handed Levi a card with her number written on the back, he walked to our position in the armchairs with a smile so broad, he looked like the cat who caught the cream.
Neville shook his head. “Really, dude?” He laughed.
I watched with a small smile as a blushing Bethany wandered into classroom three to do her routine disinfection before the next class.
“Oh yes, really,” Levi grinned. “So, what do you two say we all go out for something to eat and maybe to see a movie next weekend, hmm? My treat!”
“Ah, Levi, I don’t know, man. The parlor is so busy, and I’m sure Cedar is busy, too.”
“No, I could make some time,” I responded, absolutely loving the idea of spending more time with Neville, even if it was in a group. “What day and time?”
“See, Neville? Some of us like to have a little bit of fun! How about we meet at the parlor at 10 pm on Saturday night? Maybe we can go barhopping or something!”
“What happened to dinner and a movie?” I asked with a laugh.
“Oh, I’m sure the plan will change a thousand times before Saturday,” Neville said ruefully. “When Levi makes plans, they’re less like actual plans, and more like suggestions that are discarded as quick as he can come up with them.”
“That’s only partially true. I just follow whatever whimsy guides me!”
I laughed again. They made quite the pair, I had to admit.
“Yeah, all right, let’s do it!” I said.
“Great!” Said Levi. “It’s a date!”
“It’s not a date,” Neville retorted.
His tone held a serious edge I hadn’t encountered before. I wondered what that could be about, but before I could ask, Levi had the studio door open, and he was ushering Neville out into the bright morning sunlight.
“See you on Saturday,” Neville called as he was whisked away down the street.
I watched them go for a moment, before walking calmly into the studio and into my office at the back of the building.
I did a small jig of excitement as I thought about the future “not date” with Neville. Sure, Levi would be there, too, but I was convinced that this was the start of something new.
Chapter Seven
Neville
The walk home after yoga was a thoughtful one. I decided to walk around the block and go to the park and meander the gravel trails for a while so that I could mull over the events of the last few days in peace.
I wondered again how I might leave Faith. With her father’s connections in the community, I worried that leaving might cause me more issues than the inevitable abuse I would receive at the mere suggestion.
I worried Faith would attempt suicide again and perhaps succeed this time. If that happened, as sad as her death would be, I didn’t think I could handle the retribution of the county magistrate judge - her father. Her family could ruin my entire life and make it very difficult to find work, or a place to live even, within Highland Lakes.
My mind wandered to Cedar again. There was no denying the attraction between us. I was drawn to her in ways I couldn’t explain. I chided myself for even thinking that way, though. While I wasn’t sure of much, I was certain that I didn’t want to replace one relationship for another, and I didn’t want to use Cedar as some sort of escape hatch for this terrible situation I was in.
But then, during that yoga class, it had taken every ounce of control I possessed not to grab her and disappear somewhere remote just so we could talk. Something about the way she listened to what I had to say, and could contribute to the conversation without making me feel as if I were stupid lured me to her.
But what if that was all a façade?
With Faith, things had started similarly. She had been so sweet and intelligent. She made me feel as if my words mattered. I had been drawn to her in a similar way as I was to Cedar. It was only after we moved in together that she started acting in a way that was overtly abusive.
What if Cedar turned out to be the same way?
I didn’t know what to think. I just knew that I needed to leave Faith, whether that meant starting something with Cedar, which the rational part of my brain viewed as a potential issue.
I had to figure out a way to talk to Faith, and maybe we could come to the conclusion together that we shouldn’t be in a relationship. Hopefully. It would require making her think it was her idea. That small voice in the back of my mind wondered if I was being emotionally abusive myself by plotting out a way to manipulate the woman who claimed to love me.
I was in such murky territory, and I was afraid my next step would trap me for all eternity.
Rationality be damned, it seemed.
After an hour of wandering aimlessly around the park, I figured I should head home. I glanced at my phone. No missed calls. Perhaps Faith had gone into work early, so I didn’t have to worry about her finding out I had been out so long.
Exhaustion weighed heavily on my mind as I reach our apartment building. I longed for a hot shower and some sleep. The small nap I took before leaving for Cedar’s studio hadn’t been enough to chase away the sleep I could feel seeping into my mind.
I slid the key in the lock of our door and took a deep breath before turning the knob and pushing the door open. I wasn’t sure what I expected to encounter upon returning home after several hours of being out past the parlor closing, but I definitely didn’t expect to find Faith sitting on the couch, staring balefully at me as I entered the apartment. I froze under her frosty gaze and waited, wondering if she was going to be angry, or worried. Or worse.
“Where have you been?” She asked, her tone level.
“Levi and I went to work out after we closed up the parlor,” I responded.
It wasn’t a lie, so I hoped she would take the answer for what it was.
“Oh?” She asked, crossing her arms over her chest. “You two never go to the gym. Literally, in the entire time we’ve been together, I think you have been to the gym maybe four times.”
I put the keys in the dish on the table beside the door and walked over to settle onto the couch beside her. I gave her a cheeky grin.
“Yeah, and that’s a problem, don’t you think? Look at this belly.”
I pretended to play with the nearly non-existent fat on my stomach. The truth was, I worked out plenty. Levi and I had some basic weight equipment in the parlor that we would use to unwind on slow nights.
Faith laughed, and I could feel my muscles unclench. Maybe she wasn’t angry after all.
“Do you have the day off?” I asked, leaning back to sink into the couch cushions.
Damn, if I
wasn’t disappointed she was home. I’d never get any sleep now. She didn’t approve of me sleeping on her days off. She considered sleeping during the day to be lazy, despite the fact that I worked nights.
“Sort of. I called in so that you and I could talk. I feel like we’ve been so disconnected lately.”
My heart skipped a beat. Maybe I’d be lucky, and she’d be the one to leave. Maybe I wouldn’t be in any danger of her ire, after all.
My heart stopped altogether as Faith went on.
“I want you to know how much I value you as a partner, and how much I need you in my life,” she said. “I can’t imagine living without you, so I want to repair whatever rift there is between us. I know I can be harsh, but you have to understand that I just want the best future possible for us.”
“I understand,” I gulped. “But, Faith, things between us aren’t exactly easy right now. I have to admit, I’ve had my doubts.”
“Doubts?” Faith asked, and I cringed as a fire flashed in her eyes.
I didn’t look at her as I went on, instead choosing to pick at the seam on the back of the microfiber couch. I say with my knee underneath me, my body facing Faith. I just couldn’t make myself meet her eyes.
“Yeah, I mean, we’ve been fighting a lot lately, and while I do care for you, I have to be honest, where is this going, Faith? What are we doing?”
“We’re creating a family,” she said, and her voice was soft and sweet. “I want a life with you, Neville, for as long as I’m alive, you’ll be the one I love.”
This was not going according to plan at all, I thought. This wouldn’t be easy.
“I understand that Faith, but there is a lot that will have to change if this is going to work.”
“I know. I know I have a lot to work on. I’m sorry I’m so terrible to be with,” she said. “I just want so badly for us to have a successful life, and it makes me irritable. I never mean to hurt you.”
Her voice was gloomy, and tears sprang to her eyes, and I felt an immense wave of guilt. I scooted closer to her and drew her into a hug where she sank into my arms and sobbed.
I held her until her shoulders stopped shaking, and she pulled back.
“We have to make this work,” she sniffled.
“Faith…” I trailed off.
How could I tell her how much I wanted out?
“Please, Neville. Please, I love you.”
I sighed and just pulled her into another wordless hug. Maybe I could believe Faith, this time. Maybe she would actually change and start treating me better. I loved her, I couldn’t help that, and I just wanted to be happy. Faith had been such an integral part of my life for so long; we committed ourselves to one another, even if we weren’t married yet. I owed it to her to try to make this thing work. People in older generations didn’t just quit relationships when things got hard, did they? I wouldn’t either.
Levi would think me so weak. He was probably right, too.
I was weak. I was completely under her thumb with no real means of escape.
My breath caught in my chest, and I felt a familiar tightness. My own tears sprang to my eyes, and I lamented the future I thought I could have had once I was free of Faith.
We sat, huddled together for a time, both in tears for different reasons, but both resolved to make each other our future. Waves of guilt shook me as I thought about the potential for a relationship with Cedar, and how I almost threw away what I had with Faith because of a random feeling about a strange woman I barely knew.
It wasn’t right that I should have those thoughts, no matter how unhappy I was in my current relationship.
Later, after Faith had lifted herself from the couch and gone to the bathroom, I pulled my phone from my pocket and opened the text conversation I had with Cedar the night before.
“Hey,” I sent. “I don’t think I’ll be able to make our get together.”
“Oh! Everything okay?” Cedar sent back. The message was almost instant. She must have had her phone on her.
“Yeah, I just… I have some stuff I need to do. I’m sorry. I’ll see you in class next week though, is that okay?”
“You’re always welcome, Neville.”
I didn’t reply after that. Cedar was so genuine. I could believe she meant that, and it hurt my heart to think I couldn’t explore that relationship at all. It was just a crush. How often did crushes turn into something real? Hardly ever, that’s how often.
I shot Levi a text to let him know what I sent Cedar, then turned my phone off. I wandered to the bathroom to start my shower. Faith sat at her vanity in our bedroom, applying makeup.
“Are you going somewhere?” I asked nonchalantly.
“Mm-hmm. I have lunch with the girls,” she answered as she ran a thin makeup brush across her brow.
“Wait, what?” I asked, surprised.
“Well, yeah. I knew our conversation wouldn’t take long, so I made plans for after.”
I stood by the master bathroom door and stared at her in awe. Had I just been played? Had she manipulated me into a corner?
I wanted to test the theory, so I asked, “So, do you mind if Levi and I make it a weekly tradition to go work out together?”
“What?” She laughed. “You were serious about that? I thought it was a joke!”
“No, we really did go work out today,” I retorted. I turned to reach into the linen cabinet right next to the bathroom door and grabbed a towel.
“Where at?” She turned on her stool and glared at me with scrutiny.
“That new yoga studio,” I admitted, blushing as I turned into the bathroom and walked over to turn the water on.
“I’m sorry, what?” She laughed, standing and following me into the bathroom.
“Yeah, we went and did some yoga,” I said defiantly.
“That’s some bullshit. Seriously, you’re telling me you’re into all that woo-woo crap? Like, do I even know you at all?”
The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. I could feel my pulse racing, and my temper rising.
“Yes, and I’ll have you know it was very relaxing.”
“Yeah, you’re not going back. We’re not going to pay for something you could just learn from an internet video. Hell no.”
I whirled to face her in the door and opened my mouth to say something.
“That’s final, Neville.”
She turned and walked back into the bedroom and grabbed her purse. She didn’t even say goodbye before I heard the front door close, and the lock click into place.
Chapter Eight
Cedar
The stack of paperwork that I needed to file stared at me, taunting me. I glared at it, trying to decide if it was worth dealing with before heading home for the night. I peered out the window and groaned when I saw the sun was setting.
Tomorrow. I’ll deal with it tomorrow, I promised myself.
I snatched my purse from the desk, and left the studio, locking up behind myself. I turned to walk down the street towards my apartment. I still hadn’t found the time to take my car to get the tire replaced, but despite having put the spare wheel on, I had found that the walk to work each day was worth the extra time it took to get up and get ready each morning. It was a refreshing way to wake up and warm myself up for the day of lessons ahead.
I rolled my shoulders, which were sore from a heavy day of lessons. I thought about the get together I was supposed to be having with Neville and Levi. I wondered if I should invite one of the girls, or maybe Bethany, since she seemed to get on so well with Levi. Then, Levi would be preoccupied, and Neville and I could spend some time getting to know one another.
A nagging thought pulled at the back of my mind. He didn’t seem all that enthusiastic about the plans. In fact, he had gone so far as to make it clear this wasn’t to be a date. Maybe I was just reading the situation wrong, and he wasn’t even all that interested in me. I was likely just projecting my needs and desires onto him, which was unfair.
I was lost in thoug
ht when I heard a familiar voice on the street up ahead. I looked up to see Gareth, my ex-fiancé and almost husband. He looked good, I thought to myself. His hair was long and shaggy, as usual, but well groomed. The wind shifted, and though he was about ten feet away, the scent of his aftershave wafted towards me. It overwhelmed me to the point I wanted to cry.
I almost didn’t notice the woman under his arm.
They were walking and giggling together, and her long brown hair floated on the nighttime breeze. I couldn’t make out many of her features in the near blackness, but I could tell she was beautiful. She was toned, and her skin was blemish free, not even so much as a freckle. I scoffed.
He was clearly on a date, and it wasn’t even with the woman he left me for in the first place.
Jackass. Seriously.
“Cedar!” Gareth cried once he was close enough to realize who I was.
“Gareth,” I said with a small, forced smile.
“How have you been?” He asked, withdrawing his arm from his date.
I stared at him for a moment, dumbfounded by his ridiculous question. How have I been?
Instead of answering his question directly, I smirked.
“Well, did you remember it’s been just over a year since the Wedding That Never Was?”
I shot a glance to his date, and her eyes went wide.
“Uh, yeah,” Gareth said, rubbing the back of his neck, and avoiding my gaze.
“Yeah, and you’re not even with the woman you left me for, I see,” I gestured to the brunette woman, who was now shifting her weight back and forth on her feet, looking distinctly uncomfortable.
She tossed Gareth a confused glance at my words.
“Oh, he hasn’t told you?” I asked, feeling a bit vengeful. “He left me at the altar in front of our friends and family. He left me for the wedding planner, no less!”
“Cedar, come on. You know things weren’t great between us. I did us both a favor.”
I studied the lines of his face, the way his blue eyes called to mind a calm sea. The way his nose tapered slightly, and the soft curve of his full lips. All of these details were ones I used to obsess over. I’d lie in bed with him, running my finger along the line of his jaw, admiring the beautiful man I thought I could call mine.
