by Neven Iliev
“That’s an understatement,” Xera mumbled.
The literal King of the place had been defeated so quickly, he hadn’t even gotten a chance to finish his speech, let alone order his Obsidian Retainers to assist him. The statues remained in their kneeling positions, even after their king had been reduced to debris right in front of them. Bits of him were actually lodged in some of their bodies, but even that wasn’t enough to spur them to action without orders.
“Wow! Darling is sooo strong!” Valeria cooed. “You should celebrate by ravaging me until dawn!”
Such outbursts were by now commonplace, so the rest of the group ignored her and left her to her delusions. She was literally the only one who still refused to accept that the Mimic considered such matters a necessary chore, not a pleasure.
“I guess Boxxy didn’t need all those other bombs, huh?”
Though Fizzy said that, part of her had expected something like this. After all, the Mimic had just dumped half an hour’s worth of its MP onto the Jade King. The gnome may not have been all that well-versed in matters of the arcane, but it was hard to imagine that anything could come away unscathed after being blasted with so much energy.
“Aw, man! And I was just about to really cut loose,” Kora complained. “It was the perfect chance to take my Berserker Rage for a spin!”
[Berserker Rage]
A Berserker’s unyielding rage is both a blessing and a curse.
Requirements: Level 20 Berserker, STR 100, END 100
Type: Active
Activation Time: Instant
Cost: 0 MP
Range: Self
[Effects]
Increases the effectiveness of the STR Attribute by 20% per Level of this Skill for 1 minute.
Reduces physical damage taken by 50% for 1 minute.
Reduces all damage caused by 50% for 15 minutes once the initial effects of this Skill expire.
Increases physical damage taken by 25% for 15 minutes once the initial effects of this Skill expire.
This Skill may not be activated more than once every 12 hours.
Her master had forbidden her from using the Skill in question whenever she pleased. While the boost in combat prowess was fantastic, it came with several significant drawbacks. Boxxy had made an exception and given her permission to activate it only if the fight had demanded it. Which clearly hadn’t been the case, as what had just transpired couldn’t even be considered an actual fight.
Honestly speaking, though, Boxxy couldn’t take all the credit for this victory. The Jade King’s untimely demise had been almost entirely his own fault. Had he been more quick-witted, he could have dodged those Spell Crystals easily. Sure, he’d looked tough, and likely had a good deal of resistance to magic, but his behavior had been so moronic that it was almost as though he’d been asking to be obliterated. Not only had he given the intruders a chance to prepare before facing him, but he’d begun monologuing instead of fighting them. Was he an idiot? Had he paid no attention to his opponents at all? He was probably an idiot, right? Why hadn’t he attempted a surprise attack, like the gargoyles?
After carefully considering the evidence, Boxxy confidently concluded that the Jade King was, in fact, an idiot. Once that had been established, the Mimic put the matter out of its relatively tiny mind and approached the center of the room. The golden chest containing its prize was already waiting for it, having popped out of the floor just next to the Idiot King’s throne. Boxxy wasn’t aware of when or even how it had gotten there, but questioning every weird thing that happened in a dungeon was a waste of time and energy.
The gilded treasure chest flung itself open when Boxxy approached, exactly like the previous one had. The Mimic mustered every bit of its willpower in an attempt to hold itself back from worshiping the sublimely radiant form. It succeeded, barely, and kept itself firmly in check as it beheld the item that had risen from the chest and was currently floating in mid-air.
It was a piece of steel plate armour – a left-handed gauntlet, to be exact. The sleek, polished metal was rather shiny in its own right, though it obviously could not compare to the glorious container underneath. The bulky metal glove would protect the wearer’s entire forearm from fingertip to elbow, in addition to the sturdy-looking shield permanently affixed to its outer side. Which was good, since this made the shield much more difficult to disarm, but also bad because of the way it seemed to restrict the movements of the hand and wrist.
The usability of the item was practically zero to a creature with no hands, but there was a good chance that it was enchanted gear, which would mean it was fairly expensive. Having already decided to pawn the gauntlet off for profit at the first possible opportunity, Boxxy gingerly reached to grab hold of it with a tongue-tentacle.
“HRSSSHTHTHTH!”
Boxxy had nearly touched it when the creature hissed sharply, its outstretched appendage recoiling in disgust and its owner took a few hurried steps back.
“Master? What’s wrong?” Xera asked worriedly.
“The item is nasty!” it growled in response.
“Huh? Something wrong with the gauntlet?”
The succubus approached the object in question to examine it up close. She was no expert on armour, but she did know a thing or two about magic, and the object practically reeked of it. Her master was significantly more sensitive to ambient mana than she was, so it was hardly a surprise that it had been disturbed by the vile energy the thing exuded. The Mimic had noticed that there was clearly something very wrong with the metal glove, but it likely had no idea what that ‘something’ was.
“Master, I believe this item is cursed,” Xera declared
Those words put Boxxy in a foul mood, as they meant that it had gone through all that trouble for tainted goods. Cursed items were something that it had heard about from a merchant in Erosa, before its cover had been blown wide open. They differed from regular magic items in two major ways. Firstly, while their enchantments were far more powerful, they also carried with them negative, sometimes debilitating effects. Both the good and the bad would often correlate with each other in some twisted or ironic way, like a cursed ring that allowed its wielder to become invisible but also robbed them of their eyesight.
Then there was the second, more worrying aspect of cursed items. More often than not they would permanently bond with their user in addition to any negative side effects. Armour and jewellry would fuse to the wearer’s skin and bones while weapons would come to life and turn on their wielder if they went unused for too long. There were only two ways to rid oneself of cursed equipment: amputate whatever body part the object was attached to, or have a skilled Enchanter purify the item. Neither was preferable, as the former could leave one crippled for life while the latter would result in the destruction of the profane object, or at least greatly diminish its power.
There were, of course, those that were willing to bear a curse in exchange for terrible power, but nutjobs like that were in the minority.
“Cursed, you say?” Valeria called. “Let me take a look!”
The lich floated over to the treasure chest, grabbing the item brazenly. She flipped it around in her hands, although it took a bit of effort. The thing was heavier than it looked.
“Yup, cursed for sure,” she said after a few seconds. “This is a pretty strong one too, based on what I know from Hexcraft… Huh? Why are you all looking at me like that?”
She had just noticed the demons and the gnome cringing at her, and the lich’s face went stiff as realisation finally dawned. She looked down at the Mimic just in time to see an extra-thick tentacle hurtling toward her face.
*SMACK*
The blow sent her flying into the ceiling, forcing her to drop the magic gauntlet, which fell to the ground with a loud clang.
“Don’t touch what’s mine!” Boxxy growled.
Valeria had laid her hands on the Mimic’s property without asking permission. Just because the item was cursed and the monster had no intention of ev
en touching it certainly did not mean that it wasn’t planning to keep it.
“She’s so lucky. I should have grabbed it first,” Xera lamented.
“Nice swing, boss!” Kora cheered, clearly enjoying Valeria’s misfortune.
“She r-really should know b-b-b-better by now,” Fizzy muttered.
The Mimic managed to calm itself down somewhat once punishment had been administered. At the very least, it had learned that simply touching the thing wasn’t going to trigger the curse, so it could safely order the succubus to pick it up. Just because it was safe to touch didn’t mean that it wanted to. Xera did as instructed, helping Boxxy to stow the gauntlet inside its Storage. It would deal with the cursed thing later. In the meantime, there was still the matter of the dungeon core suspended beneath the ceiling.
Of course Boxxy wanted to take it, why wouldn’t it? If nothing else, grabbing this thing would allow it to power up through the Grand Theft Arcana Perk. Speaking of which, the victory message earlier had said something about a new achievement, hadn’t it? The Mimic had been so preoccupied with the phantasmal treasure chest that it had almost forgotten about it.
“Perk List!”
[Perk List]
Arcane Assassin
Monster Magic
Grand Theft Arcana
Butcher of Humanity
Collateral Damage
Hero of Chaos
Rare Golem Dismantler – Jade
After calling up the relevant screen, it focused its mind on the latest entry.
[Rare Golem Dismantler – Jade]
Some people just have a knack for breaking things.
Requirements: Clear the dungeon known as the Spire of the Jade King.
[Effects]
Increases XP gained from defeating golems by 5%.
Well, this was interesting. The wording seemed to imply that there were other Rare Golem Dismantler Perks. Calling that deduction tasty, however, wouldn’t exactly be accurate since Boxxy had no intention whatsoever of looking for any more of those rare golems. In fact, it could barely stand the thought of going through all the effort of killing something it couldn’t even eat. That said, it wasn’t as though the Perk was completely useless. The Mimic was planning to keep killing the golems around the Spire until it reached Level 50 Mimic, and that five percent bonus would help it reach its goal sooner rather than later.
But what of the others?
“Fizzy, did you get a new Perk?” it asked suddenly.
“Eh?! Ah! Y-yes! I did! Perk List,” she chanted. “… Ruh-Rare Golem Dismantler, right?”
Meaning that it was safe to assume that the entire group had been credited for clearing the dungeon, even though Boxxy had done all the work – at least at the end. Even so, Fizzy and Nasty would have been the only ones to get the bonus since contracted familiars were incapable of gaining Perks. It only suspected that the lich had gotten it, as she was still dazed from Boxxy punting her into the ceiling and didn’t seem to be in any condition to discuss her Status. The important thing was that the gnome, the Mimic and the lich would most likely all be able to benefit from Grand Theft Arcana.
Which was a good thing, as it meant a greater overall increase in their group’s combat ability.
“Arms, go shake the shiny ball loose.”
“Sure thing, boss!”
The fiend walked briskly towards the edge of the room. Once she reached the wall, she took a running start and leapt into the air, spinning around to deliver a high-impact flying dropkick to the dungeon core.
*WHAM*
[Your attack has been repelled.]
However, dislodging it was much easier said than done. As with the Litigar Dungeon Complex, the crystal sent the force of Kora’s attack right back at her, the recoil sending her crashing to the ground. Valeria, who had only just recovered from being lich-slapped, stared at the spectacle with wide eyes.
“Uhm, darling?” she asked, stiffly. “What- what is it you’re trying to do?”
“I’m taking the shiny,” came the monotone answer.
“What, the dungeon core?”
“Yes.”
*WHAM*
“… You can do that?”
“Yeah, you can,” Kora said, having just had another go at the core. “Last time was a lot of fun, you know!”
“Ahhh, Boxxy?!” Fizzy raised her voice. “Won’t Charlie be mad if you take his dungeon core again?!”
She remembered that the God of Consequences had mentioned something along those lines during their last face-to-box-to-brick meeting.
“… Arms, hold on a minute.”
That’s right, pissing off Willie would be a phenomenally bad idea. The god may have been understanding the last time due to the Mimic’s cataclysmic actions, but that was the past and this was the present.
“Master, that is a baseless worry,” Xera shook her head. “I do not think this dungeon belongs to the Progenitor. It is much too… orderly.”
“Oh, you do have a point there,” Fizzy admitted. “I would think a dungeon owned by that guy would have all sorts of monsters in it and would probably be really hard to navigate. If a god does own this place, it’s probably Goroth, not Pedro.”
“What’s a Goroth? Is it tasty?”
“Goroth is the God of the Earth,” explained Fizzy. “He watches over artisans, craftsmen and artists. Actually, yeah, this dungeon is most probably Goroth’s work. Legend says he created the first golems by giving life to the beautiful sculptures of his disciples, so what we’ve seen so far definitely fits.”
“Hoo, you sure know a lot about him,” Xera said suspiciously.
“W-well… he’s highly regarded where I was born. There’s no gnome or dwarf alive who doesn’t revere him, you know. It’s said he rewards those who work earnestly towards mastering their craft with his divine protection.”
The gnome’s expression turned dark as she stared into the distance.
“And yet the god I’ve been forced to serve is such a-”
“Watch your mouth, worm!”
Fizzy recoiled at Xera’s ice cold voice, bracing herself out of pure reflex. However, it would appear that this was not going to be a physical beatdown, but a verbal one.
“You should be thankful my Progenitor chose to give an insignificant bug like you some direction in life!”
*WHAM*
Kora continued to fling herself at the dungeon core as the succubus and the gnome faced off.
“D-direction?! That’s what you’re calling what he did to me?!” Fizzy protested.
“Of course! If it wasn’t for my master and the Progenitor, you would’ve spent the rest of your days in miserable solitude, clinging to the ghosts of the past! Knowing you, you’d probably enjoy such a sad, boring life!”
“What makes you think you know anything about me?!”
“I was inside your head! I’ve rooted around in there so much that by now I know you better than you know yourself!”
*WHAM*
“Well, what’s wrong with living a peaceful life?!” Fizzy argued.
“Hah! You call that living!? A boring, day-to-day routine where nothing changes? Fuck, even the lich over there is more alive than you were when we found you!”
“Hey! Don’t bring me into this!”
“SHUT IT!” they both shouted at Valeria.
*WHAM*
“I’ll have you know,” the succubus continued, “that our Progenitor did not act on a whim. He has some sort of plan in mind, because He is a wise and fair being. More so than any of those other so-called gods.”
“Fair? FAIR?! Forcing me to be his Champion for his own amusement is somehow ‘fair,’ is it?!”
“But it is,” Xera stated confidently. “It’s not like you haven’t benefitted from it, you know. Do you honestly think that you could have survived this long if you didn’t have the Paladin Job? You would have definitely died from the Blight, otherwise. And that’s assuming you would have even survived your first week in those monster-in
fested mountains.”
*WHAM*
“You-! … Okay, I admit you have a point there. But why did it have to be- No, he already answered that. Or rather, I answered it myself, didn’t I?”
There was no reason it had needed to be her, specifically. She had just happened to be there.
“Wait,” Fizzy mumbled. “What if it wasn’t me? What if Boxxy had dragged someone else along?”
The succubus looked down at the gnome, smiling cockily.
“I believe you already know the answer to that, Champion of Chaos.”
She did indeed. If someone else had been in Fizzy’s place, then Lucius would have treated them in exactly the same way, regardless of who it was. Knowing him, he’d probably have made even a dumb critter like a rabbit or an alley cat into his Champion if the Mimic had brought one along. It was simply in his nature to do things that defied common sense, but seemed perfectly logical from his perspective.
Because the God of Unpredictability was neither cruel nor evil, nor was he particularly kind either. He simply was. The only reason Fizzy had a negative view of him was because of the terrible things that had been happening to her recently.
But the succubus was correct, the gnome owed her life to the deity. For better or worse, she had been made his Champion, and she was alive right now because of it. It hadn’t been the random act of whimsy it had first appeared to be, either. She felt strangely confident that it was a calculated move that had served a very specific purpose.
In other words, for the first time in her life the pint-sized Paladin felt as though her existence had a meaning, a goal. So what if it was something inane like serving as entertainment to a bored god? At least she had a purpose and knew what it was, and that acknowledgment alone brought her troubled soul a much-needed measure of peace. It even gave her a strangely optimistic, hopeful feeling, one that suggested that maybe – just maybe – things might work out somehow.
“Yeah,” she mumbled, after a long, hard think. “I guess this Paladin thing might not be so bad after all.”
[Proficiency level increased. Champion of Chaos is now Level 7. FTH +2. LCK +2.]
*WHAM*
She turned her gaze away from the smugly smiling succubus and towards the resident muscle-brain, who had fallen on her ass once more.
