by Shane, Riley
“I like that you’re flawed. Sometimes I think this”—gesturing, I waved my hand to encompass the bedroom—“our time here, is some kind of dream, because I’ve missed you so much, even when I haven’t wanted to. Then you toss a washcloth in the sink instead of hanging it up or throw your wet jacket on my couch, and it reminds me this is real. So yeah, I like your flaws. Or rather, I like that I can live with them.”
“That so, huh? Well, guess what.”
“What?”
“I like your flaws too.”
I reached over him and rummaged through the nightstand drawer and grabbed a condom. I held it up, grinning as I got my second wind, so to speak. “I bet I’ve got something here you’ll like even more.”
“I love the way you think.”
Chapter Nine
A fourth fantasy didn’t come. At least, not on the fourth night.
Devlin left me after breakfast service, and I spent the day juggling meetings for summer wedding photography jobs with my duties at the Emerald. The Bellamys would be staying for another day, and I had two doubles due in for an overnight reservation. With the assistance of my sidekick, coffee, I managed, but by the time I’d finished with the last photography client and welcomed the final guest of the day, I was cranky and near to cursing Leah’s absence. Which only made me feel guilty and thus, more irritable. I hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before, and the mound of paperwork sitting on my desk made me want to cry. I needed to sort through it, see what I could pass off to Leah to keep her busy and not driving everyone else mad and what I had to handle myself. I refused to even think about the ice maker breaking on the fridge and needing repair or the dryer that was on its last leg and would have to be replaced soon.
Devlin still hadn’t returned by sunset, and I was so distracted that at first I misplaced my favorite menorah, and when I finally did find it—oddly enough, where I’d left it the night before—I forgot in which order to light the candles. It took a moment, but I collected myself, and my memory returned so I could go through the ritual of lighting the hanukiah. Instead of taking the menorah to the window as I usually did, though, I left it on my kitchen counter and sat on the bar stool, studying the flames. Five candles were lit. The shamash and four more. Hanukkah was almost half over, which meant my arrangement with Devlin was also coming to an end.
He seemed happy here in Emerald Valley. Content in a way he hadn’t been since we were young. I knew he’d explored the town, had seen how it had grown. The ever-present restlessness in him was gone. It would be so easy to get used to having him here in Emerald Valley, to rely on his presence and expect him to do the same in return. I wasn’t sure I hadn’t already fallen into that pattern. I’d been thinking lately that maybe, just maybe, he was happy here and thinking of staying. Of starting that life together we’d not talked about for years.
And maybe I was just seeing what I wanted to see.
I groaned and buried my face in my hands. I was driving myself mad, getting my hopes up and then playing devil’s advocate. Yet there was no denying that I had to listen to the realist part of my brain. I had no objectivity when it came to Devlin. He hadn’t said a word about remaining in Oregon past the holidays. Even if he didn’t see Emerald Valley as a dead end to his dreams anymore, the reality was he had goals that were centered on the work he’d done, connections he’d made, and the reputation he’d built in Los Angeles. Hollywood starlets weren’t going to fly up to Oregon to make a restaurant in Emerald Valley the new “hot spot.” I sighed. It would take a miracle to merge our two worlds.
Irritated with myself, both for wanting to avoid reality and for facing it, I dropped my hands.
Since no mental epiphany or a solution to my Devlin problem were forthcoming, it was useless to sit around driving myself crazy. Devlin wasn’t here, and I had paperwork waiting for me in my office.
It was time to do what I always did: put my feelings for Devlin in a mental box and get back to work.
* * * *
Some time later, I woke to Devlin lifting me off the love seat in my office.
“What’re you doin’?” I slurred, my voice heavy with sleep.
“Taking you to bed. You fell asleep on your paperwork.”
I blinked, remembering where I was and why I’d been alone in my office. “Where were you all day?”
“I had business of my own to handle, and a backer for my restaurant wanted to meet with me.”
“A backer? In Emerald Valley?”
“His son’s at Oregon College Law. He was picking him up for winter break, so I could only meet with the backer today; he and his son have a red-eye to Los Angeles tonight. I needed to talk some things over with Jon after. It ended up being a late night.”
Valiantly, I tried to process what Devlin was saying, but my brain couldn’t suss it out.
Devlin must have noticed my problem. “Go back to sleep. I’ll tell you about it later.”
I wanted to protest, but I fell back asleep while he carried me up the stairs.
* * * *
Morning came all too soon, and with it, a flurry of activity. We had to be at temple at around four in the afternoon to set up for the Hanukkah party, which meant guests had to be fed, the rooms had to be cleaned, and the paperwork I hadn’t yet finished had to be done as fast as possible. And all of that came, well, after I came in the shower that morning, crowded into the small space with Devlin pumping into me in a thrilling bout of water sports. Morning sex wasn’t a replacement for coffee, but it sure made for a far more exciting wakeup call.
After breakfast service, Devlin left to go cook at Jon and Leah’s place, since I didn’t keep kosher in the B and B’s kitchen. He’d claimed the kitchen in my apartment was far too small for a project of, to use his words, “this size.” Since I hadn’t actually asked him to cook anything other than some sufganiyot for one Hebrew school class, I was slightly concerned over what he had planned.
By the time I pulled into Leah’s driveway, I had visions of jelly doughnuts overtaking every square inch of my best friend’s not so small house. As there were no fried sweets spilling out the windows when I parked behind Leah’s car—which Devlin had appropriated—I breathed a sigh of relief.
Though Leah and I had always waltzed right into each other’s homes, after a slightly embarrassing incident involving me walking in on what might have been my niece-to-be’s conception, I’d taken up ringing the doorbell. Jon answered, looking polished as ever…if one didn’t know him well enough to see past the perfect facade.
Where Devlin had muscles, raw-boned good looks, and a lightning-quick grin that made women dream of wet, wild sex, his twin had the classically handsome looks that made women think of seduction and silken sheets. Having inherited his mother’s finer features, Jonathan, with his wavy chestnut-colored hair and sparkling blue eyes, was Cary Grant to his earthier twin. He’d been saved from being beautiful by sheer luck and a broken nose that hadn’t healed quite right. And though Jon had been a bit of a shit in preschool and kindergarten, he’d outgrown being a brat early on and had been one of my favorite people for quite some time. And because I’d never fallen all over him, I was one of his favorite people as well.
I was also one of the few people who could get away with saying, “You look like hell.”
“Lei couldn’t sleep last night. Which meant I wasn’t allowed to sleep either.”
I hugged him and walked in. “Working from home today?”
Jon tried and failed to mask a yawn and nodded. “Are you here for the lunatic or the mad scientist?”
“Which is which?” I laughed.
Jon looked toward the kitchen, then looked up the stairs. “I hardly know anymore.”
I took pity on him. “Go back to work. I’ll soothe the pregnant beast and then get the crazy chef out of your house. Earlier this week, I made sure to ask him to whip up some cherry sufganiyot. You can bribe Lei with them tonight.”
“I love you. Run away with me.”
“Let me pack my bags, and we’ll blow this fried popsicle stand.” I blew him a kiss and then jogged to the kitchen to see what Devlin was up to.
As it turned out, Devlin was almost literally up to his elbows in sufganiyot. “Oh my God, how many doughnuts are you making?”
“Hot oil. Out.”
Devlin looked up and pointed a finger at me. I backed out of the kitchen, rolling my eyes as I did so. I stood in the threshold, watching him.
“Devlin, there are eleven students in Bet. Well, twenty-one, but you were only supposed to be making the doughnuts for Tom’s class.” He waved off my complaints, but for once I’d managed to grab his attention while he was cooking.
“First, they’re mini-sufganiyot. Second, we can hand some out to the other classes, leave some at the temple, and take some back to the B and B. I wanted to experiment and try out some new flavors. Here.” He walked over to me and held out a sufganiyah. “Try this.”
I bit in, moaned at the taste, and quickly finished it off. “Oh, that’s good.”
He gave me a smug look. “Apple cider with salted caramel.”
“It’s delicious, but please tell me you didn’t go too…sophisticated with the flavors. You’re cooking for children, remember?”
“I’ve got a couple of different kinds, but don’t worry; I kept it sweet rather than savory. I’m having fun with this.”
“I can see that. Thank you.” I kissed him. He reached for me, but I backed away. “You’ve got foodstuffs on your hands, and I don’t have time to run back to the Emerald and change.”
“You’ll thank me later tonight.” That charmer’s grin flashed.
“I will take that action.” I winked at him. “We have to leave in an hour, and I need to dump some paperwork on Lei.”
“I’m almost done, and then I’ll clean up here and make sure Jon eats. He looks like shit.”
“Only to those who love him. He and Lei might be the first new parents on the planet who’ll get more sleep after the baby is born.”
Devlin had already turned his attention back to his one-man doughnut factory, so I went upstairs to find Leah.
She was in her studio, in the recliner that normally sat in her living room, her cat curled up at her feet.
“Hey.”
She looked up. “Finally! Someone to bust me out of this joint!”
I smiled and petted Merlin before perching on the arm of the recliner. “Sorry, pal. I’m just here to drop off some paperwork and keep your brother-in-law from single-handedly putting an entire Hebrew school class into a sugar coma.”
Leah pouted and leaned back, shifting restlessly. “At least you’re giving me something to do. I swear to God, Naya, I’ve been going out of my mind! I should’ve taken on more contracts, but I thought I’d be at the Emerald until the kid came. I’m not cut out for this bed-rest shit, and Jon’s constant hovering is driving me insane.”
Because I could see her weariness and discomfort, I kissed the top of her head and let her vent. When she finally had it out of her system, she leaned back with a sigh.
“I’m being a bitch, aren’t I?”
“Eh.” I made a weighing motion with my hands, then laughed. “A little bit. But only to Jon. He’s just worried about you and the baby, cranky pants.”
“I know.” Leah sighed. “I had it so easy until Thanksgiving. Now…”
“Now?” I prompted.
“I’m tired no matter how much I sit around. I’m going nuts not doing anything. Everyone has lives, so most of the time, I’m stuck talking to Merlin, who, while adorable, isn’t exactly a scintillating conversationalist.
“Jon’s been freaked out since I got put on bed rest, and I’m trying not to… Dammit. I’m trying not to let him know I’m scared too, because then he’ll worry even more. What if I do something wrong, and it damages her?”
“You’re not going to break your baby in utero.”
“I’m serious.”
“So am I. Just another month, okay? You just have to take it easy for another month, and she’ll be here before you know it.”
Leah looked miserable. “We’ve been watching birthing vids. I thought if I got immune to it, I would be calmer when my time came. Now I’m even more scared. I mean, when I first got pregnant, I thought, ‘No big, women have been doing this for millennia,’ but now it’s like, well, I haven’t been doing this for millennia, you know?” She rubbed a hand over her eyes. “I’m not making sense, am I?”
“You are. You’re tired, you’re hurting, and you’re frightened. I get it.” I didn’t know what to say or do, so I wrapped my arms around her. “It’s going to work out, okay? When you hold her for the first time, you’ll wonder what it was you were so freaked out about.”
Leah sniffed. “I think you’re full of it, but thank you.”
“Well, it calmed you down, didn’t it?”
“For now.” She smiled weakly. “Thanks for bringing the paperwork. I can’t believe I’m actually looking forward to it. Shows how desperate I am for something to do.”
“It does indeed. To which I say, better you than me.”
After rubbing a hand over her face, she said, “So, now that we’ve dealt with my drama, tell me what’s going on with you and Devlin. You’ve been stingy with the details. Pathetically stingy.” She poked me. “Spill.”
Though I didn’t give her as many details as she wanted, I did give her the gist of what Devlin and I had been up to. With the ease of someone who’d known and loved me for many a year, Leah got right to the heart of the matter when I finished.
“You’re still in love with him.”
There was no point in lying, even if I could fool her. “Yeah.”
“What are you going to do about it?”
“Nothing. There’s nothing I can do because nothing has changed.”
Leah was quiet for a moment. “Maybe so. But perhaps things could change if you wanted them to.”
“How?”
She shook her head. “I can’t give you the answers, Naya. And when it comes to this, even if I could, I wouldn’t. You and Devlin have walked this road a dozen times before. If you want to reach a different end point, maybe you need to be taking another trail.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It means you need to stop making the same mistakes. Decide what you want most, and then figure out how to get it.”
I opened my mouth, unsure of what I was going to say, but Devlin chose that moment to call up the stairs. I looked at my watch. “I have to go.”
Leah sighed. “Of course you do. Good luck, and have fun.”
“Thanks. Take care.” As I was leaving the room, she called out my name.
“Naya.”
“Yeah?” I turned to look at her.
“Whatever road you take? I’ll be there to meet you at the end.”
“I love you, you pain in the ass.”
Leah grinned at me. “Love you back.”
Chapter Ten
“I’m sorry the kids didn’t like your chai-spiced pumpkin or green tea sufganiyot.” I tried to bite back a smile and ended up ducking my head into Devlin’s shoulder to hide my face as we strolled into the Emerald’s kitchen. “The teachers liked them, though.”
We’d had enough doughnuts to feed the entire Hebrew school and then some. Yet, though the fruit-flavored jelly and chocolate-filled sufganiyot had been gobbled up by the students, they’d shied away from Devlin’s more unusual offerings. A fact that still had him pouting. I probably shouldn’t have laughed, but seeing a grown man—particularly a grown man who looked like Devlin—pout… It was just too precious.
“Plebian rug rats,” he muttered.
I buried my face as deeply as I could, but the snort still escaped. I gave up and laughed out loud. Devlin made some sort of growling noise, and I reached up to cup his face in my palms.
“I’m sorry,” I soothed. “You’re used to delivering epicurean delights that have critics swooning. This just wasn’t the
crowd for your more unique efforts. But did you see how fast those raspberry and chocolate sufganiyot went? I swear, I’d barely set the plate down, and the next thing I knew, all that was left was the ID tag. And I talked to the other classes’ teachers; they said the same thing. And the cherry, apple, and marshmallow ones weren’t far behind the raspberry and chocolate.”
My words seemed to cheer him up. I’d never seen what I supposed was the foiled artist side of him before. On the televised cooking competitions I’d seen him do, whatever critiques he was given he’d either accepted, or—if they were truly nitpicky—he’d let them slide right off. As I was fairly certain there wasn’t any actual damage done to his confidence, I thought it was adorable that it was children who could check his ego. It also made me wonder what he would try to cook up for—
No. No! There will be no imaginary dinners for nonexistent children. Stop it. It’s depressing. Live in the moment, Naya.
Swiftly chastised by my own common sense, I stepped away from Devlin and gave him a bright smile. “Can you plate some sufganiyot for me? I need it on the B and B’s serving stands, so I can put them out for guests. I’ll wash Lei’s dishes in my apartment after you’re done, so we can get them back to her before I forget about them.”
“I can do that.”
“Fantastic. It’s time to light candles, so after we take care of the doughnuts and menorah, do you want to go out to dinner? I need to eat something that isn’t fried and/or sugary, and you’ve been cooking every day.”
“I love to cook, but it’s nice to have a break once in a while. I was sad to hear Elenora’s closed down; I loved that place.”
“I did too. Elenora passed away, and her husband didn’t have the heart to keep it going without her. He put the building up for sale earlier this year and moved to California to live with their daughter.”
He began plating the doughnuts. “Again, sad to hear. Excellent food, great building, nice people. I’ll miss going there.”
“So will I. I’m going to go light candles, then, unless you want me to wait for you.”
