This is where I need to wake up and thank God it was just a dream. Me getting what I want means she is left without the love of her life, Colt, their future and the children they were meant to have together. It’s unbelievable, but I’m starting to see a pattern to what Heather is saying. What if Heather never existing sets off a trickle effect that changes all of our futures?
If we never knew her. If I never cheated. If Van never found out and I didn’t have my bad accident. If Colt never came that summer to help out. If he and Van never fell in love.
God, I hate this. I hate that even a do-over means people I love will get hurt. It’s just not right.
“What about you, Ty? I feel like you’ve wanted it to happen for a while. Was it everything you hoped it would be?”
Does she really need me to answer that?
“Baby, don’t get freaked out, but I’m in love with you. What just happened between us was epic.” I hold her tighter and kiss the top of her head several times. “You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. You might not feel the same right now, but you will. I know you will.”
“I’ve known you my whole life, but I never expected this,” she admits. “I believe you now. Whatever is between us is so powerful. I tried denying it, tried to keep the peace for the family’s sake, but I was wrong. No one has ever made me feel this way. How did you know it would be like this?”
“I told you, I had a vision of our whole life playing out, so I asked Santa to make it happen and I must have been good this year, because you’re naked in my bed.”
She playfully shoves me. “Santa? I was being serious.”
I roll us so I’m hovering over her now.
“So what are your plans for the next sixty or so years?”
Another snicker escapes her. “Stop. Don’t get ahead of yourself. We haven’t even left the bedroom yet.”
I take her hand and pull it up to my lips, kissing it while I speak. “You’re going to be sorry for doubting me. We’ve opened the door. There’s no closing it now.”
“Speaking of doors.” I can already tell this just got serious because she’s looking up at me. “I’m feeling guilty about Savanna. I don’t like the idea of you cheating. We shouldn’t have done this until you ended things. I mean, I’m just as bad as my ex. A part of me feels like we’re playing with fire. Don’t get me wrong, this needs to continue,” she proceeds while reaching up with that same hand I just kissed and drawing it up my cheek. “I don’t want to be a side piece.”
I almost choke on my amusement. “Did you just imply that you’re a side piece?”
She tries to pry herself from under me, but I fence her in with my arms and legs. Since I’m still hovering, she can try with all her strength and never break free until I want her to.
“I’m saying it isn’t what I want to be. I don’t share.”
“Oh trust me, babe, I don’t want to share you either.”
She nudges in the direction of the bedside table, where a retro looking cell phone sits dormant. “Then prove to me that we didn’t make a mistake.”
“You want me to call Van and break up with her over the phone?”
It’s impossible to explain to Miranda that I love Van in a non-sexual way. She’s family and I would never want to hurt her, but I also know this is all some trickery of the mind. If it’s not real, it won’t matter, right?
“Is that awful? Do you think I’m being horrible for asking?”
I tickle her chin. “No. You’re not being awful. If there was a man standing in my way I’d want him gone.”
“Well, when you say it like that I sound like a jerk.”
“That’s impossible. I mean,” teasingly I suggest, “Tucker brought out the jerk in you, but he’s out with the trash now.”
“Yeah, he was a mistake. A huge mistake I wish never existed. I’m going to be judged forever for him.”
“Trust me when I say this, there are no ties to Tucker hanging over your head. You don’t ever have to think about him. It would be different if you two had a kid.” I pause when I say it, because without Tucker Chase there won’t be Isabella. The thought breaks me apart. That child has been my everything since day one. She’s the reason Miranda and I fell in love. She’s everything a man could want in a daughter. She’s a great mom, who reminds me so much of Miranda. Imagining a single day without her is the worst feeling. Then, just like the Heather scenario, a part of me understands that even at his worst, he ended up giving my family so much. It’s like God knows the plan, and we’ve got to suffer through the bad to get to the good. As if we’re rewarded for being strong enough to handle the worst of situations. Each one of us has their own trials and tribulations, but at the end of the day something beautiful might emerge from the ashes of what we assume is evil.
The air in my lungs escapes, as if everything around me stops moving. “Oh shit. I think I’ve made a huge mistake.”
I sit up at the edge of the mattress with my hands running over my face. Miranda comes up behind me, leaning over one side. “Is it me? Was I not what you expected after all?”
“I thought this was about me, Miranda. I thought it was some twisted joke on me, but this involves all of us. We’ve had hardships, the whole family. Losses and heartbreaks, but none of it would have happened without the influence of certain people, people I’ve been convinced we never needed in our lives. This isn’t right. I can’t have you without all of that too. Van can’t have Colt. Sure, he has Krista now, and his Dad is still alive and kickin’, but Isabella, Christian and Addison would never be born. He will never be the same man I look up to. Now I get it. It’s all come full circle for me. We can’t control our fate. People leave footprints on our souls. Everything that happened in the past gave us the most beautiful future. And it’s so beautiful, babe.”
“Ty,” she’s sort of freaking out behind me, shaking me to turn and face her. When I do she sees the worry in my eyes. “I don’t know who those people are. Are you okay?”
I’m putting my clothes on while Miranda sits on the bed watching in disbelief. No sooner did I promise her forever, am I going back on my word to desperately find a way out of this dilemma. I can’t physically handle anymore changes. I can’t sit back and watch the people I love get screwed out of having the best life possible. I feel responsible for all of these changes, which I’m assuming is exactly the lesson I’m supposed to have learned.
“Something’s wrong?”
Turning to face her, those green eyes filled with bewilderment, I sigh heavily and prepare a speech while hoping she will understand. “I love you, Miranda Healy. I have loved you for so long it feels like forever. I can’t survive this life without you by my side. You won’t understand this now, but I’m the father to your children, and I’m telling you that because I hope it will help you to trust me. I’ve made some mistakes. I tried to recuse someone from my life, and because of that I’m almost certain I’m stuck in this alternate reality. Things are different. In fact, the only thing that remains the same is my love for you. Ever since I woke up I’ve been doing my damndest to convince you of that.” She starts to respond, but I gently place my fingers over those plump lips. “Just let me finish. I’m not crazy. We could sit here for a year and I could give you vivid details of our future if it will help. Since I’m strapped for time, I’m just going to tell you a story about something that happened when you were younger; something no one knows in this world but you. You see, you told me this the night we eloped. There’s no way I would know this unless I was telling the truth.”
“I don’t understand this.”
“Just hear me out. When you were twelve years old you were supposed to be in the Christmas play at church. Your mom had worked for weeks on your angel costume and when it was time to wear it you were so excited, because you thought your costume was going to be better than anyone else’s in the show. You always needed to be the spotlight in every room you entered. You still are in my eyes, but that’s not the point of this. Dur
ing the play you were supposed to remain in the background, but instead you took it upon yourself to do some kind of wild eighties dance from a music video that had been popular at the time. What happened was someone mentioned the Virgin Mary, and you connected it with the song, Like a Virgin. So there you were, singing and shaking your booty around, causing the audience to laugh instead of appreciate the sentiment of Jesus being born.”
“It’s on video, Ty. None of this is a secret.”
“No, it’s not, but you French kissed Bobby Harrison behind the manger.”
Her eyes widen with utter shock. She’s shaking her head in disbelief. “There’s no possible way you could know that. I never told anyone that happened.”
I finish for her. “Because Bobby Harrison passed away in a terrible accident when he was just fourteen and you never told another person.”
She nods. “It was my very first kiss. He told me if I didn’t do it he would tell everyone at church I farted while I was dancing.”
I chuckle, because it’s something I would have done back in the day to kiss a pretty girl.
“I can tell you more secrets if you need me to.”
“This makes no sense. There’s no way you could know that.” She’s backing away like I’m a monster.
“Dad wake up. Dad can you hear me? It’s me, Ty.”
I hear a child speaking to me, and as my eyes fleet open and the room comes into focus I realize I’ve jumped time again. I’m in a house I’ve never been in, on a couch with plaid fabric and a shit ton of toss pillows in some floral design. Scratching my head, I come face to face with this little kid who somewhat resembles my twins. One giveaway that it’s not them is this kid has blue eyes. He’s maybe five years old, his short stature no match for the giant Saint Bernard walking up to lick the side of his cheek. “Eww, gross, Cujo. How’d you get inside anyway?”
“Hey, so um, what’s your name again?”
He reaches over and lightly smacks me on the knee. “Daddy, you’re funny.”
What the ever loving shit has happened now? I’m this kid’s dad? I feel ill, and not because he’s ugly or that I wouldn’t love the little guy any less, but I’m just taken back by this revelation. “Where’s your mom?” I ask while looking around. “Miranda? You here, babe?” I don’t even know where I am.
“Mommy is outside getting the mail. She’s probably talking to that Carol lady from across the street, the one who tries to give me pickles all the time. I don’t even like pickles but mommy says I can’t be mean. That lady drinks pickle juice.”
When I stand I stretch, taking my time to approach the nearby window to peer outside. The living space is boxed in and I’m not sure where the next opening leads. Pulling the curtain, I stick my head to the side to look for my wife. A brunette stands with her back to the house. She’s holding envelopes of mail and speaking to an old woman who appears to have a cat on a leash. What I also notice is that I’m in some kind of cookie cutter neighborhood. I turn back to the kid who has crept up beside me like a ninja stalker. On the walls behind him are photographs and after inspection I just about shit my pants.
This can’t be.
No freaking way.
So many pictures of us. We are a family. This little guy is in fact my offspring and his mother is none other than Van herself. I slap myself in the forehead because I have to be losing my mind. I’d never go through with this. I love Miranda. We slept together. I told her everything and she believed me. How am I here with Van?
I look down at my hand and notice a ring. It’s gold with a cross. It’s like the one Colt wears. This isn’t my life. I’m in domestic hell. I’ve gone and married someone I knew I didn’t want to be with. Why on earth would I do this?
“Daddy, are we going to play chess now?”
Chess?
“Buddy, you must have me confused with someone else. I don’t know how to play chess and you’re too young for it anyway.”
He puts his hands on his hips and frowns. “You’ve been teaching me since I was little, when I was four. Are you teasing me?”
I hate this. It would be nice to say the door opening saves me, but now I’m looking at a bigger predicament.
Van looks older, but still young. She’s probably twenty something. Her face is fuller. Her body has shape to it, much like she changed when she had Christian. She’s way sexier than when we were in high school and she was thin as a board. “Hey hun, how was your nap?”
Good Lordy, did she just call me hun? I can barely keep a straight face. This is unreal.
“Uh, yeah it was nice.”
“Don’t forget I have to finish shopping this afternoon, so you and Ty Jr. are going to have to manage dinner on your own. No pizza. His stomach still isn’t right from that bug last night. There’s homemade chicken soup in the fridge. Maybe give him that and a couple crackers.”
She finally turns after placing the mail on a sofa table. When our eyes meet I can tell she controls me. It’s hard standing here like this, especially with Van. I want to ask so many questions, though I know opening that door doesn’t get me far. It’s probably best that she leaves me here with the kid and I’ll get some answers out of him instead.
I follow Van into another room where a Christmas tree sits decorated. There are a few presents underneath, albeit nothing like I’m used to seeing. Sticking my fidgety hands in my pockets, I clear my throat and ask something easy. “Remind me of the holiday schedule again.”
She raises a brow and shakes her head. “We went over this last night. My parents will be here in the morning to see Ty open his presents and then we will have a nice quiet afternoon and Italian for dinner. It’s going to be so nice. Remember how horrible it was when your whole family got together on holidays? I’m so glad they don’t do that anymore.”
Van isn’t even looking at me when she says it. She’s steady picking up toys and making the house appear as if a child doesn’t live in it.
“I don’t even remember why we stopped doing that.”
“Sure you do. After your uncle Mitch passed away the family sort of broke apart. It’s been about five years now. Colt and Noah spend Christmas with his mom. I honestly don’t know how he does it, first losing his dad and then Krista so suddenly. I don’t think I’d want to be around everyone either.”
“What about Miranda and Conner? They always loved getting together for the holidays too.”
This time I know I’ve pushed the wrong button with her. Van is instantly furious and I don’t know why. Before I can plead for forgiveness, she’s at my throat with her index finger. Before words escape her lips she looks to make sure Jr. isn’t in the room. “How could you bring up that crazy hoe in our home? After what she did. You have the sickest sense of humor and I’m about tired of it. No one in the family has spoken to her since she tried to come between us when I was pregnant. Who knows where her deadbeat brother is. He’s probably still living with his mom, hopefully somewhere west of Kentucky.” She’s shaking her head, grabbing a coat and her purse while walking away from me. I follow her out a door that leads to a garage where a nice blue BMW is parked. “You were the one who said you’d see your parents at church and let them know we were spending this year with my parents. If it upsets you that much we can set two more places at the table, and I’ll go pick them up from the nursing home since they can’t drive at night.”
Good gracious this woman is wearing the pants in this marriage and I’m not liking it one bit. Plus she called Miranda a hoe and I feel the need to defend her. We don’t even embrace when she heads out. All I get is a reminder to give Ty Jr. soup and not pizza.
My heart is heavy learning about Krista and uncle Mitch, even though I’ve already lived through the loss of both of them. It’s still hard, especially knowing my cousin is going at it alone, raising a small boy without someone to share his life with. While I’m married to a miserable woman who I know could have a better life elsewhere.
I don’t know my ass from my face right now.
What I do know is that I’m going to find Heather and settle this score.
And I’m also going to be kind to this imposter child I apparently fathered. He’s definitely getting pizza.
I’ve been incessantly watching this kid scarf down his second slice of Italian pie for nearly ten minutes. It’s uncanny how much he reminds me of myself, and if this is a dream I have to give my brain props for creating such an awesome imaginative offspring.
When he snickers he sounds like my twins. These dreams keep messing with time. It feels like it’s been years since I’ve seen them. My eyes get teary imagining a life without them, all of them. As much as I’d like to be this child’s father, and accept that Van and I would have found a way to have a good life, it’s not right. None of it feels right.
While Ty Jr. focuses on the abundance of cheese, I reach for the landline and pray phone numbers are the same in this reality. Miranda was living at the main ranch house the last time I saw her, and that number has been the same my whole life. I dial it not knowing who will answer. As I listen to the rings, I glance over at a wall full of pictures. They capture my full concentration, causing me to hang up the call before it’s answered. Frames in all sizes tell the story of a young family. First we graduated high school, then college. There’s one of our wedding, where we both look happy gazing into each other’s eyes. Next comes baby pictures. One for every year he’s been alive and some in between. A whole wall of a life I don’t recognize. A whole wall without Miranda, Isabella, Jake and Jax. A whole wall that somehow swallows my heart and spits it back out at me.
Warm fluid leaks from my eyes. I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t allow this to happen to my family.
If never knowing Heather leads me to this, than I wouldn’t change anything. I’d still be the asshole to Van. I’ll cheat and watch as she falls in love with my cousin. I would do it all again and again so that everyone gets to have the best life possible. I will do it all so I don’t have to lose anyone. I’ll do everything wrong again, just to make it right.
It Came Upon a Mitchell Clear: A Mitchell Holiday Novella (Mitchell Healy Series Book 16) Page 5
