by Raven Scott
15
Joci
Tapping my feet against the carpet, I stared at the ceiling as boredom threatened to shutter my lids. Ophelia’s meeting with Carlyle and Aleksander was not something I wanted to be a fly on the wall for. After that shit that American pulled on Friday, I was no fan of his. They’d been in a room in this hotel for hours, and I wanted to die from the stagnation.
Die.
“When Aleksander gets his foot in America, he’s sending Kiri to head the operations.” Blinking hard, it took me a moment to realize the voice wasn’t my own thoughts, and I lifted my head. Sascha frowned, glancing up from his phone as my brain flung back to that day so long ago. “That was something we never had an answer to. Why did she approach me in Moscow? It was because she already knew she was going to be working with Ophelia— who is pretty confident about this deal, by the way. What do you think?”
“You think not asking direct questions but expecting proper answers runs in the family? Because it does. Kiri Makovich is a prissy brat, no matter how meek and quiet she seems. I’d argue she’s worse than Lyov.” The reply was obviously one he was expecting, and Sascha nodded lightly. “You don’t think so, though? Her complaining to you wasn’t so out of character.”
“I think that’s exactly what she wants people to think, Joci. That she’s a whiny, immature girl with no head on her shoulders. I’d bet money that the reason she came to see me that time wasn’t to flirt with me, as you thought. I think she was planting the seed, knowing we were going to see more of each other. First impressions are important, after all. Aleksander was in on his father’s attempted assassination and orchestrated everything that followed. He has every expectation of sending Kiri to America, and I believe Oppie and I are going to see far more of this country than either of us would like.” My eyes narrowed on Sascha as he scowled, tugging on his beard thoughtfully. “I think Kiri is far more cunning than anyone gives her credit for. What do you think of it all, Joci?”
“In 22 days, it won’t be my problem. Aleksander offered me an out, and I took it.” Sascha sat up in surprise, his eyes firmly on me, and I inhaled a deep, slow breath. “I have no purpose, and if I stay in Russia, Anatoly will get me eventually. It’s a lot harder to get here without Aleksander knowing. Since he couldn’t find a use for me, he decided it was easier to dump me here and forget about me.”
“That’s wonderful, Joci. Ophelia mentioned something about you going off on your own all the time, and that you had an American ID and stuff, but you’re really staying because you want to.” My lips twisted ugly as I nodded an awkward jerk of my chin, and Sascha smiled warmly at me. If there was one thing Sascha was good at, it was being understanding and supportive. He was exactly the kind of man that every woman dreamed of. “Are you going to work on your English with a tutor, or…?”
“Aleksander is providing me one for free. He wants to get rid of me really bad. I’m guessing it’s because he has no plan for me, so he doesn’t want me to screw him up. He’s agreed to fund me for a year, too, and he even told me he hopes I do well. I’m not sure if he meant it, but I like to think he did.” I hadn’t realized I had switched back to Russian until Sascha grumbled lowly in acknowledgment, and I cleared my throat roughly. He’d spoken entirely in English, but I… I just couldn’t keep it going. “Once you leave, it’ll be over. Finally.”
“Have you just been wandering around the city by yourself all the time?” The hairs on the back of my neck stood up at that, and I nodded again. I didn’t want anyone knowing about Jacob; all I had to do was wait out the next 22 days until Aleksander, Ophelia and Sascha went back to Russia. Then, I could breathe. There was no reason to ruin it by dragging Jacob into this mess.
“Pretty much. I have to find a place to stay before you go back. I’m also considering some other stuff.” Suddenly, I wished I’d talked to Jacob about why my body constantly hurt— why I couldn’t raise my arms above my head. Why my knees hurt from just a few seconds of pressure.
I had been snapped open and had to be wired back together— like a doll that’d been played with too roughly. Closing my eyes, I flopped back again as Sascha’s gaze left me, but the weight of our conversation clung to my skin thickly.
My lids fluttered at the loud bang that resonated through the room and down my arms from the ceiling. How long had I been here? The question circled against my forehead wildly, bashing against my skull on its unsteady track around and around. Licking my cracked lips, I blinked hard in an effort to see, but dried sweat crusted my eyes and made everything bleary.
“I mean— I get it, Joci. You got with me because you saw something you liked, even if you didn’t continue liking it. Don’t you think it’s a huge ‘fuck you’ to me that you don’t have the decency to say to my face that you don’t want to be together? I’m not mad that you broke up with me, just how you went about it.” Whimpering pathetically as Anatoly’s voice wrapped around me, my skin crawled in disgust and fear. Goosebumps blanketed my body, and I sucked in a sharp breath when he tangled a hand in my hair. His gaze flamed with rage, locking on mine as his other hand hooked under my leg to force it up at an angle it wasn’t supposed to bend. My shrill, weak cry was all my dried throat could expel, and my heart started to race as his hot breath rolled down my front. “If you wanted it so bad, you should’ve just said so. You’re only good to spread your legs— I can’t even call you completely useless.”
“I’d rather be unusable and happy than have a purpose in chains.” My wrists ached fiercely, and I shook my head hastily of the images that burned against my eyelids. Glancing over at Sascha, relief tore through me that he hadn’t heard me. For years, I’d followed Lyov around, making sure he didn’t stumble drunk into a gutter. For half a decade, I had learned to punch someone despite knowing I really couldn’t if I had to. Turning my gaze down, I flexed my hands, and I could feel the metal in them just under my skin.
“What are you guys doing after this?” Sascha looked up from his phone briefly, stretching his legs and inhaling deeply.
“We were going out to lunch. Why?” My lips thinned, my mind whirring at all the stuff I had to still make happen. I needed an American phone. I needed to start looking for a place. I had to time it all perfectly, so it didn’t overlap with Aleksander’s stay in this country. He wasn’t going to give me a dime—dime?— until he was on the plane and heading back to Russia.
We hadn’t talked about how, yet. Even so, I needed a bank account. Maybe, I can ask Jacob to help me.
“I was just wondering.” Curling my fingers in my lap, I scrunched up my nose in distaste. Aleksander was paying for everything, so everyone wanted fancy American food. I’d had so much fancy food in the past five years courtesy of Lyov’s pretentious ass that the sight of a table cloth made me want to puke.
If I was going to live here, I wanted good food. I wanted street food, or food like the pizza place Jacob and I were at. Just nice, proper, everyday food.
Why am I taking this so personally? I knew the answer to that question as I sat up to smooth my skirt over my thighs. I want something different, and fancy food is not different.
“Joci—” Humming softly, I wiggled my toes in my heels to frown at the slight, gritty sensation of my stockings. When was the last time I bared my legs? “We’re open to suggestions, you know. You don’t have to just follow us around.”
“I don’t have anything in mind.” The English words rolled thickly off my tongue, and Sascha nodded out of the corner of my eye. Truthfully, nothing stuck to my mind for too long— I had so much to think of. Those thoughts kept me up all night, racing and evolving. My tutoring sessions were going to start on Wednesday, Aleksander had said, and I desperately needed help.
Jacob understood me, but apparently no one else could. My lips quirked at that notion, and I reached down to rub my ankle as the silence rang in my ears. I didn’t want to put too much faith in it, but every time I thought of him, I smiled. That had to count for something. Right?
; When this meeting was over, I was going to wander the city some more, and hopefully we’d run into each other. Otherwise, I wore a skirt for nothing.
16
Joci
Panting heavily, I glanced through wide eyes over my shoulder as my heart made a bid to jump out of my chest. Sweat poured down my back and stuck my hair to my face, and the cold made those droplets icy within seconds. Thick, white clouds rose up in the air from my hard breaths, and my legs trembled as I leaned against the side of the building to sniffle harshly.
“Shit.” Flames engulfed my throat, and I gulped harshly as frigidness seeped through my coat and into my back. Hoovering up air, I tried to catch my breath and stop the blood drumming in my ears. “Reece needs to calm down.”
The guy followed whatever was happening to the letter, as if straying from a hastily made itinerary was a sin. Even the mention of changing plans or any spontaneity at all sent him into panic mode, and it was as silly to watch as annoying. Reece wanted to do his job, and I understood that, but…
Jesus Christ. There was no reason to rush. It wasn’t even 1pm, and he was trying to get us to a restaurant half an hour earlier than the reservation.
Swiping my hair back, I straightened off the wall to wander down the sidewalk. I’d run three blocks, maybe, and I rubbed my neck and shoulders firmly with a slight wince. Note to self… never run again. My feet hurt— my back hurt— everything hurt, and I regretted escaping.
Reaching into my jacket pocket, I pulled out the few folded bills I had and scrunched up my face in a grimace. Somehow, I’d managed to snag 32 American dollars, but I was pretty sure that wouldn’t get me far today. Rolling my lips between my teeth as I counted the bills, I walked down the street aimlessly.
“Oh— I could get a sandwich.” Mumbling to myself, I stuffed my money back in my pocket to crane my neck. There weren’t many signs around, and I couldn’t read them anyway. Wiggling my lips as I walked leisurely, my gaze traveled from window to window looking for a sign with a picture on it. “… One with ham and cheese.”
I ducked into the first place I saw that had a sign with a sandwich, and the smell of bread slithered up into my nostrils to water my mouth. The place wasn’t too busy— the line was three people long, and only a few tables were taken. Whipping out my phone, I navigated to the translation app I had installed as I stood in line. A long showcase of toppings stretched almost the length of the counter, and I licked my lips heavily.
At the very least, I had enough money for a really nice sandwich.
Tapping the back of my phone case with my fingernails, I scanned the display case as regret stained my tongue. I couldn’t read the little signs marking all the toppings, damnit! Frustration burned my cheeks, and I turned my gaze to my phone. A really nice sandwich might be out of the question— I may only get an average, boring sandwich. All because I couldn’t read English.
“Wishing you could read?” Tensing, I twisted to find Jacob standing behind me, and I frowned even as relief smoothed the crease between my brows. “Hey, Joci.”
“Hi— yes. I do.” Nodding firmly, my lips crested in a smile to mirror his, and he reached to scratch my crown tenderly. A gentle warmth replaced to scorch of embarrassment as Jacob gestured to the person next to him.
“This is my coworker, Mark. Want to eat with us? My treat.” Hastily reaching into my pocket, I pulled out my American dollars, but Jacob covered my hand with his. “It’s no big deal. You don’t have to pay me back. That’s why it’s a treat.”
“But I told you I will.” He didn’t protest further, slipping a 5$ bill out smoothly, and I nodded in satisfaction. “You working today?”
“Am I? Yeah, I got 45 minutes for lunch. What about you? Anything fun happen over the weekend?” I was so glad to see Jacob, and I nodded again as his palm trailed down my back. “I had a nice weekend— quiet. Caleb is trying to get me to not kick him out, but I’m not giving in.”
“Good. Caleb’s an asshole.” Screwing up my face, butterflies fluttered in my abdomen when Jacob chuckled. Everything about him was so warm, and I was drawn to him like a moth to a flame. “I had a meeting this morning. It was so boring. I wanted to die.”
“I’m glad you didn’t. Ah— Mark, this is Joci. Joci— Mark. We work together a couple blocks away.” Holding out my hand for him, I smiled as Mark blushed furiously. My gaze didn’t stray from Jacob for long, and we three shuffled forward as the line shortened. “So, do you need help choosing what to get?”
“You can’t read? They don’t teach English where you come from?” Mark didn’t sound judgmental, simply curious, and I shook my head. His brows rose, surprise flashing in his blue eyes like lightning. “Did you learn by yourself?”
“I had for my job, but someone is going to, yeah.” His face sort of blanked out, and I frowned under furrowed brows. “Yes.”
“… Okay. That’s really cool that you can learn another language at all, let alone without help. I know like 4 words in Spanish, and I took it for 4 years in high school.” Uncertainty balled against the roof of my mouth, and Jacob nudged his friend with his elbow to roll his eyes. Turning to me, he pointed up at the board hanging over the register to draw my attention.
“So, they charge you by pound of toppings, here. The bigger your sandwich, the more you pay, basically. There’s regular rolls and garlic rolls. Is there anything you don’t like?” Shaking my head, I inhaled through my nose in preparation as my mind whirled from all the possibilities. “They make the roast beef here in house. It’s got mushrooms, potato wedges, cheese, and a gravy dressing. I suggest it highly.”
“I’ll get that, too.” Actually, that sounded way better than a ham sandwich, and Jacob nodded as we reached the counter. I stopped paying attention while he ordered for the two of us, and his heat radiated up my back from his palm just above my tail bone. There was something so pure and free just being in Jacob’s presence, and I glanced down my front.
I should show him so I don’t get too comfortable. He’d be disgusted— everyone was disgusted. The vague threats he’d experienced… they weren’t real. But the terrible marks on and inside me were, and Jacob had a right to know.
“Can I come over tonight?” Glancing at me, Jacob smirked lightly, his hand flexing against my back. My cheeks warmed, and his smile widened before he urged me down to where the sandwiches were being made. “So… how’s work today?”
“It’s alright. I’ve been stuck on helpdesk all morning. We recently finished a project, and we won’t start the next until the new year. I was hoping to run into you, actually, Joci. Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Russia?” The confusion on my face was enough of an answer for him, and Jacob tilted his head at me. “There’s a lot of food and alcohol involved. Families get together and eat and stuff. I was wondering if you wanted to come to mine.”
“Oh… okay. When?”
“Thursday. I have work off, and we’ll head up around 11am, yeah?” Ducking my head in a nod, I reached to swipe back my hair as Jacob opened his mouth again. “You can sleep over Wednesday night, if your boss lets you.”
“Yeah? I can ask.” Suddenly, Mark’s clean-shaven face flashed in my peripheral, and I bit my inner cheek at the obviously curiosity drenching his expression. “I’m in America for work. I’m being here for a long time.”
I could see it in his eyes that Mark couldn’t understand me; the ugly mix of my accent coupled with my lack of grasp on English seemed to confuse everyone. Everyone but Jacob. He only shook his head with a slight shrug, and I pursed my lips to sigh through my nose.
“I need an American phone. I have to ask my boss.” Fishing my phone out of my pocket, I swiped the screen without unlocking it. “Do you know where for this kind?”
“You can get a smartphone at Walmart. I’ll take you when I get out of work. Want to meet back here?” Jacob was so quick to help, and he was so nice… it filled me with incredible sadness and anxiety. Tightening my grip on my phone, I fought a frown while he reached over the
case to grab two grinders. “Let’s sit. What was your meeting about?”
17
Jacob
Excitement put a pep in my step, and my heart thundered when I caught sight of Joci hanging out near the sub shop. Just hours ago, we’d parted ways here, but this was a milestone— we had plans to meet up again, not just expecting to run into each other. Her long, shiny waves hung over one shoulder, and she smiled broadly when she caught sight of me.
“Hey.” She’d changed into a thick, woolen dress and stockings, and her unzipped coat bunched up when she crossed her arms over her chest. Ducking to kiss her lips, a smirk tilted my own at her dazzled expression. “Ready to go shopping?”
“Yeah. I have a card. My boss said to be wise since I won’t get more.” She puffed out her lips as I wrapped an arm around her waist, and Joci cocked her head. “I need a phone.”
“That you do. So, what happened after lunch? Did you get permission for Thursday?” Joci nodded, but disgruntled wrinkles rippled across her face as she scrunched up her small nose. “What happened?”
“Nothing. I can go. It’s just… I have to show you, and— you know— you probably will not want me after.” My mouth dried at the reluctance in her tone, and she shook her head sluggishly. “We’ll find out.”
I was at a loss, my jaw clenching as I tried to come up with something to say. My brain wouldn’t work in the face of such ominous vagueness, though. The only obvious thing about what Joci had said was that it involved her ex and refusing to take off her clothes. The fuck else could it be about?
But what exactly did that mean— not wanting her? Physical scars? Fear of intimacy? Was Joci plagued by night terrors or something? All those questions and more raced behind my eyes, but I didn’t voice them. She obviously felt strongly enough to show me whatever it was she wanted me to know, and I wouldn’t rush her. Tightening my arm around her, I pressed my lips to her temple as we walked.
