by Maisey Yates
“Wow.” It wasn’t a fancy restaurant, but somehow it felt better. More significant, because he had prepared it all himself.
“Well, I know you’re always a little concerned about the cleanliness.”
“Yeah,” she said. “I... Yeah.” She held up the food and wandered over to the bench, and he brushed off the stool quickly before she sat down.
“I hope you got extra French fries,” she said as she watched him get the food out of the bag.
He lifted an eyebrow. “Extra?”
“Don’t look so surprised. French fries are serious business.”
“True,” he said. “Fortunately, I did anticipate that.”
He pulled out a container that did indeed contain only fries. And she dug into them happily.
There was a soda machine in the corner, and he walked over with a couple of dollars. “What do you want tonight?”
“Orange?”
He smiled and shook his head, putting in the dollar and then pushing the button for orange soda. And he got a Coke for himself.
He brought them back over to where she sat and extended the soda to her, which she took, tapping the can thoughtfully.
“Orange soda,” he said. Suddenly, concern she hadn’t seen before marred his brow. “How old are you?”
Heat touched her cheeks. Well she hadn’t exactly been looking forward to this part of the getting-to-know-you. “I’m almost eighteen.”
The crease between his eyebrows deepened. “How almost?”
She laughed. “Three weeks. I’m graduating this year.”
He nodded slowly. “That’s not so bad.”
“Why? How old are you?”
“Old enough to drink,” he said.
“By how much?”
“Well... That depends. Do you mean from a legal standpoint or when I actually started drinking?”
“You’re the one who introduced it is an age marker.”
He shrugged. “I turned twenty-one last month.”
“Okay,” she said. “I guess that’s not so bad.”
“Graduating, huh? What’s the plan after that?” He got out his hamburger and started to eat, and she followed suit.
“I’m going to OSU,” she said, looking down at her food. “I guess.”
“What you mean ‘you guess’? That wasn’t your first pick?”
“I’m studying marine biology. And it’s a great school for that. It is. But... I wanted to go to Boston. They have a great marine-biology program there, and a partnership with an aquarium that I was really interested in.”
It never got much easier to think about that, even now that it had been a couple of months. But then, none of it was easier. It was harder in new ways. People had stopped giving her sad looks at school, and she’d been grateful for that. But now it felt like everyone expected her to be normal.
“You didn’t get accepted?”
“I did,” she said. “But I—I can’t leave my mom.”
There wasn’t any indication by his facial expression that he had any idea why she felt she couldn’t leave her mom.
“My dad died,” she said. “Almost four months ago. The day I got the acceptance letter, actually. And she didn’t want me to leave, anyway. If I left her now—”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “That’s bullshit. You got accepted into your top school, and you’re not gonna go?”
She wished they had stuck to talking about TV. Not ages and the future and things like that.
“My dad’s dead,” she reiterated.
Because as far as she was concerned, it was the answer to any question he might have.
“Yeah, and forgive me for sounding kind of callous, but that’s not likely to change anytime soon.”
His words probably should have offended her, but they didn’t. Instead, they made a strange kind of sense. “No. But there will be more time in between what happened then—”
“And in that time your mom will never learn to not need you. Sometimes you have to take opportunities when you get them.”
“Yeah, and when have you had to do that?”
“I’m still here. My dad’s dead, too. He drank himself to death. So no one was exactly making a saint out of him and acting sorry he was gone. And it’s been a long time. But my mom met some other guy, and she went off and had a couple more kids.”
She tried to imagine her mom with someone else and...couldn’t. “That must have been hard.”
“Yeah...” He lifted a shoulder. “I was seventeen. That kind of sucked. But I didn’t want to go, because Dusty promised me this place. He doesn’t have a son, and no one else to leave this place to, but he’s willing to leave it to me.”
Her age. He had been her age when his mother had left him. “I can’t imagine that. Being left on your own...”
“There wasn’t going to be anything for me where she went. I’m smart enough to know that people like me don’t get those chances too often. I’ve been here working with Dusty for the last four years. That’s my version of college, anyway. The best school I got accepted at.”
“You’re brave,” she said. “To stay on your own like that.”
“I don’t know. I did what made sense. So what about you? You were smart and you got the grades to get into the school. And you just don’t get to?”
“I lied to my mom. I told her that I didn’t get in.”
“Wow,” he said. “Because you know she would have told you to go if you did get accepted.”
“Or she would have asked me not to,” Emma said. “I don’t know. I just needed to deal with it on my own. And I meant to tell her the truth...but I just didn’t.”
“Hey. I don’t know what it’s like to have people care where I am. Maybe I’m off base. But you should go. You should go because you deserve to have what you want. If I could have gone to school to be a mechanic, I could’ve gotten all kinds of certifications and gotten a lot further. As it is, I’m self-taught on a whole lot of things that Dusty doesn’t know, and when I take over the place, I’ll be able to take on different business. But working toward certifications is going to be slow. If I would’ve had the chance to go to school... I would have.”
“I’m going to school. Just three hours away instead of a country away.”
“But it’s not what you want. Don’t you think that you’re worth it?”
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
“You’re concerned about your mom’s feelings, and that’s nice. But don’t you think that your feelings matter?”
“Yeah,” she said. “Of course they do.”
“I don’t think you’re giving them enough weight,” he said. “Just my opinion, as a guy who had to ask how old you were a few minutes ago.”
She laughed. They finished eating and moved on to lighter subjects, and by the time she had finished her hamburger, she was 100 percent convinced that he was the most wonderful guy she’d ever known.
He was like a light that illuminated the center of the room. Pushed the darkness into the corners. It was still there. But it wasn’t everything.
“I can show you around,” he said.
And then she couldn’t regret that step toward real conversation, because this really did feel...like a step. They’d eaten together before, but they hadn’t delved into each others lives.
This felt like him sharing his life.
“Sure,” she said. “I can honestly say I have never been shown around the garage before.”
“Well, you’re in for a treat.”
He said the words somewhat dryly, but she could see that he was proud of the place. She got the sense that he did a good portion of the running of the business, and that the transition between himself and Dusty had been happening slowly over the last few years.
“How did you meet Dusty?” she asked, looking
intently at all the tool racks and shelves full of auto parts. She might not be able to identify anything, but it took on some meaning, knowing how much it meant to him.
That he was working here because this business would belong to him someday. And that mattered to him. Was worth working through meals, and all the sweat and grease and even blood—he had some stories—that went into the job.
“I was looking for work. I had a pretty good sense of how to work on old cars, because I’d been helping my mom get hers running one way or another constantly over the last few years. So he agreed to take me on and train me. I was sixteen. Not going to school.”
“You quit school?”
“Yeah,” he said. “Not the best move in hindsight, but at the time... I didn’t have any use for school. Not when I could be out making money. And... I knew where I was going to end up. Somewhere working with my hands, but definitely not somewhere that required college. So there just didn’t seem to be a point.”
“Oh,” she said. “I guess that makes sense.”
“Except you don’t agree.” He looked combative, and she realized...
He expected her to judge him. To judge this. She was going to college and she talked about it like such a sure thing, while it was clear that to him the only sure future had been one he’d build with his hands. Learning a trade, like he’d done, had been the smartest thing he could do.
And he was used to being judged for it.
She shook her head. “No, I’m realizing that I’m lucky. Because it was definitely something my mom and dad wanted for me, and they made sure that I knew I had that privilege available. I just always assumed that I could go. And you—”
“No one in my family has ever gone to college,” he said. “We’re just not those people.”
“But you’re smart,” she said. “You have to be to fix engines. To teach yourself?”
“I’m lucky, too,” he said. “Because Dusty has taught me a lot about business. I would never have been in this position without him. But you can see why I’m here. There’s not a ton of open opportunity in Sunset Bay, but there’s this opportunity for me.”
“Yeah.”
“You know what—I think I have some sheet cake left over in the fridge for my birthday.”
“It’s probably really old.”
“Yeah, it’s a little old, but Dusty also brought it in late.”
“Okay. You have to take the first bite, though.”
They ended up sitting in his truck with the heater on, a plaid blanket over her knees while they ate cake and listened to the radio, since it was the only thing he had in his pickup, not a hook up for a cell phone or anything.
“Do you know what’s weird about your dad dying?” she asked.
“What?”
“Everybody treats you like you’re an alien. So as bad as you feel about the whole thing, you just end up feeling worse, because you can’t even talk to your friends anymore.”
“Yeah,” he said. “When my dad died, it was kind of a relief that he wasn’t around anymore. But I was sad, too. And...”
“No one understood that, did they?”
He shook his head. “No.”
“How old were you when he died?”
“Eight. I took all of his baseball cards out to the backyard and set them on fire. And then I cried because I wished I had them.” He didn’t say anything for a while. “I’ve never told anyone that.”
She blinked. Hard. “My dad was a great guy. He was an amazing dad. I’m not sure he felt like it. He was sad sometimes that he couldn’t go to everything always. That he couldn’t just...get up and have energy when I wanted him to. It didn’t matter to me, though. He was the best. Whether he was walking up to the lighthouse with me or just...talking to me. Teasing me about how sweet my coffee was, or how messy my car was. He knew me.”
She took a deep breath. “He wouldn’t want me to go to OSU because he died. He would want me to follow my dream.”
“Well, I think you have your answer.”
She nodded slowly. “I guess so.”
He leaned across the cab, and she suddenly couldn’t breathe. “You have a little bit of frosting on your cheek,” he said, reaching up and brushing his thumb over her skin. And then he brought it to his mouth.
And then licked it.
“No sense wasting good frosting,” he said.
Her heart was thundering so loud in her head that she could hardly breathe.
It occurred to her for the first time that she was alone with a boy. Absolutely alone. And they could kiss...or whatever... And she wanted to. At least the kissing. So she stared at him, because she hoped that he would get the message if she did.
He smiled, and he leaned in. It wasn’t a long kiss. And it felt...
Strange.
His mouth was warm, and firm, and it made her feel like someone had wrapped her in a blanket and set her by a fireplace, safe and cocooned, but also close to something dangerous and destructive, that if it escaped its confinement would destroy her completely. When he pulled away she felt giddy. Dizzy.
“I want to see you again,” he said, his mouth still right next to hers.
“Okay,” she said.
“Good.”
“Yeah,” she responded, leaning back against the seat. She wished that he would kiss her again, but also, she wasn’t sure she could survive it.
“It’s pretty late,” he said. “And it sounds to me like your mom worries about you. So... I don’t want to cause worry. And if we want to go out again, then I suspect it’s a good time for you to head home.”
“It’s late?” She reached into her pocket, grabbed her phone and cursed when she saw the eight or nine messages and two missed calls. That meant her mom had probably called Catherine, who had probably ignored her, because she knew that her mom would want to talk to her.
Great. Now they were both in trouble.
“Yeah. I do need to go.”
“You look worried? Is everything okay?”
She wished a hole would open up in the truck and just swallow her up. “My mom doesn’t know that I’m with you.”
He frowned. “Oh?”
“I told her I was having dinner with my friend Catherine.”
“Okay.” He rested his elbows on the steering wheel and stared straight ahead. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m not used to dating girls who still live at home.”
She wrinkled her nose. “You really thought I was older, didn’t you?”
“Yeah. I should have asked up front.”
“Well, I’m almost older. I’ll be older...well, right now. But older in the way you mean soon enough.”
He sighed heavily, then looked over at her, his face shadowed. “I didn’t run away when you told me. I’m not running now.”
She bit her lip. “Good.”
“I don’t meet a lot of people who understand losing someone,” he said. “And I didn’t expect to find that with you. Honestly, I just thought you were pretty. But if you were just pretty I probably would have sent you away when I found out you were seventeen. But it’s more than that.”
A liquid, giddy feeling shimmered in her stomach, in spite of her anxiety. “I’m glad. Well, to be pretty and to be more than that. I... You know what I mean.”
“Handle your mom however you want. But...you know my opinion.” He laughed. “You know, the opinion of this guy you didn’t know until today. So if you want to ignore me, that’s fair enough.”
She wanted to tell him that she did know him. Because she’d been watching him for months. But then she would sound crazy, and he really wouldn’t want to see her again. She was going to try to minimize the fact she was in high school, not maximize it by revealing that she was a girl with a crush. Who had never been kissed before until a few minutes ago.
“I’ll k
eep that in mind.”
She got out of the truck and slammed the door behind her, waving as she went back across the street to where she parked her car. “Wait a second.”
She turned around and saw him just a few paces behind her. “It’s not chivalrous for me to let you go without making sure you get to your car okay.”
“Oh,” she said.
“If you didn’t have your own car here, I would have driven you home and walked to the door.”
“Oh,” she said again, heat igniting her cheeks.
“And can I get your phone number?”
“Yes,” she said, accepting his phone when he gave it to her, and calling herself. Then she handed it back to him. “Now we have each other’s.”
“Good,” he said. “I’ll see you.”
He didn’t try to kiss her again.
She couldn’t decide if that made him a gentleman, or if it made her disappointed.
Or if it was both and that was okay.
She considered that while she drove home, her lips burning. Her phone rang, and she answered it, putting it on speakerphone.
“Where are you? Your mom has called me twice, and I feel mean ignoring her.”
“I’m sorry,” she said to Catherine. “He kissed me.”
“Wow,” Catherine said. “I figured you’d make a guy wait way more dates to get a kiss. Or at least...take you out and not to his garage.”
“He kissed me.”
“I mean, he seems like the kind of guy who would have kissed you on the first date. You’re the one who doesn’t seem like that kind of girl.”
She guessed maybe she did think that she was the kind of girl who would wait until the fifth or sixth date to kiss a guy, but this didn’t feel just like a date.
It felt like...a shift.
Like he had come into her life and things had rearranged themselves. Like the conversations they’d had tonight had created new ideas inside of her and she wasn’t going to be able to go back and not have them there anymore.
The way that he had talked about her caring for herself.
And he thought she should go to Boston.
