by Meli Raine
And the houses are built into hills. Not small hills, either. The driveways are twisty and tipped up, and the homes are beautiful. Some are Spanish looking. Others are made of beautiful wood. Plenty have stucco on the outside. The yards are lush and manicured.
I feel like such a hick. Like all I’ve known is my tiny little town. Heck, I’ve never seen a traffic light with a left turn arrow before. I can’t stop staring at it as Chase waits at a stoplight.
The arrow comes on. Chase turns left. It’s as exciting as a traveling carnival in town and riding on the Ferris wheel.
I need to get out more, don’t I? I know I’ve lived a weird, sheltered life. Mom and Jeff didn’t make much money, and then after Mom died Jeff clamped down even harder. There’s so much for me to learn.
Getting away from Jeff is just the beginning. I thought that was all I needed. Break away from home and then I’d be fine. Now, though, I see it’s just the first in a long series of steps.
Breaking away takes a lot of effort, but this is a marathon. This is the rest of my life.
I’ve got so much to learn.
“Smell that?” Chase asks at the next stoplight.
All I smell is exhaust and sweat.
“The ocean. Salt. We’re close.” He reaches down and squeezes my hand. “Another half hour or so.” A zing of anticipation shoots through me. My thighs are quivering from muscle strain, and my bones ache.
“Yay!” I scream as the bike takes off, the light now green. A group of guys are at a convenience store, drinking out of bottles in brown paper bags, and they cheer for me as we drive off. They’re a little creepy, but I wave anyhow. Their catcalls get super loud. Chase just shakes his head, like he doesn’t know what to do with me.
Join the club, Chase. I don’t know what to do with myself either. But no matter what, I’m going to do it with you.
A right turn, then a left turn, and a long run down a road where the houses look like mansions from a television show. Every home looks so perfect. Nice front lawn, pretty rock gardens with a palm tree, front porches with clean, matching lawn furniture on them. How can so many people have this kind of money? The hills are a backdrop behind the gorgeous homes. It really looks like a movie set.
And then we make another turn and bam! I smell it. The salt in the air hits my lungs like pure joy.
“Nice legs!” a man at a gas station screams at me. Chase gives him the middle finger as we take off and I laugh. I laugh because the look on the man’s face is funny. I laugh because Chase is so protective. I laugh because we’re four hours into motorcycle driving and I’m tired.
And then I laugh even harder as a giant Ferris wheel comes into view.
“Where are we?” I shout at the next light.
“Santa Monica Pier,” he says.
I stop laughing and look around. The store names are so fancy I can’t pronounce half of them. There are restaurants with names like The Lobster and Del Frisco’s Grille. Women in heels so high and clothes so tight and fashionable are everywhere. This can’t be real, right?
Woman after woman after woman walks on the sidewalk in Manolo Blahniks or other shoes that cost more than Jeff’s car. They have perfect hair. Perfect makeup. They are with men in suits who carry Tiffany bags. I see a Kate Spade purse. Marissa told me all the fashion brands and we spent so much time before she moved combing through magazines that I know these things.
Kate Spade bags. Marissa must love this city so much.
We come down a small hill, the bright lights turning on slowly as dusk begins in earnest. One more turn and there it is.
The ocean.
“Oh, my God, Chase, it’s real!” I squeal in his ear, hugging him. “You did it! You really brought me here!” I can’t hear anything because of the bike’s engine but in a few minutes we’ll be parked. My ears will fill with the sound of rushing waves.
And nothing else except the sound of Chase’s heartbeat as he holds me in the surf.
Lights. Everywhere. The sky over the ocean looks like a watercolor painting come to life. The Santa Monica Pier has a roller coaster on it. I’ve never been on a roller coaster. We never had the money to do anything other than carnival rides when the traveling ones came to town.
I can feel Chase’s laughter in my arms. “Of course it’s real,” he says over his shoulder as we slow down and he weaves between the long lines of parked cars in the parking lot. We drive down a ramp and the boardwalk looms up to the left, like it rises right out of the ocean. A right turn and another long line of cars and then Chase slows to a stop. He turns off the bike.
Whoosh. The waves are right there, my eyes eating up everything. I can’t believe I’m here.
My legs are tight and aching, but I scramble off the bike and run onto the sand, struggling to kick off my shoes. I’ve gone barefoot in desert dirt before, but the sand here is so different. Soft and grainy, dry and perfect. The breeze is full of salt and a fishy scent that is light and airy.
People are everywhere. I’ve never seen so many people, cars...anything like this before in my life. I want to laugh for hours, I want to dance, I want to jump up and down and scream with joy.
So I do all of it.
Chase watches me, his arms crossed over his chest. He has a little half-smile on his face, and a day’s worth of stubble peppers his chin and mouth. In the waning sunlight he’s pure heaven. I tear my eyes away from him and face the surf. People dot the beach in pairs and groups. Old people, little kids, and lots and lots of people Chase’s and my age.
Happiness surrounds me.
I sprint for the water, my feet uncertain on the sand. It’s hard to run in it barefoot. Chase calls out to me from behind and then I hear him grumble, but I don’t care. I’m free. I’m free.
I’m here.
I reach the water and run in, splashing and crazy, laughing and enchanted.
Loving arms wrap around my waist from behind. “You’re crazy,” Chase says, breathless.
“I’m here!” I scream, my hands on the salt water, my fingers wet and lifting to my lips. The water really is salty. So much tangier than I ever imagined. It makes my split lip sting.
He twists me in place, my jeans soaking my calves. I should have rolled them up. The not-so-tiny cuts on my body start to scream out from the salt water but they’re muted by Chase’s face. His arms. His hands.
His expression.
“I want to make you this happy all the time, Allie.”
“Then let’s live at the ocean!”
He laughs. “If that’s all it takes, done!” And then he pulls me to him and his lips cover mine, mouth slanting, tongue sliding between my lips. We’re ripe and lush together as the sun burns orange and red before us.
We are god and goddess. We are yin and yang.
We are here. Together.
Ah, the cool breeze of the ocean and the disappearing sun. The rush of wind and water against my long hair. The cries of kids on the beach, laughing and screaming. The seagulls dive-bombing and the boats on the horizon. I breathe, I kiss, I lick, I smile.
I am.
Chase pulls back and holds me at arm’s length. “You’re vibrating,” he says, laughing. His honeyed eyes light up and his grin must be almost as big as mine. His pants are soaked and his hands are shoved into my back pockets. I stopped thinking the minute my feet hit the water.
All I am now is pure emotion. Aches, pains, road rash, fears—gone. What I am right this very moment is the real Allie Boden.
And I am never going back to the old one. Never. My old self is as dried out and depressing as my hometown is compared to the ocean. Who wants to go back to a life they never picked? We want what we want, right?
I choose.
I’ve chosen.
Chase gives me a big, silly smack on the lips and squeezes my ass with both hands. “You are glowing.”
“I’m radioactive!” I shout, jumping in place. A strong wave pushes against my calves and I’m shocked by it. Smaller currents near my feet
pull at me. I had no idea the water itself was so layered. So complex.
So nuanced.
Just like life.
Just like me.
The taste of Chase’s upper lip as I reach up to nibble him is coffee and grapes, with a hint of mint. He has his own scent, but the ocean overpowers it. If happiness could be smelled, this would be it. Candle companies could make a fortune from the smell of the ocean at sunset.
Sunset.
I turn as Chase puts his arm around my waist, tucking me into him under his shoulder. My head fits so neatly against his ribs you would think we were carved for each other. Made to fit. The sun is so bright in the sky as it kisses the water in the horizon. It’s just like it looks in the movies.
Only a thousand times better.
My hair drags against my back, tangling in Chase’s hand, and I pull it up. He kisses the long stretch of exposed neck as I stretch. His lips are filled with promises I know he’ll keep. He promised to bring me to the ocean and he’s already fulfilled that.
I can trust him. Always. He will never let me down. I am falling in love with him way too fast, but I don’t care. Chase just proved he’s a man of his word, and that’s all that matters. He’s all that matters. Together, we are more important than anything else.
The warm, wet air feels like love and sweetness all at once. It’s like my mother’s arms are around me. Like she’s smiling down on us, thrilled to see me so happy. A prickly, supernatural feeling makes my skin tingle, and I turn to see a group of motorcycle riders slowly wind their way past.
“Don’t worry,” Chase says. “They’re not from Atlas. That gang’s okay. We get along all right.” He cocks one eyebrow as if he’s ready to contradict himself. “Sorta,” he adds.
He mistakes my reaction for fear. It’s not. A woman on the back of the leader’s bike is staring at us. She looks just enough like my mother to make me stare back. Her long, black hair is so familiar. We have “crow hair,” as Jeff calls it.
I shiver. I’m inventing things. Seeing things. Maybe I’m actually delirious. Can you be too happy? Too elated? Too excited?
Chase kisses me again, then nuzzles his cheek against my neck. “You smell like hope, Allie. Hope and happiness. You are the most important person in the world to me. Let me make you this happy every day.”
The woman’s head follows, craning to watch us. She’s wearing sunglasses and a half smile. Her lips seem like she’s expressing something. Her head finally turns back to face the rider as they make a left turn up the ramp to the main streets, away from the beach.
The pounding of my blood, my heart, slows down as she disappears. Why was she watching us so intently? I feel a cloud of love surround me, and tears fill my eyes.
Chase’s voice is filled with alarm as he watches me. “Allie? What’s wrong?”
I can’t explain it. I can’t. I stand on tiptoe in the surf and pull his lips to mine, the kiss going on and on, lasting through the final sliver of the sun as it disappears in the ocean, extinguished and gone to sleep.
Like my fear. Like my sadness. Like my grief.
Like my life back home.
CHAPTER SEVEN
“Roller coaster or Ferris wheel first?” Chase asks, pulling me to the boardwalk. The Santa Monica Pier is this giant flat structure, like the biggest deck in the world, covering thousands of square feet of the ocean. It’s so big there’s an actual roller coaster on it.
A roller coaster right above the ocean. Who knew these things even existed?
His stomach growls.
I laugh. “How about food first?”
He winks and grabs me around the waist. I shift my feet so we walk in sync. “Good point. Burgers? Seafood? What do you want?” We can choose from everything. Fancy seafood restaurants, dinky hot dog places, burger joints, ice cream shops, fried dough stands—the choices feel endless.
I’ve never seen so many restaurants in one place, and every little shop has crazy Christmas lights and neon signs, making it feel like a 24/7 carnival.
I guess it really is.
“You choose,” I tell Chase. I really don’t care. He drags me to a fried seafood stand and soon I’m munching happily on fried shrimp, sitting at a table with Chase, staring at the grey sky. The sun just went down but the moon’s not out yet. The air is grey streaked with lighter and darker shades. People are everywhere, and you could get lost in a crowd like this.
You can also find yourself.
We’re sitting next to each other and I’m pressed against Chase as we fill our stomachs and watch the waves roll in. I could stare at the water forever. Its rhythm becomes my heartbeat.
As we finish our drinks and food, I let out a big, deep sigh.
“Happy?” Chase asks, smiling with such intense emotion I could spend forever just looking at him.
“Beyond happy.”
“What’s the word for that?” he asks.
“Chase.”
“No,” he says, frowning.
“Then what?”
“Allie.”
“Is this our first argument?” I joke as I stand and toss my trash in a nearby can. He does the same.
“If it is, it’s pretty lame.” His arms wrap around me and I press my ear against his heart. It beats in time with the ocean waves, a shhh shhh shhh sound that grounds me.
“May all our arguments be so lame,” I mutter into his chest. The rumble of laughter makes my face move.
“Someday you’ll find something about me you don’t like and you’ll scream at me and call me an asshole and throw dishes at my head,” he says in an amused voice.
I pull back and cock an eyebrow. “You’d have to do something horrible for me to do that.”
“We’re all capable of doing horrible things, Allie,” he says softly.
“Not you,” I insist. “And not me. And not here.” He cuts off my words with a kiss.
“Let me say this, Allie,” he says as he breaks the kiss. “I’ve never met anyone like you before. When I walked into that bar a few weeks ago and saw you, it was like all those stupid clichés rolled into one shining moment. My heart stopped. My body went hard. My mind turned into a blender. And all I wanted was you. To be with you. To touch you.”
My heart leaps into my throat. He’s stroking my arm in time with the waves.
“To love you,” he says. Chase’s eyes have turned to firelight, the amber mingling with the yellow and brown in the twilight. I can see the love in them. Feel it in his gaze.
And he just said it.
“Love,” he says again. “I know it’s crazy. I was talking to Frenchie and David about how I feel about you, and they both said it’s fate.”
“Frenchie and David?” I choke out.
He laughs. “Yeah, not in the same conversation. And I know Frenchie’s kind of an asshole, but he’s a good friend. A good guy when you get to know him.”
I make a snort of surprise.
“How in the hell did we go from me talking about loving you to Frenchie?” Chase asks with a WTF? look on his face.
“You brought him up. Maybe loving me makes you think about him?” I joke. Even saying the words loving me makes me feel like the world is off kilter. Like I’ve tipped into a different dimension.
He groans. “I’m going to start over. I’m hitting rewind on this conversation. Scratch Frenchie and David.” He drags me to the Ferris wheel on the other side of the pier, fingers laced with mine. Chase is running and I keep up with him, his words looping through my mind.
Love.
Love love love.
Chase buys two tickets and we climb on. He sits next to me and takes both my hands in his, resting the pile of our four hands in his lap. The grain of the denim of his jeans brushes against my fingers. I feel like I’m memorizing everything. Like I have to.
The Ferris wheel lurches and we fly up, my stomach dropping. As the wheel moves us higher into the sky it suddenly stops. I look down. A new group of people is boarding.
When I look b
ack at Chase his eyes are glowing with intensity. “Allie,” he says, his voice grainy and serious. “I meant what I said. I love you. I know it’s so early, but when you know—you know. I can’t stop thinking about you. Hell, my goddamned body can’t stop wanting you. Every time you laugh I want to see you laugh again a thousand times more.”
I can’t stop watching him.
We lurch again and this time, I lose my balance, falling hard against him. His arms are right there, steadying me, warm and hard at the same time. His palms slide up from my shoulders and cradle my face.
“You make me want to show you my heart, Allie. No woman has ever done that before.” The lights from the roller coaster blink as the cars shoot along on the tracks, riders screaming with glee. A seagull flock squawks and cries out as a child runs through them in the distance. Chase’s warm breath tickles my nose. His words caress my soul.
“I love you,” he says simply. As if he has cut open his chest and wants me to see his vulnerable heart beating there, a rhythm just for me.
I inhale. I exhale. I do it again. Time disappears and space becomes so much bigger than I knew. The whole world is vast and complex. Love is simple and small.
It lives here in the space between us.
I cross that space and we kiss, our lips telling each other stories, our tongues making plans, our fingers holding on for dear life. In the kiss I tell Chase my entire history and in his groan of desire he tells me everything I need to know.
The Ferris wheel jolts again and our teeth bang together. Chase bites my tongue and I laugh. He cringes and his eyes go troubled. We disentangle our mingled flesh and he looks at me uncertainly.
I know why.
“I love you, Chase Halloway,” I whisper. Then I shout, “I love you, too!”
“I love you, Allie!” he cries out.
“Get a room!” someone screams back. I blush, my hands halting against his. This time, when he looks at me, his eyes are dark and full of something much deeper.
And no longer uncertain.
The kiss Chase gives me as the Ferris wheel begins its slow loop, without stops, is one long, deep I love you. He buries his hands in my hair, and my palm cups the back of his neck. He pulls me closer, one hand under my shirt, splayed against my back and pushing me to him. It’s as if he wants to be so close to me that we’re one person. One body.
