I e-mail my dad.
He shows up an hour later.
“Hey, Kittiekat,” he says after letting himself in the front door with his key. He leans over and kisses my forehead.
I’m stunned. I haven’t seen the guy for nearly two weeks, and suddenly he’s here. And he looks like hell. He’s unshaven, his eyes are red-rimmed, and his clothes look like he’s been sleeping in them for the past two weeks. For the first time ever, I see him as a man, almost a stranger, and not my sweet and gentle daddy who once gave me piggyback rides to bed and then stayed with me, stroking my hair, until I grew drowsy.
“How’s your ankle?” he asks, touching it lightly. I’m on the couch and my foot is elevated and bare. The bruising has become increasingly colorful as the week has progressed.
“It’s not as bad as it was, though it’s looking worse all the time,” I tell him as calmly as I can, yet it’s taking a huge effort to swallow the hurt I’m feeling and act normal, like it’s not weird that he’s suddenly here. Does he think I won’t notice that he never bothered to drop by until I found some money for him to invest, and then he’s here almost immediately? I’ve missed him desperately, ached for him, but this is not the way I thought our reunion would happen. I wanted him to come and see me just because he wants to, because he misses me, not for any other reason.
“I’ve missed you so much, Katie,” he says. He’s studying me, probably reading my thoughts. I have to look away. “And I wanted to come and see you,” he says. “But it was so hard to leave, and I was afraid that if I came back I wouldn’t be able to go again.”
I have nothing to say to that.
“So, where did you get this money from, the money you want to invest?” he asks, wisely changing the subject.
“It’s the prize money for the Gotcha game. All the grads who are playing put in ten dollars, and the winner takes all.”
“Sounds like fun.”
“It’s not.”
“No?”
“It’s crazy. People will actually hurt other people to get their bead.”
“That’s not good.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Maybe there should be some more rules instigated, like no hurting each other.” He laughs at the absurdity of his own comment.
“So where are you living, Dad?”
“I don’t want to talk about that, Kittiekat.”
“Why not?”
He looks at me sadly. “Just because,” he says.
I had convinced myself that he was living with another woman, and that’s why he wouldn’t let me come for a visit, but now that I can see the shape he’s in, I know that’s not the case. He looks more like he’s been living on the streets.
“How’s your mom?” he asks sadly.
“The same.”
“She’s a good lady,” he tells me. “I miss her too.”
“Then why don’t you come home?”
“Not yet, Kittiekat. I have to prove to both of you that I can make something more of myself.”
“You don’t have to prove anything to me, Dad.”
“Thanks, Katie. But I have to prove something to myself.”
He does? I wonder what that would be. Maybe that he can be happy as a homeless person?
“So?” he asks. “I take it the money is in your bank account?”
“Yep.”
“And you still want to invest it?”
“Uh-huh.” Though now that I can see the shape he’s in, I’m having my doubts. This man does not look like my dad. He’s acting strange, coming over only when I have some money for him. Can I still trust him?
“Then I guess we need to get over to the bank.”
I try stalling. “Do you want to stay for a bit, have a shower, get a change of clothes...?”
Dad looks around. “I’d love to, Katie. I would. But that will just make it much harder to leave again.”
I sigh. I know I can’t change my mind now, not to his face. “Okay then. Pass me my crutches.”
Thirty minutes later I’m back on the couch, alone again. We’ve been to the bank. I’ve withdrawn the money and given it to Dad. The adrenaline rush I had when I decided to give him the Gotcha money is gone, and I feel miserable. I know it wasn’t my money to give away, and Dad was acting so strange. What have I done now?
Yet Dad assured me I’d have it back in a week, two at the outside. That’s a little longer than the “overnight” that he promised me initially, but it won’t matter because Gotcha will run at least that much longer. I know Dad won’t let me down in this. He won’t.
I can’t believe how quickly he left. He engulfed me in a hug at the door when he brought me back from the bank, and I swear I saw tears in his eyes when he said good-bye, but he clearly wanted to get away from our house as fast as he could. It would have been nice if he’d made me some lunch, and we could have talked, catching up on the past two weeks. He knows Mom’s gone all day. He doesn’t have a job to go to, or a home, judging by the looks of him. I just don’t get it.
Now I’m not only lonely for Dad; I’m also desperately lonely for my friends. I feel cut off from everything, and, despite myself, I’m curious about what’s happening with the Gotcha game. I can see who is still in the game by checking Facebook, but I want to hear the stories. I consider calling Mariah after school to get some news. If she’s not with Paige, she might be willing to talk to me. And besides, we have to finish our project on the Tlingit. Maybe I can ask her to bring me some books.
The day drags on, but finally it’s three o’clock. I dial Mariah’s number.
“Hey, ‘Riah, it’s me, Katie,” I say when she picks up the phone.
“Katie! How are you?” she asks, sounding genuinely interested. “I’ve missed you!”
“I’ve missed you too. Are you alone? Can you talk?”
“Yeah, I am. How’s your ankle?”
“It’s a little better. I think I’ll be back at school next week. If I wrap it up tight, I may be able to walk around a bit.”
“That’s good.”
“Yeah.”
There’s an awkward pause. I don’t know what to say next. Clearly she doesn’t either.
“So, how are Paige and Tanysha?”
“They’re okay, but Tanysha lost her bead.”
“No way! How?”
“It was so random,” she says. “Paige’s mom picked both of them up after their choir practice on Tuesday night. She drove right up Tanysha’s driveway to the door, thinking that would be completely safe, but it was dark, so no one saw Brent Taylor crouching behind a bush right beside the house.”
“Oh no.”
“Oh yes.”
“How about Paige?”
“She’s still got hers. But...” Mariah pauses.
“What?”
“She’s acting...weird, like she’s totally traumatized by the whole thing. Apparently she just kept screaming and screaming when she saw Tanysha get tagged, like she’d witnessed a shooting or something.”
“Yeah, well, she’s always been strung a little too tight,”I say, and regret it immediately, but Mariah just laughs.
“She’s been twice as bad since you guys had your fight, a real grouch.”
I think about that. “Do you think I should try apologizing again?”
Mariah pauses before she answers. “I don’t know, Katie. I’d say she owes you an apology for what she started at Tyson’s.”
Just talking about the game is bringing me down again. “Gotcha is bad news for everyone,” I say.
“Tell me about it. Only one person wins, but in the meantime all kinds of people start hating each other. Did you hear about the Reynolds family?”
“No. What?”
“Well, Corrine never got around to telling her dad that we’re playing Gotcha, but her brother, Craig, knew. When Travis showed up at her house, her dad let him in, even though Craig was right there and could have said something. Travis tagged Corrine, so she is totally pissed at her dad, who
is pissed at Craig for not telling him about the game. Craig thought the whole thing was a big joke, which ticked Corrine off even more. Now they’re all fighting, and her mom even went to the school to complain about the game.”
“Oh-oh.”
“Yeah. A grade twelve meeting has been called for tomorrow afternoon. Rumor has it that Fetterly is going to try to shut us down. He’ll probably threaten to suspend anyone who’s caught playing.”
“Are you serious?”
“That’s what everyone’s saying.”
“Do you think that will be enough to make everyone quit?” My stomach clenches. I’ve just loaned my dad all the Gotcha money.
“Are you kidding? Not a chance! People will just get quieter about it.”
Quieter about it. Great. It will just get more sinister than ever. But at least I won’t be asked to return the money. I’d have some explaining to do about that.
“Maybe I should be at that meeting.”
“It’s up to you. If you don’t make it, I’ll come over and tell you what’s going on.”
“Thanks, ‘Riah. But won’t Paige be ticked if you come to see me?”
“Believe me, Katie, I really don’t care. She’s like totally weirded-out right now.”
I know that is a giant leap for Mariah.
“How’s your section of the Tlingit project going?” I ask.
“I’m done!” she says. “Can you believe it?”
I can’t, really. I figured I’d be doing more than my share, as usual. “That’s great. Maybe you can give me your portion at school tomorrow, I’ll write a conclusion and then we can turn it in next week.”
“Perfect.”
“Hey, how’s Jefferson?”
“He is like so amazing,” she gushes. “And we’re official. Did you hear?”
“No! That’s so cool, Mariah. At least one good thing came out of this stupid game.”
“You wouldn’t believe it, Katie. He’s so sweet, and he treats me like I’m...I’m special. I’ve never met a guy like him before.”
I could point out that she’s only been interested in creeps in the past, but then I remember that it’s best to keep my mouth shut. And maybe it’s Jefferson who’s giving her the confidence to stand up to Paige. And to get her schoolwork done. All the power to him if that’s the case. I love hearing her sound so happy.
“Hey, have you seen Joel?” she asks.
“Joel Keister?” Like there’s any other Joel in our class.
“Yeah.”
“Not since Tyson’s party.”
“He asked me about you.”
“He did?” Stay calm, oh fluttering heart.
“Yeah. He said he was worried about you but didn’t know what to say.”
“Are you serious?”
“Uh-huh. He looked so sad, like a puppy dog in trouble.”
“Maybe I should call him.”
“You really should.”
“It’s just that...well, I must have looked so lame lying there on the floor that night. And those people trying to tear us apart. I felt like such an idiot.”
“That was a crazy scene. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to help you, but if I’d tried...well, you know.”
I know, and yet I don’t. She’d had to choose between Paige and me. Maybe half the people at the party that night had felt like Mariah did and really didn’t want to participate in the mobbing. What if they’d spoken up? Would Tyson and his friends have backed off? Or would they have turned on those who came to our defense? It seemed like they all became possessed by that stupid crowd mentality at the same time and really didn’t stop to consider what they were doing. I’ve been to games—basketball and hockey—where the crowd seems to think it’s a matter of life and death that the home team wins, and when there’s a fight they become crazed gladiators. These were probably normal people when they arrived, but the energy created by the crowd seems to overwhelm even the most decent people.
“Gotcha makes everything weird, ‘Riah. I don’t know what I’d have done if it had been someone else getting picked on that night.” I know what I like to think I would have done, but would I? Look what happened to Joel for defending me. “I think I’ll give Joel a call right now. I owe him an apology.”
“You should. He’s almost as sweet as Jefferson.”
Sweeter, I think but don’t say. “Thanks for talking to me, Mariah. I’ve been going crazy all week.”
“I should have called you. I will call tomorrow if I don’t see you at the meeting.”
“Say hi to Jefferson for me.”
“I will.” I can picture her smiling as she hangs up.
I put down the phone and sit back, savoring the warm glow that is spreading over me like a blush. Joel asked about me! I know that it’s not a big deal and I shouldn’t read anything into it and he is just a guy, but still. I wonder why he didn’t just call? He must have known I was upset when I got home on Saturday night, and that’s why I pushed him away. He didn’t really think I blamed him for what happened, did he?
I find his phone number in the directory, but I just can’t bring myself to dial the number. My dad’s bizarre behavior this morning was enough rejection for one day. I don’t think I could handle any more. And yet, as I stare at the phone, longing to talk to him, I remember those laughing eyes and his arm warm against mine. The palm of his hand was soft where it pressed into the back of mine on the crutch handle. His loud bursts of laughter always made me laugh, even when I didn’t know what was funny.
I’m so lost in Joel thoughts that I just about launch out of my chair when the phone rings. I grab the receiver and tell my heart to settle down. “Hello?”
“Katie?”
I can’t believe it. It’s Joel. Did I telepathically will him to call me?
“Yeah, it’s me. That’s weird. I was just thinking about you.”
“You were? Good thoughts?”
I smile. “Of course.”
“I was just talking to Mariah on MSN, and she suggested I call you.”
Oh. So much for telepathy.
“She must have told you we were just talking on the phone.”
“Yeah, she mentioned it.”
So he’s not calling because he wants to, but because Mariah told him to. My initial elation at hearing his voice evaporates.
“How’s your ankle?” he asks.
“A little better. I’m starting to put some weight on it.”
“That’s good.”
“Yeah.”
There’s a long pause. “How are you?” I ask finally.
“I’m okay.” I hear him inhaling a deep breath. Then he lets it out. “Katie, I was really upset about what happened the other night. I felt so bad, and responsible. Are you still mad?”
“Of course not!” So that was it. He really did believe that he was responsible. “I told you it wasn’t your fault. The whole game is stupid, and I even told Warren I was quitting.”
“You did?”
“Yep.”
“What did he say?”
“He said I couldn’t. That it was against the rules.”
Joel laughs at the absurdity of it. “Really?”
“Yeah, so I told him that in that case, I was just going to let myself get tagged. It would amount to the same thing.”
“What did he say to that?”
“There wasn’t much he could say.”
“But you haven’t done it.”
“No, but only because I can’t get myself to school.” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I realize how lame I sound. I could have stood at the end of my driveway. It wouldn’t have taken long for word to get out that I wanted to get rid of my bead. Maybe I don’t really want out as badly as I’d claimed.
“Well I’m glad you didn’t,” Joel says.
“Why?”
“ ‘Cause think how ticked they’ll all be if you win in the end.”
“Yeah, that would show them, wouldn’t it?” I smile at the thought and then
consider telling Joel that, in my own way, I am going to come out the winner anyway after Dad invests the Gotcha money. But something cautions me against telling anyone about that just yet. Even Joel.
“‘Riah said there’s rumors going around that the game might get shut down anyway.”
“That won’t happen. But the rumors have ramped up everyone’s efforts to get out there and get their bead sooner rather than later. Even I’m about to jump into the game. I was thinking of going hunting right now. Want to come along?”
“Hunting?”
“Yeah, bead-hunting. I’ve got my mom’s car. We’ll drive around, check out the usual hangouts. Who knows? We may get lucky.”
“I don’t know...”
“See? You are still mad.”
“I am not!”
“If you weren’t mad, you’d come with me.”
“It’s just that I’m not very mobile yet, so what’s the point? I won’t be able to chase anyone down. And besides, I still haven’t decided whether I’m going to play this stupid game. I lost interest last weekend.” Actually, I never had much interest in the first place.
“Okay, fine. But how about coming along and keeping me company and being there if I need to link to someone.”
“Ohhh! You just want me along to keep you safe. I’d say you’re using me. It’s all about you, isn’t it, Paige, I mean Joel,” I tease.
Joel bursts out laughing but then goes back to pleading. “C’mon, Katie, we’ll have fun. We’ll grab some dinner and make a whole evening of it.”
“What’s in it for me?”
“You get to hang with me. What could be better than that?”
Now it’s my turn to laugh. “It doesn’t get much more Paige-like than that!”
“Please?” Joel begs.
“Okay, already, how soon are you going to be here?”
“Yeah, Katie! I’ll be there in forty-five minutes. And you should wear black.”
“Yes, sir.”
“And do you have any binoculars?”
“Yes. Are we going bird-watching?”
Joel ignores me. “How about walkie-talkies? They might come in handy too.”
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