Was it the strength behind her eyes? Was it her fierce independence? Was it the fact that she was so real? She didn’t hide behind make-up, clothes, and silky words. She was simply who she was.
With a little confidence, she could be a force to be reckoned with, and Ian knew he could help her find that confidence. She just needed some time, and someone who was willing to stand back and let her find her footing. He could do that.
Or could he? Who was he trying to kid? She needed a lot more than his ability to stand back while she built a fire. She had a complicated life—he knew that. He had witnessed that firsthand, and she had made it very clear she didn’t need him swooping in to rescue her. She could and would handle it on her own.
He was irrefutably guilty of adding more complication to her life with his inability to keep his hands off her. He came with too much baggage of his own, and he was prone to a recklessness that could only cause her pain. Look where it had gotten her yesterday. He had almost gotten her killed.
Except he knew that there wasn’t total truth in all of that. He knew that there was something deeper going on. Something that he wanted to explore, if she would let him.
Without realizing what he was doing, Ian found himself crouching in front of her. She stiffened but met his gaze full on. Her face, still pinched with fatigue, was set in a challenge. He wanted to pull her into his arms, like he had this morning. But he knew that it was the wrong thing to do. She needed to use her own strength to tell him what was going on. He knew it was important to her, so he would be patient.
“We didn’t talk about what happened yesterday,” he said, his voice low. She may not want his comfort, but that didn’t mean she didn’t need to talk about what had nearly happened.
“We were a little distracted,” she said.
“Yes, we were.” He smiled. “But that doesn’t erase what happened.”
She turned her eyes from him. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Are you sure? Some pretty intense things happened. It’s understandable you’d be shaken up.”
A shadow crossed her eyes, as she turned back to face him, but she squared her shoulders. “Nothing happened and talking about what could have happened isn’t going to change anything.”
“It could.”
She stared straight at him, emotions flashing across her face. He cautiously placed one hand on her knee. Suddenly, the shield across her eyes fell away, replaced by raw emotion. She was fighting tears.
“It’s okay to cry.” His words were soft, barely more than a whisper. With a wrenching sob, she fell into his arms.
“That’s it, just let it out.” He caught her and pulled her tightly against his chest, stroking her hair, as she sobbed into his shoulder. He held her shuddering body close to his and let her cry.
“I thought... I was... never going to see... my boys again.” She spoke brokenly between sobs.
“I know, honey. It’s okay. Let it out.”
“I thought I’d never get out of the river. And the water was so cold that I couldn’t breathe or think. And then you were there, and it was like I was dreaming, but you were real and—” She stopped speaking abruptly.
He didn’t need her to finish what she was saying. He knew he had behaved badly, taking advantage of her while she was vulnerable. He had only meant to warm her up, but there was something about her that took away all his good sense. When he was around her, he found himself acting like his old self—the one who got people hurt.
Even if he hadn’t felt the subtle way her body stiffened, he would have known from the blush spreading across her pale face that she had said more than she wanted to. He wiped away a stray tear with his thumb, examining her tear-splotched face.
“Let’s get you back to Base Camp, so you can get taken care of properly.”
He fetched his water bottle from where it had fallen on the ground and tucked it into his backpack. Then, he offered her his hand. She didn’t take it immediately. He could see her trying to adjust her emotions. When she did, he hoisted her to her feet.
Getting back to reality might prove much harder than the rescue had been.
CHAPTER 22
“There you are!” Oh my God, I’ve been so worried,” Ginny said, her voice high and pinched, as she wrapped her arms around Shelby.
Shelby sank wearily into the embrace. “Ginny,” was all she could manage.
Ginny released her from the bear hug, grabbed hold of her arms, and pulled them wide, so she could examine her. “Are you okay? Are you hurt? Oh my God, when you disappeared down the river...”
Shelby shook her head. “I’m just tired, I think.”
“You’re such a train wreck. Don’t scare me like that again,” Ginny said, pulling Shelby back into a hug.
Despite her fatigue, Shelby chuckled. It was so good to see Ginny. “You’re going to crush me.”
“I don’t care,” Ginny said, squeezing her tighter. “You scared the crap out of me.”
Before Shelby could respond, she felt someone pulling her away from her friend.
“Everything’s going to be fine, Shelby. We’re going to get you fixed up,” Jade said, her eyes filled with concern.
“I’m fine. I’m just tired,” Shelby said, shaking off Jade’s grip.
“We’ll still have Adrien check you over. Can’t be too careful. And trust me, we’ll get to the bottom of what happened. There will be consequences if necessary. I take the safety of my clients very seriously.” Jade turned to Kirk. “Kirk, can you please see Shelby gets to the medical hut? I’ve a few things to deal with, and then I’ll be over to see her.”
Alarmed, Shelby searched for Ian, but she couldn’t see him in the crowd of people. She couldn’t let Jade pin the accident on him; it had been her fault—everything was always her fault. She turned back to tell Jade the truth, but Jade was already moving away.
Kirk stepped awkwardly in front of Shelby, inadvertently blocking her path to Jade. “Come with me. Adrien will look after you.”
Shelby looked at Kirk and then at Jade, striding away. “But I’m fine, really.” She protested, attempting to step around Kirk and go after Jade. “I just need to tell Jade...”
“Just let us take care of you,” Ginny interrupted, wrapping an arm around Shelby’s shoulder and preventing her from chasing Jade down. “Come on. They’re right, you need to get checked out.”
Shelby craned her neck, as Ginny led her away. “But I need—”
Then she saw him, and instantly, she stopped fighting Ginny. Ian was at the edge of the clearing with Celeste. His back was to Shelby, but Celeste was all smiles and bouncing curls, telling Shelby everything she needed to know. She turned away, trying to catch her breath, as Celeste placed her hand on Ian’s arm. Of course, he would go running right back to Celeste. His actions had made it pretty clear that he had no intentions with Shelby beyond the occasional bit of stolen fun.
She had been a bigger fool than she had thought.
I don’t need a frickin’ man, and even if I did, it wouldn’t be a man like that. Ian Mclean can have Celeste. They’re perfect for each other.
So why did it feel like she had been punched in the gut?
Giving up on fighting them, Shelby numbly followed Kirk and Ginny to see Adrien. What she really wanted was to be alone, so she could sort out her feelings, or more precisely, so she could remind herself why staying far away from Ian McLean was the right thing to do.
When they arrived at the medical hut, Shelby dutifully climbed up on the stretcher-like bed Adrien pointed her towards. She had known the “fantasy” of the heroic rescue would end once they got back, but after the things they had shared, she had started to believe that maybe she had been wrong. She had started to see herself with Ian.
“It was wild. When you went rushing by us, and they couldn’t grab hold of you.” Ginny settled herself into a folding chair. “I thought I’d never see you again, and all this effort I’ve put into this friendship would be for nothing.”
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Shelby couldn’t muster the energy to respond to Ginny’s humour. Instead, she lay back and closed her eyes. She needed a moment to breathe. She needed a moment to absorb what she had seen. She needed a moment to remind herself that she didn’t care.
“Ian went dashing off to rescue you. Oh man, was Jade angry. Jade was spouting off about a leopard not changing his spots, whatever that means. He definitely wasn’t supposed to leave by himself. Even I know that was pretty reckless, not to mention dangerous. But man, he didn’t care.” Ginny carried on with her bubbly rendition, oblivious to Shelby’s turmoil. “I wonder if this will redeem Ian? You know, being a hero and all?”
Ginny’s words finally grabbed Shelby’s attention. “Redeem Ian? What do you mean redeem?”
“What do you mean, what do I mean?”
“Ginny,” Shelby groaned.
“Okay, okay. I thought you knew. I don’t know much. Just that there was an accident during an excursion Ian was leading—something to do with a girl he liked and her sister. He basically got blacklisted in the adventure community. I think someone might have died? I thought maybe a daring rescue would restore his reputation, so maybe he wouldn’t have to keep working for Jade.”
“Someone died?”
“I’m not sure. Maybe just injured severely? I honestly don’t know the details.”
“How can you not know the details?” Shelby’s mind was racing—was this the key to unlocking the mystery of Ian McLean?
Ginny shrugged. “I don’t know. I never really thought about it. Not my business really. If Ian wanted me to know he would have told me.”
“What do you mean, he wouldn’t have to keep working for Jade?”
“Oh, nothing, just that Ian is way too experienced to be working as the lead instructor for such a small school.”
“Small school? Alfresco Adventures seems to be doing fine.” Shelby waved her arms in a gesture that took in the scope of the land that made up Base Camp.
“I don’t really know all the details. I don’t really know Jade all that well. I’ve just heard a few things, like maybe the school is struggling...”
Shelby lay back on the bed, staring straight at the ceiling, Ginny’s words echoing in her ears. If Ian wanted me to know, he would have told me.
Ginny was right. And the plain fact was that Ian hadn’t told her a thing—not about himself and certainly not about any accident. She really knew nothing about him.
“Anyway, the point is the whole thing was like a fairy tale,” Ginny said, going back to her original thought, as if the information about Ian having potentially being involved in someone’s death was nothing. “The dashing outdoorsman storming off down the river with nothing more than a canoe and a small pack on his back to rescue the heroine.” Ginny clasped her hands together under her chin and feigned a swoon. Then she sobered. “The fact is that you could’ve died. He’s a hero. He’s also a reckless idiot, but a hero nonetheless.”
Shelby’s thoughts turned to the moment she had opened her eyes and seen Ian’s face. She had been so cold and starting to give up on there being any chance of being found.
But he did find me.
At the thought, she felt a rush of warmth envelope her, just as it had when he had found her on the edge of the river, and then again when he had kissed her in places...
Then the image of Celeste with her perfect figure and bouncing blonde ponytail sidling up to Ian pushed its way in, and the warmth turned to a lump of ice.
“Some hero,” Shelby mumbled under her breath, as Adrien returned.
Shelby pulled her jacket tightly around her, as she made her way to the Fire Pit for the evening campfire. Adrien had suggested she stay inside and give her body a really good chance to rest and recoup. She had listened, spending the rest of the day cooped up in the Barracks. But she was warm now; she had been for hours, and she couldn’t handle being on bed rest for a second longer. She was too antsy, and her mind wouldn’t give her a break.
When her eyes were open, she couldn’t stop thinking about Ian with Celeste. And every time she closed her eyes, she relived the instant the canoe had flipped, so vividly that she could almost feel the frigid water closing over her head. She needed a distraction, so against Adrien’s orders, she got dressed and headed out for the evening campfire.
“Hey, there she is! Come and join us, Shelby. We’ve been dying to hear your story,” Luke called out.
Shelby flinched. She knew Luke was just being Luke, but the whole thing was still so raw, and his choice of words threw her.
“Um... I... um... I’m not sure I’m ready to tell. It’s kind of personal,” she choked out, feeling like everyone was staring at her. She had been crazy to think that everyone would just treat her like nothing had happened.
“Oooh sounds kinda racy,” Luke said.
Do they know what happened with Ian?
“No, I mean...” Shelby’s face blazed, as her eyes darted around the group, finding every set of eyes glued to her.
“Here, come sit. This will help loosen your tongue,” Tyler said, offering her a metal flask.
Shelby hesitated, looking from Tyler to Luke, and then back around the circle of students. Drinking alcohol at the camp was strictly prohibited. Survival and drinking didn’t mix, and Ian was really strict about it.
Indignation shot through her; what did she care about Ian’s stupid rules? She was an adult, if she wanted to have a drink, then she certainly could. If Ian was going to be so cryptic and changeable, then what did it matter what he thought? She was pretty sure having liaisons with students was also off limits—and yet, he was making no secret of his interest in Celeste. He could not claim the moral high ground.
Taking the flask from Tyler, she took a determined swig. She was free to make her own choices. She coughed as the whiskey burned its way down her throat.
Tyler laughed deeply, as he took the flask back from her. “Careful, it’s strong.”
“No kidding,” she squeaked, covering her mouth to stifle the coughing.
“Come on, Shelby, there’s lots of room,” Ginny said, scooting closer to Luke to make more room between her and Tyler.
“Here, this might be safer,” Luke said, handing her a bottle of beer.
Shelby took Luke’s beer and plopped down on the log. “Thanks,” she said, chasing the whiskey with a swig of beer.
Luke winked at her. “Ready to talk yet?”
“No, not really,” she mumbled, wanting to fade into the forest.
“Give her a break,” Ginny said, nudging Luke with her elbow.
“Hey, what?” Luke shrugged his shoulders innocently. Ginny elbowed him again, and he wrapped an arm around her to pull her in close.
Shaking her head at their antics, Shelby took another sip of her beer. The first beer went down nice and smooth, and Shelby didn’t object when Tyler offered her another one. She was being lulled into a kind of wakeful stupor by the effects of the alcohol, the near-miss stories the others were telling, and her sheer exhaustion.
“What are you doing?” Ian demanded.
Shelby startled, almost spilling her beer. “Just sharing a beer with friends,” she said flippantly, trying to hide her reaction to him. He was right behind her, standing too close for her to be unaffected, as she suddenly realized that the reason that she had been so restless and antsy was because she had been secretly hoping that Ian would come to the barracks and check on her.
“Really?” His voice had a hard edge to it she hadn’t heard before. “After everything that happened, you’re drinking?”
“I’m just relaxing like everybody else.”
“That’s the point, isn’t it? You aren’t like everybody else.”
Shelby twisted around, so she could look him straight in the eyes. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Just because she had let her guard down with him and let him give her an orgasm, that she would never fully recover from, didn’t mean that he had any claim on her.
She was hyper
-aware that everyone was watching them as Ian lectured her like he was her father and she was a rebellious teen caught drinking. Her face and her belly burned with shame, making her want to crawl away from the prying eyes. Coming to the campfire had been a huge mistake.
“Maybe you need to figure that out. Figure out what you really want,” Ian lashed out, then he abruptly turned and left the clearing, leaving her reeling in his wake.
“What’s his deal?” Ginny asked, peering into the dark after Ian’s retreating back.
Shaking, Shelby turned back to the fire. “I don’t know.”
But she did know. She had learned this lesson with Blake. Men were sweet to your face until they got what they wanted, and then they thought that they could boss you around and trample on your dreams. She could feel tears pricking behind her eyes. She had known getting involved with a man was bad idea, and she had done it anyway.
Shelby had known it was coming. Anger replaced the shame churning in her belly. She had known to be careful, and yet, she had allowed herself to be a fool—Ian’s fool.
It ended now.
Defiantly, she took another sip of her beer. “I don’t need his bullshit. I’m better off on my own. Celeste can have his moody ass,” she mumbled.
Around her the group had gotten strangely silent. After an awkward moment, the talking slowly started up again, like everyone was unsure about whether to acknowledge what they had just witnessed or ignore it. Inside Shelby was cringing. She did not like being the centre of attention. Especially with something so incredibly embarrassing.
Ginny leaned in close to whisper in Shelby’s ear. “I’m giving you a pass right now because of your ordeal, but when we get back to the Barracks tonight, you’re going to be spilling your guts to me.”
Shelby couldn’t bring herself to meet Ginny’s eyes. Despite her bravado, she was too close to tears. If she saw one shred of pity in Ginny’s eyes, she wouldn’t be able to hold it together. The heat from the fire and the subdued talking were suddenly too much. She needed to get out of there quick. She leapt up, suddenly, and dizziness overwhelmed her, forcing her to grab onto Ginny’s shoulder to steady herself, as she waited for her vision to clear.
Saving Shelby Page 20
