Tears streaming, Shelby threw herself face down onto her bed. “Way to go stupid,” she shouted, the sound muffled by the pillow. “Ginny did nothing but support you. Maybe you deserve Blake.” The thought of Blake on top of everything else sent her over the edge. She buried her face in the pillow and let the sobs overwhelm her.
After a while, the torrent of tears subsided, leaving her with nothing but the sound of her breathing in the silent, dark room. Time moved slowly, as Shelby waited for her friend to return. All she could do was pray Ginny would forgive her.
As she lay in the dark, alone, it was impossible not to recognize it had been a huge miscalculation for her to come. She should be at home figuring out how to be an adult, not chasing stupid dreams. She had gotten so caught up in her wild fantasies of Ian that she had lost sight of what was important.
She couldn’t even hold onto a friend for God’s sake. She was truly alone, and without Ginny’s support, she didn’t think she had the energy to move forward with her grandiose plan of finding her true self. Besides, what did that even mean? Clearly, she should be focusing on practical things, like keeping a roof over her children’s heads. Why had it taken a bash over her head by the universe to figure that out?
Out in the hall, she could hear the noise of the others returning, but Ginny didn’t come. When the noise faded to nothing, and there was still no Ginny, Shelby rolled over onto her side and curled up into a ball, letting her tears flow once again.
“Shelby?” Blake’s voice blasted through the silent room. Shelby sat bolt upright, her heart pounding. It was dark and for a second she was disoriented and unsure of where she was.
“Shelby!” Blake’s muffled voice had an edge. “Is this some kind of a joke? Do you know what time it is?”
It took several moments for Shelby to orient herself and realize she was still alone in the Barracks, and Blake wasn’t actually in the room. Fishing her phone out of her pocket, she told herself to just hang up. But her finger hesitated over the red end-call button. Was this another message from the universe?
Maybe, for once, she should listen.
“I’m so sorry, Blake. I pocket dialled you. I hope I didn’t wake you,” she said cautiously into her cell.
“Of course, you woke me! It’s one in the morning. What are you thinking, Shelby? Have you been drinking?”
She cringed inwardly. “I’m really sorry. It was an accident, but maybe it’s for the best. I need you to come and pick me up. You were right.” Her words felt like ash in her mouth. “I’m coming home.” She squeezed her eyes shut to try and keep her emotions in check. She didn’t want to let Blake hear her cry.
“Figures,” Blake scoffed. “Guess you should’ve just listened to me in the first place and saved everyone a lot of time and money. What makes you think I’m going to drive out there just because you called?”
“Blake, I—”
Blake didn’t let her finish. “This is the type of thing you’re always doing.”
At that, Shelby stopped listening and let her mind drift. Blake wasn’t really having a conversation with her. He would come or not come and nothing she said would change the outcome. It was the way their marriage had worked—at least in the later years when Blake’s job had become more important than his family.
She thought she had run out of tears, but she could feel more pressing at her eyes. Now that she had made the decision to leave, she could see what she was leaving behind, and it wasn’t easy. There had been tough times, but she had also had fun.
As she let Blake have his say, Shelby’s thoughts drifted through her time at the Survival Spa, inevitably landing on Ian and those moments when he had made her body sing with pleasure. Then her heart constricted as the sight of him kissing Celeste flashed before her eyes.
She had been a fool to leave her marriage. She had been a fool to think there was something better out there. Her mother had been right—Shelby needed to grow up and face her responsibilities. At least she knew where she stood with Blake. Besides, could she really blame all the problems with their marriage on him? How hard had she been trying?
She curled herself back into a ball, wrapping herself around the terrible aching pain in her core. There was nothing to do but go back to Blake. The universe had sent her a message she couldn’t ignore.
CHAPTER 24
Shelby slipped out of the Barracks; her backpack slung haphazardly over her shoulder. The knot in the pit of her stomach tightened, as she heard voices ahead. Her plan was to avoid everyone, if possible. It was going to be hard enough explaining to Annabeth that she was quitting; she didn’t want to face the shame of telling anyone else, but she couldn’t with good conscience just leave, without checking out with the office—which meant facing Annabeth.
As Shelby came around the corner towards the office, she hesitated. Last night, alone in the dark, it had seemed so clear that Blake was the answer. Deep down, she had known he would fix things, just as he had done every day since they had first meant.
But now, with the sun filtering through the trees, highlighting the beauty of the old growth forest, the universe’s message didn’t seem quite as clear. In fact, right now, asking Blake to come and get her seemed like the worst possible thing she could have done. It felt like a thousand steps backward.
Shelby braced herself, as she placed her foot on the first step. Once she went into the office, there was no going back. She would be off the course, and she would be returning to life as Blake’s wife.
It’s the right thing to do.
The promises she had made to herself in the river didn’t matter in the light of real life. She had made promises to Blake too. It wasn’t going to be easy. Honouring those promised meant that her dream of being a wilderness guide died today.
“It was reckless, and you know it!” Jade’s voice ripped through the stillness of the morning, pulling Shelby out of her spiraling thoughts.
Shelby froze. Jade was inside the office, and she was angry.
“Oh, leave off, Jade. I found her, and she’s fine and that’s what matters,” Ian replied.
Shelby’s gut twisted, as she backed away from the stairs; Ian and Jade were fighting about her. Shelby slipped around the edge of the building, pressing her body against the wall underneath the window. She shouldn’t listen, but she couldn’t make herself move away.
“You know the policy. No one goes alone. Not you. Not anyone. You of all people should know better,” Jade almost snarled.
“Come on, Jade, it all worked out. There wasn’t time to lose waiting on people getting ready. I had my stuff. It just made sense. There was a time when you would’ve agreed with me.” Ian’s voice held an equal measure of heat.
“Don’t throw history at me. You’ve always been a risk taker. I trusted you. You came to me saying you’d changed. And foolish me, I gave you a chance. I’m the only friggin’ reason you have a job, and then you go and do this? You’re reckless, and you’ll always be reckless.”
“Right,” Ian sneered. “Pretty high price that comes at.”
“You’re right, there’s a price. You have a contract, and you’d better get your head back in the game and honour it. This school depends on the money to survive. You understand that, right? The straight-up courses don’t bring in enough to keep the doors open. You’d better get focused on using your charm to keep the money coming in. It’s what I hired you for.”
“Oh, don’t worry. I’ll charm the money right out of every rich diva you find. You just make sure they’re hot, with big perky boobs I can really get a handful of. Miss Munro’s are on the small side for my tastes.”
“You’re disgusting.”
Shelby clasped her hand over her mouth; the twisted knot in her stomach clenching. Had the things Ian had done to her been nothing more than part of his job? If his attention to Celeste had been bought and paid for than what else could it mean?
“Really? I’m the one who’s disgusting?”
“Ian—” There was a warn
ing in Jade’s voice.
“Oh, don’t worry about your precious business. It would be my pleasure to go back out there and fulfill every one of Miss Munro’s wilderness man fantasies until she’s willing to pay anything to have more.”
Shelby’s stomach roiled, as any lingering doubt about the situation were shattered. She needed to get away from here, quickly. She started to inch along the building, planning to make a beeline for the parking lot. They would figure out she had left, when they found all her stuff was gone.
Before she could get away, the office door slammed open, and Shelby quickly pressed herself against the wall again. The knots in her stomach pushed against her lungs, making it hard to breathe.
Please go the other way.
It was Ian who stepped out of the office, looking every bit as fine as he had before she knew his dirty little secret. Blessedly, he turned away from her, striding down the stairs towards the beach trail. As soon as he was out of sight, Shelby bolted towards the parking lot—suddenly Blake seemed like the safe haven.
Clearing the trees, she immediately saw Blake. In typical fashion, he had parked illegally at the near edge of the parking lot, like he owned the place. Still in shock, Shelby ran towards him, her mind whirling. She was just short of leaping into his arms when the smug look on his face brough her up short.
“What happened to your face?” Blake said, bringing her back to reality with a crash.
Reflexively, her hands went to her face. “I, uh... I fell.”
“Seriously, Shelby, have you looked at yourself?”
Stunned, she just gaped at him. She had been seeking a refuge and instead had received a slap in the face. What a fool she was. She knew she must look a wreck in her clothes from last night, with her hair pulled up in a haphazard ponytail, and her face scraped up. But a supportive husband would have seen the distress on her face and ignored all that.
Something inside Shelby snapped. She knew exactly what she should do; she should keep her mouth shut. She should remember that she had made the choice to try and make her marriage work. She should be grateful that Blake drove all this way to rescue her; it showed he cared, didn’t it?
She didn’t care—not right now. She had had enough of men.
“I don’t need to be rescued.” She tossed the angry words at him.
“Really?” Blake’s eyebrows raised. “What do you call summoning me in the middle of the night to the middle of God knows where, because you changed your mind?”
She sucked in her breath sharply. Keep quiet. Just keep quiet. Blake was right, but she didn’t have control over her mouth. “The mistake was calling you.”
Shelby took a step backwards. She knew she was out of line, but she didn’t care. She dropped her backpack on the grass, turned and darted towards the trees. She hadn’t missed the look in Blake’s eyes. She had hurt him, but she couldn’t think about that right now. Too much had happened, and she needed some space to process.
“Get back here, Shelby.”
She ignored him. She had to for her own self-preservation. Everything was wrong, and she had no idea how to fix it.
She fled towards the ocean.
As she ran, she didn’t see the trees dangling their leaves down over the opening to the beach; she didn’t notice the chill of the sea breeze, as it blew against her tear-streaked face; and she didn’t feel the ground soften under her feet, as the trail turned to sand. She saw only the red of anger and felt the scorching black of pain.
Suddenly, the ocean disappeared as the world went dark, and she slammed into something solid. She stepped back, dazed. Then strong hands were grasping her arms, and her mind went into panic mode. She tried to wrench herself free, as her heart raced. She needed to get away from him.
“We need to stop running into each other like this,” Ian quipped, not letting her arms go.
She fought Ian’s grip. After what she had heard, she couldn’t look him in the face.
“Shelby?”
She didn’t respond. Frantic to get away, she tried harder to pull free from his grasp. He needed to let her go. She couldn’t face this right now. She couldn’t face this ever.
“What happened?” Ian asked, releasing her.
She stumbled backwards. Now that he had released her, part of her was screaming for her to run back into his arms and bury her head in his chest. The other part was telling her to run. But she couldn’t outrun any of this.
“Nothing happened,” she said roughly.
“You’re crying,” he said softly. “And you look like you’re intent on flinging yourself into the ocean.”
Keeping her eyes averted, she rubbed frantically at her face, trying to erase the evidence of her tears, unnerved by how he seemed to be able to read her mind.
“No, I’m not. I wasn’t,” she protested. She couldn’t tell Ian what had happened—what she had witnessed. She couldn’t ever let herself be vulnerable with him again.
There was a pause while he just watched her. Finally, she couldn’t resist any longer, and she glanced up. His eyes penetrated her, like he could see all her secrets.
“You aren’t planning to go back with him, are you?”
Knocked off balance by the change in topic, Shelby tore her eyes away, focusing on the ground, trying to regain her equilibrium. She didn’t want to give in to the tender note in his voice, and she didn’t want to tell him that yes, she had been running away from the course and running back to Blake.
“I saw Blake in the parking lot. You aren’t going with him, are you?”
Shelby’s head snapped up, and her blue eyes locked with his brown eyes. Anger rekindled in her chest. “What right do you have to judge me?”
Ian visibly recoiled from her words. “Judge you? I’m trying to protect you.”
“Protect me? That’s rich. I don’t need protecting.” She took another step away, trying to counteract his magnetic pull. “Blake is my husband.”
“There’s always another choice.”
“Really? You tell me what other choice I have.”
“Yourself, Shelby. You could choose yourself.” His voice was strained, like he was trying to keep some emotion in check. He paused, watching her intently, then took a step forward, reaching out for her. When he spoke again, his voice was low and husky.
“And me.”
Her legs almost buckled, as something in her core melted, and the anger and humiliation dissolved with it. This was exactly what she had been needing to hear. What she had been wanting to hear. And at the same time, it was the last thing she needed to hear. She felt her leg muscles tighten, readying themselves to take a step towards him, to go into his arms.
Then she stopped.
What was she thinking? Ian McLean had already made a fool of her. He probably knew this was exactly what she wanted to hear. He was, as she had just discovered, a master at manipulating women. It was, in fact, his job. He had probably been sent by Jade to stop her from leaving. Did Jade think she could get extra money out of Shelby by capitalizing on her obvious infatuation with Ian? A cold sensation slid over her body, cooling her desire for him, as Jade’s words echoed through her mind. Her anger began to rise again.
“You?” she spat out. “That’s rich. Won’t it be cozy with Celeste and whoever else comes along for you to be their fantasy?”
The colour drained from Ian’s face and his arms dropped to his sides. “Celeste? What does this have to do with Celeste?”
“I know I’m a fool. But, I’m not a complete idiot. I know what your job is. I know you were just managing me, like you are with Celeste, playing to our fantasies.”
“It’s not like that,” he said, his voice ragged. “It was never like that with you.”
“Oh, I heard you and Jade, believe me, I know what it’s like. I’m not rich or hot, so not like Celeste at all. I’m amazed it took you so long to figure out that I’m actually broke. You were, after all, the one who told me about the scholarship.”
Ian stepped towards he
r, one hand out like he was going to touch her. She instantly stepped back, avoiding his touch. He let his hand drop.
“I didn’t manage you, Shelby. Everything with you was real.”
“Just like your kissing Celeste was real?”
“No. Not at all. Celeste knew the deal. I didn’t lie to her. She signed up for it. I should have told you—”
“And was you kissing her extra, or was that part of the deal?”
“It wasn’t like that,” he pleaded. “I didn’t kiss Celeste.”
“I saw you.”
“No, what I mean is she kissed me.”
“Just part of your job, eh,” she retorted, her voice dripping with acid, refusing to hear what he was really saying.
He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, leaving it standing on end. “It’s my job. You don’t understand.”
“They have a name for that kind of job.”
His voice got quiet. “Yes, yes, they do. But I don’t have a choice, if I want to work in this field.”
“You always have a choice. Weren’t you just spouting off about choices? Well, it turns out you’re wrong. I don’t have choices either.”
She knew she was being a hypocrite. She was running back to Blake. She had failed, and she was taking the coward’s way out. She had no right to judge anyone on their choices.
“Shelby,” he rasped, his voice raw. “You don’t have to go back to him.”
“No! You don’t get to tell me that. I tried to change. I tried something new, and I wasn’t good enough. Doesn’t that make me the bigger fool, eh?” She looked skyward, trying to prevent the gathering tears from spilling down her cheeks.
“You don’t need to earn anyone’s approval,” he said quietly. “You just need to believe in yourself.”
Her eyes darted around the beach, not registering his words. She was too busy trying not to let the softness in his voice undo her. She had to get out of here, before she started crying again. She couldn’t cry—not here—not while he was watching.
“You have no idea what I need. You’re no better than a prostitute, selling yourself,” she lashed out, and then unable to contain the tears anymore, she bolted for the parking lot.
Saving Shelby Page 22
