Pushing aside illicit thoughts, she smiled at Blake and looped her arm through his. For a few moments they looked like the ideal couple. They could get there, she knew. It would just take some time. And if she had anything, it was time.
As part of her plan to make her marriage work, she had quit her job at Monarch Research Group—which meant she was back at home full time.
She didn’t mind leaving the job; it wasn’t like she had enjoyed it. It had been tedious. And being home full time meant that she could focus on her family and work on forgetting about her brush with adventure.
What she missed was Ginny.
More than once Shelby had picked up her phone to call her friend, but every time she hadn’t been brave enough to go through with it. What could she say to make it up to Ginny?
And Ginny hadn’t called.
“You okay,” Blake asked.
Shelby tried to swallow the lump in her throat. “Yeah. Everything is fine,” she said hollowly. Blake wouldn’t be interested in her regrets, especially when Ian was regret number one.
Blake squeezed her hand and led her towards the conference room. Shelby faltered at the entrance to the ball, as memories hit her full in the face. The event planners had turned the Hotel Grand Pacific’s conference room into the wilds of a west coast rainforest. Her breath caught in her throat, as she was instantly transported back to the Meeting Place at the Alfresco Adventures Base Camp.
“Wow, it even smells like the forest,” she said in awe, her voice little more than a whisper.
Columns had been cleverly turned into western red cedars, and ferns overflowed their pots at the base of real sapling Douglas firs. Every corner had been filled with greenery—some real and some carefully rendered replicas.
“See you didn’t have to go running off into the forest to enjoy nature,” Blake said. “This is much more civilized.”
Shelby couldn’t ignore the pang in her gut at his words. She knew he was kidding—teasing her a little—but it hit close to home. It was too much of a reminder that Blake would never be interested in going camping with her. This fancy hotel was much more his style.
Shelby breathed in deeply to settle herself, and the fragrant air calmed her, but it also brought images of Ian spilling into her brain. The room smelled so much like him, that it was almost like he was there. Determined to do the right thing, Shelby shoved thoughts of Ian down and shakily followed Blake deeper into the room.
“Blake, how are you enjoying our little forest retreat?” Jack Harlow, a senior partner, bellowed in greeting as they stopped at his table.
From behind Blake, Shelby scanned the group, her stomach twisting in a knot. She had been hoping to sit alone with Blake and maybe work on reconnecting. Jack sat with his wife, Evelyn. Another senior partner, Stewart Weaver, sat across from Jack with his wife, Brynn. Brynn’s platinum blonde hair had been twisted into a stylish bun that made Shelby’s own simple style feel unsophisticated. This wasn’t her crowd.
But then, she hadn’t really fit in with the crowd at the Survival Spa either, and she had ditched all of them at the first sign of trouble. If her marriage was going to be a success, then she was going to have to take some steps to become part of Blake’s circle of friends and colleagues. If only she knew where to start.
“This is reminding me that I need a vacation,” Blake said, as she slid into a chair.
The men at the table laughed.
“Don’t we all,” said Stewart.
“It’s the long weekend. We could get away to Vancouver,” Brynn said hopefully.
But Stewart just patted her hand. “You know I can’t take three days off, but you should go with one of your girlfriends. You’re just going to shop, am I right?”
The men chuckled knowingly.
Brynn’s face fell, and Shelby knew exactly how she felt. Brynn wanted some time with Stewart while he wasn’t distracted with work. She probably had all the shopping time with her friends she needed. Maybe this was the perfect time to try and make a connection with Brynn—take steps towards making friends with the wives.
Shelby opened her mouth to say something about what Brynn really wanted, when she stopped herself. What could she possibly say? It was the same with Blake. He worked long hours and then often went out for drinks with colleagues or clients—leaving Shelby alone in the house.
Weekends—long or otherwise—were the same, except Blake would also squeeze in some golf. The only way to increase her time with Blake would be to take up playing golf; Shelby shuddered at the idea.
The conversation flowed around Shelby, highlighting that she was on the outside. She had lost her chance to connect with Brynn.
“Shelby, how about you fetch us some drinks. I’ll take a scotch,” Blake said, barely turning from his conversation with Jack and Stewart.
Seriously? He’s sending me for drinks like the help.
Her cheeks warming, Shelby pushed away from the table. She didn’t know where the bar was. It shouldn’t make her nervous, but it did. This type of social situation made her feel very inadequate. Why couldn’t Blake notice and offer to go with her?
They were supposed to be enjoying the event together. Dancing and talking like a proper couple. But Blake never seemed to notice when she was uncomfortable—not anymore. She didn’t know when it had changed. He had made her feel so supported when they had met back in high school.
Pushing down her anxiety, Shelby went in search of the bar. At least it gave her something to do. Besides, she was being silly. She had survived falling into the river; surely, she could navigate her way to the bar. She was just feeling off, because she didn’t feel like she fit in here.
I’ve got this.
As Shelby wandered past a potted Douglas fir sapling, her own thoughts and its fresh scent brought Ian instantly to mind. He would have understood that she was out of her comfort zone here; just like he had when they were giving first aid together. Abruptly, she pushed the memory down. It didn’t matter what Ian would or wouldn’t do. She had chosen her marriage, and she needed to remember that. She needed to fully embrace it; she couldn’t indulge in inappropriate fantasies.
Just because her relationship with Blake was work didn’t mean that a relationship with Ian would be sunshine and roses. It certainly hadn’t been so far—except for those moments when it had been pretty damn close.
But she wasn’t thinking about those. She couldn’t be herself, if she kept looking to men to fill the void. She needed to make her own changes—that was the key to being satisfied in her marriage.
And then, as if her thoughts had summoned him, Ian was there. Shelby was halfway to the bar when she spotted him standing under an arbutus tree. Her breath caught in her throat, and she slipped behind one of the western red cedar pillars to hide.
What is he doing here?
She closed her eyes, leaning back against the tree to try and gain some control over her reaction. Suddenly, she was reeling backwards, as the tree shifted, throwing her directly into his arms.
“I’ve got you.” His voice seemed to come from far away.
Except he wasn’t far away. Ian was right next to her, breathing the same air as her, coming to her rescue again.
“Ian,” she said, breathlessly. What was she supposed to do with him in the same room as her, dressed in a tailored grey suit that fit him like a glove? She had worked hard to shut out that part of her life—to relegate Ian to the land of dreams and fantasies. But she couldn’t do that with him right in front of her.
“Shelby?” His voice and his eyes were filled with concern.
She should be running from him. Ian was a complication she didn’t need. But the sound of her name on his lips instantly transported her back to their night alone in the woods beside the river. The river had almost claimed her life, and he had rescued her. And then he had taken her places she hadn’t known existed.
Just as quickly as the heat flared, it turned to ice. She didn’t need him rescuing her. She didn’t need him
.
She could handle her own life. She tried to step back from him, but the tree blocked her escape.
“What are you doing here?” she hissed, trying to pull her arm free from his grasp, her skin tingling where their bare skin met.
“Are you okay?”
No. I’m not okay. She was drowning in loneliness, but she swallowed her words. She couldn’t engage with him. She couldn’t let him pull her back in. She kept her eyes directly focused on him and repeated her question. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m on the council for the Pacific Old-Growth Conservancy,” he said calmly, like he couldn’t hear the heat in her words.
She stared at him, surprised. She hadn’t known that about him. In truth, she didn’t know much about him at all. What she did know was mostly rumours gleaned from Ginny. But there were the things she did know. And those things rendered everything else a mute point. He was not the type of man for her to get mixed up with—no matter what he was able to make her body do.
Ian reached out one hand and stroked it down her cheek. “What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
His touch sent shivers through her whole body, and without thinking, she took a step towards him, pulled by the heat of his presence—unable to resist and powerless to stop herself. He smoothed a lock of her hair behind her ear with one hand, while he placed his other on the small of her back. He didn’t pull her closer. He just held her steady, barely touching.
Her traitorous body wanted him desperately.
Time slowed, and her consciousness narrowed until Ian was her entire universe. The noise of the ball retreated into the background, taking Blake with it. She felt disconnected from her body, like she had no control over her muscles. She felt her chin lifting, her head tilting backwards, ready to accept the kiss her lips seemed to know was coming.
“Unbelievable the way some people dress isn’t it. Did you see Blake’s wife?” A shrill female voice said just on the other side of the tree, jolting Shelby back. “Honestly, this is a charity ball not a trip to the thrift store. Why does he put up with her?”
Shelby stiffened, as humiliation washed over her. She recognized the voices; she knew that woman. It was Ariana; the wife of Harrison Weaver, one of the senior partners.
“Just ignore them.”
She shook her head, trying to clear the rushing sound in her ears. She didn’t care what Ariana had said. She already knew what the wives thought of her, and Ariana was just as pretentious as her name. The cold shiver running down her spine wasn’t because of some catty words, but rather the reminder that she was here with her husband. She couldn’t let him catch her hiding behind the pillar with Ian. I would irrevocably damage the little bit of progress they had made.
She needed to fetch Blake’s scotch before he came looking for her, but her body didn’t want to listen. It wanted to stay here with Ian and claim the kiss that had been stolen from her. It didn’t care about the consequences.
“I can’t do this here.” She paused, pulling in a long steadying breath. “I can’t do this anywhere.” She fought the panic rising in her voice. “I mean, I—” Her words cut off as Ian’s eyes hardened.
He stepped away from her.
Reflexively she reached out to him. “Please don’t look at me like that,” she begged, her throat constricting. “It’s where I belong. I’m his wife.”
She couldn’t have told you why it mattered what Ian thought. She didn’t need him. She had made her choice. But she couldn’t stand the look of disappointment in his eyes.
His eyes narrowed further. His thoughts about her being Blake’s wife clearly written across his face.
Shelby plunged on. “I know we were separated, but it was a mistake. This is the life I chose.”
“You can re-choose,” Ian said simply, his voice low and sure.
“It’s not that simple. I’ve got kids. Responsibilities. I made promises.”
He watched her; his dark eyes unreadable.
“I tried. It didn’t work. I was a fool.” She was babbling, but she needed him to understand.
“You’re not a fool.”
Anger surged through her, as something inside her snapped. “Who the hell are you to tell me that?” She fought hard to keep her voice low, so as not to draw attention to them. Her body trembled with the effort. “You saw me coming from a mile away. You let me make a fool out of myself.”
“It wasn’t like that.”
“Really? You keep saying that. So, what was it like? Did you slowly discover I was a desperate, lonely woman? Too bad I wasn’t rich too, huh? Would have made your job a lot easier, that’s for sure.” The words poured out of her mouth, like water tumbling over a waterfall.
“I meant it. I’m sorry if—”
Shelby cut him off. “I can’t do this. I need to go.”
With resignation in his eyes, Ian stepped back just enough to let her past. She had thought he would fight for her—ask her to stay, but she was wrong. As she slipped by, he grabbed her arm just long enough to whisper in her ear.
“For me, it was real.”
Shelby clung desperately to the anger boiling inside of her—not even sure what she was angry about. But she needed to hold tight to something, or she would dissolve into a sobbing mess—right there at the ball in front of everyone.
Pushing through the crowd towards the washrooms, she shoved down the rising despair. Life wasn’t fair. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. She shouldn’t have to fight so hard for her Happily Ever After.
“Hey, there you are. I thought you’d gotten lost,” Blake said, coming up behind her.
Shelby startled, placing a hand over her rapidly beating heart—not knowing what exactly was making it race. Was it seeing Ian, running away from Ian, or simply almost being caught by her husband?
She pushed down the rising guilt. She hadn’t done anything wrong. She had just been momentarily caught up in her memories. She was committed to her marriage, even if the reasons were a little blurry at this moment.
She knew working on her marriage was the right thing to do, but in the wake of her encounter with Ian, it really didn’t feel like that. Which wasn’t fair to Blake.
“Just distracted.” She smiled at him, forcing down her unease. Not telling Blake that she had seen Ian was a lie of omission, and the fact that she felt she needed to lie meant that she didn’t believe that her meeting with Ian had been totally innocent.
“I would’ve thought all those silly courses you’ve been taking would’ve given you a sense of direction in the woods.” Blake winked.
Tears of frustration welled up in her eyes, and she slipped her arm through his, turning away so he wouldn’t see her face. She recognized that Blake was trying. They had both made mistakes, and he was trying to meet her part way, but when he made comments like this it just reminded her that he didn’t put any value on the things that were important to her. It didn’t matter that he was teasing; it still hurt.
“I guess we didn’t get to that part,” she said softly.
She forced herself to smile. She needed to remember that the distance between them hadn’t just been Blake’s fault. She couldn’t lay all the blame on him. Even in moments like this when she was reminded that he didn’t understand her; he didn’t get her.
Blake patted her hand, like Stewart had done to Brynn earlier, making Shelby want to pull her hand away. Then he turned towards the bar, leading her though the crowd. Shakily she followed him, her eyes scanning the room for Ian, despite her best efforts to forget he was there.
She saw no sign of him in the crowd.
CHAPTER 27
Stepping aside to let Shelby past was one of the hardest things Ian had ever had to do. His instinct was to grab hold of her and pull her close to him, kissing her until she understood what she meant to him; until she understood that he would keep her safe. But he knew that wasn’t what she needed—not from him.
So, he had let her go.
It only took a
second to realize there were much harder things to bear than simply letting her go. It turned out it was excruciating to watch her walk away with Blake.
“You okay? You like you’ve shot some tequila without bothering with the chaser.”
“I’m fine, Jade.”
Even as he spoke, Ian couldn’t pull his eyes way from Shelby’s retreating back. Between the pain at having to let Shelby go and the anger he felt at her going back to Blake, Ian had to bite down hard to keep his composure. Blake had let Shelby down, and there was no excuse for that. Of course, Ian had to admit that he had pretty much done the same thing.
“Funny, you don’t sound fine. You sound...” Jade’s words faded, as her eyes followed Ian’s gaze and came to rest on Shelby’s dark blonde hair. “Ah. I see. Let’s get you a drink.” She placed a hand on his arm and tried to pull him away, but he wouldn’t budge.
“I don’t need a drink.”
“Oh, I think maybe you do. It just hasn’t registered with you yet. But, it will, and it’ll go much better if you’ve already got that drink in your hand.”
“I know what you’re doing, and I seriously don’t need your crap right now.”
Jade dropped his arm and pulled back, staring at him intently. “You don’t need my crap right now. Are you kidding me? I’m the only thing standing between you and another huge mistake.”
“I’m not making a mistake.”
Jade sighed, a deep, tired sigh. “We’ve been here before. You might not recognize it, but I do, and last time you almost lost everything. This kind of situation is dangerous, and the last thing you need is dangerous. What you need to do is get your head back in the game. You need to remember what’s important, because I might not be able to bail you out next time.”
“For Christ’s sake. I don’t need you to bail me out. I—” Ian stopped abruptly. He knew he couldn’t say what he had been about to say. It wasn’t fair to Jade. No matter how angry he was right now, he knew she only had his best interests at heart; even if those interests were hard to understand sometimes. The very fact that Jade was still talking to him, after he had bolted from the Survival Spa Week and then quit his job with no notice, was a testament to how much she cared about him.
Saving Shelby Page 24
