by Beck, J. L.
I cradle him. Dark hair peeks up at me. His face is similar to his mother’s, his nose identical to hers. I walk back over to her, placing him right next to her head.
“Mommy, meet Chance. Chance meet your beautiful, wonderful mom,” I say as normally as I can.
“Where is Chase?” Mimi asks immediately, fear in her eyes.
“They had to take him to the NICU. He’ll be okay,” I don’t know if he will be okay, but I will do everything in my power to make sure he is.
Her eyes slip from mine, landing on the soft baby boy that lays in my arms.
“He’s beautiful…” she whispers softly, her lips gently grazing his forehead. Her eyes are glazed over and I know it is because of all the meds they are feeding her.
“We’ll be back, sweetie… I promise I will be here with our boys the second you wake up.”
A sigh leaves her lips as a small smile shows on her face. Then it is as if all hell breaks loose. I watch in panic as the doctor and nurses urgently enter the room. They are frantic, and all I can hear is the pounding of my heart in my ears. Then my world stops as I hear Dr. Clive announce, “She’s losing too much blood.”
I look down at her body, the body of the woman who has given me two of the most precious miracles in the world, the body of the woman whom I have loved more than anything in my whole life. To think that I could possibly never talk to her again, to never hold her again, is just too much for me to bear.
“Please tell me she’s going to be okay,” I cry out. A nurse turns to me telling me I need to leave the room. As she grabs me and forces me back, all I can stare at is a set of eyelids covering the most beautiful green eyes that have given me a chance at love. Mimi is my one saving grace. I would do anything to trade places with her right now.
Somehow I find myself standing in the hall, a tiny baby boy wrapped in a blue blanket is the only thing holding me to the ground. His face contorts, and a loud scream escapes his tiny mouth.
A song plays on a radio somewhere, and though I don’t know all the words completely, I sing the parts that I do know to my precious baby boy.
“I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart
But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start
You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go
You put your arms around me and I'm home
How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around?
I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown….”
His crying weakens as I sing, “You put your arms around me and I’m home…”
Motherhood
Mimi
When I begin to wake up, I swear my body has been run over by a truck numerous times. My head is pounding, and the beeping of the machine next to me isn’t helping one bit. My mouth is dry, and it feels like I have eaten a package of cotton balls.
I can hear Corey’s voice somewhere in my mind. His frantic cries and something in my mind tell me I need to come back to him, that wherever I am is not where I am supposed to be.
“She’s waking up…” I can hear Jenna’s voice, but it still seems so far away. I groan, trying to lift my arms and legs but they feel as if they are tied to boulders. My fingers tingle, and suddenly I realize where I am and what has happened.
“My babies…” I try to say. My voice is weak, and I am not even sure if it can be heard over the roar of the machines next to me.
“Right here. We’re right here, baby,” Corey assures me. His voice is smooth and filled with warmth that wraps around me like a blanket. I will myself to open my eyes, just wanting to catch a glimpse of my boys.
I blink away the sleep from my eyes. I still feel heavy, and it is a strange feeling. As if I am awake, but not quite. One eye opens and then the other. My eyes land on Corey’s warm, brown ones and then slide down to the blue bundle he is holding.
He brings our baby to my level, almost placing him in my arms but not quiet.
“Where is our other baby?” I ask, worry filling my voice. Why does he only have one baby in his hands?
“Chase is in the NICU. His lungs aren’t fully developed yet, but it’s not an uncommon thing. He is in good hands, baby.” Corey’s words comfort me. He seems confident that Chase is being taken care of and will be all right. I look back down to the little bundle of joy. His nose is tiny, a button nose to be exact. His eyes are closed as if he is peacefully sleeping, and his hair, or at least what little he has, is dark in color. My fingers reach out, gently rubbing over the locks. He is as beautiful in every single way as I imagined.
“He’s beautiful. You guys did well,” Jenna says. I turn my eyes to look at her. She looks relieved to see me, and I give her a shy smile.
“Thanks,” I mumble as I continue to stare at Chance in awe. He is everything I ever wanted him to be. But, what about his brother?
“Chase will be okay,” Corey reassures me again, reading my mind. I want to believe him. I do. But as their mother, the one who has just carried them and brought them to life, I will be the judge of that. When I have him held securely in my arms, I will know for sure.
I have just closed my eyes again, my finger holding onto Chance’s small hand, when company arrives.
“Is she awake?” I hear my father ask. My eyes pop open, and a smile brightens my face. Or at least I try to smile…
“In and out…” Corey says, pulling Chance away from me. I watch him place our baby in his small, little bed.
My father eats up the distance between us until he is standing directly in front of me. His lips graze my forehead, and he looks down on me with worry.
“How are you, baby?” he asks, clearly concerned with the way I look.
“I feel like I have been hit by a truck,” I inform him, my voice hoarse as if I have been screaming for days.
He smiles, “You probably will for a while. It was worth it, though. Your boys are so beautiful, Mimi. I checked up on Chase in the NICU, and the nurses are taking excellent care of him for you.”
My father and I look a lot alike, and I get my attitude from him as well. The boys will get the Jones looks, I can tell already.
“They really are. Well, at least I know Chance is,” I say sighing. I don’t really want to talk. I don’t want to do anything but enjoy my babies and relax.
“I’m going to leave. I just wanted to stop in and say I love you and see my grandchildren.”
“You’re leaving?” Pain laces my words.
“Yes. I’m leaving the hospital. I want you to rest. When you can go home, I’ll stop over and see you again. I have some business I need to take care of while I’m here.”
I roll my eyes. He always has something to do. “Okay.”
Everyone filters out of the room, including Corey. Finally, it’s just Chance and me, both of us slipping into blissful sleep.
***
“The babies need their diapers changed, and I’m pretty sure Chase’s diaper exploded again,” I laugh.
Chase was released from the hospital about a week ago. He is identical to his brother, so we have to put little bracelets on their feet to tell them apart. Well, Corey does, I always know. Chase will always blow out his diapers while Chance will poop quietly.
“Yeah, yeah. Hold on. Someone’s knocking on the front door,” he says, rolling out of bed and heading toward the front door. I avert my attention to the two smiling boys, who are wearing matching dinosaur pajamas.
“Your dad is amazing. You just don’t know it yet…” Then I hear the front door opening and Corey yelling. Of course I run out into the living room to see what the racket it is all about. When my eyes land on the person at the door, I understand completely.
“Mimi, meet my father,” Corey says it like he would have rather poured salt into his eyes.
“I just came to see my grandchildren,” his father says, his chin held high in defiance. It doesn’t seem to bother him that his son w
ould rather punch him in the throat than allow him in our home. I don’t know why Corey introduced me either. I know who he is….
“Oh, you come to see your grandchildren but fail to remember that you have a wife and kids at home who needed you. As the fuck if. Get the hell out…” His father stands there, mouth agape as if he can’t believe the words coming from his son’s mouth.
“You can’t…” he tries to say, but Corey steps forward, stopping whatever was going to come out of his mouth. A look of shame crosses Corey’s face, and I am not sure what he is thinking. It seems as if he is undecided, at a crossroads between throwing his dad out and allowing him to see the boys.
“I can do whatever the fuck I want… You lost the right to tell me anything a long time ago. Even though I hate you, I’m man enough to not push my hate for you onto my kids. You can see them, but I swear to fucking God if you hurt them…you won’t live to see the next day…”
A smile pulls at my lips as a deeper love stirs within me. I know the hate he has for his father is deep, deeper than the love he has for me. For him to let it go in this moment in time for the sake of his children, makes him the most selfless man alive. He pushed his own feelings aside for something more than his hate and anger: for his boys—for love.
Epilogue
Six months later
Mimi
I roll over in bed, my hand running along the spot where Corey’s body should have been. A sleepy smile pulls at my lips as I open my eyes, realizing what it is that he is doing. The last couple of nights he has been getting up and going into the boys’ room…
I tiptoe out of bed and down the hall, coming to stand right outside the boys’ door. The door is cracked so I peek in just a tiny bit, just enough to see what is going on, but not so much so that I will get caught.
“If your momma knew I was in here right now, she would kill me,” Corey says softly to them, a huge smile on his face. Chance and Chase are both wide awake; their coos can be heard from a mile away, I am sure.
“Shhh.. Don’t go waking her now…” he laughs out quietly. Silence passes as I continue to listen to the boys’ quiet baby sounds.
“Your mom is the most amazing woman ever. We have been through so much together before you. She changed me for the better… She gave me you guys, and I will forever give her the love she deserves.”
Tears well up in my eyes. I have always loved Corey. There is never a time when I haven’t.
“I wanted to name you boys after the love that your mother and I have. That way we can never forget, and we can never turn away from what holds us together when the bad outweighs the good.”
I sniffle, holding back the tears…
“Chase,” he says, his voice seems far away, as if in deep thought.
“To remind us of the chase we had. To remind us of what it was that brought us together.”
“Chance… Mr. Poopy Pants. For the chance we had. The chance we were given to love one another… We had one chance to get it right, to make things better, and we took it. We got blessed double time… “
I pull away from the door, tears streaming down my face. We have been through so much in a short time. Memories flood my mind, and I realize it isn’t me who has changed and given us a chance. It is Corey. It has always been Corey all along.
The End… Or is it???
Be on the lookout for Declan’s story, the sixth installment of the Bittersweet Series, coming 2015:
Bittersweet Redemption
Read on for an exclusive sneek peak at INDEBTED (A Kingpin Love Affair Vol: 1) Coming December 2015
Sneak peek of INDEBTED
(A Kingpin Love Affair Vol: 1)
When I awoke I was alone. The spot next to me in the bed was cold, and I sighed in relief. There was no way I could handle waking up next to him. My heart was beating out of my chest as it was. I wanted to see him; however, I knew I wasn't ready to handle him or the situation I was in yet. I needed time to absorb where I was, what I had seen, and who I was with. I needed time to figure out how to survive and not lose myself in the process.
I hated him, but I kind of found him endearing at the same time. His smirk made my panties wet while his cockiness and the way he handled things made me want to turn his own gun on him. I could hear the shower running in the bathroom. I needed to pee but figured it was safer to hold it. I took advantage of the small amount of time I had alone to think about what happened yesterday.
Alzerro, or Zerro, or whatever the hell he called himself, had repeatedly threatened to kill me. I didn't believe he would actually do it, though, not even after I watched him kill the man on the floor downstairs. I should have been scared shitless after witnessing such an incredibly horrific, violent act, but I wasn't. Instead, I felt myself being drawn to this wicked man and wanting to know everything about him.
I wasn’t sure why I was really here. He didn’t take advantage of me last night; in fact, he stayed on his side of the bed while I stayed on mine. I knew it wouldn’t last long, though. Sooner or later, I would have to spread my legs for him, allowing him access to who I was. I was, in simple terms, his property. Zerro could do whatever he wanted to me, and I had no say in the matter.
Zerro turned the water off, and I was pulled from my thoughts as he opened the door and walked out of the bathroom with only a scrap of fabric covering his lower half. I resisted the urge to lick my lips and touch my pussy while I thought about the area under the towel, the way his mouth felt against mine last night, and his abs. God, his abs were beautiful. Each chiseled little marking on his stomach…the dips, the planes, and that V. That fucking V was something that women kill for just to have a chance to lick it.
“Let me give you something more to stare at." His voice pulled me out of my trance only to throw me back into it when he dropped the towel from his waist.
I couldn’t help my expression. My eyes grew wide with lust, my cheeks flushed with desire, and my lips parted in appreciation and anticipation. Zerro was very well hung and cleanly shaven. Did I mention he was extremely well hung? His head had beads of water on it that I desperately wanted to lick off of him.
“Do you like?” he asked smirking. His hand stroked the base, and I swear to God one of my ovaries exploded. I forced myself to stop staring at his cock. When my gaze finally travelled up to his deep, gorgeous eyes, I melted into a puddle of mush. How could such an evil man make me feel this way? Zerro showed no emotion after killing that guy in front of me yesterday; it was like an everyday occurrence for him. Then, he acted like everything was normal after taking possession of me as payment for my father's debt. Who does that? What kind of a man thinks he has the right to play God and decide who lives and who dies and who belongs to him? Alzerro was obviously all kinds of fucked up, but heaven help me, I was attracted to him. I couldn’t help it, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to.
I didn’t respond to his question, afraid that my words would come out as a moan. Instead, I got out of bed and headed straight to the bathroom as I listened to his laughter.
“You can't hide from it, Piccolo.” His voice had an amusement to it that hadn’t been there yesterday. Hmmm... maybe there was a shred of humanity in him. I sat on the toilet, taking care of my business as quickly as I could. I was afraid he would come barging in, although I believed he would actually respect my privacy. I just couldn’t be sure what his actions would be yet.
“My dick calls to you…” Now he was just being an ass. A smile tugged at my lips. As fucked up as all this was, and believe me, I knew it was all kinds of fucked up, it was nice to smile just a little bit. Even though I had no clue what would happen to me today while I was staying with someone who pointed a gun at people more often than he talked, I felt a little bit of hope enter my fractured soul.
Coming December 2014!
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Acknowledgements
First off thank YOU. Yes, my biggest thanks goes to you! The person reading
this right now. Simply because without your love for the series I wouldn’t have been able to continue to produce these books. Your belief in me and love for the characters has moved me so much.
Next is my loyal street team, betas, blogs, and my PA, Brie: Thank you for keeping me sane in the moments I think I’m losing it most. For reminding me of when I have a takeover and making me laugh when I’m down. I love you like tan-leggings girl!
The blogs: God damn. Us authors would be nothing without you guys so HUGE thanks to you all.
To my family and friends who give up countless hours of spending time with me; Who don’t hate me because I can’t answer the phone, or because I’m busy in book world: THANK YOU.
Lastly, thanks to the haters: PLEASE keep hating because you push me to do more.
About the Author
J.L. Beck is the Amazon Best Selling Author of the Bittersweet Series. She lives in Elroy, WI with her husband Brandon, and daughter Bella.
Since the moment she could reach the shelves on the book shelf she’s been reading, thus influencing her to write. Her favorite books are those that leave an imprint on your soul. You know the ones, that have you putting everything off because you have to find out what happens next.
When she's not writing or reading you can find her picking up after her three year old daughter, or explaining to her husband why its unsafe to do something any other way than the way your wife told you to.
She’s a huge fan of all things drama, with shows like The Vampire Diaries, and Arrow being among her favorites. She's addicted to all things social media, caffeine, and Starbucks.
