As she saw Gabriel smiling and chattering to the silent child, Julia realized that what Tammy had told her was true—children bring out a special side of a good man.
And Julia desperately wanted to give Gabriel that opportunity.
Someday.
At the end of what had been a fulfilling but long day, Julia sat with Gabriel on the terrace of their favorite room at the Gallery Hotel Art. The terrace and the room itself held so many memories for them. It was the place Julia had given him her virginity, and the place he returned to when he felt himself in danger of succumbing to his addictions after their separation.
He was lying on the banquette, hands behind his head, looking up at the star-studded sky. She was next to him, sipping a glass of San Pellegrino.
“You could have wine,” he said, pointing to her glass.
“I’m fine with water, Superman.”
His mouth twitched. “That was an interesting conversation. I’ve been called a lot of things in my life. But no one has ever called me Superman.”
She ran her fingers up and down his arm.
“Only because they haven’t got the nerve. I rather like the idea of you being the handsome but slightly nerdy professor by day, and the sexy Man of Steel by night.”
“What did I say about calling me a nerd?” Gabriel caught her wrist, pulling her so she was lying half on him.
The water sloshed in her glass, so he took it from her, setting it aside.
He brought their noses together.
“I can show you some steel tonight.”
“I’m counting on it,” she whispered.
“I never thought of you as Lois Lane before. But there’s a remarkable likeness.”
Julia rolled her eyes heavenward. “All this time, I thought you were in love with Beatrice, when really, it was Lois Lane. I need to switch literary genres.”
“Hardly. But a little role-playing might be interesting, Miss Lane.”
“We’ll have to have a Halloween party so we can dress up.”
Gabriel traced the line of her jaw with his finger.
“We don’t have to wait until Halloween.”
A thrill coursed up her spine at his tone.
“I look forward to that. Did you have a good time at the party?”
“Of course.” He released her, his gaze returning to the stars.
She sighed, picking up her glass again. She sipped the water as she contemplated how to broach the subject.
“Something happened today, didn’t it?”
“Yes.”
She waited for him to comment further, but he didn’t.
She put her drink on the table and went to him, placing her arm atop his abdomen.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
He shook his head.
Her heart sank. “The list of things you won’t share with me is becoming longer.”
“My silence isn’t meant to hurt you.”
“It does.” She huffed in frustration. “How can I be your partner when you won’t talk to me?”
“Julianne, I’m going to talk to you. I promise I won’t do anything without discussing it with you. I just need to—figure out a few things first.”
“Can’t you figure them out with me? I’m a good listener. I can help.”
“You are a good listener. The best. But sometimes a man needs to do things alone.”
“Is that man-speak for ‘Don’t worry your pretty little head, darlin’?”
“Man-speak?” He chuckled, pressing his lips to her palm. “You’re adorable.”
She pulled away, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “Now is not a good time to be patronizing, Gabriel.”
He rolled to his side and kissed the wrinkle between her eyebrows. “I’m not patronizing you. You are adorable.” He paused, his eyes focused and intense. “You need to be a mother. Seeing you with the children—how loving and at ease you are. You’re a natural.”
“Today was a special day. Your ponies were a hit.”
“You were right, as usual.”
“Then why are you so sad?”
“I can’t stand to leave them there.” Gabriel’s eyes and tone evidenced his distress.
Julia observed him, realizing that whatever distress he felt at the orphanage had been very well hidden.
“The children are treated nicely. The staff love them. They’re safe.”
“It’s still an orphanage.”
“Yes.” Julia pushed a curl back from his forehead. She ran her fingers through his hair in an attempt to soothe him.
“I know what it’s like,” he said quietly. “When my mother died, there were several months when I didn’t know where I’d end up. It could have been an orphanage or foster care. I could have been shipped back to New York to live with my mother’s family. I was in limbo, never knowing if someone was going to show up to take me away or if Grace and Richard were going to tire of me and pack my bags.”
“They would never have done that.”
“I didn’t know. They were strangers to me. I wasn’t especially adoptable. My father disowned me, and my mother’s family didn’t want me. They would have left me to an orphanage—my own flesh and blood. Now do you understand why I don’t want anything to do with them?”
Julia placed her hand against his face. “Yes. But you were very adoptable. Grace and Richard were attached to you from the beginning.”
“If they hadn’t taken me, what would have happened?”
“There’s no point in going down that road. You have a family that loves you and you have me.”
“You’re everything, Julianne.”
The beauty of his words pierced her heart. She leaned forward to kiss him, trying to show how much his words meant to her.
When she pulled away, he grasped her hand at the wrist. “We could adopt.”
“I thought you wanted to try to have a child first.”
He looked away.
“Has something changed?” she pressed, noting his body language.
“Children like Maria deserve a home. She doesn’t even speak!” Gabriel became visibly agitated.
“Maybe we should try to help Elena find a family for her. You know lots of people.”
“What about us?”
“Us?”
“Why don’t we take her?”
Julia searched his eyes, surprised to discover that he was serious.
“Sweetheart, we aren’t in the best position to take home a toddler.”
“We love each other and we’d love her. We have a house and a yard. We speak Italian.”
“Maria is a toddler with special needs and we’re first-time parents. I’m already worried about making mistakes.”
Gabriel sat up. “How could you make a mistake? You are everything that is good and gentle. Children are drawn to you.”
“I’m not ready.”
“What if you had help? I’m owed a sabbatical. That was part of my agreement with BU when I left Toronto.”
Julia gave him an incredulous look. “You’d use your sabbatical to stay home with me and a baby?”
“Why not? Children aren’t awake all the time. We could take turns. You have to admit that having an extra pair of hands would make things easier.”
“Neither one of us knows very much about caring for a toddler.”
“We have Rebecca.”
Julia laughed. “Rebecca is wonderful, but she’s our housekeeper, not a nanny. Her kids are grown up. I don’t think she’d want to help us with a child.”
“I think you’d be surprised if you asked her. She’s already volunteered to help more when we have a baby.”
Julia pulled away from him. “You’ve spoken to her about this?”
He held his hands up. “No. But before we we
re married, she mentioned that she hoped she’d be with us for a long time, long enough to see us start a family.”
He frowned. “I’m not the enemy, Julianne. I’m not constantly looking for ways to sabotage your education. Or your life.”
She ducked her head. “I’m sorry. I feel as if the slightest disturbance will cause me to lose my focus and I’ll flunk.”
“I think that’s the most honest thing you’ve said about your program.”
She lifted her face, eyes narrowing. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means, darling, that you’re worried about failing. Even though so many people are eager to support and help you. Including me and Rebecca.”
She started to protest, but he interrupted.
“Anxiety over starting a family is legitimate. But I think you’d be anxious about your program anyway. That has more to do with how you see yourself than how you see the program.”
Julia’s eyes widened.
“I—that’s not true.”
“It is. I know, I felt the same way when I was at Harvard. I think anyone who has an accurate sense of self has the same concern.” He moved his hand to the back of her neck, urging her forward. “You can do it, Julianne. I believe in you.”
Tears pricked at the back of her eyes and she found herself in his arms, clutching him tightly.
He moved his mouth to her ear.
“I’d like to take Maria home with us. I’d like to take all the kids home with us. But this thing with Harvard is something you need to deal with on your own.”
“Is that why you won’t tell me what’s troubling you?”
Gabriel exhaled loudly.
“No. I’m still working things out in my mind.”
“Without me.”
“I’ll share it with you eventually. As I said in Umbria, I won’t do anything without discussing it with you first. I just need some time.”
She shook her head but elected not to argue with him.
“Will you continue your work with the Italian Home for Children?”
“Yes. They need me, of course, and I’ve promised the students that if they graduate high school with an excellent grade point average that I’ll send them to Italy.”
“You’re already changing the lives of children. You should be proud of yourself.”
He gave her a half-smile. “Are you sure you aren’t ready for adoption? We’d love her.”
His eyes were dark with emotion.
Julia thought back to what she’d seen that day—the way Gabriel was with Maria and the other children. At that moment, Julia truly wanted to give him what he was asking for. But she knew it was wrong.
“We would. But if we love her, we need to do what’s best for her. And that’s probably finding a local family. Not two American newlyweds who don’t know what they’re doing. You’d have to give up smoking.”
“That isn’t a problem.” He looked at her carefully. “You’re worried about the drugs, aren’t you?”
She squirmed and he frowned at her.
“You don’t seem to have a lot of confidence in me.”
“I have every confidence in you. But you have to remember that I watched my mother relapse more than once.”
He disentangled himself from her arms. “Well, I’m not going to relapse.”
“Good.”
“Maybe we should talk about your own relapses. Just last month you were struggling with something and you turned to Paul.”
Julia’s brown eyes flashed. “You don’t get to throw that back in my face. I apologized, remember?”
“You’re right. I’m sorry,” he said stiffly.
“Are we having an honest and open conversation? Or are you trying to manipulate me?”
Gabriel glared. “We’re having an honest and open conversation. I apologize for bringing up Paul.”
She sighed.
“I understand that it’s difficult to work with the children at the orphanage and to leave them there. I feel it too. But it isn’t in Maria’s best interest for us to take her now.”
“The orphanage is good, but it isn’t the same thing as having a family.”
“Which is exactly why we shouldn’t take her.”
Gabriel moved to his feet. “That is not the Julianne I know speaking.”
“Oh, yes it is.” She stood in front of him.
“The Julianne I know would give the clothes off her back to a homeless person.”
She took a step closer, her face flushed with anger.
“I would give the clothes off my back for Maria. But I want her to be with a family who are stable and experienced when it comes to children. She’s been traumatized. Taking her to a place where she doesn’t know the language, away from her city and her friends, would only upset her. We’d be hurting, not helping. And I won’t let you do that. And I don’t care if you think that I’m being a coldhearted bitch or whatever the hell you have running through your mind.”
She gave him a reproachful look before retreating to the bedroom.
“Fuck!” he shouted, picking up her glass of water and throwing it.
The glass shattered against the floor of the terrace.
From a distance, Gabriel heard the door to the bathroom slam shut.
He placed his hands on the balcony, leaning against the edge, and hung his head.
Chapter Thirty-four
August 2011
Washington, D.C.
Senator Talbot’s son Simon stood to his feet and quickly pulled on his jeans.
“Where’s my shirt?” He looked in vain for the light blue polo that perfectly matched the color of his eyes.
“It’s on the chair.” His girlfriend, Natalie, sat up, not bothering to clutch the sheet to her chest.
As usual, his eyes dropped to her breasts, which had been surgically enhanced the year previous. He placed a knee on the bed.
“God, I’m glad I bought these.” He dropped his head and drew one of her nipples into his mouth, sucking it strongly before biting with his teeth.
“Come on.” She reached out to palm him through his jeans, but he pulled back.
“I have to go. I’ll call you.” He located his shirt and pulled it over his head before hastily retrieving his shoes and socks.
“When will I see you?” She knelt behind him and pressed her lips to his neck. With a single finger, she traced his jaw, gliding over the scars that were the result of his one and only violent encounter with Gabriel Emerson.
He shook her off. “Stop that.”
“I’m sorry.” She sat back on her heels repentantly. “No one notices them. I think they make you look rugged.”
He turned, his eyes glacial pools.
She tilted her head to one side. “When will I see you?”
“Not for a while.”
“Why not?”
“We need to cool off.”
“But things have been going well. I work for your father now, for God’s sake.”
“And I told him we were casual. That was his condition for hiring you. I can’t be seen going in and out of your apartment anymore. People are watching.”
“Then we can meet at a hotel.” She reached for him but caught only air.
Simon walked toward the bedroom door. “He wants me to take Senator Hudson’s daughter to dinner.”
“What?” She leapt from the bed. She stood in front of him, naked, her green eyes sparking with anger and her long, red hair a riotous mess.
Simon placed one of his hands on the back of her neck.
“Don’t get hysterical.”
She shivered at the coldness of his voice. “I won’t. I’m sorry.”
He stroked his thumb along the curve of her neck.
“Good. Because I don’t like it when you get hysterical.”<
br />
He dropped his hand to her ass.
“It’s just dinner. She finished her junior year at Duke and she’s here for the summer. I’m going to take her out and, hopefully, persuade her to put a good word in for my dad with her father. We could use his endorsement.”
“Are you going to fuck her?”
Simon snorted. “Are you kidding? She’s a virgin. I had enough of that shit dealing with Julia.”
Natalie wrinkled her nose at the mention of her former roommate.
“What makes you think the Hudson girl is a virgin?”
“Her family is religious. They’re from the South. It’s a guess.”
“Religion didn’t keep Jules from going down on you.” Natalie crossed her arms in front of her.
“Keep your mouth shut about Julia. I don’t need her asshole boyfriend fucking things up for me.”
“He’s her asshole husband now.”
“I don’t care what he is. You know the score.” Simon pulled her closer. “Don’t bring them up again.”
“How do you think I feel? My boyfriend is being set up with another goody two-shoes because his father thinks I’m a whore.”
Simon gripped her ass with both hands.
“We’re finally getting what we want. We just need to wait until after the election.”
“Oh, I can be patient.” She dropped to her knees in front of him, quickly freeing him from the confines of his jeans. “But I think you need a reminder of who you’re walking out on.”
Chapter Thirty-five
Florence, Italy
Gabriel smoked a lonely cigarette out on the terrace, staring at the shards of a broken water glass. He’d upset Julianne.
She’d seen him throw things before. He’d murdered her old cell phone when that motherfucker Simon called her.
Gabriel inhaled, drawing the air deep into his lungs before exhaling through his nostrils.
He did not think of their relationship as tempestuous. Although they’d had more conflict recently. They’d fought back in Selinsgrove over her paper. They’d fought in Umbria when he’d asked about her mother and she’d told him he was mindfucking her.
Tonight they’d descended to a new low when she accused him of thinking she was a bitch. Nothing was further from the truth. He couldn’t even place the word and her name in the same sentence.
Gabriel's Redemption (Gabriel's Inferno Trilogy) Page 22
