by Paul Edwards
The principle is always the same: when I started doing it for fitness, I shredded body fat and became muscular. When I did it with the Word of God, I became very literate and capable of interpreting life healthily. Business is no exception to this rule; joining masterminds and networking with high performers has made me more interesting and valuable to the people around me. Value projected outwards creates willingness to trade money for access.
You Just Won the Lottery … What Are You Going to Do Now?
Interviewing is networking – you’re having the kind of conversation you should be having at a conference, but it’s over a Zoom link and recorded for the world to eavesdrop.
After I left Insurance Services Group, I decided to network on a grand scale, and joined the Vince Del Monte 7-Figure Mastermind. Of its many benefits, members meet every 90 days in upscale or exotic destinations. This got me in front of key influencers, online multimillionaires and strong allies - people who propelled my podcast and YouTube content when I launched the Influencer Networking Secrets Show.
Then I crossed over to the Best Seller Publishing mastermind, where I built relationships with top-selling authors. Interviewing is a practiced art of adding value. It’s an easy one, considering authors love free, unsolicited media attention. I know this because I love being invited to share my thoughts and observations. I invited these authors on my show, and referrals began to crop up. Then the old kinetic laws of the universe kicked in, and I began to receive unsolicited offers of TEDx speakers, Forbes contributors, high-end corporate consultants and motivational speakers to appear on my show. In short, I’d finally “scaled” networking – which proved elusive during my insurance days.
So, as I’m fond of saying on my videos and podcasts, “Let’s get started, and find out all about how Paul Edwards went from awkward pushy salesman to a powerful and influential relationship builder.”
CHAPTER 2
The Monastic Heart
(Be a Magnet, Not a Pusher)
Most of my generation grew up laughing at Stephen Tobolowsky’s caricatured insurance salesman, Ned Ryerson, in the Bill Murray classic Groundhog Day. Long before holding Ned’s job, I laughed uproariously at him when I first saw the film as a middle schooler. Something rang true then, as it does now, that Ned’s anxious, nerdy and obnoxious approach to his job was “too much.” Overdone.
“It’s funny you should mention your health,” Ned says to Phil Connors, totally oblivious to his emotional state, “because you will never guess what I do! … Do you have life insurance, Phil? Because if you do, you could always use a little more! Am I right, or am I right, or am I right?”
It wasn’t until I started making the same mistakes Ned did – albeit, without looking or sounding quite as comical – that I got a sense of what made his role so memorable.
Pushers
They’re just what they sound like, if you’ve ever heard the term applied to drug dealers or loan sharks. Even if you’re consciously avoiding it, you still can feel pressure to try and force things to happen. I would go to networking groups, get into conversations with people, and try to steer them toward the topic of insurance. Sometimes I’d ask them directly, even if they said nothing about it, “Who handles your insurance program?”
Even more ridiculous, I’d anxiously do this with people stopping at my table during trade shows and community events. Of all the questions people want to be asked at a county fair or home and garden show, “Who handles your insurance?” is not one of them. I’ve known a few pushers in my time. Outside work, they can be very sincere and kind people. Pushing, though, is a phony way to conduct oneself, and I find it extremely ineffective. People see right through its insincerity.
We’ve heard the advice, “Don’t be salesy.” No kidding. Everyone knows that, but what do you replace it with? This isn’t Starbucks; if you’re in marketing, you can’t just sit off to the side by yourself and ignore everyone in a business setting. You must engage. But how?
The more stereotypically “salesy” your job is, the more your difficulties compound. If, for example, I’d been selling medical equipment or luxury vacations, I might have been able to get away with introducing myself as such. But a crowded field like insurance tends to induce paranoia in some people.
One time, I scheduled a meeting with Jody Hickey, the general manager of the Valley Athletic Club in Tumwater. On this occasion I was looking for the club to support the winner of the 2018 Miss Thurston County Pageant, where I served on the board. During the conversation, Jody inquired as to what I did for a living; when I told her, the very next words out of her mouth were “We have our insurance through Nicholson (a competitor broker) and we’re happy with it.” I could tell I wasn’t the first insurance salesman who’d scheduled a sit-down with her.
Believe it or not, there also came a day when I knew I’d reversed the poles on this and become a magnet. It was a winter evening. I’d been invited by one of my biggest clients, Lacey City Councilman Mike Steadman, to watch his son Donovan compete in mixed martial arts.
I knew some of the other people there (friends through my hobby of bodybuilding), and we sat around cracking jokes prior to the match. I’d also brought my eldest son, Grant, for his first experience at such an event. As time passed, several people came and sat with us – others in Mike’s vast association of friends and allies. One by one, Mike introduced me: “This is Paul, he’s my insurance agent.”
True to philosophy by this time, I simply remained pleasant, shook hands, and made small talk. I didn’t breathe a word about insurance – but Mike’s friends certainly did! Several of them began a comical barrage that alternated between serious questions and tongue-in-cheek insurance salesman jokes. Finally, playing along with feigned offense and a smile, I turned around like an indignant prospect being harassed by a pushy insurance salesman and said, “I didn’t come here to talk about insurance, I want to enjoy the boxing match!”
Magnets Versus Pushers
The difference between a pusher and a “magnet” is that magnets create gravitational “pull” that draws people toward them. When you’re a pusher, you see people more like transactions to be carried out. They have money, you have a product, your objective is to get rid of the product and pocket the money. The pusher’s emphasis is on the temporal and immediate – “What can this person do for me right now?”
Magnets are different. Magnets see people more like untapped reservoirs of knowledge, ideas, passions, dreams and connections – particularly if they can sense “fellow” magnets. When you’re operating as a magnet, you use what is within your power to bring people closer to you.
Magnets take a long view of nearly everything, especially people: “Where might it lead to have a friendship with that person?”
Radically Generous Entrepreneurs trend “magnetic.” They will pull people toward them with selflessness, clarity and knowledge. They will not push or manipulate people around them into buying a product, nor will they waste time with idle chit-chat. When meeting people, a Radically Generous Entrepreneur asks intelligent questions. They don’t ramble about the weather, grumble about politics, or prattle about sports scores.
You won’t learn how to scale your business in this book. The chances are, however, that if you follow what it teaches, your tribe may well do a lot of scaling for you. Throughout our time together, make a point of remembering these three overarching principles:
• Remain Selfless
• Communicate Effectively
• Share Knowledge, Get Power
Adopt this mindset, conform your actions consistently under it and you can’t help but turn the people around you into your own unpaid sales force. Magnetic people tend to have one or more of these priorities: Depth, Confidence, and Preparation.
Depth
I wouldn’t have described myself as “shallow” back in my early days (who does?). It was anxiousness to “get something going” that drove me to move faster than I should have. The longer I did business thr
ough relationships, however, the more of a distaste I had for the transactional “pusher” way of looking at people. I accumulated a wealth of experiences, positive and negative, through networking and connecting with people. I wanted to make sense of why they’d succeeded or failed but couldn’t find the words or intellectual substance to do it.
I’ll just say the anxiety and hurriedness functioned as a barrier to the “deep end” of business. I lost patience I’d previously had for people, and the rate at which they make decisions. It made me a prime target for the sales “guru” sharks that promise if we just spend one more fistful of money on their next training program, we’ll find that elusive “shortcut” to become the next Grant Cardone or Zig Ziglar. I’ve been there and done that too; no matter how closely I followed their instructions or implemented their advice, I couldn’t force value to be created.
When you get down to brass tacks – it’s embarrassing to admit this—I spent several years either not knowing how or not caring enough to get below the surface with people, and it showed. The marketplace exposes this; I think it’s why most businesses fail. Some still fail despite being genuine and thorough, and many are too shallow to deserve their success. In the end, however, I think the shallows is where most businesses live and die. The deep end is where both risk and reward are greater.
Thus, we mentor members of the Business Beyond Business Mastermind toward a monastic heart because it is the best antidote for anxiety, depression, envy and the antiquated “cutthroat” business mindset. It’s hard to become embittered in the pursuit of something you’re not emotionally attached to in the first place.
Certainly, in the 17 years I’ve been a Christian, I’ve seen over and again how postures of surrender and sacrifice render blessings I never saw coming. My marriage came as a direct result of my decision to remove myself from the dating pool. My private liberal arts degree, valued in 2010 at around $120,000, was paid for in full, plus a salary and stipends, by the U.S. taxpayer. I chose to sacrifice my 20s, up to and including life itself, for flag and country.
In 2012, I sacrificed my dreams of being on the radio airwaves and accepted a position selling insurance. Long before that season concluded, I could already see how ill-prepared I’d been for building relationships. I knew how much better I’d become by forsaking what I wanted first. It ended up being my #1 skill – connecting people and adding value to them. No wonder God did not grant my request at the time!
A unique feature of our mastermind is something we call “Discipleship Coaching Calls.” We call them this because we believe, as my friend Daryl Murrow says, “People don’t have business problems. They have personal problems they bring into their business.” I spend much more of the time on these coaching calls helping people interpret their soul troubles and circumstances than their bottom lines or marketing strategies. We give and receive value in the form of depth – because that’s where ordinary people become extraordinary, when change takes place from deep within.
My friend Ron Carucci, an acclaimed TEDx speaker and corporate consultant said, “It’s impossible to scale a business without crystal clarity on your business’ identity.” If that’s true, how difficult would it be to see your business’ identity when you’re sidetracked by issues of your personal identity? You don’t need to look far to see that everyone, in the Kingdom of God or not, suffers an assault on who they are from the world we live in.
Know Thyself
The ancient Stoics told their disciples to work on themselves. I spent much of the past season writing and re-writing this book while working on my own spiritual mindset. This was to be able to help you with yours. Somewhere it says, “Remove the plank from your own eye, so you can help your brother remove the speck from his.” I hired coaches, joined masterminds, read books, listened to podcasts and watched videos. I became curious about philosophy, wisdom, classics … and of course, the Word of God, filled with foresight and brilliance we simply don’t have. These are my “nerd out” subjects; when people are confused about them, I field the questions.
To “know thyself” simply means to take ownership and accountability for all thoughts, assumptions, fears and misunderstandings you have about any given subject. Then you discard or set them aside to receive new ones. To be a Radically Generous Entrepreneur requires submission to process that doesn’t really have an “end point.”
To know yourself, you allow the marketplace to “react” to you. You take the risk that they reject you, ignore you, laugh at you, mock you or outright oppose you. Only then will your subconscious beliefs come out into the open; only then will you be able to take authority over them and make that critical choice to grow and mature.
I found the pessimism and cynicism I nursed in the insurance business came from misinterpretation of the market’s reaction to me. I was so anxious to get to the next level, break sales records, achieve financial independence and then “take it easy,” I bypassed a boatload of opportunities to connect with people at a soul level. Happy as I am to have left the business, I occasionally wonder how different things could have been if not for anxiety. I enjoyed mediocre success, based largely on clients’ convenience and price. It meant I also remained on a hamster wheel, chasing replacement business. Even some of my best clients never felt a moment’s hesitation at dropping me when the going got rough.
Over and again, the market’s reaction revealed that depth was missing from building relationships and creating information products. It’s a pity it took so long to see it.
Confidence
Confidence doesn’t come naturally to people. The good news is it’s not because of genetics. Confidence is a skill set, a muscle that can be trained, grown and molded, particularly through coaching.
My friend Kevin Aillaud goes by the moniker the “Alpha Male Coach.” Smoothly spoken and casually vulnerable about his story, Kevin’s command of mindset and interpreting the world is exceptional. He teaches men to cultivate their “inner alpha,” characterized mainly by confidence.
“Freed from psychological fear, you see order and chaos both as normal,” he told me in an interview. “The natural mind freaks out in the presence of chaos and takes order for granted. But for the alpha, our value comes from existence itself, rather than selfish, political, mob or group interests. When we overcome the illusion of scarcity, we realize that fear is just an emotion in our minds, an illusion.”
In other words, if you don’t walk around with fear in the first place, you have nowhere to go but up. Kevin continued, “Liberation from fear of people judging you is never weakness and always strength. When you let fear of people’s opinions go, you’re free from it and flooded with confidence. You’re honest, you want people to judge you, because you know that their judgments reflect nothing whatsoever on you.”
I had confidence left over from my military experiences in my twenties, but the anxiety and tension of my first insurance job eroded a lot of it. I went into both of my subsequent insurance positions driven by a voice that labeled me as “useless” without high sales volume. My internal lower self, the flesh, repeated and dwelt on it daily.
It took time to let go of this rushing, hurrying spirit. I now address it by name: The Spirit of False Urgency. Confidence in business (or anything else) simply has no room for this. If you’re always in a rush, gunning the engine to try squeezing in the last few sales at the end of the month – you’re driven by anxiety, accusation, shame, fear and scarcity. The irony? You’ll get the opposite of what you pursue.
By contrast, Radically Generous Entrepreneurs execute on a schedule of diligence and thoroughness. They’re thoughtful before and after the working day, because they aren’t rushing to try and capture as much of the market as they can. They see work as an important component of life, but not the “be-all and end-all.” Workaholism is rampant in the Western entrepreneur class. It reflects deep-seated agreements we make with anxiety.
Preparation
Former president Ronald Reagan is famous for saying
“Tear down this wall!” to Mikhail Gorbachev; for his speech after the space shuttle Challenger disaster; and for his quip during the 1984 debate promising not to hold his opponent’s youth and inexperience against him.
Not much is said, though, about Reagan’s skill at preparation. If people understood how utterly prepared Reagan was, they’d have insight into why he was so successful at connecting with Americans. His two consecutive landslide elections should remove all doubt, especially his re-election where he won 49 states and 58% of the popular vote.
To understand President Reagan, consider his career experience as a radio sports announcer, a B-movie actor, a Hollywood anti-communist, a speaker/trainer for General Electric, and, of course, governor of California. Reagan had spent a lifetime in front of audiences of all kinds, speaking and persuading. This means he spent even more time rehearsing. He learned from the way audiences responded that confidence is a huge by-product of extensive, detailed preparation.
Entering politics, Reagan saw that humor and wit made fantastic tools for retaliating against his opponents. He began scripting comedic observations into his speeches. By the time he was elected president in 1980, he was already well-known for simplifying complicated arguments into one-liners. On the Johnny Carson Show in 1978, he quipped: “How come when we spend our money, it’s inflationary, but when the government spends our money, it isn’t?”
Throughout campaigns and in office, Reagan was known to spend hours rehearsing jokes and speeches. He became “The Great Communicator” because he was prepared. He was forged in bringing characters to life on radio and on camera. He was shaped and molded in ideological struggle, competing for the hearts and minds of American voters.
Shyness, anxiety, or plain preference for solitude may give you a shortage of natural charisma, but nothing can stop you from preparing to move with confidence in the marketplace. As Seth Godin reminds us in his book, This Is Marketing, “We don’t remember what we hear. We don’t remember what we see. We don’t even remember what we do; we remember what we rehearse.”
