“Is this why you haven’t been around the apartment?” Nadine demanded.
The three of them surrounded me and I saw no way out of it, but I still played dumb, “What do you mean?”
“She means you’ve been spending all your time with Brad Hastings,” Caroline responded calmly. She was always the most levelheaded one and, even now, it was clear she was treading carefully, but not wasting time playing games.
I gulped. Now was the moment to come clean and on some level I knew it would be, which was one of the biggest reasons I agreed to meet up with them alongside Brad. All this time I wanted nothing more but to let my friends in on my biggest secret. Maybe then I’d actually have someone to confide in. It was time to take the plunge. I nodded slowly.
“Oh my gosh!” Sarah was the first to exclaim, clapping her hands together with bright eyes.
Nadine, on the other hand, gaped. Her facial expression was a mixture of disbelief and perhaps even a bit of judgment. It made me feel uncomfortable.
“I never thought you’d do something like this,” she finally voiced. I was unsure how to take it, but I hoped it wasn’t an insult. As if reading my mind, Nadine clarified, “It’s just so unlike you but that’s not a bad thing, you know.”
“Not at all,” Caroline chimed in. “Does he make you happy?”
My face lit up with a big smile, making all three of them smile along with me. “He does. He really does,” I assured them. I wanted to spill everything but knew it was too much, too soon. After all, we had just found out. At that moment, however, there was no way to deny just how much I liked being with Brad. Our relationship was undefined and that made me feel a bit uncertain but, overall, I was okay with it. He was a part of my adventure and a very real part of my new life, both professionally and personally.
“I can’t believe it!” Sarah squealed before pulling me into a hug. “I’m happy for you!”
“We’ve all worked with him,” Nadine started.
“I know,” I interrupted with a grimace. “That makes it awkward, doesn’t it?”
“That’s not what I was going to say,” Nadine deadpanned. She paused and looked at me straight in the eyes, “We’ve all worked with him and I think we’d all agree he is a good guy.” Caroline nodded and Sarah grinned, nodding enthusiastically.
I smiled, but my relief was soon replaced with something else. I realized they most likely had no idea about Amorous Productions. That was something I would never be able to tell them about. There was too much at stake where Amorous Productions was concerned, for Brad and for me. The idea of them all seeing any of the photos I did made my cheeks burn with embarrassment.
What if that would make them change their opinion on Brad? Perhaps they would think he was some weird creep or pervert. There was also the chance that they would see him as unprofessional and lacking loyalty to the company he worked for—also untrue. Convinced everything would be a mess if they found out, I kept my lips sealed. They knew about my personal relationship with Brad and that was more than enough. The three wanted to probe me with more questions, but agreed it was best left for a later time and place when we had more privacy.
We left the ladies’ room to find Brad waiting for us. The look in his eyes made it clear he knew what was going on in there and he wasted no time walking over to stand beside me, nudging my arm with his elbow. He leaned forward and looked at the other three to brazenly wink at them.
They all giggled before walking up to the bar, ordering a round of champagne in celebration.
Just as they were holding their glasses up, Brad leaned in to me with a smirk, “Fashion Week has inspired a new idea.”
The following evening, I arrived at Amorous Productions for the newly inspired photo shoot Brad mentioned at the after-party. Despite my questioning, he managed to remain awfully mysterious about the nature of it. I closed and locked the front door behind me before standing in the lobby feeling slightly nervous instead of making my way back to the studio like I usually did. The mystery had been nothing but compelling at first, but after Brad had told me in bed that morning to “be open” to the shoot. My nerves had already buzzing throughout my body. He was always finding new and provocative ways to push my buttons. Now I could only imagine what was planned for me next.
I thought I had been quite open in our past shoots already so I wondered what exactly he had in mind if he was being so secretive and telling me to keep an open mind. It had to be something extreme, I reasoned, and it made my head spin to think of what could be more extreme than our BDSM photo shoot.
About a minute later, Brad appeared to greet me in the lobby with a warm kiss. He hugged me tight and gave me a soft peck at the corner of my mouth.
“Are you ready?”
I looked into his eyes, pressing my lips together in a thin line. I inhaled deeply and nodded. Taking my hand, Brad led me into the photography studio. As soon as I walked in I saw a pile of props in the corner, but I wasn’t able to make out what they were. I was too distracted by two other models standing nearby, both of whom were wearing robes. Immediately I turned to look at Brad, question marks in my eyes.
“This is Penny and David,” Brad introduced me. “This is Chloe; the gorgeous woman I mentioned before.”
The two of them stepped forward to greet me—with a kiss on the mouth.
I was stunned. I stood stock still, not knowing how to react. Brad slid in front of me and placed his hands on my shoulders, “Try to relax and be open to this. It will be a bit… different than the past shoots we’ve done.”
“I need to talk to you,” I told him. “Alone.” Brad nodded and led me to through the back room and into another photo studio, which I had seen but not used.
“I never signed up for this,” I told him point blank. Brad said nothing, making it clear he was there to listen to everything and anything I had to say to him.
“I…” I paused, hesitating for just a brief second, “I don’t think I want to do this.”
“What’s wrong?” He asked, tone gentle and caring.
That was all it took for everything to come crashing down over me in the span of a second, sending me to have a near breakdown. I had to get everything off my chest. I wanted to tell him everything that had been on my mind lately, including the guilt and confusion. It was no longer just about this shoot he had set up; it was about everything we had been doing together. It was about everything I had been doing since moving to New York City.
“I’m just not sure if this is me,” I told him truthfully. There was no better way to put it, at least not any way I could think of. “Look, I’ve always loved the photo shoots we’ve done. I was uncomfortable and shy at first, but you really helped break me out of that shell and I’ve truly loved every shoot. Every one of them has always made me feel sexy, confident, and empowered.”
“What bothers you the most about it?” he asked me, trying to understand what was running through my mind. I could see it in his eyes clear as day—he truly cared about me.
“I wouldn’t say there’s a problem, I’m just not sure if it’s right.” There was a long pause where I looked everywhere except at his eyes. When I finally met his gaze, I could tell he was trying to make sense of everything while still being sensitive to me. He always tried to be so understanding, but not coming from a small town in the Midwest made it impossible for him to grasp some things.
“My mom once told me there was nothin’ good being in the city. I’m starting to wonder if she meant stuff like this. I’ve been wondering if I’m doing something wrong. I like it all, a lot, but I don’t know if it’s right.”
Brad took a moment to process everything I had said before moving forward in an attempt to comfort me. He placed his hand gently on my forearm and looked deep into my eyes. His beautiful, blue eyes were more full of kindness than ever.
“I can’t help but ask, how can what you’ve been doing be ‘wrong’ if you’ve enjoyed it and nobody is getting hurt?” I cast my gaze down and shrugged. I didn�
��t know how to answer that question because it was one of the things I had been asking myself, just not in those words.
“I think,” he went on, “Sometimes it feels like something is ‘wrong’ because people like to impose their judgments on others and we end up taking it to heart.”
I sighed and leaned forward to rest my head on his chest. It relaxed me. There was something to be said about his words. My mother was always strict and she raised me with a very specific, stringent set of values and now that I was straying, I couldn’t help but question everything.
“Honestly, I went through that period in my life as well,” Brad admitted. “But eventually I grew into a different person. I grew into the person I always wanted to be and I came to terms with it being a great thing for me.” He ran his hand over my hair softly a few times, “These shoots aren’t supposed to make you feel uncomfortable in any way, ever. They are supposed to make you feel empowered and sexy, just like you said they did.” He took a brief pause to pull me in closer and allow me time to fully take in his words. “Even though your family has a business and your mom doesn’t approve of you leaving, it comes down to you needing to live your own life. I do think you’re doing the right thing by sending them money to help them out. Eventually your mother will come around, accepting your new life once she realizes how happy you truly are.”
I sighed against his chest, “I love how understanding you are. I just…I don’t want to talk about it now.” The whole situation made it feel like there was a two-ton weight on my chest.
“Do you want a drink?” Brad asked, caressing each of my shoulders in his hands.
“God yes.” I gave a little laugh.
Brad fixed me a quick drink and told me to relax. “Don’t even think about the photo shoot. We don’t have to do it. I’ll never push you beyond your limits, I only wanted to encourage you to explore anything and everything.”
I took a small sip of the strong liquor and leaned my head against his arm, reflecting on everything he had just told me. The more I thought about it, the more I started to agree with him. How could I be doing something ‘wrong’ if I enjoyed it? Was my mother really the judge and jury to my actions?
“Is it alright if I call them over here?” Brad asked a few minutes later after I had time to think and calm down. I nodded.
I was done talking about everything I’d been internalizing so far and needed to clear my mind. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and called out, “Penny! David! Come meet us back here!” Then he turned me to the right and pointed at a couch behind a coffee table. There was a plate of cheese and crackers that sat next to a bottle of whiskey and three glasses. “How about we just hang out?”
I took another sip of my drink and nodded. “Sounds good,” I told him with a smile.
It wasn’t until Penny and David walked in that I actually noticed how attractive they were. I had been blindsided by their presence, though not as much as their kisses, so I didn’t stop to look at them earlier. David was a bit taller than me, though shorter than Brad, and sported a full head of light brown hair. His eyes were so dark they looked black and his lips were red almost to the point that it looked like he was wearing some sort of lightly tinted lip balm. He had golden tanned skin that looked smooth to the touch. I could tell, even through the robe, he was in great shape.
Penny’s skin was fair and she had lovely caramel brown hair. It was full and flowed up to her shoulders in volumes of natural waves, framing her beautiful face and hazel eyes perfectly. Her breasts weren’t incredibly large, but they were perky and round, definitely attractive, and they fit nicely on her slender body frame. There was no denying they were both model material.
“Let’s have a drink and enjoy?” Brad proposed.
I nodded after giving him a quick peck on the cheek. I pulled off my spring yellow cardigan to reveal a loose fitting, sheer white sleeveless blouse with a red bralette underneath. I had paired that with simple but tight black skinny jeans and black pumps to look casual, but still effortlessly sexy. Brad placed his hand on my lower back under my shirt, thumbing the waistband of my jeans.
“You look good,” he whispered against my ear. I suppressed a satisfied smile, taking my seat on the edge of the couch. Brad sat on the armchair next to me and placed his hand on my knee, watching as Penny and David sat on the couch as well.
Without wasting time, Brad served us drinks. He told me all about how he’d met Penny and David, including the tale of how he’d mustered up the courage to recruit them to Amorous Productions. Penny had come along first; back when Brad was even more secretive about his side project than he was now.
“I met David when we did an off-Broadway show,” Penny recounted, the two of them chuckling. “I told him he had model looks and he thought I was joking. Then I brought him to my agency so he could see I wasn’t.”
“Penny was easily the prettiest woman on the roster back then,” Brad commented. He turned to look at me and gave me a kiss. Then he whispered in my ear, “But she pales next to you.” He teasingly nibbled at my ear and I squirmed in her seat. “She really helped me get Amorous Productions going, you know.”
“Brad likes to say that, but the truth is he’s the one who really helped me out. He recruited me and with the money I made I was able to get my family off the farm. In fact, I even just bought an apartment for them in Chicago!”
“You got them off the farm?” I asked, leaning forward. Out of everything that had been said that night, it was what had caught my interest the most.
Brad leaned back and watched us. “Yes,” Penny responded, “We had a family farm. I come from the Midwest, didn’t you know? Brad mentioned you did too.”
I was floored. I had never expected this gorgeous woman, who Brad brought in tonight for who-knows-what, to be from the Midwest as well. I finally had in front of me someone I never thought I would find– a woman who could understand on a personal level the sorts of internal struggles I was facing.
“And you left to be a model?”
“Not exactly, I’m an aspiring actress just like David’s an aspiring actor. Modeling came to me and I liked it, especially once Brad took me under his wing. I’m so grateful for him discovering me and always pushing me just the right amount.”
“Do you ever miss home?” I asked, wanting to pick her brain.
“Sometimes. But I would never go back, I love it here in New York. You can be exactly who you want to be without judgment. It’s so…freeing.” Her face lit up in the biggest, most genuine smile I had ever seen.
I was touched by Penny’s story, not to mention she was a beautiful and attractive woman. Her story paralleled my own and I could have never put it better. New York was judgment free. New York was the place you could go to be who you wanted to be. It was the place where I could surround myself with likeminded people and not follow a set of strict standards like my mother always wanted for me.
It truly was freeing.
I eyed David and sucked in a slow breath. Penny and David were both so attractive and having spent the past couple hours chatting with them, I was starting to feel a bit more comfortable.
Gathering up courage from the drinks, I turned to Brad, “So are we just going to eat cheese all night or are we going to get goin’ on this shoot?”
Brad smiled, pleasantly surprised, and stood up with his hand stretched out. I stood up and he placed a hand on my hip leaning in to whisper, “Take your clothes off.”
“Everything?” I asked, my heart starting to beat wildly in my chest.
He nodded and I slowly started to take off each article of clothing. I couldn’t believe I was really doing this, but it was thrilling. Just as I pushed my panties down my legs I saw Penny and David slip their robes off out of the corner of my eye. The three of us stood fully nude in front of Brad. I took a moment to look over at Penny and Brad. After looking them over and taking in the whole scene, I was surprised by how turned on I was getting. Everything felt so exhilarating and new.
“You look perfect,” Brad complimented, his eyes looking right into mine before he looked over at Penny and David. “How about we just do the shoot here on the couch? Go for something a bit more candid.” The three of us nodded, Penny was the first one to drop down on the couch, draping a leg over the other and looking at me.
“You should get comfortable with one another,” Brad suggested. David sat on the arm of the couch, both feet planted on the seat, facing Penny. Then, he turned to look at me and jerked his head to the right, motioning for me to have a seat beside Penny.
I had to put away my hesitation if I was really going to do something this crazy. I wanted to do it. I needed to break out of my shell, let go of the guilt, and really let myself get taken away by the moment. So I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and held it for a few seconds.
This was going to be the craziest thing I had ever done.
SHOOT: A Novel Page 11
