“Security protocol? Around me, you mean? My security protocol?”
“Yes.”
“So who does get a say in it?” I said. “You? Or are there others?”
Again, he went on as if I hadn’t spoken.
“The Council is right, in a way,” he said, staring back into the fire. “…Denying me direct access to you, I mean. They’re trying to keep you safe. Not only from yourself. From other seers, from the human authorities, from anyone who might try to hurt you or sell you.”
At the blank look in my eyes, he shrugged again. “Your absolute, best protection is anonymity. Your life in San Francisco has made that easier. You generally don’t do too much to call attention to yourself, which I appreciate, believe me.”
I felt my jaw tighten.
Shaking my head, I fought to make my voice lighter.
“Yeah, well… to be honest, I think I’ve heard about enough for one night about just how ‘insignificant’ my life is. My anonymity is what almost got me killed by those fanatics, so pardon me if I’m not feeling it’s my finest attribute.”
He smiled, but the look in his eyes remained serious.
“Allie,” he said, his voice gentle. “You should enjoy this time. Your life is going to get a lot more complicated once you’re awakened for real. The longer you can stay anonymous, the longer things will stay relatively easy for you.”
“Easy?” I snorted, unable to keep the anger out of my voice. “You call tonight easy?”
He shrugged. “Tonight was an anomaly. Normally, your life is pretty uncomplicated.”
“Pointless, you mean.”
“Human, I would have said.” His eyes remained still, like glass. “Normal. A civilian’s life. You have no idea how many seers would envy you such a thing.” He grunted, looking back into the fire. “Including me. It isn’t an option for most of us. Not anymore.”
The silence between us deepened.
Through it, I watched fire lick around the fake logs behind the glass partition.
I found myself thinking about him, though. I found myself trying to imagine him, imagine any seer, in a normal life. I wondered what that would even look like for them.
He grunted, giving me a wry smile when I looked over.
“Surprisingly not that different from how it looks for a human,” he said. “We marry. Have babies. Work. Fuck. Feed ourselves. Make music and art. Sleep in on weekends. Eat brunch.”
I didn’t have an answer for that, either.
Thinking about everything I’d seen in the last twenty-four hours, and that cop and those tourists watching while that seer was beaten in broad daylight on the street, his words made me a little sad, though.
Maybe more than just a little.
26
PAIN
I LOOKED BETWEEN him and the fire through the silence that followed, fighting to stay focused on the now, on what I needed to do with the information he’d just shared, along with all the things he wasn’t telling me.
I still didn’t believe him exactly, but my brain was struggling to come up with an alternate story.
I told myself I was tired. That I wasn’t clear enough for this.
Even so, I found I still wanted to know more about his story. I wanted to know more even as I told myself I didn’t believe any of it.
“You weren’t just going along with that guy,” I said finally. “You really think you’re some kind of guardian over me.”
“I don’t just think it,” he said. “I am. I was assigned to you formally. By the Council.”
“I see.” I frowned, still studying his angular face. “So how long has this been going on? This guardian thing. With me.”
He frowned, as if thinking. After a pause, he looked back at me. “Nineteen… no. Twenty. Twenty years. Plus roughly three months.”
“Twenty years,” I repeated numbly.
“Yes.”
“And I never saw you? Not once in all that time?”
“You did.” He gave me a faint smile.
I just stared at him, not comprehending his words. Then I felt my throat tighten.
“You’ve erased me before?”
“Once. Yes.”
“Why?”
He didn’t answer, just stared at me with that unwavering look.
When I didn’t speak, he sighed, clasping his hands as he looked back at the fire.
“There was one other time,” he said. “A time I didn’t erase you. You were about nine years old. I wasn’t around enough to worry about you remembering me in a relevant way, so I never told the Council, and I let you keep the memory.”
Grunting, he shook his head, clasping his hands together tighter.
“…stupid, really. I told myself it was unlikely you’d make the connection with someone who looked the same fifteen years later, but any seer could have seen your memory of me. It still could have raised questions.”
I ran this through my mind again, blinked.
“You’re saying you look the same now as you did when I was nine?” I said.
“We age differently than you,” he reminded me. “I know I look fairly human, Allie. That’s part of why they gave me this job. I can pass. But I’m not human. I’m seer.”
“And I’m seer, too,” I repeated. “A non-Sark seer who is officially extinct.”
His eyes narrowed, looking from one of mine to the other.
“Yes,” he said, wary. “Approximately, yes. That is right.”
“And you’re going to erase my memory?”
“Yes,” he said.
“All of it?”
“No.” He gave me a puzzled look, clicking softly. “No, Alyson. Why would I do that? That’s not even possible.” He continued to look at me with that semi-bewildered expression. “No, only portions of your memory of the last thirty-six or so hours. I’ll have to erase most of tonight, since you said the leader of the cult approached you in that club––”
“Ponytail guy.”
Revik nodded, conceding this with a gesture.
“Ponytail guy. It also means,” he added. “That I’ll need to erase your boyfriend’s memory of me. And your brother’s. And your friend, Cass’s. For one thing, I’ll need their memories to synch up with yours. Also, if something happens that forces me to get close to you in the flesh again, it will complicate things considerably if they recognize me.”
“You’re going to erase Jaden, Jon and Cass?” I said, bewildered. “How?”
He waved off my concern. “They’ll be easy. You will be much harder. You’re seer, even if untrained. You also have significantly more memories to suppress.”
“What did you mean, if you have to get close to me in the flesh again?” I said then, catching up with the rest of what he’d said. “As opposed to what? When do you see me not in the flesh? Aren’t you supposed to be my bodyguard?”
“Most of the time, I can do that perfectly well from the Barrier.” Clasping his hands between his knees, he looked up, his eyes reflecting firelight. “It means I can watch you from a distance,” he explained. “Using seer abilities. I can do that from almost anywhere. I actually try to keep my distance in the physical. Mainly to avoid drawing attention to you, since there are reasons I might be followed, as well. I also do it to avoid interfering with your life. Only if there’s a direct threat, something I can’t handle from the Barrier, do I come in person.”
“Like tonight.”
“Like tonight.” He gave me another shrug. “Generally, anything involving seers. Or someone being protected by seers.”
“So Ponytail and his pals? Their Patrón was a seer? But you don’t know who he is?”
Revik shook his head, clicking with a sigh.
“I will have to investigate this. Right now, no, I do not know who he is.” Exhaling, he rubbed his face with the hand wearing the silver ring. “I was almost too late. If I hadn’t seen Jon leaving the bar with Cass, I likely would have been.” He gave me an apologetic look. “Even being here in person, I l
eft you alone for too long tonight. I thought if anything happened, I could push them to stop. I knew they were all human. It made me careless. I underestimated the protection they had, and after you kissed me, I thought…”
Seeing something in my face, he trailed, shrugging again with a wave of his hand.
“…It doesn't matter now,” he finished. “I’ll be more careful in the future, Allie. I promise.”
“In the future. When you’re guarding me again.”
“Yes.”
“But I’ll have no idea you’re doing it.”
“Yes.”
“And if I see you, I won’t remember you,” I clarified. “And I won’t remember that those fanatics tried to burn me alive. Or that I’m this rare kind of semi-extinct seer.”
Thinking briefly, he nodded again.
“Yes,” he said.
I stared into the fire for another few seconds, frowning, although at what or who, I have no idea. I was so exhausted at that point, I didn’t have the energy to try and argue with him. I still couldn’t decide if I was in danger. He didn’t seem to want to hurt me.
“I won’t hurt you, Allie,” he said firmly.
“You promise?” I said, turning.
“I do,” he said. “I’ll get you back to your hotel room without a scratch.” Looking at me, and at the state of me most likely, he amended. “Well. No new ones, anyway.”
“And you won’t hurt Jaden? Or Jon? Or Cass?”
He gave me another bewildered look.
“Of course not. No.”
“Will I remember I saw Jaden kissing that groupie?”
At that, Revik hesitated. Clasping his hands together between his knees, he shrugged, his face and voice neutral.
“It’s not always easy to be that precise,” he said carefully. “You saw the man who abducted you right before you saw Jaden with that… person. From what I understand, you saw me directly after. It might be difficult for me to erase your memory of the Evolutionist and of me and not erase what you saw Jaden do, since one thing led directly to the other. I might be able to do that with the Council’s help, but I’d really rather not involve them, Allie… and, truthfully, they’re likely to take more of your memories than me. Not less.”
“So, no, then,” I said.
“It is unlikely,” he said. “I can promise to try, but if there is any doubt at all, I will err on the side of erasing the memory of me and your kidnapper. I'm sorry.”
“Will he remember?”
“Jaden?” Revik gave me another strange look. “He won’t remember you kissing me,” he said. “Would you rather if he didn’t remember kissing that human, either?”
I hesitated.
Then I shook my head, folding my arms tighter over my chest.
“No,” I said, my voice subdued. “Don’t take more of him than you have to.”
He continued to look at me, his expression puzzled. Finally, he nodded.
“Okay,” he said.
Without thinking, I turned towards him once more.
“Why did you do that, anyway? Why did you go along with me, when I kissed you like that? I’d just hit you, for crying out loud.” I felt my face flush, but I kept my eyes on his. “Is that part of your official duty, too? Helping me get revenge against straying boyfriends?”
Without looking over, he wove his hands back together, looking at the fire behind the glass.
I swore I saw his skin darken a shade.
I thought for sure he would speak.
He didn’t, though.
“So what now?” I said, sighing. I didn’t believe him, even then, but I wanted this to be over. I wanted more than anything to go to bed, and it was looking less and less likely he’d want to take a nap on his incredibly comfortable couch with me. “What do we do now, Revik?”
There was another silence. Then he shrugged.
“You don’t do anything,” he said. “I’ll start as soon as you’re ready.”
“I’ll never be ready for whatever it is you’re talking about,” I said, exasperated. “I don’t believe you. You know that, right?”
He raised an eyebrow. “Then why haven’t you tried to leave?” He glanced around the apartment, giving me another of those wry smiles. “This couch can’t be that comfortable. Although believe me, that nap idea of yours is really damned tempting…”
Studying my face when I didn’t speak, his eyes grew more serious.
“Why are you still here, Allie? If you think I’m crazy, why would you stay here, and listen to all of this?”
“Why?” I said blankly.
For a couple of ticking seconds, the question stumped me.
Why hadn’t I tried to leave? Was I really that worried about being picked up by SCARB as soon as I walked out of here? Was I really that tired?
Looking at him, I realized I knew the answer.
“I feel safe with you,” I said finally. Flushing a bit, I rubbed my sore arm. “Maybe that’s stupid. I don’t know you… but I feel like I do. I feel like I know you really well. But that doesn’t mean I believe your reasons for why I know you.”
“They don’t line up with why I feel familiar to you?” he said.
“No.” I shook my head, puzzled when I realized that was true. “Not really. Not that I think you’re lying, but you seem familiar to me for more than just long-distance spying and hovering around my life, trying to make sure no one murders me.”
He nodded, his expression unreadable.
“So what do you think is going to happen right now, Allie?” he said.
Thinking about his question, I let out a humorless laugh.
Snorting, I said, “I’m pretty sure I’m going to wake up in my hotel room tomorrow morning, and remember this as the weirdest damned night I’ve had in my life. And that you were a very cute nutcase who happened to save my life.”
He nodded slowly, as if thinking about this.
Then he seemed to make up his mind.
“You believe me that I’m seer? And that I won’t hurt you?” he said.
“Yes,” I said. “Maybe that makes me an idiot, but––”
“No.” He shook his head, meeting my gaze. “No, Allie. It means that maybe your abilities aren’t as dormant as the Council thinks.” He looked at me thoughtfully for a moment. “Why did you do it?”
“Do what?”
“Kiss me.”
I felt my skin warm, even before I looked over at him. “You know why. I was pissed off. I wanted to hurt Jaden––”
But he was shaking his head, clicking softly.
“That was the first kiss,” he said. “That wasn’t the kiss after that. Or the one after that. You’d more than made your point. We’d over-made it by then.” He paused, his eyes flickering back up to mine. “And as much satisfaction as it might have been, to be able to kiss you like that in front of that piece of shit… I wasn’t thinking about him at that point, either.”
I felt my throat close. Looking at him, I remembered what he’d said about being my guardian, about watching over my life.
“You don’t like Jaden,” I said.
His voice grew colder. “I don’t like Jaden.”
“Care to elaborate as to why?”
He shook his head, once. “No.” Likely feeling me about to ask, he turned, his voice and eyes warning. “Allie. There is absolutely no point in us having this conversation. I’m only going to erase it. You’re going to have to figure the Jaden thing out on your own.”
I felt my jaw harden. I couldn't exactly argue with him though, or even get mad at him for how much he’d said already. I'd opened the door on the whole topic, asking him about the kiss, asking him what he thought of Jaden.
Then something else occurred to me.
I remembered all the other stories about seers––everything I’d read or heard about seers being oversexed, about them having some kind of biologically-driven, impulse-control issues. It was why so many of them ended up as prostitutes. Apparently the majority of them h
ad the libido of your average human nymphomaniac.
Did he have some kind of sexual thing for me? Was that why he didn’t like Jaden? It would explain what happened with the kiss earlier that night.
Well, his half of things, at least.
I glanced at the door to the bedroom we’d passed, almost without realizing I’d done it.
When I looked back, he quirked an eyebrow, his eyes faintly amused.
“You’ve got to be kidding,” I said. “Is that what this is about?”
“What?” he said.
“Sex,” I said. “Did you bring me up here to get laid?”
He stared at me blankly for a minute.
Then his eyes shifted to the bedroom door, too. He looked back at me a second later, and that time, I saw his gaze focus on my mouth. He was shaking his head then, clicking softly as he looked back at the fire. I watched his jaw harden right before he spoke.
“We can’t make love, Allie,” he said. “I can’t make you forget that.”
At my quirked eyebrow, his skin darkened more.
“…Because it involves too much of our light, Alyson,” he clarified. “I probably wouldn’t be able to erase something that affects your aleimi like that. Even if I got most of it, it would be far too risky. I have no idea what it would do to you, to have sex with a fully-trained seer. It’s not an experiment I’m willing to risk.”
Shrugging again, he kept his voice polite when he added,
“Not that I’m against the idea itself. At all. Sometime in the future, maybe, when you have received some training, and if you’re not adverse… I would like that very much.”
Folding my arms, I let out a grunt-like laugh.
His expression didn't change, but I saw his mouth harden slightly.
“I had hoped we might be friends,” he said. “Later, I mean. When you remember who and what you are. When I am free to interact with you normally.”
“And when might that be?” Leaning deeper into the couch, I quirked an eyebrow at him. “When am I actually allowed to hear the full story on all of this, Revik?”
“Later.” His shook his head, his eyes hard. “I don’t know when exactly.” He met my gaze. “It’s complicated, Allie.”
New York: A Bridge & Sword Prequel (Bridge & Sword Series Book 11) Page 23
