16
Chimp in state of nature never jerks off, but in captivity he does, wat does this mean? In state of nature he’s too busy, to put plainly. He is concerned with mastering space: solving problem of life in and under trees, mastering what tools he can, mastering social relations in the jockeying for power and status. Deprived of this drive to development and self-increase he devolves to pointless masturbation, in captivity, where he senses he is in owned space and therefore the futility of all his efforts and all his actions. The onanism of modern society is connected with its supposed “hyper-sexualization” and its infertility. It’s not really hyper-sexualization, but the devolution of the spirit to the lassitude of a diffuse and weak sexuality. Life in owned space becomes drained of energy through low-grade pointless titillation—and nofap is a kind of cargo cult that tries to reestablish energy in order, on path of ascent. Sometimes, however, it’s a successful cargo cult, but whether it works or no can be seen usually within a week. The unfortunate thing about all this is that w*m*n have exceptionally good antennae for this kind of thing, and when a man frees himself from these pressures…they see this from very far away. They have an instinct to seek out ascending life and drain it…they and the species thereby achieve their goals, but you are bled dry and sometimes left a husk. They revert life back to its irritated state, and by their drainage of vital essence they’ve laid low many great tasks.
17
I’ve always been attracted to filth and dirt, because something in me knew intuitively that it is only in the underseam of life as it exists today that you find the real “lacunae,” the “holes” where its reach is limited or weak. I always sensed there was some real freedom in the blackest of red light districts among whores and junkies, perverts, and worse, with whom I’ve always chosen to take my dinners when I had the chance. I like the stories they told me, some showed letters from delusional Spanish engineer who wanted to marry her, another told me story of miscarriage her friend had in old pervert’s bathroom, and how they flushed it down a toilet and then its name written on a piece of toilet paper. It’s in this world and almost only in this world today that you can start to polish the claws nature gave you, assuming it gave you any. Unfortunately it’s easy for a man with good antennae to see that even this world of shadows has at most a conditional existence. The truth is that they are allowing these “holes” because they, or the people who crafted the fabric in which the masters of lies operate, are smart enough to know you need these “free spaces”: they are of great use to a manipulator. See how the Japanese, so famed for their love of law and order, have nevertheless always allowed the yakuza to operate running prostitution and meth rings and even worse. Such things have a serious function in Japanese society, as the mafia and other institutions have had in Western society. Only a cretinous government will get rid of such a world entirely, and thankfully we have very stupid governments in the West now. Their days are numbered. It is with sadness that you realize, eventually, after the first exhilarating rush of freedom in this world of the damned, that these spaces too, though not so pervasively “owned,” have portals and gates manned by that which owns everything else. Still, it’s better than nothing because in the moment all of that’s still far away… on a late summer night when you are asked by corrupt lawyer to spy on Lebanese strip club owner and you’re out in courtyard with 20-year-old prostie, she put cocaine on your tongue and you feel the ocean air at night fill you with the longing of the great sea…. you might almost forget suffocating air of gravity outside, and feel for a few minutes like animal before moment of hunt.
18
When speak of whoremoans you might think I’m a materialist reductionist, or am saying you are like machine. This is attitude of many scientists or maybe just cultists of science. Actually many on the left claim to have this attitude, though they can never explain what moral force their “rights” and “compassion” have, if it doesn’t come from God or have some reality in human nature. When they say they are atheists, I never believe them: atheists act like Stalin or Brezhnev, not like a Presbyterian schoolmarm. The truth is that these who make the core of the modern left are moral fanatics. There’s not a drop of atheism or relativism in them. They don’t enjoy the clear air of skepticism and never have. They always sneak in the soul or free will when you’re not looking. They actually get off on this, and are acting out of spite, even spite against themselves. They want to feel they’re not in control, “my hormones made me do it”: what is this you apart from your hormones, your genes, your inborn instinct, then? “It’s the genes,” “it’s the environment,” “it’s the economy or the oppression”—all versions of the milieu theory, a neurotic’s theory according to Nietzsche. This is how they can also get themselves to believe in the transgender: these are people who believe that matter can somehow be corruptly configured, and that we all have disembodied souls with male or female essences. The whole attempt to redefine identity, not just sexual identity, as a matter of decision, meaning decision made arbitrarily, freely, a choice of the intellect or reason, is their desperate reach to find a new justification for the freedom of the will, the soul unrestrained by nature or biology. Such things make no sense when you realize you’re your body and there’s no you aside from this. The first lines of the Iliad make this clear: you do have a “soul” of sorts apart from your body…it just isn’t you. It’s a shade. It’s completely homosexual.
19
Some think this view absolves you of your responsibility for your acts. But actually you’re responsible for much more than your acts. That which is said to constrain or determine you biologically is actually what you are. It does restrain your acts according to its inherent ways of desiring and acting, but you are this it, and it decided to be, so actually you are responsible for much more, you’re responsible for what you are. You are responsible for the good and bad things that happen to you, for any accident or disease you might experience! Actually it was all going to happen to you just the way it did at the moment of your birth or conception and even before, at the moment your parents had a glint for each other in the eye. There is fundamentally no difference between you and that glint.
20
Animals walk around in a state of permanent religious intoxication. This is the natural condition of the mind and intellect, the moment-to-moment perception, of man as well. I heard some computer fool say that religion is the “older virtual reality” experience, to justify his scam industry. No, the denuded state of the spirit and intellect, where you walk around “demystified” and “disenchanted” is the virtual reality condition, and a terrible condition at that. For the longest period of which we are at present aware, for hundreds of thousands of years in the Paleolithic, humans walked around, like healthy animal, in a state that we would today call religious delirium, but which is in fact the default state of all conscious and semi-conscious life. For long after the coming of civilization also, many continued in this condition, or did so during special times of the year or festivals where man could regain his free and natural state. It was civilization and in particular agricultural civilization that forbad this condition and plunged the majority of humans into a semi-permanent repressive or depressive frame. That this is consistent with, and even a prerequisite for, the impressive works and development of higher civilization and higher culture shouldn’t be surprising: the majority of mankind suffered terribly also in their bodies from the coming of agriculture, the backbreaking labor, the malnourishment that shows itself in the smaller stature and more slender build of farmers’ skeletors, of the destruction of their teeth, the atrophy of their brains and other organs. Agriculture allowed a steady food source, an increase in numbers, and above all the maintenance of an elite, free from these exactions, that lived parasitically on the many. But agriculture broke the human animal and domesticated him. Do you understand then what the “disenchanted” worldview is? I have to laugh at the “secular worldview,” the disenchanted worldview, which is in fact the worldview or mo
od of the broken peasant farmer. “Science,” supposedly the content….that’s not even relevant here…
21
My favorite thing is to walk around the city during the day completely plastered, on very crowded streets or on boardwalk by sea or river, with container maybe it looks like iced tea or water but is full of alcohol. At night I don’t enjoy as much, but during the day to walk around in a state of great enthusiasm and energy powered by liquor or, best of all, some kind of wine that energizes you to a great and holy rage. I don’t mean really rage, because I’m laughing on the inside, but I love to walk around like this, to see the people, to accost strangers in all kinds of ways, nothing is more entertaining. I’ve often wondered at these times what it would be like, and how blessed life would be, if I could feel this way all the time and not just when I drink, and also never pay the price for it. Alcohol should never, by the way, be used for stress relief because after it crashes, and even the next day, there is a rise in cortisol so that unpleasant feelings become worse. But I wondered what it would be like to feel like this all the time and that there must be, or have been, people who do. Aren’t we told this world is full of mutants? Why not a mutant who is perpetually full of this kind of euphoria…but even more, why not just one set of emotions, or one emotion. I’ve wondered at these times how life could be if you were possessed only by one specific feeling, and if there is a man who has only felt the purest and most intense anger, continually and nothing else, or who has felt only a very specific kind of joy and no other feeling…even sadness of certain kinds makes life beautiful and can be a spur to great things. Even panic is better than the numbness promoted in our time. What would a creature who only ever felt such a thing be like, and why can’t one exist? It would be a monster, or a god, or in any case he would be possessed by a god.
Bronze Age Mindset Page 3
