by Park Moon
Each day that fell asleep on the horizon, Dan became more charming before my fevered eyes. What was a friendship coming from him, became a passion crawling inside my heart.
I denied it, thinking about how to be happy with Chin in the village, yet in all my efforts to create fantasies in my mind, Dan was there, on horseback, holding a glowing sword in his left hand and mowing down anyone who dared to touch me.
The homesickness no longer burned so much, and Dan’s scent always arrived before his footsteps. I could calculate his floating through the halls, and my heart danced frantically when he appeared.
The fear that Dan Lao felt absolutely nothing for me began to grow, and I had to wonder if the friendship would take a different course, and if I would be happy there.
“He is immortal, child!” Pan was shaking the sheet on my bed, while I sat on the windowsill, which overlooked the garden.
In the distance, Dan was talking to some servants, and I simply could not take my eyes off him.
“I’m in love, Pan. I have no salvation! I would do anything to touch a strand of Dan’s hair, except when he saves me from danger. I want his touch because we feel something for each other, not out of necessity.”
“Don’t be dramatic! When the shaman is gone, you will go back to your people and be happy with that boy you were talking so much about.”
“Chin?”
“That’s the one!”
“Who needs that bastard? Dan said that if Chin loved me, he would fight for me. I didn't even see his shadow that day. Unlike Dan, who at my cry flew off his island to save me!
“Dear! You saw what happened to your cousin. Do you want to have the same end? Dan suffered too much. He still carries the weight of guilt for not saving his beloved. Do you really want to risk it? Do you want him to suffer for you? Do you not think this is a selfish act?”
My fists closed and the tears clawed at my nostrils, running up my nose and collecting between my eyelids.
I was unable to say anything to Pan, because she was somehow right.
Wishing that Dan Lao loved me was too selfish.
I got up and left the bedroom, not hearing her grumbling about me being worse than my cousin was.
I walked briskly towards Dan Lao, who, with his back to me, did not realize that I was approaching.
“Dan!” I plucked up courage and he turned around.
“Jade? What happened? Your eyes are red and your face is white. Have you cried? What is wrong?”
“Am I selfish?”
“You? I don’t understand!”
“Tell me! Am I a selfish woman?”
“I can’t answer without knowing the reason for the question.”
“If I love...” I clenched my fists tighter and I swallowed the pain that climbed in my veins. “If I love someone who has suffered a lot and my love will make him suffer even more. Am I selfish?”
His jaw quivered and his eyes reddened, as did mine. He swallowed dryly and sighed, as if there was not a spark of air.
“Do you mean Chin?”
“No! You know whom I am talking about! It is written on my forehead, isn’t it?”
His head stared at his feet. He clenched his fists too, and then Dan looked at me again.
“Jade... This man...” he drew in a breath. “He has wounds that are still tight. He wanted to love again, but a shadow haunts him.”
“I don’t care!”
“He can’t love you, not the same way you love him.”
“I don’t care!”
He stepped forward and stared at me.
“There are a lot of things you need to know before you repeat that you don’t care.”
“Speak up!”
“Your cousin...”
“I don’t care what she did. I know that she threw herself in front of you and died because she loved you. I would do that too, and I will tell you something else... I would kill an army to protect you. I am too small for that. I know it! I would tear out my heart to give it to you, if it would make you happy.”
“Don’t say that!”
“Why not? Because your heart is dry and beats only for a ghost?”
“Jade!”
“Let me be selfish, Dan!”
Dan’s tears came down like sparks of fire on his pale face.
“Understand, please!”
“I don’t want to understand! I want you!”
“Jade!”
“I’m going to die, sooner or later. Dan Lao, I am mortal, if you have not noticed it yet. Your beloved wife would die too. She just shortened the process. You have to deal with grief, because you are immortal, and accept that when one love leaves, another comes along.”
“Jade!”
I threw my palm over his lips, which I had never dared to do, and he closed his eyes and two more pairs of his tears fell on my hand.
“Don’t say anything, Dan! I understand it. Then take me back. I do not care if my Father kills me or if the shaman plans something cruel. I would rather die than have to live loving you without getting a single gesture of love from you in return.”
“Jade...” his voice penetrated my fingers and I held on tight.
“Don’t talk! Put me in any boat. I do not mind being shark food either. Any way to die is better than living without you!”
His left hand flew to mine, resting on his mouth, he took it and pulled me to him, my body went with him, and when our bodies touched, the clip that held my hair fell out and slid down my back.
“I will regret it and I will suffer... But, I won’t let you come back, and I won’t let you die!”
“So, love me, Dan Lao! Because without you, I do not want to live!”
“Don’t repeat the same sentence your cousin told me before she died!”
His lips turned pale and his jaw danced slowly. His right arm went under my left and Dan pressed me against his chest.
“You didn’t wake a dragon that day, you screamed into the endless sea, Jade. You put blood inside this dry heart. It craves more. It needs you! I promise I will give my life to protect you from all evil. Whether mortal or not.”
His nose touched mine and his left hand slid along my jaw. My eyes met his, which tilted to the left and Dan’s face came closer. His nose, which had touched the tip of mine, walked over and touched my right cheek, bringing his lips close to mine. I salivated. His breath reached mine. Dan’s eyes were still locked before mine. A subtle touch of his lips reached my ajar mouth and I did not want to resist, because I really wanted him to go further.
The sky threw lightning bolts as if thunder were blinking, and a wind, strong enough to turn the waves at sea, came across the hall and touched Dan’s hair.
His tears moved slowly down my face and down with mine. My fingers groped the robe that covered his shoulders, and invaded his hanfu, shyly touching his waist.
I was touching Dan, without being in danger, and he was accepting my touch, for the first time.
If there was anyone there, I believe there was no longing for privacy in our hearts.
I just wanted Dan Lao with me, forever.
No matter how long the forever lasted.
Chapter 8
Narrated by Jade.
He slowly removed his lips from mine and I floated away, with thousands of butterflies fluttering drunkenly in my stomach.
“Pardon me! I should control my instincts!” he whined, still close to my nose.
“You don’t have to control yourself! I do not care!” I smiled brightly.
I was ridiculously drunk on his saliva, which was still on some corner of my tongue. My lips trembled and I aimed at his, as if asking for more.
Dan Lao ran his hands over his face, and I saw that his cheeks were slightly pink. What would he say about mine? My cheeks were burning like a bonfire of huge embers.
“Right! I have just made a commitment to you! A kiss is an act of love! I was imprudent and took away your purity!” he followed that puritanical moan and I just wanted to shut him up
with another kiss.
“No problem! Even water is not pure!” I gasped.
“Jade!” he scolded me.
“I won’t complain if you want to keep taking away my purity.”
“What do you mean by that?” he smiled, his nostrils flaring open and closed.
Dan was visibly bewildered. I knew his longing, and his eyes glowed like flames.
“I say, if you want to go on, I won’t complain! We are all alone anyway! What is wrong with that?”
“Jade, where did you learn to be so direct?”
“From you!” I opened a huge smile and my burning cheeks squeezed against my eyes.
“Let’s stop with the insinuations. I know what you want! But I’m a fair man...”
“You don’t have to be! I understand that we must follow our instincts!”
“Jade!”
“What? I am on fire! It is your fault!”
“Take a bath!”
“If you come along, I will accept it!”
“You’ve been very bold!”
“Yeah, right. I do not want to waste time!”
“Jade! You are a girl in front of the heaps of years I have been carrying around!”
“Don’t you have a mirror at home?”
“Will you stop bullying me? I am getting angry!” he laughed, and I could sense what he meant between those barely visible lines.
“I’m going to my bedroom... Anyway... Alone! Oh!” I made a dramatic face and he held back his laughter.
“Go on! You can go! Go on!”
“Really?”
“Yes! Turn your little body and go.”
“Don’t you want to show me the way?”
“You know it better than I do!”
“I think I’ll take a wrong turn and go to your bedroom. You will not mind if I go there. Right?”
“Don’t try it!”
“Oh! You just told me to take the direction of your sheets.”
“Jade!” he raised his right hand, and before he could say no, I ran.
As usual, his footsteps did not follow me, and when I entered the bedroom, he was there, just in his pants, and I wobbled my legs.
“Is this an invitation, Dan?”
“We should do the right thing. Marriage is the right thing, after I kissed you. But...”
“But?”
“I don’t know if I should do it!”
“Don’t come back... You are already halfway there.”
“Jade! If you lie in my bed, you will be mine and there’s no turning back.”
“I don’t want to go back, Dan. Can you understand it?”
“We will have problems with the gods.”
“I’ll hide in the lake.”
“Your whole life?”
“If that’s what it takes!”
“Are you willing to die if someone finds us?”
“Yes!”
“Jade!” he took two steps and grabbed my waist. “I want you, but you will suffer!”
“I told you so! I would rather die than have to live without you!”
His hands massaged my waist and slid down an inch. I did the same and he laid his lips on my nose.
“The right thing would be to date a little before that.”
“We’ve been dating for two years without realizing it, Dan. Do not pour cold water on my desire!”
His gaze locked on mine, and his mouth slid down my cheek and rested on my left shoulder.
“Is this how it all begins?” he kissed my neck and his tongue trailed down to the nape of my neck.
He pulled me in and our bodies collided, making my hands warm. His teeth bit gently into my neck and I sighed.
Dan lifted me onto his shoulders, and, holding my thighs, carried me to the bed. As he laid me down, he grabbed his hair and tossed it to the right. I gasped once and many times more.
My lips were dry, and when he lay on top of me, his weight and warmth made me moan.
“Are you okay, Jade?”
“Yes! I’m fine!” I smiled, terrified, because I wanted more and more.
“If I do something wrong, tell me!”
“You never do anything wrong. Shut up and kiss me!” I growled, and he laughed softly.
“You’re the master of my heart, Jade!” he winked and nuzzled my neck.
My heart wanted to burst out of my mouth, my nails raced up his back and I bit his left shoulder, but Dan took my hands, still sliding his hot tongue down my neck, and stretched them out. He snaked his lips down my lap and kissed the middle of my breasts. I cried out.
“Are you okay?”
“Go on, forget that I screamed!”
He didn’t answer and climbed down.
Whether it was day or night, I had no idea. Dan left my ears deaf and I lost my voice, because I could only moan and speak monosyllabic words.
Just when I thought it could not get any better, he came back and his pink lips touched mine. Completely desperate, wanting him to invade every pore of my skin, I let go of his touch and held his face.
“More! More!”
“More? Jade...”
“Don’t say anything! Just more!”
His body went back and forth, while sweat dripped from his back and ran through my fingers.
Dan was mine, because he always was, and it took me a while to understand.
While we were making love, I remembered my childhood times, staring at the sea, dreaming of mermaids and wanting to swim... It was my instinct calling him.
The call of Dan Lao.
I smiled into his kiss, while I was crying with happiness.
He looked at me, as he pulled away the slightest bit to admire me, and he smiled, panting, exhausted and handsome.
I would die tomorrow or the day after it, because there, with Dan, I felt happy. Absolutely happy.
Chapter 9
Narrated by Jade.
Dan was asleep, lying on my right breast, with his hand on the other and his right leg on my belly. I still stroked his hair and stared at the ceiling, not thinking much about what would come next, or how it had been until then, because one thing was on my mind: Dan.
I believed that some occult force ruled the world, besides the Divine Oracle. This force was a subtle and invisible manifestation of nature, which led us to the right place, through slightly wrong paths.
Between dying and living, I chose Dan. He moved the air that I breathed and the water that nourished me.
I closed my eyes, because, like him, I was exhausted, sleep came on unassumingly, and yawns reached my mouth.
As I drifted off to sleep, he moved slowly, massaging my body. He was not asleep, in fact, but his subtle presence over me, heavy as a feather, shimmering like gold and passionate as the warmth of spring, caressed my soul and guided it to paradise.
✽✽✽
Dan finally awoke, but did not want to leave my arms.
His fingers groped my ribs and Dan slid his head to my navel and kissed it.
“May I?” he raised his dark eyes and, still admiring me, slipped his lips two fingers below my navel.
I did not say anything, because he knew everything about me. Unfortunately, he frowned and looked at the middle of my breasts.
“What is that?”
“What?”
“This mark? I was so involved, I did not realize it!” he lifted his head and sat on my legs, leaning over and touching the mark.
“I don’t know how it came about. I have always had it.”
“Were you born with this?”
“I think so. Why?”
“Weird...”
“Why weird?” I put my hands on the bed and stood up.
“It is the place where my wife was shot.”
“What’s wrong with it?”
“You said you were born after her. What did the shaman say about this?”
“That it was a bad mark, that it would bring me bad luck. So, I always hid it.”
“Bad luck... What else did the shaman say?”
<
br /> “Silly things. She told me to add herbs. You know how shamans work.”
“She said something about the ...” the color, which existed in his cheeks and lips, disappeared.
“You think I’m her?” I frowned and wanted to cry.
“Possibly! Maybe that is why the shaman insisted on offering you!”
“Why would she offer me knowing that I am your dead wife?”
“I would be punished again. Oh, hell!” he jumped out of bed, still naked, and looked up at the ceiling, his back to me.
“Dan, did you want me because I am her?”
“No!” he turned and threw himself on top of me. “Don't ever say that! I am in your arms because I was attracted to you. Not because I thought you were...”
“Your attraction came from the love you felt for her?”
“No!”
“Say it! I am strong! I can understand that you only glimpsed her in my body. Is that why you treated me so well?”
“No, Jade! Why do you think that? I love you!”
“You loved her, not me. I understand it!”
“Stop it! You do not look like her!”
“Am I worse? I am worse, right?”
“No! She was a shy young woman, a little quiet.”
“I am a shameless girl who threw herself into a man’s arms and slept with him after the first kiss, right? I am chatty. I am everything you do not like!”
He took a quick breath, pressed his lips to mine, and then quickly pulled them away, touching his nose to mine.
“No you ever dare compare yourself. Yes, I loved her, but today, in your arms, I felt something greater. I will not erase the pain, because I still blame myself. Now you are Jade. My Jade! The past is in ashes.”
“You will see me with different eyes from now on. You will analyze me, if I act the way she did. I know it!”
“Never!”
“Really?”
“I always tell the truth!”
I hugged him, crying and biting his left shoulder.
“I love you, Jade! You are my Jade. Nothing but that, right?”
“I want to believe your words.” I traced his back with the tip of my fingernails and he groaned.
“She never did what you do, Jade. I always gave pleasure, but received so little. Do you understand? I am ecstatic in your arms. Just keep me like this.”
