His mouth fell open. He struggled to undo whatever it was that he had done. “Amy, please.” He reached to touch her hand. “I never meant …”
She smacked his hand away. “You made things worse for me and Sue. Charles is the hero, not you. Stop basking in your privileged, fake glory and acknowledge what a spoiled ass you are.”
Hot shame burned his cheeks. Her words ripped into him, each one a well-aimed knife to his heart. She hated him? She thought he thought he was a hero? That was worlds away from the truth.
She tried to sit up despite the pain in her eyes. Her blanket slipped, and his aching heart froze in his chest. Amy’s side was encased in a bandage that stretched from just below her shoulder to under the blankets near her waist. She followed his gaze and strained to fix her covers. The machines hampered her efforts, and they slipped further down.
“Amy.” Her name fell raw and aching from his lips. He wanted to help her but had no idea how. His throat tightened with emotion. His chest constricted with pain. He couldn’t bear to look at the place where they had hit her, where they had hurt her because of him.
Forty-five
AMY LOCKED EYES with Zack and struggled to break his heart. She spewed handcrafted hate designed specifically to hurt him, lies specially created to finish pushing him away. He shouldn’t care about her. She was a walking, lying, manipulative torpedo. She had shattered her family with one reckless mistake, one moment of stupidity she would regret for the rest of her life. Worse, her family would pay for it for the rest of their lives. And what had Zack gotten for caring about her? A week from hell. She hurt everyone around her, and she refused to hurt Zack.
The football jock was genuinely kind. She knew in her heart he had way more to him than his spoiled rich kid persona. She could grow to care for him, and that terrified her. Every man she had ever loved had ditched her, betrayed her, or learned to hate her. Every relationship she had ever had was laced with pain. Letting Zack in would open up a world of heartbreak. Better to keep him and her heart safe.
She opened her mouth to blast him, to scream lies she had to make real in order to drive him away. The blanket slipped and uncovered her bandaged side. Her anger evaporated at a glimpse of Zack’s anguished crystal blue gaze. His eyes held a world of misery. His expression was what Amy faced every morning when she looked in the mirror. Zack had the haunted gaze of someone with deep regrets.
Her next dreadful lie died on her lips. She placed a gentle hand on his rigid shoulder. “Zack? Hey, it’s okay.” Guilt and shame tangled in her gut. She had never meant to make him feel this terrible. She squirmed uncomfortably and released a slow breath. “Look, I, what I said before.” She stumbled over her words. Shouting at him had been so much easier. “I’m sorry, okay? Sometimes I’m a total bitch. I’ve improved since middle school, but old habits die hard.”
“What are you talking about?” His eyes traveled to her face and back to her side. He winced.
“Does it look that bad?” She dropped her eyes, uncharacteristically unsure of herself.
Zack lifted his gaze and noticed her hand on his shoulder. She moved to pull it away, but he caught her hand and tenderly threaded his fingers with hers. “Nothing you can’t handle.”
“So why do you look so horrified?”
“Because it’s my fault!” Zack’s expression twisted with anguish. “I’m the reason you’re here. If I had paid more attention to what went on last week, I could have stopped this from happening. I should have stopped it.”
Amy met his eyes, overwhelmed by the genuine concern in their crystal blue depths. “What? Your fault? The hell it’s your fault. I’m the one who refused to listen when everyone warned me about them. I’m the one who tried to handle Assassin’s Honor on my own.”
His fingers brushed her side. “They did this to you because of me. They wanted me to listen, and they hurt you when I didn’t.”
“Zack.” She bit her lower lip and dropped her gaze once more. “What I said before … I didn’t mean it. Justin told me about the lake. You saved me. You are a hero.” Her cheeks burned.
“No. I messed up.” He pressed a hand to his forehead. “There are a lot of things I want to do over, and most of them concern you.”
Amy’s heart sank. He was doing it again, acting as though they were more than classmates, maybe even more than friends. But she and Zack were never going to happen. It was a risk to let anyone close to her. It was better to be alone. She softly began to cry.
“Amy? What’s wrong?” His voice was laced with concern. “Want me to call a nurse?”
Amy buried her face in her arms. Physical pain was easier to explain than emotional agony.
Zack moved to sit on the edge of her bed and carefully wrapped an arm around her back. Amy buried her face in his shirt. This one goodbye was killing her. “You shouldn’t like me so much.” Her words were muffled by her tears and the soft cotton of his shirt.
“Why is no one allowed to like you?” he murmured into her hair. “Why do you have to push everyone away?”
Her heart swelled with a rush of affection. It flooded her soul with a tingling, comforting warmth. Zack understood her like no one else. Most people would be angry after what she had said. Most would have stormed out the door and never looked back. Not Zack. He saw through her layers of defenses, straight to her damaged core. He had glimpsed her scars and refused to turn away.
She looked up into his face and tearfully wiped her eyes. “You wouldn’t like me if you knew what I did.”
“Tell me?” He held her closer. “I’ll do my best to understand. I know how it feels to want to change the past.” His eyes shone with a gentle, earnest intensity. His arms were a cocoon of strength, wrapping her in a circle of understanding and trust.
She had run out of ways to lie to him. Her walls crumbled and fell away. She let go of the secret that had haunted her life for two and a half years. “I have a sister,” she whispered, hardly daring to breathe.
He stared at her like she had hit her head one too many times. “Yeah, I know. Sue’s fine, though.”
“I had another little sister. Her name was Katie. She was three years younger than Sue.” Zack’s stunned silence made her second-guess herself, but she took a shaky breath and blindly plunged ahead. She wanted, no, needed, to share her past with him. Telling him the truth might be the only way to save him. “Katie died because of me.”
Zack didn’t pull away. He wrapped his arms around her and gently hugged her close. She was safely nestled against the warmth of his chest, sheltered from the world and its harsh reality. “Tell me, Amy. Let it out.”
And she did. For the first time in years, she went back to the night she had let her littlest sister die. “I was thirteen when it happened. Sue was six at the time, and Katie, Katie was three. Mom and Dad left me in charge. Justin went out with his friends. I was mad I got stuck at home babysitting so I invited my boyfriend over. We told the girls to go play while we made out on the couch. They wanted to swim in the pool we had set up in the backyard. They were gone way too long, but I, I—” Her voice cracked. She paused for a moment to compose herself. “I got distracted. I was getting up to check on them when Sue ran in screaming. Everything blurs after that. I remember flashes of waist-deep water, and Katie’s icy hands.”
Her heart twisted. She clung to Zack. He squeezed her fingers and ran the pad of his thumb over her knuckles in a gentle, soothing motion.
She inhaled a shaky breath. “Katie wasn’t breathing, and I had no idea what to do. Susan kept screaming, and my boyfriend yelled at her not to look. I told him to call nine-one-one while I tried CPR. He took one look at me and Katie and split. I wound up alone, holding my three-year-old sister as she died in my arms. I barely remember calling nine-one-one, but the wait for the ambulance is burned into my mind. Sue was screaming for me to tell her what was happening. Katie’s face was turning blue. I felt the moment her tiny heart stopped. I held them both, one alive and one dead and prayed for a miracl
e. I remember my dad yelling at me in the hospital parking lot, and her tiny, tiny casket. Katie died because I was irresponsible and didn’t know how to save her. I didn’t know what to do!”
A storm of despair swirled inside her, battering her heart and destroying her from the inside out. But she was not alone. Someone was holding her close, guiding her through the raging tempest of regret, shame, and heartbreak. After all she had told him, after everything she had done, Zack was still by her side.
“There’s more,” she choked out. He stroked her hair, patiently waiting for her to explain in her own time. “My family fell apart after Katie’s death. Mom started drinking, and Dad walked out.” She clung to his hand and fastened her gaze to his. “I killed my baby sister and ruined what was left of my family.”
He shook his head. “You can’t blame yourself for your parents’ choices. Your one mistake isn’t the sole reason for everything that went wrong. They chose to split up. Your mom chose to drink. They made those decisions on their own. Amy, you shouldn’t keep tearing yourself to pieces over Katie’s death.” He raised his hand and ran his thumb along her cheek, brushing away a tear. “What happened to her was a tragedy, but it was also an accident. You loved your sister. You did everything you could to save her.”
“But she died!” Amy shrieked. “She died, and no matter what I do, I can never go back and fix that.”
He cupped her chin. “You’re right, you can’t go back, but you need to move forward. You have to forgive yourself for what happened to her. I’m scared of what it will do to you if you don’t.”
“How do you not hate me? My old friends did. Everyone back home did. Why don’t you?”
“There’s no way I could ever hate you,” he said, brushing a lock of hair over her shoulder. “I promise. We’ve all made mistakes, and we’re all going to make a whole lot more. The trick is to learn from our screwed-up choices. I know I have.” He gazed deep into her eyes.
Amy gazed back at him, his steady presence centering her and soothing her spirit. “Want to be my new counselor?” She smiled through her tears at the clarity his words had brought. “You should seriously consider it as a career path.”
He grinned. “It’s all my sister’s fault. Clarisse has rubbed off on me with her psych major crap. When she comes home from law school, I’ll start spouting legal advice. Besides, I don’t want to be your counselor.” A slow blush crept into her cheeks. His grin widened. “Maybe we should go see a movie sometime. How does that sound, Evans?”
Zack had seen the worst of her, and he still wanted her? Maybe, just maybe, he was worth the risk. “I’ll have to check my schedule. I’ve been pretty busy lately.” His face lit up. Her heart swelled. Tonight, she had given him a maybe, but tomorrow?
“I’ll be here whenever.” Zack laid a hand over his heart in a theatrical but solemn gesture. “Right now, you need to rest.”
“Okay.” She leaned back against her pillows. “Will you stay with me for a while?”
“Absolutely.” He took her hand in his. “As long as you want me here, I’m here.”
“You better never leave,” she murmured, her eyelids beginning to droop.
“Amy?” Zack said her name with sudden urgency.
She blinked open her eyes. “I thought you wanted me to sleep. Make up your mind, Donnellson.”
His expression remained serious. “I would never have left you. I would have stayed with you and helped.”
“I know,” she whispered, entwining her fingers with his. “You’re one of the good ones.”
Amy drifted off to sleep in the arms of THS’s star quarterback. She had only known him a week, but Zack had changed her life forever. Her last waking thought brought a smile to her face. She was no longer alone.
Forty-six
ALEX SWEPT A look of contempt around his jail cell. Enemies, allies, and police officers alike would soon get what they deserved, starting with Peter. Alex had placed toxic darkness inside him after he had rescued Susan from the lake. It was slowly dissolving his stomach lining like a poisonous cleaning solution. Peter was going to drown on his own blood, a fitting end for a traitor. His lips parted in a smirk. Peter was his first in a long line of victims. Death was about to come knocking on many, many doors.
The cops planned to keep him imprisoned until they dumped him in court and tried him for his crimes. He rolled his eyes. As if he’d let that happen. He was going to disappear and leave Nathan to the consequences of his stupidity. Why pay for his followers’ incompetence? All of them had made fatal mistakes.
They had snatched the little brat, Susan, expressly to torture her sister, but thanks to Peter and that blasted mage, Alex hadn’t gotten much of a chance to torture anyone. He had grown bored of the girls and had influenced Peter to answer Zack’s phone call. Zack had long been on his list of sacrificial candidates, and Alex was excited to cross him out. His plan had taken a hit when Zack had showed the police to their door. Even so, Alex had stayed optimistic until the gas station fiasco. He had made Nathan force Amy into 7-Eleven, knowing she planned a bid for freedom. That had given him the excuse he needed to kill her and keep his followers quiet. It would have worked, too, if Peter hadn’t again interfered. The night had gone downhill from there, ending with him literally shooting himself in the foot.
Alex had pretended Charles had knocked him unconscious and waited for Amy’s erratic driving to kill them all. He had sent darkness to carry Ash to safety after they crashed into the lake but had stuck around to drown Susan and finish his mission. He needed to kill someone for the Blood Moon, and she had been closest. The next thing he knew, the horrifying angel cop was electrocuting him with holy light and dragging him from the car. She had taken it upon herself to keep him imprisoned, going so far as to reinforce his cell with holy light after he had nearly killed Zack. This had made it impossible for him to ghost away as darkness, a useful power that allowed him to tunnel intangibly through solid ground. He shrugged. Ghosting was still how he would dodge a life in prison. The angel had to sleep eventually, and when she did, revenge would be his.
A raven-haired girl appeared in the center of his cell. “I warned you,” The Dark declared, her steely gaze pinning him to the wall at his back.
He made a derisive noise. “Yeah, well, I won’t be stuck here for long,”
“What is it with you, Alex? You’re always wrong.”
“What is it with you, Dark? You’re always three steps behind. When the angel sleeps, the holy light disappears, and I walk. Understand?”
She smoothed her expression into an unreadable mask. “You disobeyed a direct order. You must be punished.”
Alex laughed. “What are you going to do? Ground me for the summer?”
“From this moment forward, you will no longer be granted the privilege of using the darkness.”
His stomach lurched. “You can’t do that!” He leapt to his feet and pointed a finger at her chest. He waited for darkness to pierce her heart. Nothing happened. He glared directly into her eyes. She simply grinned back at him, unfazed by his influence.
Fear swirled in his gut, rising ever higher as realization dawned. She had reduced him to nothing. Losing his powers was akin to having a limb removed or a sense stripped away. “Wait, hold on.” He took a deep breath and forced a cordial smile. “We both agree I’ve made mistakes, but there’s no need to be hasty.”
She threw her head back and laughed. “Alex, I’m not being hasty. I’m simply ruling the supernatural world. This is me doing the job you are convinced I cannot handle. You have become a danger to supers and humans alike. You will remain here until you learn your lesson or die. Whichever comes first.”
“I’ll be your most loyal supporter,” he blurted, desperation forcing him to make promises he knew he’d later regret. “You need an advocate among the sea creatures. Let’s set this madness aside and work together.”
“Madness?” Sparks flew from her sapphire eyes. Darkness rippled in the air. “I am not mad.” Sh
e stalked toward him, her face a mask of rage. “I have ruled for longer than you have been alive, and in all that time I have made fewer irrational decisions than you have in a single night. If anyone has a touch of madness in this room, Alex, it’s you. But I’ll tell you what.” She leaned in close. “If you manage to escape this prison without the use of your powers, I’ll return them to you. That should be easy, right?” She giggled girlishly. The sound made his skin crawl. “Simply escape a maximum-security prison, and I’ll give you your life back.”
“Please,” he whispered, his eyes stretching wide. “The Blood Moon must not find me here.”
“The Blood Moon already knows where you are. Have a nice life, or don’t. I don’t really care.” She smiled brightly and vanished.
Alex tried for hours to summon the darkness. An irrational part of his mind clung to the idea that it was going to return to him. He fell back onto his bed and stared morosely at his cracked ceiling. Perhaps sleep would soothe his racing thoughts.
A young girl screamed. His eyes flew open. He peered around his cell at the white concrete walls and the bars blocking the door.
“Alex! Help me!”
He leapt to his feet. The blood rushed from his head and sent him lurching into a wall. Her voice made him shiver and raised gooseflesh on his arms.
An ethereal vision drifted into view. The girl appeared slowly, like mist over the ocean on a cold winter morning. Soft blonde curls framed her kind, sweet face, and her gentle blue eyes brimmed with overwhelming sorrow. The lovely apparition stretched imploring hands toward him. Her lapis blue dress was stained with blood.
“No! You’re not real.” He shut his eyes and still saw her face. Steel blades of anguish scored his heart.
Tidal waves of pain slammed into him and crashed over his head. Loss, despair, and grief struck one after the other, the latter so intense it made him fall to his knees. Delicate glimpses of memory battered his bruised soul.
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