by Kahlen Aymes
“I told you not. To. Leave!”
By now, he was flinging me through the door to our bedroom so hard that I fell to the floor, the rug burning the skin on my knees. “Ugh!” I grunted as I landed hard, silently praying Dylan was sleeping. I wanted it to be true, but in my heart, I knew he heard it; I knew he was frightened and hiding in his bed with his covers over his head. It was far from the first time something like this happened.
Derrick moved to my side and pulled back his foot, to land a kick squarely in my left ribcage. I pulled my knees up to my chest in reaction as pain exploded through my torso.
“Derrick, please!” I begged, tears starting to roll down my face. “Please,” I said more calmly. “I just thought the gown would please you.” I cowered in place, putting up a hand to try to ward him off. “I thought I could give you a massage and we could make love. That’s all.” I was used to saying whatever I needed to say in order to appease him or get him to calm down; anything to stop the current assault. “Please, be gentle. I know you love me, Derrick. Please… show me you love me.” Inwardly, it made me sick to say the words. He didn’t have a fucking clue what real love was. All he knew was how to inflict physical and emotional pain.
He stood above me; legs apart like a crazed animal, trying to decide what he would do next. His chest was rising and falling, heaving in his effort to hurt me; his eyes were wild.
“You shouldn’t have gone out!”
I pushed myself up against the foot of the bed so I could look Derrick in the face. I grimaced as excruciating pain exploded in my side. I knew what it meant because it wasn’t the first time he’d cracked a rib. “You’re right. I was wrong. It won’t happen again. I promise.” My voice was calm and as sincere as I could manage as I brushed an errant tear from my cheek. “I promise.” My hand was still splayed in front of me, as I tried to reason with him, and fend him off.
Derrick blinked as if suddenly having an epiphany. His expression softened. “You know I only put these rules in place to protect you and Dylan.” His voice was softer, but still stern. “You know it, and still you defy me.”
I nodded, my eyebrows rising together. “I do know. I’m sorry, Derrick. I’ll be better. I promise.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, bending to lift me in his arms and lay me on the bed. I almost screamed at the pain, but bit my lip instead, afraid that if he were confronted with the damage he’d done, it would only set him off again. Derrick was good at business, good at organizing, but he was the worst at taking responsibility for any failures. He would see any signs of physical or emotional pain from me as a criticism or a sign of blaming him.
He was to blame, but I couldn’t let him think he’d done anything wrong. I’d learned long ago that making him feel guilty only made him angrier. I laid my head on his shoulder to further the illusion.
His cologne settled around me and I wanted to vomit. The scent reminded me of numerous episodes of pain and rape, abuse and misery. I had to swallow to keep it down. “I’m sorry; you just make me so angry when you don’t do what I tell you.” I detested this man with everything inside me. I hated him enough to kill him. If it weren’t for Dylan, I would have done that ten times over regardless of the consequences to myself. I’d dreamt of murdering him many times, in many different ways, and while it should have frightened me, all I felt was calm and safe. Finally, safe.
“I know. It’s my fault,” I reassured softly, hoping taking the blame would calm Derrick down.
He cupped my face with his big hand. It was rough from years of working in construction and the hours he spent lifting weights. He was strong, and he would be able to snap my neck like a pencil if he wanted to.
“You know I don’t mean to hurt you, Melissa. You just always do things to upset me. You have to stop doing that. Okay?”
It was like a sick switch had gone off inside his head, and he was a different person. All I had to do to make it happen was to validate his behavior. “Okay,” I nodded again and smiled softly. My side was throbbing, and my knees were still on fire, but I hid it well. I reached up to wrap a hand around his wrist, but my voice still trembled. “I’ll be better; I promise.”
He bent to kiss me, and though repulsed, I responded as much as I could manage. “We can be everything, Melissa,” he said softly between kisses as his hand slid down from my cheek to cover my breast. His fingers squeezed painfully as he pushed me over and further onto the bed. Every touch or kiss was rough and painful. His lips pulled at mine, and his tongue pushed grotesquely inside my mouth like a battering ram. His fingers tore at my tender flesh. I whimpered from the pain, praying, he’d take it as desire.
Derrick didn’t know how to be gentle. He stood and peeled off his clothes, never taking his eyes off of me until he was naked. He was handsome, but my hatred of him made me want to scratch his eyes out. I swallowed hard as he climbed onto the bed and pulled my knees apart, ripping the delicate satin and lace of the negligee.
I closed my eyes. This would be the last time I’d let Derrick humiliate me. The last time he’d touch me. The last time he’d hurt me. I just had to make it through this one last night.
JENSEN
I was on a damn plane. Again.
Relief settled over me as I sat down in my first-class seat, satisfied because I was finished with yet another sporting event. I was going home from a work assignment with ESPN, but maybe soon I’d get the promotion I’d been working for, and the traveling would lessen. At least I’d only be gone two days per week.
I’d applied for a new producer position with one of the Monday Night studio shows, and I was hoping to hell I’d get it. Although the occasions when I was sent off on a moment’s notice for an impromptu fill-in for another sportscaster were getting less now that I had seniority, I was still tired as hell from my travel schedule.
Even if I landed the new job, I’d still have to fly to the Connecticut studio Sunday and stay until late Monday night for the live show, but most of the prep and editing of the various segments could be done from the Atlanta offices if I had a good assistant.
The network program director couldn’t officially tell me the position of studio anchor was mine for sure, but his raised eyebrows and discrete nod the last time we’d talked, made me sigh in relief. The new gig would mean more stability and allow me to spend more time with my little girl, Remi.
I couldn’t deny that being on the field with the football players was fun and the excitement of commentating on live games was a rush, but to say that the constant traveling was a bitch was a colossal understatement. Sleeping in hotels, living out of suitcases, and always rushing for a quick turn-around sucked. Now that I was divorced, all of the household chores fell on me, too. I didn’t realize how much Teagan did or how hard it was to keep all of my suits dry cleaned, or what a pain in the ass it was to take them in every week. I hated it, but I wasn’t sure if the stress of being overworked or the emptiness I felt coming home to my house in Atlanta, was worse.
I was truly happy for Teagan and Chase, but ours wasn’t a usual situation. It was a big adjustment when Teagan and Remi left. At first, I’d been terrified that Chase would move the two of them to London where he was playing soccer with one of the regional teams. That little girl had become the center of my universe over the past six and a half years. Now that they were expecting another baby, they had their perfect little family unit. Even though they’d both made a considerable effort to include me and given me plenty of time with Remi, the empty house was hard to get used to, and I couldn’t lie to myself; I felt lonely on occasion.
The minute the flight attendant took my jacket and hung it up in one of those hidden closets near the cockpit door, I pulled the knot of my tie loose and unbuttoned the top three buttons on my white dress shirt, now less than crisp after a full day’s wear.
“Would you like a hot towel or a cocktail, sir?” The flight attendant was pretty, as so many of them were. She had high cheekbones and a nice figure; her dark hair was pulled back w
ith a few curling tendrils trailing down both of her cheeks. She smiled warmly as she asked in a strong southern American accent.
I inhaled and ran a hand through my hair. The gel the makeup people had lathered it with was stiff and crackly. I regretted the move, grimacing. “Um, sure.” I nodded returning her smile. “Dewar’s on the rocks. And, I would like a towel, if it’s not too much trouble.” I could see appreciation in her eyes as she quickly went to fill my request.
“Here you are, Mr. Jeffers.” She handed me the drink and used metal prongs to present me with the steaming hot towel. “Careful, this is really hot.”
My mouth twitched at the start of a grin as I could see she recognized me. Sometimes that was cool; other times I wished I could blend in. This was one of those times. “Thank you, Amanda.” I addressed her with the name on her nametag. “You must be an NFL fan,” I suggested pleasantly. Though I covered other sports in the offseason, the football league was my main focus.
“I follow the Cowboys. I was on the cheer squad for three years.”
My eyebrows raised and my lower lip went out as I nodded. “I can see that,” I said, appreciatively. I wasn’t worried about coming off as offensive. If she didn’t want admiration, she wouldn’t have referenced cheerleading.
She smiled brightly again. “You interviewed Cooper Rush at Cowboy—” she stopped and rolled her eyes, exasperatedly shaking her head. “I mean, AT&&T Stadium last year.”
“I see.” I took a sip of the amber liquid in the glass, welcoming the burn traveling down my throat as I swallowed. “Don’t worry. It will always be Cowboy Stadium to most of us in sports. I mean, come on.” I shrugged and grinned at her. The stadium name was changed a few years back in a significant money transaction between the company and Jerry Jones, the team owner.
Amanda offered a big smile that said if she were overnighting in Atlanta, I’d have a willing partner for the evening. I might have found the prospect pleasant and quite tempting… if I weren’t so wiped out.
“Miss?” A woman two rows in front of me raised her hand to get Amanda’s attention. “May I have a glass of red wine, please?”
The flight attendant flushed, suddenly realizing she had others to attend to and she had allowed me to monopolize her time. “Oh, yes, ma’am.” Her gaze locked with mine as her expression twisted regretfully. “Bye.”
“I’ll see you later. I’ll need another in a little while.” I held up my glass and rattled the ice against the sides.
The plane was pushing back, and a male flight attendant was going through the motions of the pre-flight protocol while the recording of the safety instruction played over the cabin speakers. What seemed like millions of previous flights made me numb and ambivalent to the airline announcements. I knew the drill very well.
I leaned my head back against the cool leather seat, thankful for the comfort of first class, but really, all I wanted was a hot shower and my bed.
I’d taken my phone from my jacket and had it lying on my leg when I heard the familiar ding of a call coming. It was from the senior ESPN program director; my boss, Bryan Walsh.
“Hey, man,” I said into the phone.
“Are you on your way home?” he asked.
I took a deep breath and let it out with the single word. “Yes.”
“I need to talk to you Monday morning, in my office.” His voice was normal, sober; unaffected.
Finally, I thought. He was finally going to make an offer after a month of needlessly interviewing candidates.
“Sure thing. I’ll be in by 8 AM.”
“Sounds good. I’ll see you then. Have a safe flight.”
“Thanks.” I turned off the phone and then silenced it, contemplating whether I should power it down completely, or not. I was used to emergency calls about Remi, and part of me was still worried something might go wrong. She’d been well for months, but old habits were hard to break. Before I could decide, it started to vibrate in my hand with Teagan’s name flashing on the screen. I quickly answered, speaking low and turning toward the window. The sun was setting in Cleveland; the same time zone as Atlanta.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Jensen,” Teagan’s defeated voice came through the phone.
“What’s up? Is Remi okay?” It was a programmed response. The poor little thing had gone through so much with her cancer treatment; worrying about her was ingrained. It was still so surreal that the bone marrow transplant she received from Chase had cured her leukemia. It was indeed a miracle.
“Oh, yes, she’s fine. But I have a favor to ask. I know you’re probably exhausted so you can say no if you want to, okay?”
I smiled. “I know I can, but what do you need, Teagan?”
“Chase and I have tickets to a concert, and we’re in a bind. Kat was supposed to come up and watch Remi, but one of her boys has the flu. Can you help out?”
“So, let me get this straight; you’re asking me to take Remi so you and Chase can go play around?” I teased. “Hmmm…” I already knew my answer, and so did she. I’d take any time with Remi that I could get.
She sighed heavily, being deliberately overdramatic. I could hear the familiar teasing lilt in her voice. “I know it’s not your weekend.”
“You’re just lucky I’m off this weekend.”
“I know.” She hesitated just a second. “Do you have plans? It’s Friday night, and it’s such late notice. I shouldn’t take for granted that you’re available.”
Eighty percent of the divorced men I knew dreaded conversations with their ex-wives, but my situation with Teagan was unique. I could hear Remi and Chase playing and laughing in the background, and my heart swelled. She squealed in delight. Chase was roaring at her in a decisive game of cat and mouse. “I’m gonna get you! You’ll never escape my wrath, Princess Remi!”
I couldn’t help but smile. I knew I’d miss Remi, but I never expected how much. It was the reason I couldn’t stand going home to an empty, lifeless house. I was grateful for every second I was able to spend with her.
“I was going back to the house to call it a night. I’m exhausted.”
“Oh, I understand, Jensen,” Teagan began. “If you don’t want to…”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I interrupted abruptly. “I’ll come by and pick her up on my way home from the airport. Does that work?”
“Really?”
“Don’t play all coy like you didn’t know all along I’d take her, Teagan. I’ll take her anytime I can. She’s my little sweet pea.”
“I know, but Chase and I still appreciate it! You’re a lifesaver! If it’s easier for you, I can drop her off at your place.”
“Nah, just have her things ready, so that we can take off. I’d like to keep her for the weekend.”
“Well, we promised to take her to the zoo tomorrow. She wants to see the pandas. There is a new baby.”
Apparently, Chase had some time off as well. He was a forward with the US Men’s National Soccer Team or USMNT to those of us who followed sports, but there was no team facility in Atlanta, so he had to travel to Kansas City or L.A. part of most weeks for training. It was brutal. “Chase doesn’t have practice?”
“No, they have a week off.” I could hear the hesitation in her voice. “He goes to K.C. on Monday.”
Chase also had to travel for every game, so he was gone a lot, too. With Teagan’s pregnancy getting closer to term and Remi in school, he couldn’t take the two of them with him. No doubt, he might oppose giving up his daughter for the entire weekend. After everything, Chase went through, and all the time he missed with Remi, I had to offer a compromise if I didn’t want to come off as dick-ish.
“Well, let’s split it. I’ll bring Remi home after the zoo on Saturday. Will Chase be cool with that? It will give you two some time alone.”
“I’m sure he will be. You’re amazing, Jensen.” There was soft gratitude lacing her voice.
“Aw, shucks,” I said with a chuckle, amused. My words had the desired effect makin
g Teagan laugh again.
“Excuse me, Mr. Jeffers, you’ll have to turn off your cell phone. We’re about to take off,” Amanda said softly, so she wouldn’t intrude on the call.
I nodded to the flight attendant and then finished speaking to Teagan. “I know. Tell Chase he owes me one.”
Teagan laughed softly. “I will.”
“I gotta go. The flight attendant is making me shut down my phone. See you in about two hours.”
“I’ll have her ready. She’ll be so excited to see you.”
“Me, too. See ya.”
***
“Jensey!” Remi squealed as she came running from the hall, pushing in front of her mother the minute Teagan opened the door to the massive house that Chase had recently purchased in Marietta. The place was big, but not gargantuan, even though my best friend could afford more. It was a sprawling stone two-story, and the property was gated. There was a pool in the backyard that came in handy when his parents and siblings visited with their kids, and they always included me. I knew all of the security codes to the grounds and the house in case of an emergency.
The house was more than double the size of the modest home I’d purchased near the Children’s Hospital shortly after Remi got sick.
Our situation might have evolved from a shitty set of events, but I was grateful. By some miracle, our friendship survived the years of lies and betrayal. I wasn’t proud of it, but if I had the same choice to make, I’d do it again. Chase and I had been friends for years, and his family had been like a second one to me. I’d been the one to introduce him to Teagan, so it was ironic how things evolved. Ultimately it turned out that I was the one to marry her, though I knew her heart belonged to Chase.
“Hello, Jensen,” Teagan murmured as she opened the door. She looked radiant in a summery maternity dress. She was six months along by now, and she had that ethereal glow you hear pregnant women get.
