Another storm hit outside. Even though I was lost to the fury, somehow, I still heard it howling alongside my rage, it was as if the storm was spurring me on or maybe it was the other way around but either way it seemed as pissed as I did. I released a scream laced with so much pain it reverberated through the walls joining with the crashing of thunder echoing out into the night.
I must have looked like some mad women in the glow of the lightning. I didn't care I let everything I'd been holding on to out. The kitchen was a complete mess by the time the fire in my belly finally died down, I was spent, had let all the pain go. I knew by the morning that it would start to grow again that I would feel this pain and anger for a long time to come but for the first time in over a week I had no warring emotions going on. Nothing going on in my head, no questions. questions that my brain had been firing at me becoming so insistent that I found myself thinking about everything that had happened and was going to happen, trying to complete a puzzle with most of it missing.
All, the strange things that had happened to me. Too many now to list were among them all of that had disappeared for the time being.
Leaving the kitchen as it was, I got Bert from the living room, luckily there was a room separating the kitchen from the Livingroom still he must have been scared oddly enough when I walked in the room he looked fine and we went up to bed.
While lying there my mind felt clearer than in a long time I decided I had two choices left I had already vetoed the first there was no way I could kill myself it had never been so tempting but the thought of me even using, thinking tempting as a word to describe killing your self-was fucked up. I was a strong believer that was a line never to be crossed maybe the fact my dad died of an overdose and my mother had killed herself played a bit part in my thinking but that was me now. It was a fundamental building block in my vision or perception of right and wrong. A line I would never be willing to cross.
That left option 2: Try and pick myself back up, be that strong woman you promised yourself you would be. I might not have Thomas or Ryan anymore, but didn't mean I had no one I had Bert to look after Sol was out there still alive I was sure of it and I had to find some damn answers to the questions going around and around in my brain because I couldn't go on with them banging on filling my mind with nothing but the confusion. They were at peace for the moment but they would be back.
I had only one person who I could talk to even if I did think she was a crazy old bat. Alice.
She had made me promise to call her in 14 days. Today was Sunday well at least I thought it was, it could be Monday? It was getting hard to keep track of the days with nothing and no one to remind you, that meant I still had 4/5 days left, but I didn't know how I was supposed to contact her now the power was out and there were no phones. I had no idea if mobile phones still worked as I had stupidly smashed mine up and it wasn't like I could just pop to the shop to get a new one. I could go to the hospital/doctors and see if she was still there after all that's where I had seen her after Ryan had died and when I
needed help with Thomas. That was my only port of call. With a small amount of purpose beginning to stir deep within I had fallen asleep.
When I had woken this morning after over a week of near constant rain it was if the storm had also given the last of its power over last night and I was greeted with sunshine streaming in through the window. Bert was laid beside me. I sat up and he opened one eye. I gave him a smile and a scruff of the ears and was rewarded with a slobbering lick right up my cheek
"Eugh, Bert did you have to do that!" I looked at the battery-operated clock on the bedside table next to me and it was 8:27 am I had slept for over 8 hours the best I had slept since all this started.
I had woken with the same sense of purpose I had fallen asleep with but my first job of the day was to relight the fire and boil enough water to make a bath. Since the power had gone out the most I had been bothered to do was have a quick wash and even that was pretty lame attempt to get clean. It took about 10 pans of water until I had enough to lay down and still it was only lukewarm, bugger having to do every day, I know now why the whole family used to share one bath in the olden days. After washing and shaving, I got out feeling like a new woman. Don't get me wrong the sole sucking grief was still with me. I doubted a day would go by when my heart didn't feel like it had been ripped out my chest and stomped on, but there was something about water it invigorated me, getting out the bath or shower, clean and smooth makes me feel like I have washed all my problems away along with the dirt and grime of the day. Today was no different I got dressed, changed the bandage on Bert’s leg. It was healing nicely and soon wouldn't need anything on it at all. Thank god.
Time was getting on and it was nearly 10 O'clock already I had one more job to do before I went in search for Alice and that was to check on the horses I had left them with tons of food and water but I hadn't been there for days and had no idea how they were. I cursed myself for being so selfish but there was nothing I could do about it now. I
just hope that they were ok, with the storm last night they must have been pretty scared.
When I got to the stables everything was ok all the horses were fine they only had a little bit of food and water left and it needed a good clean but otherwise, all was ok. I had only just had a bath. A thing I was betting was going to be a rarity as the days went on.
The thought had occurred to me this morning in my tiny lukewarm bit of water that it was only going to be a matter of time before the water was cut off, we had been without power for over a week now and I had no clue to how a water processing plant works but I'm betting it needs power. I figured that meant they must have some kind of emergency generator like hospitals have but how long were they meant to last for? a week, 10 days, 2 weeks, a month I had no clue. I would just have to add it to the ever-growing list of shit Sadie doesn't know! What I did know was I was going to enjoy smelling clean for a few more hours and as the sun was out and it looked like it was going to be a clear day I would let the horses Rome the field plus even though I didn't want to think about it I had no idea what was going to happen when I stepped out those gates to look for answers I couldn't guarantee my safe return.
My plan was to go to the Applewood Medical Centre and hope Alice was there. If not, I still wanted to collect a few things from home. We had left so quickly I hadn't had time to grab anything but over the last few days since the beach dream really, I kept thinking about a photo I had on display on the window seal in the living room. It was a picture of Ryan, Thomas, Sol and I at the beach.
A couple of years ago we had taken him to Spain on holiday. Sol had been dating a girl named Claire for a few months. They had arranged to take the same time off work as us and had flown over from New York to Spain. We'd had a week in the sun altogether. It had been one of the most amazing weeks of my life. Even though Sol was no longer dating Claire they stayed good friends and so did I. We still kept in touch every few months with phone calls and of course social media even though I'm pretty crap with the likes of Facebook and such. We all laughed so much on the holiday, had, had such a good time. The photo on my window seal had been taken on the last day. We had made a picnic and spent the whole day down at the beach enjoying our time playing in the sea, building sand castles. Sol had refused to wear sun cream even though the temperature was well over the 30's and by the end of the day, he was burnt to a crisp. Claire had taken the picture so wasn't in it unfortunately but that meant it was just us four and I loved that picture. That was probably why I had dreamt about the beach the other night. The photo wasn't one where everyone looks perfect sitting in a perfect pose, my hair was a mess from all the times I'd been in the sea, played in the sand with Thomas and then scraped it back off my face it looked more like a wet bird's nest, Thomas had ice cream over his face, Ryan was squinting and you couldn't see one eye and Sol looked like a lobster even over his tanned skin but, everyone had a smile on their face, looked so happy and it brought back some of my happiest
memories and I wanted that photo. I wanted to get a few other bits and bobs also but if I could only get one thing it would be that picture.
I lead the other horses into the field, after spending a few extra minutes giving Starlight a brush and a scratch behind the ears letting my favourable sideshow when it came to him, he looked straight at me and it was as if somehow, I could read his thoughts or maybe they were just mine but I heard a whisper say come on then jump on.
With no saddle, no rains. no thought to what I was doing I jumped up onto starlight's bare back, he gave a neigh and through his head back like a sign of enjoyment. He then trotted out the stables up into the fields no direction given, as if he knew exactly where he was going. I had always felt immense joy while riding him, but this time felt different, this didn't feel like a ride but something more. Maybe it was the fact I had no saddle under me and it was just us but I felt a connection to this great beast under me like I felt with Bert.
Bert had lived with us for years, there were times I could swear I could speak with him and he listened like he understood each and every word. I cared for him every day as much as I had cared for Thomas and Ryan he had become as much a part of the family as we were so it was probably my mannerisms more than the words spoken and dogs were known to be very clever animals.
Now don't get me wrong Starlight was clever I’m sure. He had a beautiful strength and grace about him in equal measures but I'd only ridden him a handful of times seen him a few more times more on top of that. Where had this strange, odd connection come from? I rode him into the fields pondering the thought along with the many others until he was alongside the other horses.
Sitting atop starlight part of me could easily forgo my mission: Find Alice. And spend the day galloping through the fields with the wind in my hair I could also sense that is exactly what he wanted. I gripped his mane and kicked my heels, I could feel his muscles un-tense underneath me as he let loose through the fields and into the woods we didn't get far before I turned him around and headed back to the other horses, I'd had enough of letting things slide past me I wanted answers. I wanted to know what was going on with me, with the world and even though I had a feeling I was going to get more answers than I bargained for. Answers I was not going to like maybe not even believe. They were all I was going to get, for the time being, I would just have to sieve though truth from nonsense.
I jumped down from starlight and as I did I felt like I had left the little piece of happiness I had gained up there with him. I vowed to him I would be back soon and when I was we would ride with the wind in our hair until day turned to night and even then, we might not stop. I left him there with a promise sealed between us, he strolled over with the other horses to roam free in the fields until I returned.
On returning to the house I was greeted with an overexcited Bert. It was good to see him looking more like his old self. I had agonized over whether I should leave him here or take him with me. He would love to get out and would be a great help if I was to get into trouble but I couldn't risk him getting hurt again. That's what had been so difficult to choose over, if it had just been an ordinary day I would have taken him without a second thought, stopped along the way so he could have a walk, but things were far from ordinary these days. The power had been out for over a week and I had seen how bad things had got with power on, I couldn't imagine what the world was like outside the safety of Susanne and Eric's gated off house now. With the decision finally made I would leave him here I was not going to risk losing him he was all I had left. I collected a bag from the bedroom and loaded it with supplies to last a few days when I had finished I filled several bowls of dog food and water and placed them in the hall. The kitchen was still a complete mess and I didn't have the time to clean it so, I would shut what was left of the door and block it off once I was done in there so Bert couldn't enter and hurt himself. Lastly, I stocked up on weapons I only had knives at my disposal so I went a little overboard I stashed 4 in my bag in different compartments I had one in each boot and one down my back, I had a small one located in my hair it was more like a letter opener but it was sharp as hell and had little blue gems on the handle, when I looked in the mirror it looked more like a hair clip than a weapon which had been my hope. Finally, I picked up a meat cleaver and two other caving knives to stash in the car. I had no clue as to what I would find but my reasoning had been a girl can never be too careful right?
After barricading the kitchen doors closed and saying a final fair well to Bert, much to mine and his dislike I shut the front door and made my way to Susanne's jeep. As I opened the door to get in I saw Thomas's blood spattered all over the dashboard and on the window, my vision blurred and I got flashes from the night Thomas died, my legs wobbled and my head spun. I could see him sitting there wrapped in a blanket coughing up blood right in front of my eyes as if I was living it all over again. I felt the tears as they streamed down my face but I refused to let myself crumble I would keep my promise to Thomas and to Ryan, I would be strong or at least stronger than I had been.
I closed the door to collect myself I had no other way of reaching Apple Wood unless I wanted to walk miles or until I found a car with keys inside as I had no idea how to hotwire a car. The jeep had almost a full tank of petrol and key. Taking a few deep breaths, I went to the boot pulled out some cleaning wipes and began removing the blood, I hid the knives I had brought with me, one carving knife in the boot the others insides with me. I started the engine and made my way to the front gate I open it by hand drove the jeep out then closed it behind me. I got back in the jeep and without thinking reached to turn the radio on it was something I automatically did when getting into a car but my hand stops just before it touched the knob. I slapped my forehead I had been so fucking stupid I had sat there for over a week with no power, no information as to what was happening and all this time, all I needed to do was turn on a radio. Surely there had to be some news on there, why hadn't I thought of it before?
My hand trembled as I reached for the knob to turn it on. The first station was filled with nothing but static, I tried another the same so I tried the next and the next but all I found was static. no signal, no emergency broadcast, nothing. Growing ever more frustrated with the situation I was in and the fact I would have to add yet another fucking unanswered question to the list of shit Sadie doesn't know. I turned off the off the radio and silently set off on my way to find Alice and hopefully some sane answers.
My mood was far darker far more sombre than it had been when I had started this day and I had a horrible feeling that this was only the start of it like somehow, I had been trapped in a bubble at Susanne and Eric’s and now I had left it had popped and I was in for some nasty surprises.
Chapter 11:
Driving back to Apple Wood was strange, I felt danger all around as if I was surrounded on all side by a pack of wolves and at any moment they would pounce but the countryside showed nothing of my fears everything around me looked the same as every other time, trees and road, if I didn't know better everything appeared fine and normal, however, I did know better.
I noticed the closer I got to the first village I needed to pass through, the smell in the air got worse. It began as a faint rotten egg smell but the closer I got the more intense the smell, what started out faint now penetrated every molecule in the air. It was more than rotten eggs it had a bitter, sweet scent to it as if I could actually taste it in the back of my throat. I started seeing rubbish bags stacked up at the end of every other street corner. I was assuming rubbish collection was the last thing on the government's mind but as I looked closer realisation dawned on me that it wasn't just your everyday rubbish bags.
It was bodies I was seeing and smelling. Everywhere smelt of death and decay, even with the windows firmly close it found its way through the vents in the jeep, I tried to cover my mouth and nose with the scarf I'd put on but it only helped a little.
The further I drove the more piles of bodies I came across. My god how many peopl
e had had to have died in order for it to be perfectly acceptable to just dump the dead in the street. The people in those bags were human beings, loved ones. I passed one pile that had been set on fire, my instinct had been to stop but just as I had come to a complete halt and was about to switch the engine off, I suddenly realised what I was doing. What could I do? I couldn't see anybody about, the people left were probably burning the dead to help slow, stop the virus, to keep it from infecting those still alive much the same way I had wanted to protect Thomas at any cost. The piles of bodies were ready to be burnt. And as much as I shuddered at the thought of mass cremation it was the best they could do and I wasn't of any help so, instead, I put my foot back on the gas and carried on my way.
When I had been fleeing to Susanne and Eric’s after the attack in my home, I remembered thinking it had the feeling as if a riot had passed through these little villages, a few windows were smashed, entrances had been boarded up to shops to probably stop looters from taking stuff, graffiti and that weird symbol were painted on doors and walls, bad yes but nothing a bit of hard work and a lick of paint couldn't fix. I didn't know what to call what I was seeing now, I suspected it probably resembled a time from 1600's when the great plague rampaged through the country.
The Fifth: Darkness series Page 16
