by Cathy Glass
* * *
The Guardian Ad Litum finally managed to put in an appearance in the last week of April and I knew why she’d managed to fit it in during this particular week. Tayo’s second review was scheduled for May 4th and she could hardly turn up for that not having seen him when he’d been in care for five months. But even when she came it was a perfunctory visit only, and she made little attempt to relate to Tayo. Once she’d satisfied the criteria for actually seeing the child in the foster home, she told him to go and play while she talked to me.
I was disappointed. Her attitude was dismissive of Tayo and all that he was going through. Instead of chatting to me, she should have been talking to him about how things were and trying to get an understanding of his wishes and views. But her manner was generally dismissive and once she had gleaned enough of what was going on from me to satisfy her report, she left. Alison Hemming-Sanders was undoubtedly a Guardian Ad Litum because it was damn sight easier than being at the sharp end of social work.
Tayo’s mood didn’t improve even with outings at the weekends to places that he had previously asked to go, like Alton Towers. Nothing I could offer seemed to soften his attitude or raise his spirits. He was developing a hard shell around him, encasing himself in an unhealthy mixture of anger and self-pity. I asked him if he would like to talk to someone outside the family about how he was feeling, a specially trained counsellor used to working with young people in care.
His emotionless and cynical response was: ‘And he’s going to find my father, is he?’
‘No, Tayo,’ I said. ‘He can’t, no more than anyone else can. But he might help you to come to terms with what’s going on. We all need someone to talk to.’
‘I don’t,’ he said emphatically. And he proved it by continuing to be stone-faced and almost aloof in his dealings with me and the rest of the family.
I missed the exuberant young boy who had gone tobogganing with such excitement, and who had got such great pleasure from owning a few bits and pieces from a car-boot sale. It had all started so well, and now it was slipping away and there was nothing I could do about it.
Tayo’s second review was a sharp contrast to the first one. It was the same chair, Maureen Green, with Sandra, myself and the Guardian present. The school had been invited but could-n’t make it so his teacher had sent in a report. Minty had been left a invitation at Headline Family Centre but didn’t come or send a message. Tayo had completed the booklet that had been sent to him in the post but didn’t want to attend either. He told me to tell ‘them’ that he didn’t see any point in coming as no one was listening to what he wanted.
We were a sad little group this time as we sat in the same room at the Social Services offices and remembered how bright Tayo’s first review had been compared to the picture that was emerging now. Maureen read out the school’s report first and, although Mrs Gillings had tried to make it as positive as possible, it was obvious that not only had Tayo’s progress stopped but he was sliding backwards. She commented on Tayo’s sullen attitude, some incidents of bullying, his general lack of cooperation, and that he seemed to have lost interest in most things. On the plus side, he did still attend the two after-school clubs, and football was the one activity where he maintained a positive attitude and could lose himself in the game.
I followed with my report, and agreed with what Sonya Gillings had said, confirming Tayo still went to Saturday football club, but whereas he used to bubble over with excitement when he left the pitch, sharing it all with me and the family, he now said nothing. Any enquiry of mine about anything was met with a shrug and occasionally, ‘I guess.’ It was as though he was trying to freeze me out. But he was still eating and sleeping well which was something, as truly depressed children do neither.
‘But when I think of the boy who arrived,’ I said, ‘who was so confident and full of life, and relieved to be in care, I realize how much he must now be hurting. Looking back, I suppose he was holding it together too well, considering the previous five years. He was bound to have a reaction to what had happened to him. If he was snatched by his mother, he probably never had time to come to terms with how he felt about that.’
Maureen agreed, and noted what I said. ‘I hope he’ll work through it,’ she said. ‘He’s an intelligent lad and must realize that going to his father isn’t a viable option when he can’t be traced.’
The Guardian Ad Litum went next, and she more or less repeated what I had told her on her visit, adding that she’d seen Tayo at his foster home and was in regular phone contact with us. I didn’t challenge her on this; it wasn’t my place. And quite possibly she thought that two brief phone calls in five months was ‘regular’. She said she hadn’t been able to see Minty yet but had left a message on her mobile asking her to return the call.
‘The only way I can see Minty is at the Headline Family Centre,’ Sandra advised. ‘She still attends contact, although she is often very late.’
Alison Hemming-Sanders made a note. ‘I’ll try that,’ she said, though I wondered just how hard she would try. A Guardian Ad Litum is supposed to see all parties involved in the case a number of times before filing her report into court. In large families the Guardian could see a dozen or more individuals, in fact anyone who had a vested interest in the child including grandparents and aunts and uncles. Given that there was only Tayo and his mother involved in this case, it shouldn’t have been too arduous.
Sandra’s report served to underline the picture of Tayo that had already emerged. She mentioned that art therapy and counselling had been offered, and his response to them. Meanwhile, Minty had been unable to be assessed because she hadn’t turned up for any of the appointments with either Sandra or the psychiatrist, although with four months to go before the reports had to be filed, there was still time, and more appointments had been sent to Minty.
‘What are the long-term plans for Tayo?’ Maureen asked Sandra.
‘As it’s unlikely that Tayo will be returning to his mother, it will be a long-term foster placement. We will be holding a Family Finders meeting next month to look at Tayo’s needs. I’ve already had one discussion with my manager and we both feel that in view of Tayo’s desperate need for a father figure, he should be placed with a two-parent family.’ Sandra looked at me and smiled almost apologetically.
I nodded. I understood and agreed. Although we would obviously miss Tayo, I knew we would keep in touch, and I hoped that in time he would bond with a new father who would go some way to making up for the one Tayo didn’t have.
‘And what is the time scale on this?’ Maureen asked as she wrote.
‘The final court hearing is on October 20th,’ Sandra said. ‘We’ll start looking for a family in November.’
‘So you’ll have Tayo for next Christmas.’ Maureen looked at me.
‘Excellent,’ I said, pleased we’d have this time together, possibly longer, for it took many months to find a suitable family and then complete the long process of introduction.
‘I wouldn’t say anything about the long-term plans to Tayo yet,’ Maureen added. ‘Let’s hope that nearer the time he’ll come to be more positive and accept being in care.’
Maureen then read out Tayo’s booklet, what there was of it. The questions asking what he thought about his social worker, carer, where he was living and his school were all answered with: ‘OK’. His wishes for the future were predictably: ‘I WANT TO LIVE WITH MY DAD!!!!!!’
Maureen smiled sadly as she closed the booklet and made a note. She drew the meeting to a close by setting the date for the next review. This one would be in six months’ time and she suggested November 5th.
‘Could we make it the fourth?’ I asked. ‘The fifth is bonfire night and I always have a little party in the evening for family and friends. I’d appreciate having the day clear to prepare.’
‘Of course,’ Maureen said. ‘That sounds nice. Ten-thirty on the fourth then.’ And we wrote it in our diaries. As usual, Maureen then thanked me for all I
was doing, only this time I didn’t feel that I deserved it as I had done at the last review.
When I collected Tayo from school that afternoon, he was completely silent until we were almost at Headline, when he asked, ‘What happened at my review?’
‘Not an awful lot,’ I said. ‘Sandra and Alison were there and a lady called Maureen, chairing. We talked about how you were doing and Maureen read out what you had written. Why don’t you come next time, then you’ll see?’
‘And are they going to let me live with my dad?’ he asked.
I sighed inwardly. I didn’t know how many times we were going to have to keep going over this. ‘It’s not their decision, Tayo, it’s the judge’s. And while everyone wants what’s best for you, it won’t be possible for you to live with your father for all the reasons we’ve talked about. I think deep down you know that. When you’re an adult you can try and find him if you still want to but for the time being you need looking after in a family.’
I glanced in the rear-view mirror and saw his face set in the now familiar look of obstinate anger.
‘Fuck off the lot of you,’ he suddenly yelled, and kicked the back of the seat so hard I braked as a reflex action.
‘Tayo! Don’t you dare do that!’ I said. ‘You’ll cause an accident. And don’t swear.’
‘I will if I want. You can’t stop me.’
‘No but I can stop your television.’
‘How?’
I glanced again in the mirror and he met my gaze, cold and defiant. He was crossing the boundary, challenging my authority, and he knew that the bottom line was I could do very little about it.
‘Tayo, don’t,’ I said evenly. ‘I don’t want a confrontation with you but you won’t speak to me like that, do you understand?’
His eyes blazed and I knew his anger was now spilling over. He had turned a corner but it was not a positive one. Something in him had been released, and I knew it would get worse before it got better. He was still angry as I parked outside the contact centre; although he was quiet his fists were clenched and his whole body was stiff as if ready for a fight. He went ahead and pressed the security buzzer, then marched up to the door. Once inside he continued through reception and stormed straight into Yellow Room. I caught up with him. Aisha was inside sitting at the table but there was no sign of Minty.
‘Where is she?’ he demanded of Aisha. ‘Where’s my fucking mother?’ Aisha looked shocked.
‘Tayo!’ I said firmly. ‘Sit down and calm down.’
He marched over to the toy boxes and began kicking them over, spilling their contents everywhere.
‘Tayo!’ I said again louder.
‘Fuck off! Get out!’ he yelled, his face bulging with anger.
Aisha stood up and pressed the panic button, then came and stood by me at the door. Tayo grabbed the television, pulling it off the table, and threw it to the floor. He was looking round for the next thing he could throw or kick when James appeared.
‘Tayo!’ he yelled at the top of his voice. ‘Stop that now!’ He was usually so quietly spoken that even I jumped. Tayo froze.
‘Sit down now!’ James commanded, going over to him and pointing to the sofa.
Immediately Tayo did as he was told. Like a lamb, he walked to the sofa and sat down, then looked up at James.
‘That’s better,’ James said, lowering his voice and sitting beside him. Aisha and I remained where we were. He waited a moment and then said, ‘Tayo, when you’ve calmed down you can clear up this mess, and then we’ll have a chat. Your mum phoned to say she wouldn’t be here for another half an hour. Is it all right if Cathy goes?’
Tayo nodded. James looked at me. ‘Aisha will bring Tayo home as usual,’ he said.
‘Thanks, James,’ I said. ‘See you later, Tayo.’ He didn’t answer. I left, thinking to myself that if I’d ever seen a good example of a young lad responding positively to an authoritative male role model, that was it.
When Aisha returned Tayo at six she said he was much better, although Minty had arrived an hour late so they’d only seen each other for half an hour. Tayo did seem calmer as he came in, and at dinner managed a stab at some conversation. I didn’t try to talk to him about what had happened, James had obviously done a good job and I left it at that.
Once Tayo had finished his homework there wasn’t time for television so it didn’t become an issue. But as I said goodnight, I felt the atmosphere. Tayo was strengthening his defences and forcing me out even further.
‘Do you want a kiss?’ I asked, as I tucked him in.
He shrugged. ‘Not fussed.’
‘Well, but I’d like to give you one anyway.’ I leaned forward and gave him my usual kiss on his forehead. ‘Night night,’ I said. ‘Sleep tight.’
But there was no return of ‘And don’t let the bed bugs bite’, so I came out and closed the door.
Chapter Twenty-One
The Phone Call
May gave way to June and the weather turned gloriously warm. The cloudless skies shone blue and the garden burst into life. All the exams came to an end and everyone awaited their results. The only thing Tayo was waiting for was his father, and he struggled on a daily basis to keep his anger under control. He still refused art therapy or counselling but he knew it was available if ever he felt it might be useful. He also knew I was always on hand to listen if he wanted to talk, but he didn’t.
I now felt that Tayo’s life could go one of two ways – he could gradually come to terms with what had happened and try to look positively on the future, or he could continue with the seething anger and resentment which undoubtedly would send him on a downward spiral towards teenage delinquency.
I was desperate to help him overcome his despair. I’d seen children before whose life chances had effectively been ruined because the damage done to them was so extensive that they would never recover. For a child like Jodie Brown (whose story I told in Damaged), who’d suffered such extreme sexual abuse at such a young age that she was virtually stunted in her development, it meant a closed-in life of dependency and lack of choice. For others who had been left too long in terrible situations of confusion and neglect, it meant it was too late to reach them. That way of life, and the anger deep inside, was so ingrained that the path to a life of missed chances and possibly crime and drugs was almost inevitable.
But it didn’t need to be like that for Tayo. His character and intelligence meant that he’d been given a chance to get through this and, on the other side, perhaps find a rewarding career and a satisfying life. I knew he was standing at a fork in the road and I yearned for him to pick the right path. It broke my heart to think of him slipping away and ending up at the bottom of the pile.
Adrian returned home from university with all his belongings for the long summer break. I had to take Tayo when I collected Adrian as I didn’t feel comfortable leaving him in the care of Lucy and Paula, and it was quite a squash getting everything in. On the return journey Tayo had to sit on Adrian’s duvet and pillows, with his head nearly touching the ceiling. He did find this amusing, and actually laughed when we went over a bump and his hair brushed the roof of the car.
Now that he was back, Adrian began spending time with Tayo, with varying degrees of success. Sometimes Tayo was responsive and open to Adrian’s input and suggestions, but at other times he gave Adrian the same cold-shoulder treatment that he gave the girls and me.
I had come to realize with sadness that Tayo had a very low opinion of women in general, probably because of the example of his mother. It didn’t take much for him to criticize the girls or me, or raise his eyes in disdain. Most of the time we just ignored it, but sometimes Paula rose to the bait before realizing that the best thing to do was simply walk away.
With the weather so good, I encouraged Tayo outside as much as possible. I tried to think of things that would keep him busy and occupied. Tayo liked his sport and physical activity seemed to give him a diversion so I asked him if he would like to go on a local play sche
me in the summer holidays, where there were lots of fun activities. If so, I would have to apply soon to secure him a place. He said he wasn’t fussed, but Sandra and I thought it would be a good idea, so I sent off the application form. In the meantime, I kept Tayo very busy at the weekends in the belief that this would give him less time for gloomy speculation but I knew we were in for a long haul before I saw any improvement.
June 23rd was a Thursday and also my brother’s birthday. Tayo was off school for two days because of staff training, and the weather was set to be even hotter than the day before and was predicted to reach a new record; but then, we always seemed to be setting new temperature records now.
I had decided to take Tayo swimming rather than having him mooching around all day, and while he had his breakfast I phoned my brother at his office to wish him a happy birthday. I replaced the receiver and started upstairs to find the towels for swimming when the phone rang again. I went back and answered it in the hall.
‘Hello?’
‘Cathy.’
‘Hello, Sandra.’
‘Is everything all right?’
‘Not too bad,’ I said. I thought Sandra’s voice sounded uneven, emotional almost. ‘Are you all right?’
‘Yes, just shocked. You’re not going to believe what’s happened.’ She paused to catch her breath. ‘I’ve just had a phone call from a Mr Ondura in Nigeria. He’s Tayo’s father.’
‘What?’ I cried in disbelief.
‘Yes, I know I can’t believe it either. We’ve been talking for nearly an hour. Tayo’s off school, isn’t he? He can’t hear me, can he?’
‘No, he’s having breakfast.’
‘Good, because I need to think carefully about what we’re going to say.’
I was listening hard now, my heart was thumping loudly and my hands shaking. Sandra couldn’t get her words out quickly enough.
‘I’m not sure where to begin,’ she said. ‘Mr Ondura phoned me at eight-thirty this morning just as I got to my desk. We’re going to speak again later, and he’s faxing over Tayo’s birth certificate. According to Mr Ondura, Tayo lived with him and his paternal grandmother from when he was a baby. He’s on Tayo’s birth certificate as his father, although he was never married to Minty. He said Minty had problems right from the start and eventually was persuaded to give Tayo over to the care of him and his mother. Minty had access though, when she wanted, which was variable. Mr Ondura said he paid to have Tayo go to one of the best schools in Nigeria – honestly, Cathy, he’s very well spoken, with almost a public-school accent. Apparently Minty wasn’t supposed to see Tayo without either him or his mother being present, but one day she went to the school and basically snatched Tayo from the playground. He had the police after her immediately, of course, but she simply disappeared without trace, taking the boy with her. He says that he’s been trying to find Tayo for the last five years, but he’s been looking mainly in Africa and the Far East where Minty has relatives. He’s spent a fortune on private detectives, but any sightings of them led to nothing.’
