In that light now blossomed a love for Damon Teague that entirely changed the way Robert thought of him. How effortless it was to fulfill his promise! The prayer was such a simple yet profound one: May he come to know you as Father as I have come to know you as Father.
He only hoped there would be time left for Damon Teague to allow God to answer his prayer. In the meantime, Robert’s Bible was alive with renewed depth of meaning. He read through his New Testament three times in less than two weeks, the Psalms once, astounded to see what he had never seen before—the totality and infinitude of God’s loving grace. The Gospels, and especially the words of the Master, became newly precious and vibrant with meaning he had until now failed to perceive. Yet there it was in black and white.
How could he have never seen it all before!
God was a good and loving and forgiving Father! Jesus told us so!
Daily Robert prayed that somehow the Holy Spirit would work a miracle in Damon Teague’s heart. Now more than ever he knew that the work was God’s to do. He could force no door open. He could but be prepared when and if it was opened from the inside. As difficult as it was, he knew he must bide his time in patient prayer and readiness.
The scheduled day of Teague’s hanging approached. The Baltimore papers were full of it. They had gotten wind of Robert’s visit to Teague’s cell and did everything possible to persuade Robert to make public what he and the condemned man had talked about. But Robert remained silent.
The day before Teague’s execution, a messenger arrived at the Paxton home. He handed Robert an envelope with his name hastily scrawled on it.
Robert opened it. The handwritten message was brief:
He wants to see you.
Heyes.
Robert was on his horse and on his way within minutes.
When he walked into Damon Teague’s cell this time he knew instantly that there had been a change.
Give me your words to speak, Lord Jesus, he breathed silently. Put in my mouth only what you want him to hear.
Teague still sat on the side of his bunk. Rather than an expression of anger and defiance, his face wore a look of defeat and sadness. For the first time Robert saw fear in his eyes. And with it also perhaps even remorse.
“I, uh . . . I’m ready to listen to whatever you have to say to me,” he said quietly, almost humbly.
“What about?” asked Robert.
“About God, I suppose,” said Teague. “They tell me tomorrow’s the day I’m going to die.”
“Does the idea of death trouble you?”
“Wouldn’t it frighten you to know you were going to die?”
“I don’t know—I hope not. God is good. What can be frightening about going to meet Him?”
“I’m not sure I’m ready to meet Him,” laughed Teague bitterly. It was a laugh without humor. “I’m not looking forward to it.”
“Why not?”
“What do you mean? Are you joking? Look at me . . . what I’ve done. There could hardly be a more suitable picture of a sinner than me. You know where they say sinners go.”
“Jesus said He came to call sinners.”
“Yeah, maybe so . . . but repentant sinners. I know how that stuff works. I’ve heard enough of your hellfire and brimstone. Don’t forget—I’ve heard your own father preach. I know well enough that God’s got no use for someone like me.”
“Don’t be too sure.”
“You said before that you hoped I would discover God’s love, or something like that. But how can I? No one could love me.”
“Again . . . don’t be too sure.”
“You can’t deny that I’ve been about as bad as they come.”
“No, I wouldn’t deny it,” said Robert. “But God is the one who can make it all right.”
“Make what right?”
“Everything—what you’ve done, who you are . . . your sin. He’s your Father. He can make it right.”
“How do you figure he’s my Father?”
“Why wouldn’t He be?”
“Because . . . like you say—my sin.”
“God is still your Father whether you acknowledge it or not.”
“I thought that was only for the saved.”
“He gave you life, didn’t He? Where do you think life comes from? Who else could be your Father than the Creator of all life, along with your earthly father, of course.”
“Maybe so, but that hardly changes the fact that I’ve mocked Him all my life. What love could He have for me?”
“The love of an infinitely loving Father.”
“My father wasn’t very loving, that’s for sure.”
“Maybe he didn’t know how to be. But God is the perfect Father.”
At last the force of the word Father seemed to penetrate his mind with a fleeting glimpse of the ideal and perfect rather than the broken human image. Teague sat thinking.
“Instead of dreading seeing Him tomorrow,” Robert went on after a moment, “you have the opportunity to look forward to it. It will be your chance to tell Him that you want to start recognizing Him as your Father, and to live for all eternity as His son.”
But Teague could not dislodge the terrifying image of hell from his brain.
“Not many preachers would agree with your assessment of my prospects!” said Teague with a cynical laugh. “They would say that by tomorrow night I’ll be on the fast road to hell, and that God won’t be anywhere within sight. They’ll say that that’s exactly what I deserve.”
“I won’t argue that most would say that.” Robert nodded.
“I won’t even argue that it’s not what you deserve. I deserve it too.”
“So will God send me to hell? Am I going to be burning in torment in those flames by this time tomorrow?” The desperation in Teague’s face pierced Robert’s heart.
“I honestly don’t know,” replied Robert seriously. “But if He does, it will be because He loves you, not because He condemns you. Even in hell, He will still love you.”
“Not much good it will do me then!” laughed Teague with bitter hopelessness. “It hardly seems like what you can call love if He just sits by and watches people burn forever. Like I said, I’m not saying I don’t deserve it. Just don’t call it love when that’s the last thing it is. That’s what I always hated about religious people—saying things that make no sense—talking about God’s love and sending people to hell in the same breath.”
“Who says He just sits by and watches?” asked Robert. “The Bible says that even in hell, He will be with you. Maybe there will be more going on there than you think.”
“I’ve never heard that before.”
“Neither had I,” said Robert. “I just discovered it recently. In the book of Psalms, it says that if we make our bed in hell, He will be there with us.”
“You said before that you thought my soul would rot in hell.”
“I was wrong to say it and I’m sorry,” said Robert. “My words that day only revealed the evil in my own heart, not God’s. I truly am sorry and I apologize.”
“The evil . . . in your heart?” laughed Teague. “What evil have you ever done?”
“I am a sinner, Mr. Teague, just like you. We all are. There was a time when I hated you. According to the Bible, that makes me a murderer too. I deserve to go to hell just as much as anyone else. I had to face my own sin too. That meant I had to learn to forgive you.”
The force of Robert’s admission struck Teague more fully as the remarkable thing it was than it had before. He was quiet a moment or two. Because he had opened the door of his own heart and had begun to hunger for something to satisfy the torment in his soul, Robert’s words were slowly getting through.
“Is what you’re saying,” he went on, “that you don’t think that I’m going to be burning in hell tomorrow when that door opens and I drop down and my neck breaks?”
The brutal honesty of the question stunned Robert.
“Again, I really don’t know,” he answered quietly. “I can’t claim to unde
rstand everything. I am young. I’m just learning about the ways of God myself. All I know is that I think God has work to do in your heart that you haven’t let Him do yet. I don’t know when or where He will do that work, or what that work will be like. But He wants to help you acknowledge Him as your Father and accept your place as His son. That’s why He created you and gave you life in the first place. That is all He has ever wanted. That’s why His son Jesus came—to help sinners like you and me live like God’s children. Jesus went into hell after He died and brought souls that His Father still loved back out with Him. That love of the Father for His children is what life means, though not many discover that meaning. I am only just beginning to understand it myself. But I do know you can receive His forgiveness and begin anew.”
“But there’s no time,” said Teague. “I am going to hang tomorrow.”
“Then there is a whole day for God to work,” said Robert.
“That’s not much, after a whole ruined life.”
“For God that is an eternity to turn a soul around and set it on the road to life and freedom and peace.”
Teague stared down at the floor, his head between his hands. It was not an idea he could grasp. Freedom and peace—what could they have to do with him!
“Would you like to live in God’s family?” asked Robert at length.
“It’s a little late for me to be thinking of that,” replied Teague.
“But would you?”
“I suppose . . . yes, I would.”
“Then begin. It’s not a matter of how much time God has,” Robert went on, “but what direction we are going. If we are going toward Him, then a moment is an eternity. God is not bound by time like we are. If it were your last breath of life, you can still cry out to Him. In an instant you can give yourself to Him. All I’m saying is, why not turn your life around now? Even if you have but one more day on this earth, God has already forgiven you. It’s done. You need only accept that forgiveness, and then say to Him, Your will be done in my life.”
It grew silent. Teague was thinking hard. Thoughts of Abraham Lincoln and slavery and the Confederacy were far away. For the first time in his life, he was thinking about his obligations as a man to his Creator. It was obvious that he had failed in that obligation. But . . . was it too late? Or might there still be time? The thought was too stupendous to take in.
Might there actually . . . could it be . . . was there really room in God’s heart . . . for him!
THE BEGINNING
11
AS IF READING HIS MIND, ROBERT NOW SPOKE.
“Do you know about the two men who were executed with Jesus?” he asked.
“Only what everyone knows, I suppose.”
As Robert began to recount the ancient tale, alive with poignant power in the cell of a man likewise condemned to death as the three so long ago, Teague listened with a heavy heart. His expression was one of impending finality, yet he was strangely warmed by Robert’s portrayal of the Savior’s love.
“You see,” said Robert at length, “He utters not a word of questioning, no doctrinal analysis, no preaching to the man, not a word of condemnation, not a word about his past sins. He only says, Come home with me.”
By this time Teague was wiping at his eyes.
The cell grew silent and remained so for a minute or two.
“I . . . want to tell you,” said Teague at length, “that I’m sorry . . . you and your whole family.”
The rusty hinges of the door called repentance had finally begun to break free.
“Thank you,” said Robert softly. “I know that will mean a great deal to my father and mother, and sister, as it does to me.”
“I know I don’t deserve it, but . . . but I hope that you will someday be able to find it in your heart to forgive me.”
“I told you the last time I was here that I forgave you some time ago, Mr. Teague. Realizing that God loved and forgave me in spite of my sin helped me see how much He loved you in spite of your sin. I hope you get a chance to meet my sister one day. I know she will forgive you, just as I do. I think you will like her.”
The idea stung Teague with remorse. At last the tears began to flow.
“I’ve hardly slept in weeks,” he said. “Oh, God . . . I killed your sister! I am so sorry! I’ve killed other men too. It is so crushing that I cannot stand it. Can you imagine the terrible guilt of knowing you have killed innocent human beings? The guilt is overpowering. Can you imagine what it is like to hate who you are, to look in a mirror and see the devil himself? It will be a relief to die and have it over with. Even the torment of hell could hardly be worse than this!”
“But rather than just having it over with, wouldn’t you rather have it made right?”
“Of course, who wouldn’t—but how?” Teague sobbed. “I can’t go back and undo the evil I’ve done.”
“There is one who can make it right. Death is nothing to Him. He conquered death.”
“I know who you mean,” nodded Teague.
“Remember His promise on the cross. The salvation He offers was not only for those listening, not only for the repentant thief . . . it was for you and me too. He died for you, Mr. Teague, so that you could know His salvation too. All you have to do, like the thief on the cross, is acknowledge your sin, and then ask Him for His salvation. Tell Him what you are, that you are sorry, and ask Him to forgive you and change you.”
“I suppose you mean pray a sinner’s prayer like the hell-fire preachers are always talking about.”
“Call it whatever you like.” Robert smiled. “I would rather think of it as crawling into your Father’s lap, telling Him you are sorry for being bad and asking Him to help you be good.”
“Do you think . . . I mean, did He really die . . . for me?” “Yes He did. Had you been the only person on the face of the earth, He would still have died for you.”
“But . . . but why—how could He possibly . . . why would He do such a thing?”
“It’s just what I told you before—because His Father loves you.”
At last the power of the word broke down the final barrier in Damon Teague’s heart, and God’s love rushed in.
He broke down in sobs of remorse.
“God . . . I am so sorry!” he wailed. “Forgive me for what I am and what I have done. I have been a sinful man. But . . . if it is not too late . . . I want to start over . . . help me and heal me of this horrible evil.”
He continued weeping as the cleansing tide of repentance flowed through him.
Several minutes went by. Gradually he calmed.
“I deserve nothing, God,” Teague prayed, still sniffing and wiping his nose and eyes, “but if it’s not too late to begin over again, I am ready to let you see if you can do anything with me. I don’t see what you can accomplish in a day, but if young Paxton is right and that’s all it takes to make a beginning, then please begin with me. Jesus, like the thief on the cross beside you, I ask you to remember me tomorrow.”
Again a long silence followed. Robert did not want to fill it with his own words.
When Teague spoke again, Robert silently rejoiced that he had begun to look forward. He was no longer thinking of hell and death, but about the next phase of life. The will of God can only be known by doing, and this do Teague was ready to face.
“You say a day is enough for God to make a beginning,” he said, “even for someone like me. But how . . . what am I to do? What do I do today and tonight in the hours I have left? How am I to begin?”
“Believe in Jesus Christ and then do what He says.”
“How can I possibly do that? I’ve got no time to learn what you know about Him.”
“He said to give yourself up into the will of His Father, who is also our Father. There is time to do that. Give yourself into the care of God the Father.”
“But how?”
“The whole of Jesus’ life and teaching can be summed up in five simple words—Not my will but yours. You can pray that same prayer in a mome
nt. Then God will show you what He wants you to do.”
“It doesn’t seem like enough.”
“It is a beginning, therefore it is everything.”
“That’s all there is to it?”
“That all is everything. It is no small all—the repentance of the prodigal and the forgiveness of the Father.”
“And then what?”
“Begin to think differently,” replied Robert.
“About what?”
“About yourself and about God, about who you are to Him and what He is to you. Begin to think of Him as your good and loving Father, and of yourself as His rebellious child who has decided to begin obeying Him. Ask Him to show you yourself as you are. Continue, as you have, to ask His forgiveness for the wrong you have done. Then do your best to accept His forgiveness—though this may be the hardest thing of all—and to realize that He loves you in spite of what you have done.”
Teague nodded.
“You cannot make restitution for your sin out in the world,” said Robert, “to those you have hurt. You are right—it is too late for that. But you can make restitution in your heart and ask God to take care of those you have hurt. Ask Him to show you how. Pray for them and ask God to bring goodness to their lives. If there is anyone you hold a grudge against, you must forgive him as you have asked God to forgive you. In all these ways you will be doing your part to help God make a beginning in you.”
“You mean people like you . . . your family?” said Teague. “Should I pray for the people I killed?”
“You can do that, but especially pray for their loved ones. And pray for yourself, that God will continue to change the attitudes in your own heart. Pray to be given deep love for them. It is never too late for that. Forgiveness and life can blossom in an instant.”
“I see,” nodded Teague humbly.
“Turn your cruelty into compassion. Turn killing into life. Turn evil into good. Turn bitterness into forgiveness. Turn defiance into submission. Turn hatred into love. All this you can do in your heart. You can ask Jesus to help you. He will come into your heart himself and help you.”
“How does He do that?”
“He made a promise before He died that His own Spirit would come to dwell within us. That is a remarkable thing when you think about it. He can help us become God’s obedient children from the inside. He can work a miracle of healing within you. There may be just one day, but that is enough time for God’s miracle. A day is an eternity for God.”
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