by Claire Adams
“Gina’s in there. She’s napping. I don’t want to disturb her.”
“Is Jess sick or something?” he asked.
“No,” I said. “I fired her.”
“You what?”
I massaged my temples with my fingertips. The headache wasn’t as strong as this morning, but it still lingered. “Work has been crazy since we got back. And all this week Jess was nagging me about not spending time with Gina. She was getting too attached to my personal life. I had to let her go.”
“That’s the dumbest thing I think you’ve ever said to me,” he said.
“What?”
“You’re being ridiculous,” he said, crossing his arms.
“I’m being ridiculous? I can’t go home from a stressful day at work and have someone up my ass. There’s a reason I hired a nanny in the first place. She even suggested that I retire early and care for Gina myself.”
“Do you remember Wendy?” he asked.
“That’s a stupid question.”
“Do you remember how Wendy used to calm you down when you got crazy about work?”
I opened my mouth to fire something back, but I couldn’t find the words. Wendy was my rock when things were tough. She used to drive me crazy by telling me to “relax” when things were stressful at work. I had been more of a hot-head back then, but Brandon had compared Wendy to Jess. And I silently admitted that he was right. How had I not seen it before?
“Jess is right about you not needing to work,” he said. “I know that’s a hard concept for you.”
“But I don’t want Gina to want for anything.”
“All she wants for right now is her father. And I know you had a rough time growing up, but that’s in your past now. Jess and Gina are your future. Soon enough, you’re going to blink and Gina will be all grown up, and you will be alone, without someone like Jess to be with. Someone who cares for you and that amazing child sleeping in your office.”
“You’re right,” I said, realizing how much of an ass I’d been to both Gina and Jess.
“Damn straight, I’m right. Now, what are you going to do about it?”
I didn’t know quite yet. But something had to change. And the idea of that made my skin crawl, but it was for the best.
After Brandon had left, I went back into my office and sat on the other end of the couch from Gina, watching her sleep. I must have fallen asleep at some point too because sometime later, I felt a tugging on my shirt, waking me up.
Gina’s little face was close to mine and her hands placed with my scruff. “You were asleep, Daddy.”
“I was,” I said, pulling her onto my lap. “You know I love you, right?”
“Yeah,” she said.
I looked over at the side table and picked up one of her drawings. “Show me what you’ve been working on today.”
Chapter Thirty
Jess
Even though I knew I didn’t have a job, I still woke up at five in the morning. No matter how hard I tried to get back to sleep, I couldn’t. Thinking of the conversation with Noah and how Gina might react to me not coming to work filled my mind. Gina would be so upset. I wondered what Noah would tell her. I did nothing wrong other than inform him of what his working did to his little girl. Yet, I was the one who was unemployed and heartbroken.
I rolled over and wrapped my sheets around my head, creating a little cocoon around me. I found my phone and turned it on. I didn’t know what to expect. Maybe a dozen phone calls from Noah, apologizing for being a complete ass and begging me to come into work. But my messages and missed phone calls remained at zero.
Then I thought of Gina. What was he going to do with her today? Bring her to work? He claimed he was so busy, how could he work with Gina in his office? He probably would enlist his secretary to care for her. As much as I never minded, Allison, she wasn’t much of a kid person. Gina would be even more ignored being ten feet from Noah than miles away.
I threw my covers off my head and groaned.
I looked around my room and saw that I still hadn’t unpacked from Australia. Even at home, I continued to live out of a suitcase.
Since I was gone for an entire week and worked late every night this week, I thought my apartment could use a deep clean. It wasn’t as if I had anything better to do.
I pulled my hair up, shoved on some sweatpants and an old t-shirt and got to work. I plugged in my ear buds and blasted some energetic pop music into my brain, shoving out all of the crap that was currently clogging up the space. If I thought about Noah and Gina anymore, I might burst out into tears again. Or want to punch a wall, thinking it was Noah’s face.
So instead, I scrubbed every inch of my apartment while at the same time attempting to scrub out the memories of the Stone family. It was the only thing I could do to keep myself sane and not want to get in my car and drive over there, demanding to have my job back. That would be embarrassing and only make things worse for Gina.
When my apartment and soul were somewhat clean, I wanted to get out of my place before my head floated off my shoulders with all the chemical sprays I’d washed with. All thoughts of Noah returned the second I took out my ear buds. So, I allowed myself to live in them again while showering and cleaning myself up. I still didn’t understand where he was coming from, but he wasn’t the first dad that I had to deal with. And he wouldn’t be the last. I supposed it was a good thing that we ended things before it got too serious. Though a vacation was serious enough for me. Obviously not for him.
I grabbed a granola bar for lunch and devoured it. I hadn’t had much of an appetite for anything that morning, but I knew I had to eat something before I passed out. My body didn’t do well without food for too long.
On the way to visit Sierra, it felt strange to be driving without Gina with me. Even though we never took my car, it didn’t seem right that I was going to see Sierra at work without the little tacker by my side. I kept checking the rearview mirror for her smiling face, but instead, I saw my empty backseat.
When I arrived at Sierra’s work, I stepped into the record shop, and her eyes immediately met mine. She smiled and then she looked around me. Confusion flitted across her face.
“Where’s Gina?” she asked. “Don’t tell me you left her in the car; that’s dangerous you know.”
And then it all came out of me. “I got fired.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” she said, rushing over to me. She pulled me into her arms and squeezed. She pulled back and held me at arm’s length. “Tell me everything.”
“Honestly, I don’t know what happened,” I said. “We had a lovely time at home with Mom. Then when we got home, he was an entirely different person. He was working late and snapped at me every chance he got.”
“And he fired you because he was in a bad mood?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Well, Gina mentioned several times how upset she was that he was so busy and unable to see her like he did when we were on vacation. So I told him. Then he went off and said I was trying to tell him how to raise his kid.”
“Which you weren’t,” she said.
“I know!” It was nice that someone else was on my side about it. “I wasn’t, at all. He took it the wrong way though and said they were better off without me.”
“Son of a bitch,” Sierra said, flashing her teeth. “When did this happen?”
“Last night.”
“Why didn’t you call me?” she asked, rubbing my arm.
“It was late, and I wanted to sort through my feelings.”
“What are you going to do now?” she asked.
I shrugged. “I have no idea. But I don’t even feel like doing anything right now either. I’m still letting this all sink in. I can’t believe I’m never going to see them again.”
Sierra hugged me again, and I sagged against her. What was I going to do next? Sierra didn’t have any advice, so I knew there was only one other person I could talk to.
After visiting with Sierra for a while, I we
nt home and called Mom. I knew the timing was off due to our distance, but I needed to get another opinion on the matter. I would have liked to talk to Noah about everything. But I wasn’t going to call him. If he wanted to apologize, he’d have to contact me.
She picked up on the second ring. “Hello, love. I was just thinking’ about ya.”
“Mom,” I said, and then my voice cracked.
“What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”
Not physically. “I’m fine.”
“You scared me. What’s going on?” she asked.
I sighed and hung my head. “I got fired yesterday.”
There was a long pause on the other end. “Noah fired you?”
“He did.”
“What happened?”
I told her everything that occurred between us returning home and him firing me.
“That’s a load of shit,” she said. “That poor girl. She probably misses the hell out of you.”
“I miss her.” And him. But I was so upset with him right then that I didn’t want to focus on our personal relationship until I got over his betrayal.
“It’s ridiculous that it ended like that,” she said. “Has he called you?”
“No,” I said. I usually got paid on Fridays, but I had a feeling Allison was going to mail my last paycheck.
“And after coming down here with you and everything. It all seemed like it was going to work out for the three of you,” she said.
“That’s what I thought too.”
“And you didn’t even get to say goodbye to Gina,” she said, clicking her tongue disapprovingly.
“That’s one of the worst parts, Mom. My heart is broken. I can’t even think straight. What am I going to do?”
“What do you want to do?” she asked.
For the first time since I got to the States, Mom asked me what I wanted instead of telling me. I knew it was hard for her to do that; I sensed she had the urge to tell me what to do but held her tongue. I appreciated that, though I knew it was temporary.
“If I run into Gina anywhere, what am I supposed to say?”
“Should you call Noah and work out the logistics?”
“I suppose, but not today. I’m giving him the weekend to cool off.”
“So, say you get another job and Gina sees you at the park with another kid…” Mom trailed off.
“Oh, Mom, I didn’t think of that. She’ll be heartbroken.”
“Unless you and Noah come up with a story.”
“I’m not sure what story would make any sense to Gina as to why I left so suddenly. Especially because everything was going so well.”
“And he’s not going to tell her he was in love with you. Because that wouldn’t make any sense.”
“He wasn’t in love with me. And you’re right, that wouldn’t make sense.”
“You’re a bit blind if you didn’t see it.”
“If he was so in love with me, then he wouldn’t have fired me. It was just a fling.”
“This was what I was worried about, love,” she said.
“I know. This all got so screwed up.”
“Do you want to hear what I think you should do?”
“It took you long enough,” I said.
Mom laughed on the other end of the phone. And I missed that sound already. “I was hoping you’d work it out on your own, but it looks like you need a push.”
“What is your idea?” I asked, even though I knew what she was going to say.
“Love, I think it’s time for you to come back down here. At least for a little while. There are plenty of open jobs down here, and I believe that you need to get some space.”
As much as I fought her in the past about coming down there, this was the first time it sounded like a good idea. And going down there last week made me miss being there even more.
“That’s a lot of space,” I said.
“It will keep you from wondering what they’re doing and the good possibility of running into them.”
She was completely right. Noah wouldn’t come back to Australia any time soon. His job was too important for that.
“I think that might be for the best,” I said.
Chapter Thirty-One
Noah
On Friday, I tried to be better tempered toward Gina as she came to work with me again. Allison had been apologetic about being sick the day before, but I knew her dedication to the company. When she arrived at work, she retained a stuffed nose and had barely concealed the bags under her eyes, so I knew she hadn’t faked the illness.
Though when she asked if she could care for Gina while I worked, I politely refused. Mostly because I wanted her to catch up on the work she missed, and partly because I didn’t want Gina to be exposed to whatever had ailed Allison. The last thing I needed was a sick kid and no nanny. Or, even worse, Gina getting me sick and having to take another day off. I knew I wouldn’t have one of those in a long time. I saw the consequences of that and didn’t want to risk it again.
Instead, I instructed Allison to contact the former nannies who were up for the job before Jess strode into our lives. To make the process quicker, I had Allison put out an ad on a reputable caregiver website as well. I didn’t like the idea of that and wished that we could find someone through a personal referral, as this person would care for the love of my life. But we had no other options at this point. I needed someone as soon as possible. It wasn’t as if I could ask Jess if she knew anyone. I’d burned that bridge due to my overreaction to her talking about Gina’s feelings.
Brandon mirrored Jess’s thoughts, and I knew from the moment I’d spoken with him that I’d fucked up. I thought about going to Jess and apologizing, but I’d said some pretty nasty things to her. Though I knew she loved Gina, after pushing our relationship to one of a more sexual nature, I knew it would be awkward if she came back and for us to be strictly at a professional working level.
Thinking of Jess made my stomach queasy, so I knew we had to proceed with finding a new nanny for Gina while at the same time forgetting about Jess altogether.
Gina was much better behaved on Friday. After my attitude had softened on Thursday, we both went home that night, had a nice dinner, and went to bed early. We both woke refreshed on Friday, and while at work, Gina quietly played and watched her shows on my tablet for most of the day. It was a good feeling that without so many words, Gina knew what I needed sometimes.
I was glad for the end of the week, and on Friday night, I turned off my alarm and my phone so I could sleep uninterrupted.
Surprisingly enough, Gina was the one to wake me on Saturday morning. I didn’t remember moving at all throughout the night, and I woke up in the same spot I’d fallen asleep in.
“Good morning, Daddy,” Gina said from the edge of my bed. Her little head peeked up from the side.
I reached my arm over and pulled her up.
She tucked her chubby legs close to her body and giggled as I hefted her onto the bed. “You’re still sleeping.”
“Yes, I was,” I said, nuzzling her nose.
She sighed. “I’m hungry.”
“Met too,” I said, sitting up. “What do you want to eat this morning?”
“Umm,” she said, lifting her eyes to the ceiling. “French toast.”
“French toast?” I asked. I hadn’t made that in a long time.
“Yeah,” she said. “With syrup.”
“French toast and syrup, it is,” I said, scooping her into my arms.
I carried Gina downstairs, all the while she giggled and squirmed.
“Can I help?” she asked when I put her down in her chair at the kitchen table.
“Sure,” I said. I retrieved a shallow bowl and the carton of eggs from the refrigerator. A half of loaf of bread was left from when Jess went to the bakery several days ago. I placed the bread on a cutting board and cut thick slices.
“Jess lets me crack the eggs,” Gina said.
“She does?” I asked.
Gina sighed. �
�No. But I want to know how.”
I smirked. “How about I teach you how to do it?”
“Really?”
I kissed the top of her head. “Of course.”
I went over to the pantry and grabbed a stool.
“I want my apron too!” she trilled.
“Your apron?” I asked. I never knew we had aprons. It was one of those things that never crossed my mind.
Gina showed me where two white aprons were hanging in the pantry. I lifted the smaller one off the hook. On the front were two small handprints in green and blue paint with Gina’s name painted in Jess’s handwriting.
Gina put hers on, and I glanced at the bigger apron. Jess’s hand prints were on the front of that one along with several other small hand prints from Gina.
“When did you make these?” I asked, trying not to think of Jess at that moment. The handmade aprons were the sweetest thing I’d ever seen Gina make.
Gina shrugged. “A while ago. Jess said it helped keep my clothes clean.”
“She was right,” I said absently.
I placed the stool next to the counter while my mind filled with thoughts of Jess. There were little reminders of her throughout my house. My chest tightened, thinking of the impact Jess not only had on Gina and me but our lives.
“I’m ready, Daddy,” Gina said, bringing me back to the present. Her apron almost reached her toes. I tied the back of it so it wouldn’t trip her.
I lifted her up onto the stool and made sure she was firmly in place before bringing the eggs closer to her.
“All you have to do it crack the egg on the side of the bowl, like this,” I showed her.
She grinned from ear to ear. “My turn!”
I allowed her to crack three more eggs for practice, though we didn’t need that much for the egg wash, but she was having fun and learning at the same time. And it gave me some time to finish cutting the bread into thick slices.
After picking out several egg shells from the wash, we were ready to dip the bread. That task was easier for Gina, albeit a bit messy.
By the time I placed the toast down on the frying pan, the countertop appeared as if someone had doused it with eggs. Though, the smile on Gina’s face was worth the wreckage.
