"What happened?" she says, putting her arm around me.
"No," I say weakly. "I can't stand. Not right now."
The pain is searing. The kind I felt before when I begged Norma to drive me to the clinic. I try to breathe through it.
"Maybe you should go to the hospital," Norma says.
"No."
"But something could be wrong with the baby."
"Nothing is wrong with the baby," I say. "Except the fact that she's starting this shit all over again."
I collapse onto the cold ground and Norma sits beside me. Two girls by the side of the road in the dark.
"Where is a serial killer when you need one?" I joke.
"That's not funny," Norma pokes me. "Don't tempt the evil one, she's liable to send a maniac our way just to spice things up a bit."
I lay back and try to stretch out the pain. The sky is black, the stars mostly obscured by oppressive clouds and hardly visible to the human eye. Every now and then the moon winks at us before being covered up once more.
"What the hell am I doing?" I say. "This is crazy, isn’t it? I mean is this really happening?"
"I guess," Norma says.
She's never once questioned my sanity or told me that I'm wrong about the baby. A normal friend would have but not Norma.
"I just don't know what I'm supposed to do."
"I don't know either."
We lay there in the dark, listening to the traffic and the sounds of the night off in the woods. No one stops to see if we're okay, two girls lying on the ground by the side of the road. I realize that no one cares. It doesn't matter what is happening to me. Julia will grow stronger and she'll hurt the people in my life before I can even stop her. They'll be tragic accidents or episodes like Noah suddenly snapping for no reason. She'll leave no trace. No one will believe that she's the one behind all this. And when everyone is dead what will happen to me? Will she kill me as well? Or keep me alive like a living doll, someone she can play with.
"All I want is a way out," I say.
"I don't think there is one," Norma says quietly.
But I think of the picnic, the happy place I hold on to, and remember that it’s not far from here. Fragments long forgotten start to come back. A tumbledown monastery. A priest I met as a child. Perhaps I don’t need an abortion after all. Perhaps I need an exorcism.
11.
"Where are we going?"
Norma may be driving but I'm the one giving the directions. We've pulled off the highway and I'm pointing down dark, country roads. Huge oak trees tower over us, obscuring the moon and the night sky. Every now and then an owl calls out, its cry echoing eerily around us.
"I don't like this," Norma says. "Can't we go home now? We can try again in the morning. We're never going to find Noah out here in the dark. We don't even have a flashlight."
"We're not looking for Noah," I say. "We're looking for someone else."
"I don't understand," she says.
"You will."
Baby Julia is still. The world stopped spinning a while back and I no longer feel like puking. I hope that means she's sleeping. I know it could mean something worse. That maybe she's out there in the darkness with Noah, making him do horrible things. I poke my stomach with a finger and she shifts lazily. She's still there, biding her time. I hate that I can't love her the way I should. But maybe I can change that once and for all.
"There," I point.
"I don't see anything."
Norma slows the car to a crawl and the driveway comes into sight. It's overgrown, the exit off the road barely wide enough to get a car through.
"No way," Norma says. "I'm not driving down there. It's creepy and abandoned. There is probably a drug house down there or something."
But there isn't. My mind flashes back to my happy place. A time when this place was cared for and we came to picnic by the river bank. Before all the pain and the madness. When our family wasn't broken into irretrievable pieces. We ate sandwiches and drank homemade lemonade. Played hide and seek while our parents stretched out lazily on an old blanket. They whispered to one another and waved at us before stealing a kiss when they thought we weren't looking.
But the memory doesn’t stop there. It runs on like a flood of water that I can’t seem to stop now that gates have been opened.
Julia ran off into the woods ahead of me. I tried to catch up but she was faster than I was. I fell and scraped my knee but there wasn't time to cry. I couldn't let her get away. So I ran on, calling her name. Pushing through overgrown bushes as fast as I could. Then I was trapped. Caught up in vines and branches that snagged on my clothes and scratched my skin.
I screamed. Called out for Julia to come back and help me. She didn't but he did. A man so old his beard trailed down his chest like falling snow. I screamed louder, afraid of him. The words of teachers and my parents drummed into my head over and over that strangers were not to be trusted. But he wasn't a normal stranger. He wore a black robe and an old cross around his neck, fashioned out of two nails. He held a finger to his dry lips and motioned for me to be quiet. To stop struggling. And not knowing why, I did. The man knew things. He had answers to questions that other people thought were crazy. He was the one who wouldn’t be afraid to suck the demon right out of me.
“Ana? Ana?”
Norma is shaking me. I open my eyes and see bushes and trees, lit up eerily in the dim beam from her headlights.
“What just happened?” she says.
“Nothing I’m fine. Come on, turn down the drive.”
"I told you, I'm not going down there."
Norma has pulled the car off onto the grass verge, just before the overgrown driveway. She's crossed her arms and sits glaring at me. I know eventually she'll do what I want her to but I don't have time to play this stupid game with her. Time is running out. Noah's time. But the fact that my memories are starting to resurface, has to mean that I’m on the right path. It’s not too late to save him. To save all of us. If we hurry.
"Drive the fucking car down the driveway," I shout at her. "Right now."
She looks at me like I've really lost it. Maybe I have. I'm not on any medication. I know that makes me wild and unpredictable. But since I found out I was pregnant, I've felt grounded in a way I never was before. My thoughts unusually clear. If Norma doesn't want to go down the rabbit hole with me, I'll be more than happy to go it alone. It won't be the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last. My hand is on the door handle when she finally sighs dramatically and slips the car into gear.
"Fine," she snaps. "But if we die, I'm going to be really pissed."
"If we die, I'll be really pissed too," I say.
I don't add that I'm pretty sure Julia will make it impossible for me to die. Just like she made it impossible for me to kill her. I don't know if Mark was real or just an image she planted in my brain to stop me from going through with the abortion but I know she's protecting me. I'm pretty sure she's not protecting Norma though so we need to be careful.
Overgrown bushes scratch the sides of the car as Norma drives slowly down the lane. The car forcing the driveway to open back up and let us pass. The overgrowth isn't very happy about it. Long twigs push out and then snap back. One of them shatters a wing mirror.
"You see that shit?" Norma says. "I know my car isn't all fancy and new but it's going to look a hell of a lot worse after this."
"I'm sorry," I say. "I could have walked."
"As if I'd let you walk all the way down here to the serial killers house on your own. You are pregnant you know."
"I thought you said it was drug dealers?" I laugh.
"Whatever. Serial killers, drug dealers. Whoever is hiding down here I'm pretty sure they don't want visitors and they're going to be pretty pissed that they're getting some."
"It's going to be okay," I say, putting my hand on her arm.
"You don't know that," she squeaks. "And anyway, why are you suddenly the calm, rational one? I'd prefer it if you were frea
king out like usual."
"I don't know why," I say.
But I do. Julia is better than any drug. She always had a level head, even when she was plotting to kill people. I guess she's rubbing off on me but I know better than to share that little nugget of wisdom with Norma. If parts of Julia are rubbing off on me, I know she'll be afraid that they are all the wrong parts.
12.
"I don't think we can go any further," Norma says.
I hate to admit it but I think she's right. We've reached a fork in the path and both directions are completely blocked. The car's headlights shine yellow light onto the leaves of the trees that are tilting precariously over. One good strong wind and the road will be blocked for good.
"You see?" she carries on. "I told you, no one is down here and now we're stuck because there is nowhere for us to turn around."
I shrug and get out of the car, the night air thick and warm around me. We've come this far. I don't mind hiking the rest of the way.
"Wait," Norma shouts. "What are you doing? You can't go out there in the dark alone."
"So come with me then," I say. "You said the car is stuck anyway. What are you going to do? Sleep in it?"
"I might," she snaps.
"Well good for you but I'm hungry and I have to pee. I'm going this way so you can come or you can stay behind."
I start walking to the right, the way I think I remember we took all those years ago. Of course nothing looks the same so I can't be sure but then who can be sure of anything anyway? Behind me Norma slams the car door and stomps through the undergrowth. I know she's pissed. She's wishing right now that she'd never driven down the lonely path into the middle of nowhere. But she did and here we are. She might as well make the best of it. Only I know she won't.
"I bet they'll be food," I say.
"Yeah, great. Serial killer food," she mumbles.
The further we get away from the car, the more the darkness falls around us. At first it's easy to see where we're going but as gray turns to black, I'm suddenly worried that I might be putting my foot right on top of a snake. The brush is hard to push through. It scratches my arms and legs. Then the ground gives way beneath my feet, soft and wet. I’ve just walked right into a swamp.
"Stop," I call out to Norma.
"What is it?" she shouts back from behind me.
"It's very muddy here."
I try to keep the panic from my voice and free my feet but the more I struggle, the deeper the mud pulls me in. The dank, moldy smell of earth fills my nostrils as I try not to hyperventilate myself into a panic attack.
"Get a branch or something that I can grab hold of," I say.
"Seriously?" Norma says. "You're really stuck in there."
"Yes. I'm really stuck."
"Shit."
She rustles in the brush, looking for something I can grab hold of. Up above the moon appears from behind a watery cloud. I'd rather it had stayed hidden. In the darkness I could only imagine what was lurking in the swamp. Now I'll have the joy of actually seeing the thing that is going to kill me.
"I can't find anything," Norma shouts.
I hear the panic in her voice, rising up like the knot in the pit of my stomach. I won't get out of here if I lose it and I won't get out of here if she loses it either.
"There has to be something," I say calmly. "Look on the ground. A fallen branch or tree limb. Anything."
"I'm trying. Are you sure you can't get yourself out?"
I try and pull one foot out and nothing happens. It's like standing in thick glue. Then I see it in the moonlight. Slithering towards me on its belly, the water reflecting off its scales.
"Norma," I shout. "For fucks sake get me out of here."
"What is it? What's wrong?"
"There is a fucking water moccasin and it's heading right for me."
13.
There is nothing like a life or death situation to get the demon baby inside you all riled up. Julia is kicking in my belly as I try desperately to free myself. I'm thrashing against the mud, begging it to release me, muddy water spraying everywhere.
"I'm coming in," Norma says. "I'll just pull you out."
"No," I scream. "You'll get stuck too."
But I don't even really care if she does get stuck. I'll do anything to get out. Even crawl over her if I could. The snake pauses, confused by the commotion we're making. For a moment I think that maybe we've scared it. That it will leave the two stupid girls in the swamp alone and go on its merry way. But I should have known. I never have such luck.
"Is it going away?" Norma whispers.
"Shut up," I spit back.
The snake looks at us. I see the glint of a beady eye, almost mocking me. It knows I'm trapped. Helpless. A stupid girl who walked straight into a swamp in the middle of the night. I've done many things in my life that I haven't been proud of but this has to be one of the most stupid. Norma was right. We should have just gone home. We could have come out tomorrow in the daylight. Now I'll be lucky if I'm alive to see tomorrow.
"I think it's leaving," Norma says.
But I know she's wrong. The snake hisses at me, opening its mouth wide. The cottony skin reflects in the moonlight. Then it lurches forward and sinks its fangs into my thigh. I scream, even though I feel nothing and Norma lunges forward and grabs my arm. She pulls me as hard as she can and suddenly I'm free. But I'm still screaming and now I know it's because of the pain. The searing, burning pain. I look down and the snake has let go. It's looking at me like I'm not what it expected. I guess I didn't taste so great after all. Choke on that you little piece of shit.
Norma pulls me away from the snake but it's not interested in me anymore. It slithers away as I lean to the side and vomit.
14.
"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God."
I hear Norma screaming through the pain but I can't tell her to shut up because I think I’m screaming too. And I think I might die. White hot pain courses through my body. It's the only thing I can think about. Then the screaming fades. I think maybe I really am dying. The world grows white around me and only silence fills the space in my head.
I’m floating on air. Someone is carrying me. I know it's not Norma because she's beside me, holding my hand.
"You're going to be okay," she whispers.
It doesn't feel like it. The stars bob overhead. Twinkling up there in the velvet night sky. One darts across the others. A shooting star. My chance to make a wish. But what should I wish for? That I'd never been bitten by a venomous snake? That Noah never lost his marbles? That Julia had never been born? My mind is a stuck as the quicksand. I can't think of an answer so I just wish for all three. I'm sure none of them will come true anyway and I'm as good as dead so it doesn’t really matter.
The air is getting harder to breathe. I gasp and choke on it as the pain crashes over me in waves. Then the world fades to white again.
It's a blur of conscious fragments that I remember as I finally wake in a bed that is not my own. The long walk through the woods in the arms of a stranger. The blinding pain as venom is pulled from my bite and something is injected into my veins. The delirious tossing and turning as above me the stars still wink through an open hole in the ceiling. They laugh at me. At my stupidity. A stupid girl who's running around like a crazy person with no regard for herself, her unborn child or those who try to help her.
At some point I vomit again and someone brings a cold cloth which they press against my forehead. I want to thank them but my mouth won't make words. I can only stare up at the stars and hate them for mocking me.
Now the sun shines through the hole and heats my face. I stir and try to roll out of the way. Instead I tumble onto the floor, the tiny cot not big enough for such a bold maneuver. I take a mental inventory. There is a bandage on my thigh and a rubbery taste in my mouth but I'm alive. Julia stirs grumpily in my belly. She's still alive too. No surprise there.
I drain the tepid water left in a glass by the bed. My head is pounding a
nd my thigh still hurts but the searing pain has gone. I pull back the bandage and see green salve covering an angry red wound. I quickly cover it back up. Just looking at it makes me feel nauseous again.
The room is small. A tiny stone space with a hole in the ceiling and vines trailing in through the open window. I lean out and look down at the overgrown garden. It's nothing but a tangle of wild bushes and shrubs. Every few feet scraggly palm trees sprout out amid the mess and lean oaks hug the wall of the building. Before I wouldn't have given a second thought to running barefoot through all of it. Delighting at the way the hot sand felt beneath my toes. Now I know better. I don't think I’ll ever go wandering off in the wilderness again.
My room has a heavy wooden door that protests loudly on rusty hinges when I push it open. I wander along the corridor until I find the stairs and hobble down them one at a time. My leg is better but I think it's going to be a while before I'm running any marathons. The downstairs is just as abandoned as the upstairs. Plants have taken over some of the walls, their leaves spreading across the stone like a mural turned to life. I shiver, realizing it's just like Noah's mural. Remembering how the painted forest became real beneath my fingers as I reached out to touch it that day in the nursery. I do so now, squeezing the fleshy green leaves. They are real. Or at least I think they are. With Julia playing mind games, it's hard to be sure of anything anymore.
There are three velvet chairs positioned around a fireplace. Their stuffing leaks out in places, spilling onto the floor like white snow. A few embers still glow in the hearth.
"Norma?" I call out. "Hello?"
My voice echoes around the giant room but no one replies. I wander through the dining room and around a huge oak table big enough to seat sixteen people. Some of the chairs are elaborately carved. Others have been taken over by mold and fungus, their only decoration the plume of blue green that now covers them.
"Hello?" I call out again.
This time birds burst from the rafters. I scream as they swoop around me for a moment, then fly away out the open window. I don't like this place. I want to find Norma and get out of here.
The Half-Truth (Drowning Book 2) Page 3
