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Mac flinches over my words, and I immediately feel terrible. It seems that I just don’t know how to effectively communicate with her, which may be all the proof I need that it’s best to let her go. While we are dy***ite in the bedroom, it seems between Monday’s Cal fiasco and today’s Lorraine fiasco, I don’t seem to be able to say anything correctly.
Taking a deep breath and gentling my voice, I tell her, “Look Mac… I didn’t fire her because of you. Lorraine had been exhibiting some very bad behavior the last two weeks. She’s been yelling and screaming at the staff left and right, and she’s pissed off a few of my clients to the point they’re threatening to fire our firm. She’s not a good fit here. ”
“And what was the deal that you mentioned to her? Or is that none of my business?”
“It’s none of your business,” I tell her firmly, but gently, “but… for the sake of making sure you understand that Lorraine being fired wasn’t your fault, I’ll tell you. Bill and I decided this weekend to let her go. But we were generous… we offered to buy out her caseload and give her a severance package to help get her on her feet if she wanted to start her firm back up again. ”
Mac’s eyes go wide. “That’s why you took her out to dinner… why you bought her champagne?”
Hmmm. Wonder how she knew I bought Lorraine champagne? My bet is on Lorraine telling her, probably making it sound like we were on a date, which I’m sure hasn’t done anything to make me look better in Mac’s eyes.
“I took her out to dinner because I didn’t want to do it at the office, in case she made a scene, which I’m betting she would have. And yes, I bought champagne so she would understand what a sweet deal I was offering her. We weren’t going to have the deal go into effect until the end of the month, so she could make some plans to re-open her firm. But I’m not going to leave poison in this firm to cause discontent. And she is poison. ”
Looking down at the floor, Mac absently nods her head at what I’m saying. She seems to be contemplating the virtue of my words and hopefully, I’ve managed to say one thing right this evening.
In fact, I might be on a roll, so I continue, “It’s also why I couldn’t cancel my dinner with her Monday, and because it was firm business, I couldn’t tell you what it was about. ”
Mac’s head snaps up and her eyes blaze. I have a sinking feeling I’ve managed to say the wrong thing again.
“Wrong, Matt,” she grits out. “You could have just said I’m taking her out for a business matter. You could have said that, and it would have been fine. I would have been fine. ”
Fuck, I know the truth of that now, but you think I’m about to admit my weakness to her? Think I’m about to apologize?
No f**king way. I’m going to argue my way out of this. I’m a litigation god, after all.
“You should have trusted me it was about business. I shouldn’t have had to explain myself. ”
Mac starts laughing, almost maniacally. “Trust? What trust? You pointedly told me over and over again that it was just sex. We’ve never even had a real discussion other than over the five minutes it took to wolf your pancakes down. You don’t do relationships, Matt… remember? So tell me… why should there have been trust?”
Man, it burns me that she’s completely right. For all of my education, for all of my parenting skills, for all of my courtroom experience, for all of the women I’ve had begging before me, it appears I haven’t learned a f**king thing when it comes to communication.
It was nothing more than a mind game for me on Monday… trying to get Mac to bend to my will. To prove that I was the one calling the shots and that she was not getting under my skin. That she was nothing to me except a great lay. To try and force her to accept my command to stay away from Cal, and for her to accept that Lorraine was none of her business.
Except it was her business. I knew Lorraine probably made enough innuendo to Mac to make it sound like we were going on a date. And seeing as how Mac and I had just f**ked the rafters down in her apartment two days before, she had a right… I grudgingly suppose… to question if I was going out with another woman so soon.
Mac stands up and it startles me, as I had been so immersed in my self-chastising thoughts. She turns toward my door, averting her gaze. “You’re late for dinner. Better get going. ”
I nod my head at her, but I doubt she sees me. She’s already walking away, and I’m not going to stop her.
This thing with Mac had disaster written all over it from the start.
First, she was supposed to be a one-night stand because I only do one-night stands. I made a mistake in taking it further, just because it was some f**king amazing sex.
And so what if it was amazing sex? Best ever, in fact. But it’s not like I won’t have great sex again. May not be the best ever, but seriously… even mediocre sex is still good sex in the end. Right?
Second, this was a disaster in the making because she’s my f**king employee. I should have my head examined for ever crossing that line. If Mac had been a different type of woman, my ass probably would have been sued for sexual harassment. I could have lost my business, my law license… my reputation. Pure idiocy on my part, and I’m fortunate that Mac isn’t that type of woman. She’s got more grace and fortitude than any other woman I know.
Third, and probably most importantly, she was causing me to change. I made exceptions and broke my own rules, just for the chance to be with her. She made me feel things and even made me laugh. She was making me soft, and that is not something Matt Connover can afford to become. I think if I actually repeat this over and over again, I’ll accept the wisdom I’m trying to impart to myself.
Yes, it’s best I let her walk out that door without telling her the truth. That she was right, and I was wrong. If I were to tell her that, it would give Mac hope that maybe there is something real between us, and I’ve come to learn a lot about her lately. She would take that, and like a dog with a bone, she’d never let it go. She would persistently push at me to continue this odyssey with her, and if I were to do that, I would risk losing myself.
The man that I have built myself up to be.
Protected.
Sheltered from harm.
Ruthlessly alone.
It’s worked for me well in the past. It will continue to work for me in the future.
Chapter 14
Melody is telling me a story about her husband, Richard… something about his flight getting delayed and having to spend the night in an airport. I’m not sure why she thinks that’s interesting to me, but I nod every so often like I’m fascinated.
We’re walking into the main ballroom at the Four Seasons where this year’s Patrons Gala will be held. I’m all dressed in my tuxedo, feeling like James Bond. Melody said I looked very “Christian Grey” when I picked her up, and I was like, “Who the f**k is that?”
She just laughed at me and said, “Never mind. ”
Scanning the massive room, I see several half-empty tables and search for someone interesting I know to sit next to. I see a few good candidates, one extremely boring judge, and a hot woman in a black evening dress and no wedding ring sitting all alone. That could prove to be interesting, and Melody wouldn’t mind.
Then my eye catches a flash of red dress and long, black hair, and the hot woman sitting alone is forgotten. Instead, my focus is on Mac… sitting at a table with f**king Cal Carson. I knew they had gone out to lunch last week, but I’m stunned to see them here together.
On a date, apparently.
My heart starts beating madly, from seeing Mac… from seeing her with Cal… both, but it feels like it’s about to explode.
I start walking that way, like a f**king beacon pulling me in. Melody has to lengthen her strides to keep up with me since her hand is tucked into the crook of my elbow.
As we walk up to the table I spotted her at, I take a moment to just let the beauty of Mac seep into me. Her gown is full length, bl
ood red, and strapless, although the material pulls straight across her br**sts, showing not an ounce of cle**age. That’s all right by me… I don’t want Cal looking at that anyway. Still, the skin on her shoulders gleams in the ambient lighting, and I’m hoping I’m the only one in the immediate vicinity that knows just how soft that skin is.
Her head is bent in toward Cal, and he says something that puts a soft smile on her face.
Fucker.
I walk right up to the table and before she even sees me, I let her hear my voice first. “Mind if we join you?”
Mac’s eyes fly toward mine and I only give her a moment’s glance, before I turn to Cal and give him a tight smile. As expected, Cal does the mannerly thing and stands in acknowledgment of another lady at the table.
“Sure… it’s open seating so help yourself. ” Looking at Melody, Cal sticks his hand out. “I’m Cal Carson. ”
“Melody,” is all she supplies as she shakes his hand, during which time I sneak another glance at Mac. She’s looking at Melody… eyeing her up and down, actually, and if I’m not mistaken… that grim look on her face may be displeasure at seeing me with someone else.
Awesome.
Let me rub that in a bit more. “Mel… this is McKayla. She’s an associate in our firm. McKayla, this is Melody. She’s a partner over at Weinstein Fannerty. ”
I have no clue what’s running through Mac’s head right now, but she gives a smile and a nod of greeting to Melody, but doesn’t offer to shake her hand.
Dislodging Melody’s hand from my arm, I pull out a chair, conveniently placing her in the chair that leaves the one next to Mac empty. That’s my chair, and as soon as my butt touches the cushion, I turn to Mac and say, “You look nice tonight. ”
Mac smirks at me and says drily. “Thanks, Matt. You clean up well yourself. ”
I shoot her a friendly smile, and then give her my back, so I can talk to Melody. Not that I want to talk to her, but to show Mac that I don’t need to talk to her. That may be juvenile, but so be it. She’s been indifferent to me for the last week and a half; it’s about time she got some back.
While Melody launches back into her story about Richard being delayed in an airport, which got only slightly more interesting by the fact it happened in New Dehli, I try to listen in on Mac and Cal’s conversation.
Except there is no conversation. Mac immediately asks Cal if he wants to dance, and they head off to the dance floor. Fortuitously, they are within my line of sight, and I keep an eye on them while listening to Melody.
“Seriously, Matt… you have a crush on your associate attorney?”
My eyes, which had been pinned on Cal and the way I think he may be holding Mac just a little too close, fly back to Melody. “What? No way. ”
She laughs at me, and it’s a laugh that says, Oh, you pathetic fool. “You’re so obvious. Why didn’t you just ask her to come to this thing with you?”
I start to open my mouth to deny again that there’s anything between Mac and me, but before I can, her eyes go wide and she places a sympathetic hand on my arm. “Oh God… I’m sorry. She’s not into you? She’s into that other guy?”
My eyes go back out to the floor again, watching as Mac and Cal dance. Heads bent in close, intimate conversation. She definitely looks into him, and I get ready to just go ahead and admit as much to Melody… when Cal spins her so that she’s facing me.
Her eyes come directly to mine, wide and seeking.
Seeking what, I have no idea.
But I can tell… at this moment, as she looks at me, she’s not listening to a damn thing Cal is saying to her right now. Her attention is fully with me.
As Cal spins her away, I turn my gaze back to Melody. “I don’t know if she’s into him or not. ”
Confessions of a Litigation God Page 18
