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Probably the biggest reason I’m a dumbass is because I failed to talk to Mac that night at her apartment. Instead, I let that monster-size ego take over, convinced I could f**k Mac into submission. Convinced if I gave her the motherload of all orgasms, that she would forget about her silly ideas of wanting a relationship.
If I had just sat down and listened to her, I would not be sitting here in my office right now, kicking myself in the ass. No, I would have had a reasonable and intelligent conversation with Mac about the fact that I just don’t want anything deeper than what we have. She is a reasonable and intelligent woman. She would have listened and respected my position, just as I respect her position to want more.
I don’t like it, but I respect it.
Big difference.
But no, the biggest screw up was in eating her out versus talking to her. And if I were really a man… one that could meet my problems head on, I could have just been f**king honest with her and said, “Mac… I’ve been hurt badly in the past, and I have these barriers up to protect myself. I just can’t let them down. ”
But no… again… Biggest. Dumbass. History. World.
This week has been f**king miserable… staying away from Mac. It’s not just the sex, although that is a large part of it. You remember when I told you things like Hottest. Woman. Ever and Best. Sex. Ever.
Was not kidding about that shit.
But f**k, I miss her wit, her humor, her kindness. I miss the green of her eyes and the softness of her skin.
I miss pouring myself into her and whispering her name like she’s a deity to be worshipped.
None of that matters though, because I am a man. I am stubborn and when I draw my line in the sand, I stick by it.
So I’ve stayed away from Mac this week. I told myself that every day that goes by that I don’t have her, it will be a little easier. I’ll stop missing her so much. I’ll stop worrying about blue balls and only ever having an orgasm by jacking off. Every day I go without her, I’ll appreciate other things in life more, and eventually… I’ll get back on that horse again. Eventually, I’ll have an urge to use One Night Only again.
Eventually.
Oh, who the f**k am I kidding. Every day that goes by the longing and desire for her gets worse. It’s like thirst… you never get used to that wretched pain. It becomes more consuming as every minute ticks by.
So I’m in pain and I haven’t seen her all week because she’s staying far, far away from me. It’s to the point now that I have to make up a stupid excuse just to spend some time with her.
I’m not proud, but I am devious.
Standing up from my desk, I grab a file and walk down to Mac’s office. She’s sitting in her chair, leaning back with those sexy, black heels propped on her desk, reading what looks to be some legal research. It makes the black skirt she’s wearing ride just a little higher than her knee, but it’s the most I’ve seen of Mac in several days, so I’ll take it.
When she sees me, she jolts upright in surprise, pulling her feet off her desk. “What are you doing here?”
I give her a lazy smile. “I work here. Actually, I own the place. ”
She blushes and then gives me a small smile back, which I’m grateful for. I wasn’t sure if she’d throw the stapler at my head when I walked in.
Stepping in a few steps, I hand the file to her. She takes it, curiosity written all over her face. “What’s this?”
“It’s a case I need you to argue the Motion to Compel,” I tell her simply.
“Okay,” she says a little hesitantly, because this will be her first court appearance. “Not a problem. When is it?”
I glance down at my watch. “In about half an hour. ”
I wait for her to erupt. To throw the file at me and call me a douche bag. To tell me to go f**k myself. Any of those reactions would be appropriate. It’s sort of what I’m hoping for, because a heated conversation will probably get us talking about the real elephant in the room. Besides, I’m hoping there will be an opportunity where Mac will be raging at me so hard, I’ll be able to kiss her to shut her up.
None of that happens, though. She just narrows her eyes at me and grits out. “Half an hour?”
Shrugging my shoulders like it’s not a big deal, I say, “Yup. But you shouldn’t worry about it. It’s a slam-dunk motion. No way can you lose it, because the law and the facts are in your favor. ”
“Then why is it even being argued?” she asks with confusion.
She should be confused, because I have no idea why either, other than the fact opposing counsel is a lazy son of a bitch and doesn’t like to work.
“The supporting civil procedure rule is in the file, along with appropriate case law. Read it and you’ll be ready. ”
She opens the file and starts perusing the contents, so I take a moment just to watch her. The way her hair is tied up in a loose bun on her head, her delicate ears that I know are extremely sensitive, the way she’s tapping her foot nervously on the floor right now.
She looks up at me with an apprehensive look on her face and before she can even say anything… voice a single fear, I rush in to save her. “Mac… you don’t have to worry. It’s a piece of cake, and I’ll be by your side. ”
Blinking hard at me, she closes the file and sets it on her desk. “You’re coming with me?”
“Yes. I’ll be there in case you get in any trouble. ”
“Then why don’t you just argue it yourself?” she asks… innocently I might add.
Oh, Mac, Mac, Mac. Don’t you see… don’t you get that this five minutes that I’ve been standing here talking to you have been the best five minutes of my week?
Of course you don’t, because I would never tell you that. It smacks of vulnerability and that is not a word that is ever used in conjunction with Matt Connover.
I don’t answer Mac directly. Instead, I just say, “Be ready to leave in half an hour. ”
After I leave her office, I head into the kitchen, have a leisurely cup of coffee, and mull over how to expand on this very fragile, but open door of communication I have with Mac right now. It will have to be subtle… gently reel her in so to speak. If I can get her to let go of her anger and unreasonable expectations, I’m sure we can find a way to go back to the way we were. We could forget about the bond that was built in Nashville and be mutually satisfied with a physical relationship.
I continue to think about my conundrum and when the half hour is up, I walk down to Mac’s office to get her. Our office is only four blocks from the courthouse so while we walk over there, I tell Mac to give me her argument.
She’s nervous, and we’re walking on a busy sidewalk, so she starts a little shaky. But by the time we make it to the courthouse doors, I know she understands the facts of the case plus the law that applies. As long as she doesn’t freeze and just stare blankly at the judge, she’ll win this motion.
We sit in the second row of the courtroom gallery, listening as the clerk calls the docket. Then we wait throughout the boring process of listening to everyone else argue their motions until ours is reached. I think about using the opportunity to fantasize about me putting my hand on Mac’s knee and pushing my way up her leg.
Right under her skirt until I could finger the wet silk of her panties.
Okay… need to stop right now. That will give me a raging hard-on that I don’t wish to share with the rest of the courtroom.
Finally, our case is called and I walk up to counsel table with Mac. When we sit down, she takes the file and opens it, straightening the papers inside in a nervous gesture. I notice that her hands are shaking.
Leaning over, I whisper in her ear with quiet confidence. “You got this, Mac. Piece of cake. ”
She turns and looks at me with those beautiful, fern-green eyes, which are anxious. I stare at her hard, so she knows the truth of my words. I watch as the fear lessens and confidence builds up. I nod at her
and give her a smile before turning away.
When Judge Stanback says, “Miss Dawson… are you ready to proceed for the plaintiff?” Mac only flinches slightly before standing and saying in a clear voice, “Yes, Your Honor. ”
“Then you may proceed,” the judge says as he leans back in his chair to listen to her.
“Thank you, Your Honor,” Mac says while placing her hands on the edge of the table. “This is a Motion to Compel brought by the plaintiff because of the defendant’s failure to produce discovery items we had requested on…”
I tune Mac out. I could tell in the first three words that she had this. Instead, I watch the judge to see what his reaction is to her. He hears hundreds of motions to compel every year. They are boring, fact driven, and he would have every right to tune her out as well. Instead, I find Judge Stanback to be interested in what Mac is saying as evidenced by the way he has pulled his glasses off his face and chews thoughtfully on one of the arms.
My gaze slides over to Mac’s opponent. He’s a lawyer that’s been around the block a time or two, and I’m surprised we’re here arguing this. It’s a simple matter of turning over documents to us—medical records to be exact—that we’re entitled to. This guy hasn’t proven to be lazy in the past, so I do wonder if perhaps there is something damaging in there he’s hiding.
At any rate, he has a bored look on his face because he knows he’s going to lose this motion. Instead, I note with growing anger that he has his eyes pinned to Mac’s br**sts while she argues.
Fuckwad.
I turn my gaze away because otherwise, I’m just going to go apeshit in my head since there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.
Mac finally concludes her argument, “Your Honor, the facts are clear, as well as the case law. Therefore, we ask that you find in favor of the plaintiff and grant our Motion to Compel. ”
Mac sits down beside me, and I can practically feel the adrenaline mixed with giddiness pulsing off her. I remember feeling like that myself after my first court appearance. I turn and give her a smile, mouthing the words, “Great job. ”
She returns my smile.
God, I miss that smile.
***
Mac and I parted ways in the courthouse, as I had to see another judge in chambers about another case. By the time I got done with that, made it back to the office, and returned a few calls, I realized it was almost time to go home.
I log off my computer and head out, deciding to take a turn by Mac’s office. I have no agenda, no clue what to say, but at the very least, maybe I can get another smile.
Her door is closed but I can see her light is on, so I give a light rap before opening. Mac looks up at me, her eyes at first curious as to her visitor and then once she realizes it’s me, I see a bit of wistfulness there.
Desire.
Hope.
I can’t do anything about the hope, but I think I can address the desire.
“Can I come in?”
“Sure,” she says, but I’m already walking in and closing the door behind me.
I walk right up to her and as I get nearer, her eyes go round with surprise. Reaching down, I skim my fingers along the side of her neck, curling them around her neck. With just a small bit of pressure, I pull her upward and she stands from the chair.
My entire body goes tight with anticipation, lust, and adrenaline. My senses are overwhelmed by her nearness, her scent, the way her breath just hitched. I can’t f**king help myself when I bend my head and nuzzle her neck, lightly skimming my lips over her soft skin, causing her to sigh.
“I’m coming home with you tonight, Mac. ” I feel raw and edgy… my voice heavy with aching need.
Mac’s breath comes out in a rush and her body seems to fall into mine until her br**sts are mashed up against me. I go hard as a rock… just like that.
I need my mouth on hers so I pull away from her neck, but that gives Mac an opportunity to bring her hands up and she pushes against my chest. She keeps pushing until I am forced to step away from her.
Confessions of a Litigation God Page 27
